Age-asymmetrical marriage: How to handle people's curiosity

[Amethyst]

What were the odds of mentioning nannies and goats in the same thread?

 

[ls99]

Well your problem could be worse--like say, a guy walking a goat in Montana

Was he wearing wellingtons?

 

[Amethyst]

I thought it meant we can ask strangers or casual acquaintances their ages, how much they weigh, how often they have sex, etc. - really, anything that we might like to know or that catches our fancy about them - and then act like it's their fault if they get annoyed.

Did you mean to say "it's just natural for people to be nosy busy-bodies?"

 

[haha]

It seems that the only legal prejudice is against older men.

What a delightful world! In this thread, a prejudice even expressed by some older men.

Ha

 

[ERD50]

It seems that the only legal prejudice is against older men.

What a delightful world! In this thread, a prejudice even expressed by some older men.

Ha

*OFF TOPIC** - but haha, you might be interested in this book:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0684838648?*Version*=1&*entries*=0

It is a tough read in some ways, the guy is just soooo angry. But I was shocked to learn that what he is saying is true, you need to look through some history that I wasn't taught in school to find it though, but it is in very credible sources (and he provides his own references, but I preferred to search on my own for independent sources).

-ERD50

 

[CaliforniaMan]

It seems that the only legal prejudice is against older men.

What a delightful world! In this thread, a prejudice even expressed by some older men.

Ha

+1
Not so much true in some other countries, but certainly is the case here.

 

[Texas Proud]

I have been reading this thread with great interest.

I would never ask if two people are married or they are parent/child (unless I can come up with something more indirect to say that makes them want to disclose the nature of their relationship on their own.) I would be very curious to find out and I may ask my friends after they leave though. It's like when you think some casual friend looks pregnant.

I've noticed people (cashiers at a grocery store and alike) often referred me and my then boyfriend as husband and wife. (I imagine an old guy and an old woman grocery shopping or hanging together are usually married couples.) I guess it is human nature to categorize people into their "normal".

To answer the OP's question, I would just say "No" and turn away. I hope that would teach the person not to pry next time she/he is tempted to ask someone else a similar question.

I will give you one that happened a long time ago.... I had a female coworker that lived semi close to me... I was single, she was married... I used to go visit them off and on....

She eventually had a baby... so one day her husband went out of town on a business trip and when we were leaving work she said she wanted to go get BBQ and would I like to come... sure, we were friends... so we meet there, her with her baby in tow.... I liked babies and was holding it and playing when some ladies behind us asked how long we were married.... I said 'we are not married'.... OH... pause.... so they decided to try something else to get over that one.... so they ask me, how old is your baby? I said, 'it is not my baby'..... more silence from them.... I do not remember how long it was before I told them we were just friends... but I thought their reaction was amusing....

 

[Amethyst]

Where did that come from? I'm certainly not prejudiced against them, legally or otherwise. I have a lot of fun with mine.

It seems that the only legal prejudice is against older men.

Ha

 

[Car-Guy]

What were the odds of mentioning nannies and goats in the same thread?

The terms are commonly used in the "car world" and can be found together on performance car forum threads on occasions... Examples, "I removed the nannies from my goat". Or the one I like is, "The old goats never had any "nannies"... Have fun with those...

In car terms:

nanny or nannies = limiters, governors, restrictions, etc.... example; a "speed or RPM limiter" is often called a nanny or nannies

goat or goats = GTO's (as in Pontiac GTO) I see that one all the time.

 

[Amethyst]

When I was very small, I thought the refrain of "The Little Old Lady from Pasadena" went "Goat, nanny-goat, nanny-goat, nanny-goat." [instead of "Go, Granny, Go, Granny, Go Granny Go."]

Maybe it wouldn't have been so off-base after all

The terms are commonly used in the "car world" and can be found together on performance car forum threads on occasions... Examples, "I removed the nannies from my goat". Or the one I like is, "The old goats never had any "nannies"... Have fun with those...

In car terms:

nanny or nannies = limiters, governors, restrictions, etc.... example; a "speed or RPM limiter" is often called a nanny or nannies

goat or goats = GTO's (as in Pontiac GTO) I see that one all the time.

 

[Bigdawg]

If things look a bit strange then I don't mind the comments so much. Example: I am 6'6" and DW is 5'3". Lots of comments. One time I rented a Toyota Yaris (very small) because I was basically only driving 5 miles from the airport to the hotel. I received lots of comments that week. When I hear about/witness young married couples (think military 18 and 19 yr olds) that seems strange (not the norm) so comments are sometimes made. It's not naivety, it's not normal so it brings a reaction. Human nature. Assumptions are made every day of our lives so don't be surprised when you are involved in a situation that is not normal and you get a strange comment. Just because I help people all the time at Home Depot does not mean I am employed there.

 

[HFWR]

It seems that the only legal prejudice is against older men.

What a delightful world! In this thread, a prejudice even expressed by some older men.

Ha

Sure glad I'm not an older man...

 

[Amethyst]

Oh, Bigdawg, that reminds me of being a teenaged girl. I'm only medium-tall, so this didn't affect me as much; but the very tall girls (5-10 or so) always lamented that the tallest fellows went for the petite girls!

If things look a bit strange then I don't mind the comments so much. Example: I am 6'6" and DW is 5'3". .

 

[Bigdawg]

Oh, Bigdawg, that reminds me of being a teenaged girl. I'm only medium-tall, so this didn't affect me as much; but the very tall girls (5-10 or so) always lamented that the tallest fellows went for the petite girls!

My mother was so excited when I briefly dated a women who was 6'1".

 

[Amethyst]

Me, too

Sure glad I'm not an older man...

 

[I earned it]

I made this mistake once, it's been over 30 years and I remember it like yesterday? I was a policeman and someone called 911 for an ambulance, I got there after the ambulance had arrived and I was helping lift the sick man into the ambulance. as I was a foot patrolman I jumped in the ambulance to ride to the local hospital and would walk back to my beat. I had a form to fill out and did not want to delay the medical assistance. To set the stage the sick person had white hair looked to me to be in his 60's, the girl with him looked to be in her 20's. I said to her what's his name , all pedigree questions, I then said ma'am, what's your fathers date of birth. She said why did I need that. I said well he is heading to the hospital and I have this form to fill out. She told me that it was her husband , I wanted to jump out of the moving ambulance. From then on I added to my repertoire "so how are you related to the aided/victim etc. as for me I too am 6'6" And now bald and fat and somewhat sick , the bride was/is stunning and 5'6" and younger by 7 years, she likes to tell cashiers that I'm her father lol. I tell folks she aged me .

 

[Amethyst]

One time, I congratulated a formerly very obese co-worker on her amazing weight loss. She replied that it was none of her doing, as she had terminal cancer. The poor woman did, indeed, die a few months later.

In my defense, she had bought a new wardrobe and was rocking a tightly-cinched belt, as was the current style. She didn't look ill. But it taught me a big lesson. Be careful, even with compliments!

 

[FUEGO]

In my defense, she had bought a new wardrobe and was rocking a tightly-cinched belt, as was the current style. She didn't look ill. But it taught me a big lesson. Be careful, even with compliments!

If you're going, might as well go out in style.

 

[Meadbh]

One time, I congratulated a formerly very obese co-worker on her amazing weight loss. She replied that it was none of her doing, as she had terminal cancer. The poor woman did, indeed, die a few months later.

In my defense, she had bought a new wardrobe and was rocking a tightly-cinched belt, as was the current style. She didn't look ill. But it taught me a big lesson. Be careful, even with compliments!

Sometimes, you just can't win!

 

[I earned it]

One time, I congratulated a formerly very obese co-worker on her amazing weight loss. She replied that it was none of her doing, as she had terminal cancer. The poor woman did, indeed, die a few months later.

In my defense, she had bought a new wardrobe and was rocking a tightly-cinched belt, as was the current style. She didn't look ill. But it taught me a big lesson. Be careful, even with compliments!

At a wedding I saw an old friend, I asked her when is the baby due? She said she had it a few months ago, I tried to play it off that is what I ment when did you have the baby. I was a little too polluted to really feel bad at the time, I'm horrified about it now.

 

[Danmar]

There is a very big difference between my wife's age and mine, I bet quite a bit larger than you and your husband. Not only is she much younger, but also from a different part of the world. Before she came I prepared her for possible prejudice and remarks that she might encounter. Didn't need to prepare myself since I am to old to give a rat's afterside as to what people think. Surprisingly, there have been very few negative comments, at least to our face. One negative Facebook comment, we gave no reply, just immediate unfriending and ban. A very close immediate family member expressing normal concern, gets a one time short answer. Casual friends sometimes ask how we met, sometimes get a short one sentence reply, other's just get "I was lucky." I agree with the idea "don't answer after the first comment."

As far as something like that Botox comment you got, I would just say nothing in reply other than, "Excuse me" and walk away. That type of question is inappropriate in any context.

Now for the hard part, and please don't take this the wrong way. But it is not their problem, it is yours. I have found over the years that difficult people (like me) don't get much guff from others, they pretty much get the idea that we do what we want and don't care about what they think, and are not goaded by their remarks. While kind people, I think probably like you, get the brunt of peoples remarks, because they know it affects you.

My advice (it's free, so take it for what it is worth), don't try to be kind to people that make offensive remarks. You don't owe them anything, not even a reply. If they get the idea, good you can still be friends (or acquaintances), if not, you have lost nothing by loosing them.

Good post, I agree. The "cute" answers ,although fun, don't work very well. I sometimes get asked rude questions. I respond in a very direct truthful way that often tends to embarrass the asker. Fine by me. My DS usually says I should have been nicer and used some humor. We don't agree on this.

 

[ERD50]

at a wedding i saw an old friend, i asked her when is the baby due? She said she had it a few months ago, i tried to play it off that is what i ment when did you have the baby. I was a little too polluted to really feel bad at the time, i'm horrified about it now.

you should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby
emerging from her at that moment.

-- dave berry, "25 things i have learned in 50 years"

-erd50

weird - this post turned every upper-case letter to lower case, and editing doesn't change it, even though it looks good in the text box. Maybe a re-boot is in order?

 

[robnplunder]

This has happened many times to me over the years even though DW is only 9 months younger than me. I usually reply, "No, we're husband and wife. I've just weathered badly". It's none of their business so I make no comment on the age difference (or lack of), it just happens that DW has always looked much younger than she is and I have always looked much older.

Chuckle. DW and I are of same age. A perfect stranger at a golf round looked at us and said "it's so nice to play golf with a daughter." I was so flabbergasted that I didn't counter it with a snappy line. Of course, DW was in good mood for the rest of the week.

 

[kcowan]

How Old do I Look?

Have a little fun with you and your friends.

 

[NW-Bound]

One time, I congratulated a formerly very obese co-worker on her amazing weight loss. She replied that it was none of her doing, as she had terminal cancer. The poor woman did, indeed, die a few months later...

"Thanks. Chemo did that for me."