Dating, Marriage, Kids

[imoldernu]

With Valentines' day coming up, this article looks at how life is changing, with some really interesting statistics about love, age, and how fast our population has been affected.
https://www.axios.com/online-dating-apps-marriage-fertility-rate-millennials-6164362a-2583-4754-8010-7ea28f26fb65.html

The article goes on to look at changes that may happen in the country and the world's economy.
I wonder if this is as surprising to you as it was to me... Or maybe you knew?

 

[street]

Yep, the millennium aren't in any hurry to get hitched IMO either. Not alarming to me to read that article. I have a son that will be 34 and has about everything a man could want at his age and not married. He travels all over has many interests and does them all. Has a great job with a high income but still not married but I hear he has a date now and then. LOL

How I would love a grandchild but not sure if that will ever happen. These young professionals really have it made and they don't want to be tied down, and they like being single. It might not be such a bad thing.

 

[Dreamer]

My daughter and son-in-law are both millennials and they were 18 and 19 when they were married. They have 3 children. My son is 40 years old and was married for the first time at 39 years old. He has never had any children.

 

[imoldernu]

A little follow up... while the study goes from 1980 to today, we go back a little further... We graduated college in 1958, and were married right after graduation at age 22. That was very common in those days, and even younger for those who didn't go to college, so not at all unusual to marry right after highschool... at age 18.
In our case, three children by age 27... the average today, for the first child, is age 27. Those children are now age 57 to 60.

Lots to think about, as populations become smaller and younger.

 

[Mdlerth]

They must have read the recent divorce threads

People are marrying later, having children later, etc., than they did generations ago. But they also are dying later.

Young people around the world are delaying marriage and children, and embracing a new life stage of singleness marked by budding careers, hip urban areas, adult roommates and dating.

Surely this isn't new. How long has the term "yuppie" been around?

It's even a global phenomenon. In Greece, Japan and Sweden the average age for women at childbirth has surpassed 30, up from around 27 in 1970, according to UN data. And the mean age at marriage has been steadily climbing in nations such as Germany, Canada and the Netherlands.

These all are First World countries. It would be interesting to see similar data regarding developing countries. Those of use who've raised children know how expensive they are.* Perhaps as internet access expands in the Third World and more folks can read this site, they start prioritizing retirement over marrying and having kids.

*But worth it!

 

[scrabbler1]

I don't like the slant in the article which compares those who are not married and/or childfree as still being an adolescent or being a kid into your 40s. I found that rather insulting. Aren't those of us who have made the personal life decision to remain single and/or childfree just as "adult" or grown-up as our married and/or childed counterparts? We still have to pay the bills, put food on the table, work (well, not all of us here in er.org), and do "adult" things such as entering into legal contracts, vote, serve on juries, etc.


It irks me to read to hear about some 16-year-old girl who gets pregnant and has a kid claiming to be more of an adult than a 40-year-old childfree person simply because she had a kid.


Millennials have simply figured out that they don't have to live by the so-called "Life Script" of the past in order to be an adult. I commend them.

 

[RobbieB]

I married in '84 at the age of 28. No kids. Lots of dough -

 

[Pellice]

We continually hear that "the economy" needs more kids. But unless those "kids" grow into young adults with good-paying jobs and benefits (that allow them to pay goodly amounts of taxes) - well, HOW is it that those young adults are not in fact another draw on "the economy," since presumably they are receiving subsidies of various sorts - health insurance, education, subsidized housing, etc?

This is not meant as anything against young people without good jobs - I was one myself - but I do mean it as a challenge to the universal lament, "we need more children, we need more children to support the retirees and non-working folk." Well, HOW can that happen if the young adults themselves are in underpaid jobs and are still receiving various subsidies?

 

[street]

^ I got hitched in "83" and also 28 years old. I had a stash also but no home at that time.

 

[JackJester]

I don't like the slant in the article which compares those who are not married and/or childfree as still being an adolescent or being a kid into your 40s. I found that rather insulting. Aren't those of us who have made the personal life decision to remain single and/or childfree just as "adult" or grown-up as our married and/or childed counterparts? We still have to pay the bills, put food on the table, work (well, not all of us here in er.org), and do "adult" things such as entering into legal contracts, vote, serve on juries, etc.


It irks me to read to hear about some 16-year-old girl who gets pregnant and has a kid claiming to be more of an adult than a 40-year-old childfree person simply because she had a kid.


Millennials have simply figured out that they don't have to live by the so-called "Life Script" of the past in order to be an adult. I commend them.

+1+1+1

 

[socca]

Dear Great-Grandmother (DGGM) started asking me whether I was married yet when I turned 18. I thought it was funny then, and I still think it's funny now. What would DGGM think about me still being unmarried in my mid-50s? Probably not amused.

DGGM was born in 1886 and lived to be 104 (her mind was sharp until 102). The world has changed a bit since 1886.

 

[Dtail]

Married at 25, divorced at 49.

 

[MarieIG]

A little follow up... while the study goes from 1980 to today, we go back a little further... We graduated college in 1958, and were married right after graduation at age 22. That was very common in those days, and even younger for those who didn't go to college, so not at all unusual to marry right after highschool... at age 18.
In our case, three children by age 27... the average today, for the first child, is age 27. Those children are now age 57 to 60.

Lots to think about, as populations become smaller and younger.

I had three kiddos by 28.

My oldest son just got engaged at 35. I would be surprised if he has any children.

My second son go married at 30. Doesn't want children.

My fifth son graduated from the USNA - and got married before his hat hit the ground. He and his wife now have a little girl.

 

[brewer12345]

What is missing in all of this is how financially crippling it is to raise kids today. The deck is simply stacked against anyone who wants to raise kids.

 

[street]

^ true but when we are gone, the only thing that carries on is family our blood.

 

[brewer12345]

^ true but when we are gone, the only thing that carries on is family our blood.

Great, but when you can either live a normal, middles class life without kids or court bankruptcy and/or dire financial straits and have kids, it should be no surprise that a lot of people choose the former.

 

[aja8888]

My only child, my DD, got married for the first time last April at 38 years old. She and her husband are not planning on any children. So that's it, no grandkids for me.

I can live with that.

 

[street]

I do understand totally why the younger don't want children. I beleive it is far much more difficult, raising a young one these days, with all that is going on in the world.

 

[MarieIG]

Great, but when you can either live a normal, middles class life without kids or court bankruptcy and/or dire financial straits and have kids, it should be no surprise that a lot of people choose the former.

While children certainly are a major factor in a family's finances, barring special needs children/medical issues, I think it is possible to raise children, even today without suffering from dire financial straits. Living within your means is not something to toss aside because you have children. Kiddos need a roof over their head, healthy food, a safe environment, decent schools, good fitting shoes, warm clothes, appropriate medical care, rules and loving parents. They don't need to keep up with the Jones. Sharing a room and/or wearing hand-me-downs is not child abuse.

I recall when DS's best friend was given a new jeep his senior year in high school. DS was told he would either have to take the bus, or wait from his parents to pick him up if he stayed late. He lived.

There are Community Colleges/ State Universities / and boarding at home.


With special needs/ medical issues, all bets are off.

 

[brewer12345]

I beleive it is far much more difficult, raising a young one these days, with all that is going on in the world.

Can't say whether "what is going on in the world" (increasing level of cow farts? magnetic north moving?) is making it harder to raise kids than it used to, as I only have recent experience to examine. I can say that with a household income consistently way above the national average for almost the entirety of my career, I have felt pressed financially the whole time. Affording college for two kids will seriously test our resources as well. On something like median household income, forget it.

 

[brewer12345]

While children certainly are a major factor in a family's finances, barring special needs children/medical issues, I think it is possible to raise children, even today without suffering from dire financial straits. Living within your means is not something to toss aside because you have children. Kiddos need a roof over their head, healthy food, a safe environment, decent schools, good fitting shoes, warm clothes, appropriate medical care, rules and loving parents. They don't need to keep up with the Jones.

I recall when DS's best friend was given a new jeep his senior year in high school. DS was told he would either have to take the bus, or wait from his parents to pick him up if he stayed late. He lived.


With special needs/ medical issues, all bets are off.

Special needs and medical issues are part of it, though. Having one or more kids is like playing Russian roulette: if your number comes up, blammo. You are dead financially.

As for the rest, I think you underestimate what all of that takes these days. As n example, a modest family home in my city runs in excess of half a million dollars these days. If you want to rent, you are looking at $2500/month. This isn't in the more fashionable areas of the city or anything fancy, just a low risk, ho hum suburban area with good schools. Take home pay per month for median household income is $4300 or so. Make yourself up a basic budget for a family of 4, but the rest of the paycheck just doesn't go all that far.

 

[street]

Who says you have to pay for school? My parents couldn't pay my way, I paid and worked. My kid did the same, he did it on his own.

As far as bring up kids today verses 60 plus years ago IMO it would be harder today. What ever, I raised mine and glad I did, he wasn't a financial burden one bit. My worry raising kids these days is what the world has come too for our young.

 

[Bamaman]

I'd hate to be a millennial today facing jobs with 401k's only and no defined pension. It's also difficult to get any ROE with .30% APR savings accounts and a stock market at relatively high levels. Student loan paybacks keep savings in Roth IRA's to a net zero, and it may be 35 years of age before college is paid for.

Time is any investor's best friend and so is compounding on the investments.

Driving BMW's, living in luxury apartments and spending a fortune on $1K cellphones will never allow millennials to ER. And us Baby Boomers are living longer lives and we're too busy enjoying our ER that there will not be any funds leftover for The Kids.

 

[brewer12345]

Who says you have to pay for school? My parents couldn't pay my way, I paid and worked. My kid did the same, he did it on his own.

State university costs 30k a year if you go in state. Do you really think a college kid is capable of working enough to pay these costs?

 

[Mr. Tightwad]

This article speaks of delaying marriage/kids. I think its avoiding the bigger issue.

People are avoiding marriage at a rate never seen before. Sure some do get married. But not like before.

Evidence: The jewelry companies Kay and Jared closing 170 stores. Davids Bridal going bankrupt. I know 2 marriage planners that found a different line of work.

Marriage rates have tumbled across the globe.