DNA Testing and New Sibling?

[Fishingmn]

Happened in my family last year.

My mother is 77 and in a nursing home. Her 73 year old sister did ancestry.com and it found a match but she shrugged it off. Then she was contacted by a woman in WI who was 4 years older than my mom. Said all she knew about her father was that he was from out east, went to UW Madison and his first name. It was my grandfather. We don't think he knew. Soon after the birth mom found a new man that became her husband and adopted the girl. The new half-sister has now met both of them and shared stories about the dad she didn't know and their lives.

I'm actually meeting my new half 1st cousin next month for the first time. We both live in the Twin Cities. Should be interesting.

 

[omni550]

I took the 23andme test in 2013. I was thrilled to find an unknown-to-me 2nd cousin, twice removed, in their database. Jenny had taken the DNA test a month before me. She lives in Germany and France and is 3 years older than me. We've become very close. We Skype every Monday for an hour or so...plus we've traveled to each other's homes and have traveled elsewhere within Europe and on a cruise. We are in the midst of planning our 2018 travels/get-together.

I'm originally from Europe, from a geographic area where there had been revolutions and wars in the past 100 years which had caused all sorts of dislocations, etc. As a child, my immediate family (DF, DM, DS & I) had immigrated to Canada. I had grown up without any extended family nearby. We only knew of two aunts and their children (my cousins) back in my birth country. At the same time, I figured there had to be more people on this planet to whom I was related, but there was no easy way to find them.

As DNA testing prices came down, I took the test and found Jenny, mentioned above. This 'find' got my sister and I to see if we could update an old handwritten family tree from 1939. Without the free time of being retired, the internet, and global social media sites, it would have been an impossible task. We have now updated the family tree and in the process, have 'found' and made contact with living relatives (all on my father's side) in a whole bunch more countries, most of whom I met on a trip in Sept 2016.

DNA testing is not nearly as popular in some places in Europe as it is here. I still have not found any relatives on my mother's side. (Her mother was an orphan who married an orphan...and their records are scarce/nonexistent.). I am using the DNA relatives database from 2 cousins and hoping to isolate relatives that are related to me but not to them, to start locating my mother's branch.

To me, this has been incredibly interesting and exciting.


omni

 

[travelover]

No half siblings, but I did locate our old milkman.

 

[FireFool]

Bringing up a different slant on these DNA based new found siblings - could this create unexpected/unintended effects on the distribution of estates, especially in cases where wills specify even distribution amongst "all my children"? Could estates previously thought to be settled be challenged/re-opened on the basis of these new children?

 

[Fishingmn]

Bringing up a different slant on these DNA based new found siblings - could this create unexpected/unintended effects on the distribution of estates, especially in cases where wills specify even distribution amongst "all my children"? Could estates previously thought to be settled be challenged/re-opened on the basis of these new children?

The time available to contest a will varies by state but usually at most 1-2 years. My grandfather died 29 years ago but had he still been alive or just passed I would guess that this would be an issue depending on the will's language.

 

[Texas Proud]

Bringing up a different slant on these DNA based new found siblings - could this create unexpected/unintended effects on the distribution of estates, especially in cases where wills specify even distribution amongst "all my children"? Could estates previously thought to be settled be challenged/re-opened on the basis of these new children?

Unless it is a huge estate... when I did estate taxes back in the 80s I had to redo taxes for many years on this one estate... the will was written on the back of an envelope and basically said she left everything to her son and his children... so, son says 50% for me and 50% for the kids (total of 4 at the start)... the kids were young and did not know anything about the estate...

Now, Dad is basically taking almost 100% of the income and spending it on himself and his various GFs... when the kids get older they learn about what dad had done and sued... they figured that dad got 1/5th and each kid got 1/5th.... they wanted all their back money, which was many millions each as the estate was making between $5 and $10 million a year...

Well, guess what? Some other kids started to show up!!! They sued for their share of the pie... IIRC there were another 4 kids that wanted a piece of the action... I never knew the outcome of the case as I was only there for 3 years and it had not been decided...

But, the lawsuit was like 10 to 15 years after the lady's death...

 

[athena53]

Bringing up a different slant on these DNA based new found siblings - could this create unexpected/unintended effects on the distribution of estates, especially in cases where wills specify even distribution amongst "all my children"? Could estates previously thought to be settled be challenged/re-opened on the basis of these new children?

Back when I worked at a law office during summers in college, one elderly lady's will left everything to her only son and, if he predeceased her, "to any lawful issue of the body surviving". The son was a distinguished judge in his 60s and the attorney I worked for suggested that maybe he'd have to have a vasectomy in order to properly inherit everything.

"Lawful issue" would certainly exclude illegitimate kids, although if it's the death of a biological parent I wonder if they're still entitled to a statutory share of the estate. (Just did a quick search- usually yes if it's your mother, stricter criteria if it's your father.)

 

[Beldar]

I was single until 33 years old and somewhat of a "fun loving, adventurous lad" during that time. I'm not doing ANY genetic research at this age.

Um, yeah, I can relate to that

 

[braumeister]

No siblings, but I've found a number of cousins that way, even as close as first cousin. I've been able to fill in a few gaps and question marks in the family tree as a result, and had some very interesting email exchanges with a few of them.

If a half sibling ever emerged, I don't think I'd be upset, just fascinated.

 

[ProspectiveBum]

I found a long-lost Uncle via 23andMe. He’d been conceived before my grandmother married my grandfather, and he was put up for adoption. The details he knew about his birth mother left not much doubt that it was my grandmother. Unfortunately, she’d passed away about 6 months before he contacted me (and had been struggling with dementia for a number of years prior), so he never got to meet her. I was able to send him some pictures of her, and tell him a bit about her, and I think he felt some closure in finally knowing who his birth Mom was.

I thought my Dad and his brother (who actually lives not far from half-Uncle) would be excited to speak to him, but they were both kind of freaked out, and chose not to contact him. It was a huge shock to know that their Mom had kept this secret her whole life.

 

[Katsmeow]

Anyone else take a DNA test from ancestry or 23 and me and find out you have a half sibling?

Yes, actually I have. And, I have also been the sibling.

I am an adoptee. I searched for and found my birthmother many years ago (pre-DNA). I never had much look finding my birthfather, however. Using DNA (Ancestry and 23andme) I was able to identify my deceased birthfather. He had no living biological children. He never knew about me and a couple of years after I was born he married a divorced woman with two children. He adopted her two children (so a stepparent adoption). I contacted those children who were ecstatic to find out that their dad had a biological child. I've particularly become very good friends with the daughter. She calls me her "frister" meaning a combination of friend/sister. We aren't biologically related but we claim each other as my biological father is the only father she remembers as she was only about 3 when he married her mom.

To help me sort out my maternal and paternal matches on Ancestry my birthmother (who is in her late 80s) now agreed to test her DNA. (Basically if a match matches her then I know it is a maternal match. If not, then it is a paternal match).

To my great surprise however a few months after she tested I received match who tested as my birthmother's child and was my half-sister. I found that my birthmother had placed another child for adoption before I was born. She had good reasons for never telling me or her other children (she later married and had other children) about this. I contacted the half-sister (who had tested mostly to get heritage information and shocked to find a living birthmother). And, since they my birthmother has met her and my other half-siblings have found out about her and we are all delighted to have another half-sibling. She is a lovely person and it has worked out really well.

I have also found a couple of other adoptees or children of adoptees that I am related to and I've helped identify their birthparents.

My adoptive mom (at 93) got a DNA test and she was able to help a first cousin once removed of hers (who was adopted) identify his birthfather (well, narrow it down to one of two possible brothers who were her first cousins).

 

[Brat]

I have a 23&Me distant cousin who was adopted and is searching for his birth parents. We share another distant 23&Me cousin, I alerted him about the connection. He was adopted in Wisconsin which still has sealed adoption records. Based on his state of birth I assume he descends from my Norwegian line. It looks like we share a great-grandparent.

I suggested he use one of those genealogical researchers to see what could be found.

 

[gayl]

Son found his birth father who wasn't happy to be found.

 

[omni550]

Another DNA story. A friend of mine and her biological sister were adopted (at 18 mos and birth) by the same parents, who also had a number of their own biological children. The sisters had a lovely upbringing in a loving Irish Catholic family.

A few years ago, when my friend heard about my 'hitting the jackpot' in finding my new-to-me German cousin, she got all excited about getting tested. And she was especially intrigued about learning about her heritage. She's convinced she must be Italian to a great degree, as she always feels "at home" in Italy and loves Italian things, etc.

Long story short, she orders 2 DNA kits -- one for her sister and herself. The results come back. Their bio dad is in the database, showing up as their closest relative. They have ZERO interest in even contacting him. And they have zero Italian ancestry, and are mostly of eastern European heritage.

omni

 

[JoeWras]

Unless it is a huge estate...
...
Well, guess what? Some other kids started to show up!!!

The Prince estate went through this. I think the court finally settled it all. It was messy for a while.

 

[athena53]

Son found his birth father who wasn't happy to be found.

While I love seeing the happy endings in many of these posts, they're not guaranteed. My favorite cousin is adopted and I really wish her biological family could meet her because she's such a wonderful person. I've never brought it up with her, though- it's a very personal decision and no matter who her other relatives are, she's certainly OUR family.

 

[aja8888]

I suspect if enough of this random DNA testing gets done, someday we will find out "we" are all related and our roots go back to some guy and gal in Africa!

 

[MichaelB]

I suspect if enough of this random DNA testing gets done, someday we will find out "we" are all related and our roots go back to some guy and gal in Africa!

I still can't believe some of my siblings and I share the same DNA.

 

[aja8888]

Son found his birth father who wasn't happy to be found.

Now that's the start of a story we won't ask about!

 

[workburnout]

Not a sister, but found an aunt I never knew about. My grandfather knocked a girl up in highschool in the 1930's. Later he married and had my father. The illegitimate baby was a huge secret all these years. I asked my mother if she knew and she said yes and she'd forgotten about it for a long time now. My aunt had tried to send us kids gifts and my father had returned them saying we would not understand. So we were never allowed to know. I'm in my 40's now. Never would have known about her had it not been for the dna test. She's 80 years old now and has some dementia.

Edit to add: My uncle who is my father's brother would not acknowledge her existence. I added her to our family tree online and he deleted it. After all these years it's still a sore spot for him. She told me some stories about horrible things that happened in the family, which I'm sure are likely true. Does not really matter now except it confirms my belief that I have some fu%*ed up genetics and people in my family. Makes me very glad I did not have kids and pass those genes on. Some really crazy awful ones on both sides of the family.

 

[tmm99]

Can someone shed some light on the logistics? You take a DNA test via ancestry or 23 and me, and they give you a list of people (and their addresses) who have also taken the DNA test and are determined to be related to you?

 

[workburnout]

Can someone shed some light on the logistics? You take a DNA test via ancestry or 23 and me, and they give you a list of people (and their addresses) who have also taken the DNA test and are determined to be related to you?

No addresses. You can choose to be anonymous or give your name, first and/or last. The computer matches you and you then see who has a large percent dna that matches yours. If the other person is anonymous you can't see who they are. Even if they show part of their name, you usually can't figure it out unless it is a name you know. You can then message the matches you have, if you want more information.

 

[MichaelB]

No addresses. You can choose to be anonymous or give your name, first and/or last. The computer matches you and you then see who has a large percent dna that matches yours. If the other person is anonymous you can't see who they are. Even if they show part of their name, you usually can't figure it out unless it is a name you know. You can then message the matches you have, if you want more information.

+1 In addition, both parties need to opt-in to sharing.

Edit to add - IIRC 23andme requires all parties to opt-in. Ancestry may not require that.

 

[gayl]

Well ..... if someone opts in (like a full brother born 10 yrs later) and father wants to contact him but full brother later finds / links to other son / other son now knows who dad is.

 

[Hermit]

No secrets for me. My sister's main hobby is ancestry. She goes to towns and cities that are in our family history and does research at the court houses. She has had me do a couple of tests. The last one was this year which I think has a lot more detailed data. I do the tests, she gets the results. If I have any children other than the two I claim, it will be news to me. I can't remember being responsible for any mass murders, but as I get older, maybe my memory has slipped? I think I'm safe, but "Ya never know..."