Embarrassing situation. Help appreciated.

[LitGal]

Absolutely........

One thing I haven't heard mentioned is turning off the inflow of new stuff. Cleaning out is 50% of the deal. The other half is not refilling the house.



TRULY..........I am trying to make this a new goal: little to no new stuff. I will enjoy the Christmas gifts; and treat myself to CD's of local music and tiny souvenirs when traveling (but they have to fit into my one carry-on suitcase). I will still keep some cards and letters.

But after 3 years of downsizing (to move from 3,000 sq. ft. to 1,700 sq. ft.), I never want to do it again. I refused to look at any condo with a basement. (It took 3 years to clear out the one I had.)

I'll shop now for gifts for others. I don't need anything.........except the freedom of living in a smaller space with less stuff.

(Plus, reduced shopping leaves more cash for travel.........which I hope to NOT limit!)

 

[Teacher Terry]

If you have a good friend that is good at cleaning things out then I would enlist his/her help. I had a few friends with houses like this that I helped them clean them out. I also helped them have huge sales and we made quite a bit of $. Then once things are clean for every item you bring in a like one must go out. This works especially well with clothing. Also keep a donate box in a corner and put things in there as you find them. Also many of the thrift stores will send a truck to take a bunch of stuff or big items. WE did this after we were done with the garage sales. Good luck)

 

[kneehigh]

One thing I haven't heard mentioned is turning off the inflow of new stuff. Cleaning out is 50% of the deal. The other half is not refilling the house.

A few tips:

1. Set up a staging area. Create two piles: Donate and Trash
2. Take photos of sentimental items. That way you can keep the memories!
3. Arrange for trash and/or donation pickup. It's okay to do several rounds.
4. New rule: Everything you keep must have a specific place to live. Every fork, photo, and sweater deserves a "home" or it's gotta go!
5. Once you've cleared an area, make it pretty so you will be less tempted to let it refill.
6. Imagine your home is brand new and you're furnishing it lightly with only what you need, starting with zero items. Then work towards that picture.
7. Be kind to yourself.
8. Admire photos of tidy well organized homes to get yourself pumped. I like the photos at Apartment Therapy online.

When I was younger I was a "clear a path through the junk on the floor to reach the door" level messy person. Now my home is tidy and minimalist. I didn't need therapy or drugs. I got better at letting things go. I bet you can too.

Asking for help can be good (and is sometimes necessary) but not everyone with an overly messy house has a mental illness.



SIS

Great tips

 

[Amethyst]

I'm always a little disturbed by the intensely negative reactions some people have to the idea of lots of stuff and clutter. People want the clutter-prone person to "get counseling." It's almost like neater people think they are saner, not to mention more virtuous.

While there is certainly a tipping point where clutter may turn into a health situation (e.g. so much stuff you are always tripping over it, or rats are nesting in it, etc.), and thus there are practical problems with being clutter-prone, I don't see anything morally "wrong" with clutter, as long as you yourself are OK with it.

Translation: Your messy house does not horrify me, as long as I can find you in it somewhere.

Amethyst

 

[Bestwifeever]

I'm always a little disturbed by the intensely negative reactions some people have to the idea of lots of stuff and clutter. People want the clutter-prone person to "get counseling." It's almost like neater people think they are saner, not to mention more virtuous.

While there is certainly a tipping point where clutter may turn into a health situation (e.g. so much stuff you are always tripping over it, or rats are nesting in it, etc.), and thus there are practical problems with being clutter-prone, I don't see anything morally "wrong" with clutter, as long as you yourself are OK with it.

Translation: Your messy house does not horrify me, as long as I can find you in it somewhere.

Amethyst

That is a good point. And how many times did we see a little sign or hear someone at work proclaim that a clean desk is a sign of a sick mind? The OP can at least start by dealing with the environment, and perhaps also address the family dynamics as a separate issue.

Clutter in my own house drives me crazy (which actually probably is a mental health issue for me), but I don't even notice it in someone else's house. My working space however was and is a controlled clutter area.

 

[ivinsfan]

One man's clutter is another man's treasure, but the OP here said that it was becoming an issue in her home.

I find now that I am RE I have much less tolerance for "clutter" perhaps because I spend more time at home.

 

[SumDay]

So much good advice in this thread! We moved/downsized last fall, and had to purge or we wouldn't have been able to walk in our new home. Having a deadline helped (after we got the offer to buy ours) so maybe give yourself a fake deadline, like "we'll have this done by the end of summer" or something like that. Otherwise it just drags out and you accumulate more sh*t.

I am also a FlyLady advocate - I don't follow her religiously, but she has some great points. What you describe is CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome). If it would cause you this much angst to get your furnace repaired, my advice would be to get moving. I cannot tell you how liberating it was to move into this new house and actually have space left on shelves and in drawers and be able to see the basement floor, or the back of the closet.

You can do this!

 

[redduck]

... I cannot tell you how liberating it was to move into this new house and actually have space left on shelves and in drawers and be able to see the basement floor, or the back of the closet...

I once saw the back of a closet. Entirely over-rated.

 

[KmmFIdreamer]

My house has way to much in it too.... The new family rule: One thing in = 4 things out the door..... I really want to downsize anyway as I get older.

I spent the last 2 years cleaning out an estate and that really makes me think about whether I need to really hang on to stuff or not. Those 17 boxes of Mayo jars never really did anything except collect dust in the basement!!! Yep, it was like a previous poster mentioned - people who grew up during the depression and saved "everything". I at least manage to get the recycle and the trash bin at my house pretty full every time it picks up. I got a few boxes/bag of stuff to Goodwill this year already and will keep filling more as I have time to get it out over the summer!

 

[LitGal]

I once saw the back of a closet. Entirely over-rated.

And here I had been bragging about seeing some......

 

[redduck]

And here I had been bragging about seeing some......

So now you understand why your friends just smiled and nodded, but didn't say anything

 

[gindie]

As the OP, I am taking in all of these great opinions and information. I will admit that nothing has changed. Yet.

I hope to be able to report progress, when and if it occurs.

Thanks everybody for your thoughts.

 

[EastWest Gal]

My $0.02:

Try for once a week. 2 hours max. So it doesn't feel like all day. Everyone tackles the same room. All at once. Wear rubber gloves. Years ago we bought 3 or 4 round open plastic tubs. They make great trash containers. They're light, portable, big and open.

Put on some music while cleaning. It helps drown out thinking too hard.

Start with kitchen and bathrooms. Your health depends on it. When you get down to a surface, really wipe it clean. Wear gloves to protect your hands. For sanitizing, try tangerine or orange scented non-aerosol products. They smell fantastic. One of the best parts of a clean house is the way it smells.

Once the 2 hours are up, get rid of the stuff you cleaned out. Immediately. To the trash, recycle plastic bags, whatever.

I just started this with my family, DH and DS. Last week in fact. Our bedroom has 1/10 the clutter it did a week ago. We decluttered Thursday then dusted, vacuumed, and cleaned bathrooms Friday.

Another key element is no blaming allowed. Just feel good that you are doing something.

It isn't just going to happen. You have to make it happen.

One last idea: years ago DH bought a set of plastic containers for the kitchen. Since then all other plastic tubs that products come in go to recycling when empty. Also use reusable grocery bags. These two things really help control kitchen clutter.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

 

[PamInCA]

Wow, really ?
You don't have garbage pick up ?

Here we throw out anything metal (old desk chair) and it's gone in 2 hours.
I threw out an above ground swimming pool, took it apart, put the liner in garbage bags for trash.
The metal I rolled up and it was gone in 1 hour (probably worth $60 to the guy who picked it up).

I suppose I understand the first time, but surely the second time the amounts are small.

The cost is based on how much they pick up and they will give you a price before they start. I had an entire truck load the first time.

 

[papadad111]

For DM - We spent 3 days collecting or setting aside her real keepsakes - then had an estate sale company come in and sell sell sell ... Was all done start to finish in about 2 weeks.

What a liberating feeling. And we got her some cash for stuff that she never would have used in the new place

I can not recommend estate sale process enough. It was super efficient and took the emotion out of getting rid of all the stuff.

MIL and FIL moving soon. Likely to do the same ...

 

[ponyboy]

Unfortunately almost everyone has missed the point here. The issue isnt the stuff that has accumulated...its the mental disorder of why they cant get rid of the stuff. That has to be tackled first. There is no point in throwing anything away without first addressing why the hoarding is happening in the first place.

 

[ivinsfan]

I don't think anyone missed the point, the OP asked for help, saying things had gotten so out of hand that not only do they not have people over, they would be afraid to let a repairman into her home.

Asking is the first step,people have suggested some "baby steps". The OP said they are thinking things over and hoping to make some progress soon. The first step is always the hardest....counseling takes time, money and commitment.