Executor(or not)

[Moparguy392]

I was named executor of my parents estate. Dad passed in 1998, Mom passed in 2006. They changed their will constantly depending upon how they felt about my sister and I at the time. I had an unsigned and undated version of their will at my home. I arrived at her home and saw all these pickup trucks outside and wondered what was going on. There was my sister and her husband, their adult girls and my son loading up the trucks with furniture. When I asked what was going on, the oldest niece said "read the will!". I said I have the will but apparently I did not have the last version.

It basically left everything to the grandkids (including all monetary assets) and designated each room with furniture to each grandchild. It left me with the house to sell.

The house was in very poor condition and required a lot of money to make it marketable. I had no money from the estate. Mom apparently secretly confided in the grandchildren about the new will and told them not to tell me.

I filed a letter with my attorney stating I did not want to execute the will because of the cluster that was evolving. That duty fell to my son who was next in line. Nobody was talking to me so I decided that I did not want to spend any of my personal funds to bail this mess out.

It was as if Mom tossed a final hand grenade into the family, It worked because we haven't spoken since, I did reconcile with my son because he said the nieces told him to get tings ASAP before I found out. To this day I have no idea why this happened.

A sad way for a family to end...

 

[RetMD21]

What a mess. You made the right call in not getting involved as executor. Sometimes it's hard to understand what people are thinking.

 

[easysurfer]

A feeding frenzy. Quite sad .

Smart move not wanting any part of that.

 

[Moparguy392]

DW and I watched a tv movies years ago that showed women in an Italian village raiding the home of a widow while she was at her husbands funeral. That was the first thing I thought of...

 

[prudent_one]

I had always thought those stories of relatives cleaning out the house unannounced were apocryphal but it happened with my in-laws years ago. A well-to-do but not rich aunt passed away, almost all the relatives lived in the area. Before the 2 days of viewing at the funeral home + the funeral service to follow, one of the aunt's sons asked my wife if she would mind house-sitting during those events. She asked why they wanted a house-sitter for just a couple of hours at a time. Then she was told about one of the other sons who would likely show up at the viewing right at the start then sneak out to help himself to what he could find in the house.

My wife agreed, and she said the look on his face when he walked in and saw her sitting in the living room was total shock. He stammered something about needed to get something and run back to the funeral home and left. The next night she saw him drive past but didn't stop (probably saw her car). On the day of the funeral he drove past a little while before the service was to start, kept going.

A couple weeks later her cousin called and wanted her to give a statement to the police about what happened because someone had broken in and stole a bunch of stuff. Everyone knew who did it, but no proof.... until some years later, when that son had water in the basement and called a couple family members to help move stuff out. Some of the "stolen" things were seen in the basement but at that point they figured it was best to let it go. And that's how those people get away with it.

 

[easysurfer]

So what happens when a house gets cleaned out before the executor even has a chance to inventory things. Say if a relative takes a painting willed to another family member? Does the executor then have to chase the vulture relative?

 

[Moparguy392]

What these e**holes didn't realize is that the estate has to be probated, so the lawyer I got for my son had to work with him to get an accounting of the stuff that they had taken apparently. Ha! I'm sure that was no easy task and yet another reason I bailed. Didn't want to deal with those people ever again!

 

[Texas Proud]

So what happens when a house gets cleaned out before the executor even has a chance to inventory things. Say if a relative takes a painting willed to another family member? Does the executor then have to chase the vulture relative?

Agree.... even if they were to receive everything it is the executor that is responsible to distribute it to them...


If it were me I would have told them to put everything back and if they did not call the police...


An estate is a legal entity with all the rights of an individual...

 

[ivinsfan]

OP can I ask why you are sharing this after almost 20 years..

 

[RetMD21]

Agree.... even if they were to receive everything it is the executor that is responsible to distribute it to them...


If it were me I would have told them to put everything back and if they did not call the police...


An estate is a legal entity with all the rights of an individual...

Really? You would want to be the executor? It seems like a lot of effort for little return. The worst part IMO is that his mother set him up to fail.

 

[Teacher Terry]

This story is horrible. The last thing I would want to do is to have my 3 sons not talking because of what I did.

 

[pacergal]

OP--so sorry your Mom did this to you and your family.
It was probably smart to not be executor, but it does sound like you did get involved and spend your money to get a lawyer to help your son be executor?

 

[ncbill]

Used personal possessions like furniture really aren't worth anything anymore.

Last estate I handled just a few years ago I ended up begging the family to come & take what they wanted of the above.

Not even charities wanted the rest, which I paid to have hauled out & sent straight to the dump.

OP was smart in just walking away.

 

[Texas Proud]

Really? You would want to be the executor? It seems like a lot of effort for little return. The worst part IMO is that his mother set him up to fail.

Yes, if it were my mom.... even if set up... it was her money and she can do with it what she wants... now, I might be hurt and I might charge a large fee (but it does not seem like there was a lot there except the furniture)...


At least 3 of my sisters have asked me to be executor when they pass... and I will only get something from one of them as she has no children (well, except she said she was changing her will to give most of what she has to charity, but I do not think she has done this yet)...



I do not see that you have to be a named beneficiary in the will to be executor

 

[Texas Proud]

Used personal possessions like furniture really aren't worth anything anymore.

Last estate I handled just a few years ago I ended up begging the family to come & take what they wanted of the above.

Not even charities wanted the rest, which I paid to have hauled out & sent straight to the dump.

OP was smart in just walking away.

I will agree with this... but there is a right way and a wrong way to do it... the relatives would have gotten what was theirs but should have waited... and if they did the family might not have been split..


It is this 'I have to get it before someone else does' attitude that is the problem..

 

[rk911]

A feeding frenzy. Quite sad .

Smart move not wanting any part of that.

what goes around will, eventually, come back around and bite them...hard.o

 

[Moparguy392]

Karma struck 2 years later when the youngest niece (who was the snarkiest and would send me mail on the anniversary of mom"s death saying "you're so poor Ha Ha") died in a rollover crash in a new car she bought with her inheritance.

I couldn't make this up.

 

[RetMD21]

I will agree with this... but there is a right way and a wrong way to do it... the relatives would have gotten what was theirs but should have waited... and if they did the family might not have been split..


It is this 'I have to get it before someone else does' attitude that is the problem..

Sure they should have waited but they didn't because as OP noted they are a**holes. I don't see how he could have patched that up after the fact as executor.

 

[Texas Proud]

Sure they should have waited but they didn't because as OP noted they are a**holes. I don't see how he could have patched that up after the fact as executor.

Yep, reading the recent post about the niece I will agree... rubbing it in on your mom's death anniversary is way below the belt...