sorry if these are a little pungent...
Puns for "Educated" Minds
1.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2.
I thought I saw an eye - doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3.
She was only a whisky - maker, but he loved her still.
4.
A rubber - band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5.
No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.
6.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9.
A hole has been found in the nudist - camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
10.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other:
rrYou stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'
15.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17.
A backward poet writes inverse.
18.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19 .
When cannibals ate a missionary,
they got a taste of religion.
20.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris,
you'd be in Seine.
21.
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says,
'I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22.
The king's jester was to be hung for telling such outrageous puns.
At the last minute he was pardoned, to which he responded "No noose is a good noose".
Puns for "Educated" Minds
1.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2.
I thought I saw an eye - doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3.
She was only a whisky - maker, but he loved her still.
4.
A rubber - band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5.
No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.
6.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9.
A hole has been found in the nudist - camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
10.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other:
rrYou stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'
15.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17.
A backward poet writes inverse.
18.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19 .
When cannibals ate a missionary,
they got a taste of religion.
20.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris,
you'd be in Seine.
21.
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says,
'I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22.
The king's jester was to be hung for telling such outrageous puns.
At the last minute he was pardoned, to which he responded "No noose is a good noose".
