Here goes nothing....

OK, I'll bite. Congratulations on the new relationship. And that's the issue: it is quite a new relationship if I'm not mistaken! How well do you know the Favorite Bostonian? Well enough, apparently, to sell your home and follow him, with him doing all the business planning. Is this the Freebird that we know and love?

Now let's do a risk assessment. What's the worst that could happen?
1. You can't sell your house and are financially in the hole. The advantage of this scenario is that you have somewhere to return to if the romance fails.
2. You do sell your house, move to New England, and hate it. What are you going to do then?
3. You sell your house, move to New England, and break up with Mr. Boston after you find he is a money chasing swindler and has been diddling your finances. Nasty lawsuit ensues. You are now both poor and miserable.
4. You sell your house, move to New England, and are treated horribly by the Boston "family". You are miserable, but not poor, so at least you can make your own way.

My big worry would be #3. FGS keep your finances separate and manage them yourself.

You did asked for the tough challenges, eh?
 
Meadbh said:
OK, I'll bite. Congratulations on the new relationship. And that's the issue: it is quite a new relationship if I'm not mistaken! How well do you know the Favorite Bostonian? Well enough, apparently, to sell your home and follow him, with him doing all the business planning. Is this the Freebird that we know and love?

Now let's do a risk assessment. What's the worst that could happen?
1. You can't sell your house and are financially in the hole. The advantage of this scenario is that you have somewhere to return to if the romance fails.
2. You do sell your house, move to New England, and hate it. What are you going to do then?
3. You sell your house, move to New England, and break up with Mr. Boston after you find he is a money chasing swindler and has been diddling your finances. Nasty lawsuit ensues. You are now both poor and miserable.
4. You sell your house, move to New England, and are treated horribly by the Boston "family". You are miserable, but not poor, so at least you can make your own way.

My big worry would be #3. FGS keep your finances separate and manage them yourself.

You did asked for the tough challenges, eh?
Click to expand...

Meadbh, a most naughty post!

What the world needs now, is love, sweet love, it's the only thing there's too little of...
 
freebird5825 said:
Our choices right now are either MA or NH.
Click to expand...
I've lived in the area where you're living now, and I ain't never going back there either, but I have a hard time seeing either of these new areas as an upgrade.

What type of climate would you seek if you were on your own? Where would you want to live if you didn't have to consider anyone else's preferences but your own? There's no right answer to these questions, but it'll help you frame the reasoning behind your preferences. You say you can live anywhere, but that also neatly avoids having to develop any preferences or make any choices. I'm just sayin'.

You mention that the social circle you were in with your first husband no longer includes you. You mention that you don't have any close family. It would seem that the main reason your Bostonian's family is rolling out your red carpet is due to the company you keep. Again, hanging out with someone else's friends/family is a lot easier than finding your own. But would you have these friends/extended family if you were on your own? Where are you going to find your own friends or create your own extended family?

Otherwise I guess you'd want to do a lot of renting and take it one winter at a time.
 
dex said:
(snip) East Nowhere to MA or NH. Sounds like you will be moving to Further East Nowhere.
Click to expand...

braumeister said:
Quick, visceral response based on personal experience: (snip)...also consider nearby Maine, all the way up to Portland. If you're not really familiar with it, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Click to expand...

And if she moves to Maine, that will be Down East Nowhere ;)
 
Meadbh said:
OK, I'll bite. Congratulations on the new relationship. And that's the issue: it is quite a new relationship if I'm not mistaken! How well do you know the Favorite Bostonian? Well enough, apparently, to sell your home and follow him, with him doing all the business planning. Is this the Freebird that we know and love?

Now let's do a risk assessment. What's the worst that could happen?
1. You can't sell your house and are financially in the hole. The advantage of this scenario is that you have somewhere to return to if the romance fails.
2. You do sell your house, move to New England, and hate it. What are you going to do then?
3. You sell your house, move to New England, and break up with Mr. Boston after you find he is a money chasing swindler and has been diddling your finances. Nasty lawsuit ensues. You are now both poor and miserable.
4. You sell your house, move to New England, and are treated horribly by the Boston "family". You are miserable, but not poor, so at least you can make your own way.

My big worry would be #3. FGS keep your finances separate and manage them yourself.

You did asked for the tough challenges, eh?
Click to expand...
Excellent! :clap: Curve balls at 92 mph right over the plate. I knew I could count on you to ask the tough ones.

The answer to "how long" is 1 year on Nov 20. Friends first, very close friends second, more later. Mr Boston is a very high quality person. I don't hang around with junk. ;)

I am still the sassafrassing tough talkin' little cuss I always have been. No changes there.

I'll address your risk assessment paragraphs in order...

1. There is no mortgage on my house. My annual school+property taxes now chime in at $4300 and it is just going to get worse as NY migrates from being the Welfare State to the Insolvent State. It will be financially advantageous for me to leave the state.
I could sell and downsize in place, but Central NY is very depressed and it snows too much. NY taxes are just too much. Time to goooooooo :greetings10:

2. Move to Greece. :LOL: Seriously, I would return here to a more populated section (Finger Lakes) and rent. I have made a command decision that living in my house alone is not cost effective. I am very mechanical and can do just about anything, but I have damaged hands. I will get stuck contracting out the tougher maintenenace jobs.
I will miss it but the proceeds from the sale will rent me a pretty nice townhouse for a looooong time.

3. He has his own portfolio and cash assets. He has a county pension and medical insurance. Not an issue.

My hands are still clamped FIRMLY on my own financial matters. :bat:
I have a trust set up that does not appoint him to any key positions.

Re business planning, he is only doing the stuff I hate to do, like reviewing insurance, taxes, and comparing health insurance plans when I do my switchover to a national plan this fall. That was in my own plan before we started talking about a possible relocation. I just delegated the task. :LOL:

4. Valid point. We will not live right on top of his family, but close enough to visit and have holidays together. It is a risk, but then again you never met my exMIL. :cool: I avoided her as best I could for 25 years and still had a happy marriage.
 
Nords said:
I've lived in the area where you're living now, and I ain't never going back there either, but I have a hard time seeing either of these new areas as an upgrade.

What type of climate would you seek if you were on your own? Where would you want to live if you didn't have to consider anyone else's preferences but your own? There's no right answer to these questions, but it'll help you frame the reasoning behind your preferences. You say you can live anywhere, but that also neatly avoids having to develop any preferences or make any choices. I'm just sayin'.

You mention that the social circle you were in with your first husband no longer includes you. You mention that you don't have any close family. It would seem that the main reason your Bostonian's family is rolling out your red carpet is due to the company you keep. Again, hanging out with someone else's friends/family is a lot easier than finding your own. But would you have these friends/extended family if you were on your own? Where are you going to find your own friends or create your own extended family?

Otherwise I guess you'd want to do a lot of renting and take it one winter at a time.
Click to expand...

VERY GOOD points. :flowers:

I have lots of choices...
1. Do nothing, i.e. stay here. Boring....:nonono:
2. Move to a completely new area solo. High stress and financially not smart. I am not rich.
3. Team up and relocate to an area he knows well, has family and friends, and explore a new life for myself and us. Medium stress and financially sound. Add the proximity to the ocean and I am golden.

I am a very outgoing person and will have NO trouble making friends on my own. He is very active in the American Legion and we will both thrive as a volunteer (me) and a post officer (him).
I will miss my current friends, but they are telling me to go for it. So is my life coach (counselor). I have stuck it out for 6 years since my husband passed suddenly. I am spinning my wheels here.

Time for a new adventure! :D

Climate...I've lived in FL, AZ and CA for very short periods (with my Mom). Too humid, too buggy, too many people. I like my 4 seasons. NH does not have daily lake effect snow. Worst case is the occasional Nor'easter and once in a while outer bands of Atlantic hurricanes. Spring comes earlier and stays put. Manchester airport is pretty well set for flights for escape trips.
 
Don't forget that you lose some of the survivor benefits if you end up walking down the aisle .
 
Meadbh brought up the questions I was going to ask, and I think those are the most important, but you've addressed those. Good luck.

R
 
FB, perhaps Meadbh was just thinking that you may be very much in love right now, and may be taking drastic steps too soon. But if you have taken steps to protect yourself, in fact you started this thread to ask for our opinion whether it is worth anything, then proceed c a r e f u l l y... Best wishes.
 
The only thing I would like to add is live with him awhile before you decide to relocate . All the little quirks come out that were cute when dating but are now just annoying .
 
NW-Bound said:
FB, perhaps Meadbh was just thinking that you may be very much in love right now, and may be taking drastic steps too soon. But if you have taken steps to protect yourself, in fact you started this thread to ask for our opinion whether it is worth anything, then proceed c a r e f u l l y... Best wishes.
Click to expand...

Exactly. I am your friendly neighborhood risk manager, skeptic, get me the data type :police:

....the exact opposite of Ha ha, who is a hopeless romantic! :flowers:

But if you have done the due diligence and ensured that your future is secure, you go girl!
 
Gee, freebird, take a few deep breaths, will ya? :) Here's what I see (sorry about the bluntness)

You broke up with your fiancee a little over a year ago, a guy you had been with a long time and we going to marry, right? Then you start seeing a life coach who tells you its time to reevauate everything. Fairly quickly after that, you dump DH2B, because "he was caught up in the past", and start dating numerous men and having fun until "Mr. Right" drops in your lap. Almost immediately you are swept off your feet because he is almost the opposite of the former DH2B, and you fall in love quickly and completely, overlooking any quirky annoyances or anything else about him you don't like because "he's the one". Now you are looking at uprooting yourself and moving somewhere with a guy you hardly know (1 year) and thinking it will all work out for the best. Gee, what could go wrong?

I think you are caught up in the moment and are not thinking clearly. Of course, I am guessing, but what I laid out above sounds like what lovestruck teenagers do, not grown women.........:)

P.S. Were you not an engineer by trade? This hardly sounds a scenario an engineer would follow..........:)
 
Here are some links that may help
As Brewer said, check out the city-data site & forums. Here's the one for NH
New Hampshire Forum - Relocation, Moving, Local City Discussions - City-Data Forum

In another thread MasterBlaster posted this link
http://www.bankrate.com/calculators/savings/moving-cost-of-living-calculator.aspxhttp://www.bankrate.com/calculators/savings/moving-cost-of-living-calculator.aspx

I saw this through huff post yesterday - just fluff, but NH ranked #1
10 best states for retirement

We're considering a move in the same time frame, but we're moving west - probably to CO.
 
Meadbh said:
Exactly. I am your friendly neighborhood risk manager, skeptic, get me the data type :police:

....the exact opposite of Ha ha, who is a hopeless romantic! :flowers:
Click to expand...


Speaking only for myself, I would not move down the block for a romance. True that I like romance, but more as a hobby.

I am not crazy about hard to untangle committments. I think your advice to The Bird was high quality, but I also think I know a done deal when I see one. :)

Ha
 
The boring logical side says listen to the "reality checkers" here on the board about the new relationship, what happens if relationship sours, etc. Once you have gurgitated these questions/answers for yourself, run with it!

The weather naysayers just have different climate preferences - I prefer my four distinct seasons as well, so you are not alone! No problems with die-hard Yankees here (orig from CA - no intention of leaving NJ other than military orders.)

You two sound like rational, self sufficient adult individuals - both aware of discussing the business end of things if you were to ever marry (survivor benefits, dependent benefits, etc.) Living alone is wonderful -but living with the right someone else is even better!

This OPPORTUNITY sounds like just what you need at this point. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I wish you the best! Have fun - you only live once!
 
If it doesn't work out, Freebird, at least you got out of East Nowhere. Then you rent an RV and come visit all of us for a few weeks while you figure out where you want to live. We're your real extended family, you know.
 
Khan said:
YouTube - "DON'T RAIN ON MY PARADE" - from "Funny Girl"'
Click to expand...


This nails it. Look ya gotta do what ya gotta do. When DH and I hooked up I have to admit we were raggady. Me - never married, middle aged with a life best described as a rut. Him - three time veteran of the divorce wars estranged from his kids, a rocky past and a failing career. Both of us in debt with jobs we hated. We won't even get into all of the cultural diffrence stuff. This marriage should not be working out but it is.....splendidly. Life is full of risk but your a grown up. You have seen a thing or two and have survived one of the toughest experiences you can go through. Losing a spouse. It think you can hang. Go forth and be happy.:clap::clap::clap:
 
FinanceDude said:
Gee, freebird, take a few deep breaths, will ya? :) Here's what I see (sorry about the bluntness)

You broke up with your fiancee a little over a year ago, a guy you had been with a long time and we going to marry, right? Then you start seeing a life coach who tells you its time to reevauate everything. Fairly quickly after that, you dump DH2B, because "he was caught up in the past", and start dating numerous men and having fun until "Mr. Right" drops in your lap. Almost immediately you are swept off your feet because he is almost the opposite of the former DH2B, and you fall in love quickly and completely, overlooking any quirky annoyances or anything else about him you don't like because "he's the one". Now you are looking at uprooting yourself and moving somewhere with a guy you hardly know (1 year) and thinking it will all work out for the best. Gee, what could go wrong?

I think you are caught up in the moment and are not thinking clearly. Of course, I am guessing, but what I laid out above sounds like what lovestruck teenagers do, not grown women.........:)

P.S. Were you not an engineer by trade? This hardly sounds a scenario an engineer would follow..........:)
Click to expand...

Beautiful, a very well thought out post. Thank you. :flowers:
This is EXACTLY why I started this thread. I wanted the collective to identify the landmines for me. I WANTED the tough talk thrown at me, right over the plate. :cool:
Regarding dh2b, it was purely a widow's rebound. The relationship began its initial souring process several years ago when he lost a custody battle. I was expected to rescue a troubled teenager who grew up with no boundaries and w*rk miracles. I didn't volunteer to be the scapegoat in the custody battle loss, but I was duly appointed to the job. Little by little the fizz was going away. Truth is, he left me. :clap: I was ready to ask him to vacate my home, but he beat me to the punch.
I have known Mr Boston for almost 1 year. He is a man of excellent quality and absolutely adores me. We were just very dear friends until dh2b exited. Opportunist or smart cookie? :LOL:
I have dated several men from MATCH, but so many were looking for Instant Wife mix (open packet, add water and stir). Gimme a break. :nonono:
Worst case is I leave the area. Best case is I leave the area. :greetings10:
I am more than capable of landing on my feet if this relationship goes south. My eyes are wide open. :cool: I have the resources to fall back on no matter what happens.
 
Moemg said:
Don't forget that you lose some of the survivor benefits if you end up walking down the aisle .
Click to expand...
Yes, m'am, right on the nail. I would lose ALL of my survivor benefits if I remarry before age 55. :nonono:
I am not the marrying type. H*ll, I made my late husband wait 5 years of engagement before I took that stroll at the age of 25. He always said I was well worth the wait. :D
 
Hey all
I don't know who to thank more - the fastball pitchers or the well wishers. :flowers:

If I didn't already say this, the relocation plan is a 1-2 year plan by mutual agreement. Proceeding slowly and smartly x 2.

We make one h*ll of a team - a senior accountant and a senior engineer. He can push the paper while I tune up the lawnmowers. :LOL: We are both very high IQ individuals. Only problem is that he wipes me off the chess board. I have to practice more and try to outsmart him. Either that or seriously distract him during the game. :cool:

We laugh and act silly, like teenagers. We hold hands. We kiss. People grin at us when we are in public.

Love is love, but business is business. My eye is right on the 8 ball.

I view this as an opportunity for both of us - new life together, relocation as something we BOTH crave, and a h*ll of a lot of fun as we do it.

All comments are appreciated. I take no offense at the fastballs. It helps me think things through.
 
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