How many children

[Alex]

"Selfish"


Sounds like the sour-grapes of a disgruntled-parent who envies the lifestyle choice of the childless.

ahem, lets at least get this right, it's not Child"less" it is Child"FREE".

 

[Sheryl]

ahem, lets at least get this right, it's not Child"less" it is Child"FREE".

Exactly what I was going to say, Alex.

GMTA.

 

[Gone4Good]

ahem, lets at least get this right, it's not Child"less" it is Child"FREE".

Mea maxima culpa.

 

[Arif]

Wow this poll really surprised me. So far there are more people here with no kids than there are people with 1 AND 3 or more put together. We were close to opting not to have kids. Deciding to go for it after a six month deployment (those deployments will do that to you) and it was the best decision we ever made. You mileage may vary...

 

[Nords]

Deciding to go for it after a six month deployment (those deployments will do that to you) and it was the best decision we ever made.

Well, deployments, sure, and choosing to have the kids with your spouse is a good idea too!

 

[Gumby]

After I returned from the first deployment following my marriage, the young wife commanded me to strip on the porch. I thought things were realy looking up at that point, but it was just because my clothes reeked with that peculiar submarine smell. I was immediately ordered to the shower -- alone.

 

[FinanceDude]

Excuses, excuses...

DO you have kids??

 

[My Dream]

I have friends where the husband swore he would never have kids, no way, no how never, after 15 years of marriage, they now have 2 kids, and when I asked him about it, he didn't say much other than he loves his kids. For those of you that have kids, most say it has changed them for the better, for those that chose not to....most say, it was the right decision. Like I said before having a conversation about whether to be kid less or not is a VERY sensitive subject.

MD

 

[Mr._johngalt]

Like I said before having a conversation about whether to be kid less or not is a VERY sensitive subject.

MD

This is true, and I will add that (for me) not having children would have
pretty much eliminated a purpose for my life (Disclaimer: I did not always feel this way). I've done a great deal
that has nothing to do with being a parent. It all looks pretty
insignificant when you line it up next to my kids. The parents on here
know what I'm talking about.

JG

 

[My Dream]

This is true, and I will add that (for me) not having children would have
pretty much eliminated a purpose for my life (Disclaimer: I did not always feel this way). I've done a great deal
that has nothing to do with being a parent. It all looks pretty
insignificant when you line it up next to my kids. The parents on here
know what I'm talking about.

JG

I do know what you're talking about JG, raising kids have brought my wife and I closer together, we both agree on how we raise our kids, and niether one of us over rules the other. It's a team effort. Some people talk about being bored with there lives, for most kids elimate bordem.
I better keep my mouth shut before the strong coments start rolling in.

 

[HFWR]

Disclaimer: I have a son, and helped corral corrupt raise two others...

One thing is certain: when I'm bored, I never think that having more kids, or being at work, would be better than boredom...

 

[My Dream]

Disclaimer: I have a son, and helped corral corrupt raise two others...

One thing is certain: when I'm bored, I never think that having more kids, or being at work, would be better than boredom...

That I would have to agree with, especially the word, better

 

[Sheryl]

I do know what you're talking about JG, raising kids have brought my wife and I closer together, we both agree on how we raise our kids, and niether one of us over rules the other. It's a team effort. Some people talk about being bored with there lives, for most kids elimate bordem.
I better keep my mouth shut before the strong coments start rolling in.

I think that so far this conversation has been amazingly uncontentious (Sorry, that's probably not a word, but I'm too lazy to look it up). Those of us who are happily childfree have no problem hearing that parents are happy to be parents, and that they don't regret the decision (or lack of). The only time this discussion gets unpleasant (and I've had it dozens of times) is when a parent tries to tell me that I don't know what's good for me, and that I will regret it later, or that I should have kids even if I don't want them, or that I'm selfish.

 

[My Dream]

I think that so far this conversation has been amazingly uncontentious (Sorry, that's probably not a word, but I'm too lazy to look it up). Those of us who are happily childfree have no problem hearing that parents are happy to be parents, and that they don't regret the decision (or lack of). The only time this discussion gets unpleasant (and I've had it dozens of times) is when a parent tries to tell me that I don't know what's good for me, and that I will regret it later, or that I should have kids even if I don't want them, or that I'm selfish.

I believe in the phrase, "to each there own" and when I mentioned the word "selfish" I was only referring to myself, and I hope noone took it as I was was referring to them, since that was not my intent.

 

[Nords]

After I returned from the first deployment following my marriage, the young wife commanded me to strip on the porch. I thought things were realy looking up at that point, but it was just because my clothes reeked with that peculiar submarine smell. I was immediately ordered to the shower -- alone.

Shucks, I always had to do that in the garage (the stripping part, not the showering part). Sure hope it wasn't winter in your neighborhood...

uncontentious (Sorry, that's probably not a word, but I'm too lazy to look it up).

Someone beat you to it-- http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/uncontentious

 

[youbet]

Those of us who are happily childfree have no problem hearing that parents are happy to be parents

And you should have no problem with that. If you go to a wine tasting party and have a good time, I'm glad for you. If I'm busy happily spending an afternoon with a grandchild, you're probably glad for me. I mean, wouldn't it be pretty low to begrudge folks enjoyment?

The only time this discussion gets unpleasant (and I've had it dozens of times) is when a parent tries to tell me that I don't know what's good for me, and that I will regret it later, or that I should have kids even if I don't want them, or that I'm selfish.

My own opinion is that parents frequently get too involved in the decisions of their children at an age where the children need to make decisions for themselves. The specific case of encouraging them to have kids is just the tip of the iceberg. Encouraging them to delay having kids or have fewer kids comes to mind. That happens too. Or where to go to school. Or what friends to have. Or how to dress......... and on and on. There is a fine line between appropriate involvement, under involvement and excess involvement. Advising children regarding the number of children to have is just one thing out of an infinite number of possibilities.

 

[brewer12345]

I think that so far this conversation has been amazingly uncontentious (Sorry, that's probably not a word, but I'm too lazy to look it up). Those of us who are happily childfree have no problem hearing that parents are happy to be parents, and that they don't regret the decision (or lack of). The only time this discussion gets unpleasant (and I've had it dozens of times) is when a parent tries to tell me that I don't know what's good for me, and that I will regret it later, or that I should have kids even if I don't want them, or that I'm selfish.

Heh, well, I actually think that a fair number of people I have met that say they don't want kids are missing out, but they are all adults (mostly) in posession of their facltoes, so who am I to judge?

 

[shiny]

Heh, well, I actually think that a fair number of people I have met that say they don't want kids are missing out, but they are all adults (mostly) in posession of their facltoes, so who am I to judge?

I'm in the childfree camp (and agree with all the things Sheryl is saying for us folks), but I do realize that I am choosing to give up some immense joy in my life. It seems that having kids is the highlight and the lowlight of people's lives at the same time. No other person on earth can hurt you and give you joy as immensly as a child.

Maybe I'm protecting myself from the hurt, I don't know - it seems more of a decision where I know myself and what I want to do with my life. Selfish? Lazy? Maybe.

 

[Sheryl]

My own opinion is that parents frequently get too involved in the decisions of their children at an age where the children need to make decisions for themselves. The specific case of encouraging them to have kids is just the tip of the iceberg. Encouraging them to delay having kids or have fewer kids comes to mind. That happens too. Or where to go to school. Or what friends to have. Or how to dress......... and on and on. There is a fine line between appropriate involvement, under involvement and excess involvement. Advising children regarding the number of children to have is just one thing out of an infinite number of possibilities.

I agree with your point, Youbet, but just to clarify - when I referred to parents telling me what to do, I meant other people who are parents (have kids) not my own parents.

 

[youbet]

I agree with your point, Youbet, but just to clarify - when I referred to parents telling me what to do, I meant other people who are parents (have kids) not my own parents.

Oooops! Reviewing your post, I can see that now.

Well, the heck with those "other parents." We're all somewhat obligated to listen to our own parents once in a while. But just any ole parents......? Blaaaaah....... deactivate your selective hearing switch and don't worry about it.

 

[LRS]

I work in an office full of blissfully childfree people with full, creative, busy lives. Power to them. I have two kids. Works for me.

Childful?

 

[Sheryl]

or Childed?

 

[sgeeeee]

I think that so far this conversation has been amazingly uncontentious (Sorry, that's probably not a word, but I'm too lazy to look it up). Those of us who are happily childfree have no problem hearing that parents are happy to be parents, and that they don't regret the decision (or lack of). The only time this discussion gets unpleasant (and I've had it dozens of times) is when a parent tries to tell me that I don't know what's good for me, and that I will regret it later, or that I should have kids even if I don't want them, or that I'm selfish.

I hear you. I am truely happy for parents who think their children are the greatest thing in their lives. We need more parents like that in the world. But there are couples in the world who can't have kids. They may or may not want to have children, but they are forced to seek other options. Many of them find very productive, rewarding and worthwhile things to do with their time. There are people who never find an appropriate mate. They may dream of a life with children, but are never given that opportunity. Yet many still find productive, rewarding and worthwhile things to do with their time. There are people who choose not to marry in order to serve their religion. They may look at that choice as a sacrifice worth making. They often find very productive, rewarding and worthwhile things to do with their time. And, of course, there are people who simply find things other than having children to be more productive, rewarding and worthwhile than being a parent.

When parents say that their life would be meaningless without their children (implying that anyone without children is leading a meaningless life), or that anyone who chooses a path other than to have children is missing out; it seems tactless, mindless, unimaginative, and/or narrow minded. For those who have chosen or been forced into another path, it often sounds more defensive than sincere. This is especially true when you see and hear people who appear to be terrible parents but who insist that parenthood is the only goal worth pursuing in life.

There are other life choices that can be productive, rewarding and worthwhile.

 

[Nords]

When parents say that their life would be meaningless without their children (implying that anyone without children is leading a meaningless life), or that anyone who chooses a path other than to have children is missing out; it seems tactless, mindless, unimaginative, and/or narrow minded.

It's interesting to note the effect of replacing the word "children" with the word "work"...

 

[sgeeeee]

It's interesting to note the effect of replacing the word "children" with the word "work"...

Good point.