How many children

[Dreamer]

I was too late for the poll, but I have 2 children.

1 son 28 years old-not married and no children

1 daughter 17 years old-engaged and no children

I am extremely glad that I had my children and I am extremely glad that people who don't have children don't have them. I would love to have grandchildren someday, but only if my children really wanted to have children. I feel that you really have to want children and it is still not easy at times!

 

[youbet]

I would love to have grandchildren someday, but only if my children really wanted to have children.

In our case Dreamer, by the time we were empty nesters and had prioritized kid-expenses over European vacations, sports cars and luxury homes for so long, we felt we were ready for permanent kid-freedom. Having childfree friends and relatives who rubbed their RE status, hefty portfolios and material possessions in our faces probably added to this!

But, to our surprise, when the grandkids started coming along, darn if we haven't started the same old routine again. You know, contributing to their ESA's, babysitting, acting as chauffers, and on and on.

Sometimes it seems like kind of a mixed blessing. We enjoy them limitlessly but also refer to them as our "little anchors." If you wind up with some in your life, it'll be "interesting" that's for sure. If not, then you'll enjoy that lifestyle just as well. You seem to have a great, open-minded attitude towards it all.

 

[Nords]

But, to our surprise, when the grandkids started coming along, darn if we haven't started the same old routine again. You know, contributing to their ESA's, babysitting, acting as chauffers, and on and on.
Sometimes it seems like kind of a mixed blessing. We enjoy them limitlessly but also refer to them as our "little anchors." If you wind up with some in your life, it'll be "interesting" that's for sure. If not, then you'll enjoy that lifestyle just as well. You seem to have a great, open-minded attitude towards it all.

The #1 reason people leave Hawaii is due to inability to find a living wage (despite the current 2.5% unemployment rate).

The #2 reason people leave Hawaii is grandparents wanting to spend more time with their grandkids being raised by their kids who are now earning a living wage on the Mainland.

 

[Khan]

The #1 reason people leave Hawaii is due to inability to find a living wage (despite the current 2.5% unemployment rate).

The #2 reason people leave Hawaii is grandparents wanting to spend more time with their grandkids being raised by their kids who are now earning a living wage on the Mainland.

People really move thousands of miles to be near their children/grandchildren?

Honestly asking, as that was not the circumstance of anyone in my family.

 

[REWahoo]

People really move thousands of miles to be near their children/grandchildren?

Frequently. They may have additional reasons, such as improved weather or lower cost of living, but family ties are remarkably strong. I know we have posters on the forum who have or are contemplating such a move, 73ss454 for one.

 

[Mr._johngalt]

People really move thousands of miles to be near their children/grandchildren?

Honestly asking, as that was not the circumstance of anyone in my family.

It's generally a bad idea IMHO.

JG

 

[Nords]

People really move thousands of miles to be near their children/grandchildren?
Honestly asking, as that was not the circumstance of anyone in my family.

I don't have grandkids so I just don't understand, but that's apparently the case. I've seen the bumper stickers that say "If I'd known grandchildren were so great I would have had them first!" Besides, it's a five-hour flight from Honolulu to LAX. Or maybe Grandma & Grandpa want to be closer to Vegas.

George Stott, one of the island's most successful real estate agents, at one time had as many as 30 ex-Navy officers working for him and making quite a bit of money. But after several profitable years most of them quit to go back to the Mainland to be near their grandkids.

My father-in-law tells the Elderhostel story where everyone introduced themselves to the other attendees. (Family story #275.) Just about everyone at these is a grandparent or at least a mature empty-nester. One man got up and said "My kids are nothing special. Ah, but my grandkids!"

My parents-in-law moved over 5000 miles to Hawaii to watch their grandkid grow up. The move almost drove them crazy (they certainly drove us crazy) and it'll be interesting to see what they choose to do when our kid goes to a Mainland college...

 

[youbet]

People really move thousands of miles to be near their children/grandchildren?

Honestly asking, as that was not the circumstance of anyone in my family.

Yes indeedy Khan, they certainly do! Staying where you are, when you'd like to move away, or moving to where they are when you'd like to stay where you're at, sounds dumb. And it probably is. But, it's what we do.

It amazes me. Childfree friends/relatives grab me by the back of the head and stick my face into their new Lexus or show me pics of their new lake home or talk about the three week European vacation they're planning and on and on. Idiotic me, I go home and write a check to each of the grandkids ESA accounts...... I don't know what's wrong.......

 

[Mwsinron]

My wife couldnt. So we accepted that and frankly we are more than perfectly fine with that. I appreciate you parents but I found out I am way to selfish to even think of raising a child.

 

[youbet]

My wife couldnt. So we accepted that and frankly we are more than perfectly fine with that. I appreciate you parents but I found out I am way to selfish to even think of raising a child.

Oh stop it! You may be selfish, but not because you don't want to raise a child. That's a life style choice and strictly up to you. If your wife couldn't bear children and you don't want to adopt, that's your decision and it's very legitimate and logical and you'd never get an argument from me.

Can I borrow your Lexus Friday night?

 

[Michael Moore]

No kids for us, and no regrets either.


I'm pretty amazed - this topic at my main discussion board usually ends up getting locked after melting down into personal attacks. There's a lot of emotion tied up in it.

There are probably many people who would turn out to be fine parents who just don' t have the "I desire children" gene. Some other people decide not to be parents because they have a good enough understanding of themselves to know that they really should NOT be parents. Bravo for them!

But there seem to be a not insignificant number of parents who aren't trustworthy enough to be given a puppy, much less a human child. I find that very sad for the child.

If people want to have kids, more power to them. They can have my share.

I think a big part of the conflict comes in due to many people presuming that "wanting to have children" is not only the default state, but the CORRECT state.

"Oh, but if you'd just get pregnant, risk your life in childbirth, and then commit yourself to raising another human for the next 18+ years, I'm sure you'd find that you'd change your mind." :

Unfortunately, that seems to be a response the "child free" get a lot of times, and after a while it can start to chafe pretty severely.


cheers,
Michael

 

[youbet]

No kids for us, and no regrets either.

Looks like you made a very correct and fortunate decision for yourself.

 

[Mr._johngalt]

Believe it or not, this is an area where I would never presume to tell
others what to do.

Even with all of the problems, not to mention the expense, I kind of wish I had more kids. (I have 3 and only 1 was "planned") My Mom is 86
and frequently tells me she wishes she had more. In her case
the progeny were so outstanding, it's easy to
understand her attitude.

JG

 

[shorttimer]

As empty nesters we may move closer to the kids if grandchildren come into the picture. I don't think we would move down the street, but would consider a move. Right now we are happy where we are and plan to hold tight, using this as a home base to travel. As long as they are less than a days drive away, which they are right now, and we are not working staying put will work out I think.

 

[SecondCor521]

My parents are more and more frequently discussing a move closer to me, but their main motivation is more "end of life assistance" rather than seeing my 1/3 of their grandkids. They are on the older side for grandparents though and beginning to have health issues.

2Cor521

 

[Mwsinron]

I really dont see why it ever gets heated. Obviously some want to have lil kids and some dont. It cant be an easy job since I was a total ass for my parents to raise. Hats off the parents I hope you all have easier kids than I was lol.

 

[Kwirk]

People really move thousands of miles to be near their children/grandchildren?

We would in a heartbeat. It's surprising how often the mere possibility of grandchildren comes up in our planning.

 

[Mr._johngalt]

We would in a heartbeat. It's surprising how often the mere possibility of grandchildren comes up in our planning.

Does not make sense to me, because then the kids might decide to move
1000 miles away from where they are. I guess if you don't mind following them around. All my grandkids are with one daughter. Since she got married they have moved 3 times, and about a thousand miles each time.

JG

 

[73ss454]

Next week were moving 1200 miles to be near our grandkids. If we have to move again we will. My GD is 2 1/2 and GS is 2 months old. We just need to be there.

 

[Dreamer]

Count me in on the grandparents who would move to be closer to grandchildren. However, I don't know if my DH would go along with those plans. Also, it would depend on how my child and his/her spouse would feel about it. It would be very sad, in my opinion, if one had grandchildren and were not a part of their life.

Youbet-you sound like a very good grandparent and I bet the little ones love you!
Can't get that kind of love out of a Lexus or European vacation!

 

[haha]

I don't have any grandchildren yet, but both my sons are married so it should happen.

I really miss having little kids around. I enjoy it when I walk my dog around wife's huge apartment complex or a nearby park and the kids come running to pet him.huge

I like their sense of humor and alility to get along.

As to moving, we all live near one another, I could live better in a cheaper place, but I don't think I would want to leave my kids home base, let alone if they should have children.

Ha