How many children?

[ugeauxgirl]

We have 2 boys- 11 and 14. We started late (I was 32, DH 40) and we enjoy them- mostly. Every once in a while I look at my husband, and say, "Y'know, golden retrievers woulda been quieter..." Or cheaper, or whatever they're annoying me with at the moment. I wouldn't trade them for anything, but I don't want any more, either. I can see why some people don't want kids. Being a parent is hard. Being a working mom is exhausting.

I was lucky that I got to take them to work with me for nearly a year before they had to go off to daycare. 2 in daycare was nearly a mortgage payment. They are expensive, but probably not 200K. We'd done a lot of saving before they came along and I will still be retiring at 50- before they go to college.

 

[aja8888]

It's nice to hear all the stories of wonderful marriages and how well raising kids is going (or has gone) from most of the people here. It is also refreshing to her the viewpoints of the people who decided to not have children and just live life well with less cost and disruption or personal freedom.

I haven't read a post yet of a family here that did all the right things raising their children properly and sending them to the right colleges and then having them turn out out be drug addicts or worse. We (in our blended family) have had experience at just that and you cannot imagine the amount of hell over a 10 year period that something like that can cause to a family unit and to your lives. It kind of takes the wind out of remembering the happy times when raising the child and makes one silently wish they had taken another path.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Aja, one of my 3 sons is a drug addict and has been in and out of prison for decades for possession. He is 42, his Dad is 72 and convinced our son will die before him. Definitely mixed feelings of course.

 

[check6]

No kids, no regrets. I have a problem paying for those that can't afford them.

 

[VanWinkle]

No kids, no regrets. I have a problem paying for those that can't afford them.

I have 4 kids, but I agree with your point of view. There is no good reason to bring multiple children into a family that can't support them with love and subsistence.

 

[hesperus]

Zero. Married late (first and only). The only problem is who becomes heir. Will probably end up leaving our eight figures to a charity

 

[mystang52]

2, daughter 40 and son 36. And, each has given us 4 grandchildren! We are fortunate in that they and their spouses are successful, no substance issues etc. But over the years there have been a couple of serious arguments between son and daughter where they went for many months without talking to each other.

They are currently on a good spell and hopefully it'll last. When they are at odds, though, it gives me great aggravation. Nowhere close to the pain a parent would have if a child had substance or other serious issues, but it does affect me strongly.

 

[Mdlerth]

I was 1 of 5, DW was 1 of 5, so it must be genetic that we had 5

Five kids. They cost a lot (which is why I'm not yet retired) and they gave a lot.

In the end, I'm both poorer and richer for the experience.

Somebody upthread mentioned that parents never stop worrying about their kids. It's true. Even when your kids are grown - even when your kids have their own kids who have their own kids - you still worry about them. I wouldn't have expected it, but I've seen it and felt it myself.

 

[Bamaman]

My wife had three kids in 22 months and waited another 20 years to have our daughter. Her oldest daughter is deceased, but she'd be 52 years old. Our daughter is 30 years old.
We are now permanently raising our 7 year old granddaughter, so she has had children to take care of her whole adult life--52 years.

 

[kcowan]

And we will still be FI before 40 despite one income and 3 kids

We had 2 boys before our 5th anniversary. It caused me to suddenly become very responsible. I worked extremely hard and it paid off.

I wasn’t fully ready for kids when we started having them. I was pressured into it and so glad now in hindsight. I was too selfish at the time. Seeing all the joy and fulfillment my kids have brought to my life and marriage I can’t understand someone not wanting them.

That is too bad. We have several friends who have never had children and they seem to be just fine...

...It reminds me a bit of the decision to have pets. I'm animal-friendly but never wanted to have the responsibility of caring for one, arranging for day care when I travel, paying for Kittycat chemotherapy, etc. So I've never had pets!

Maybe we need another thread? Had a Shepard-Husky for 14 years and then two cat brothers for 18 years. I do not judge, just enjoy the choices we made.

...The one with three kids is definitely worried more about college than we are, even though they're also a two-income household.

I think you just need to appreciate that each couple makes the decisions they have to based on their reality. My Dad was one of five siblings. We loved all the aunts and uncles and cousins.

Ironically both DW and I are from 2 kid families and we miss the big family events.

 

[bigcmagor]

We had two boys and intended to call it quits. On vacation, DW claimed she was ovulating, I insisted otherwise. Dang if she wasn't right. Added a daughter to the mix.

 

[Teacher Terry]

B, such a tough decision to have to make. So unfair to you both and the little girl. I really admire what you are doing. Having gotten married young and having 3 kids now is my time to do whatever I want with no responsibilities except for the dogs.

 

[Just_Steve]

Originally DW and I were in the no children camp but after being married for 7 years and living life like it was a non stop party we decided to have a 1 child after 5 years we decided for child 2. Yes for us having children has been nice but even if we stuck to the original plan life would have been just as nice.

 

[Sanstar]

My DH wanted 2. I didn’t have strong feelings one way or the other. We had 2 boys right away. Then an “oops” daughter. All within 5 years and while DH was in the Army. I worked weekends and went to school 4 nights a week to knock out BS then MA degrees with no childcare expenses. In hindsight, I wish we’d had at least 3 more kids. What a blessing and so much joy! Now busy spoiling two new grand babies. $ has never been, and never will be, my number one priority. Still FIRE and no regrets after years practicing LBYM and Family First which included ski trips, Disney vacations, family cruises and private schools. Kids aren’t for everyone, and I respect that; but in my case, they are everything.
Especially now that I rely on them to fund my monthly SS check!

 

[street]

Five kids. They cost a lot (which is why I'm not yet retired) and they gave a lot.

In the end, I'm both poorer and richer for the experience.

Somebody upthread mentioned that parents never stop worrying about their kids. It's true. Even when your kids are grown - even when your kids have their own kids who have their own kids - you still worry about them. I wouldn't have expected it, but I've seen it and felt it myself.

Yep, you never stop worrying about them. Now I understand what my parents went through with me. I remember my mother coming to great me if I got home late. She always no matter what time showed her love by greeting me home. I know she prayed and always gave thanks when I walked in that door.

 

[albireo13]

My 1st wife wanted 3. She passed away and I remarried. My new wife had 2 previous so we ended up with 5 kids. It's been a financial drain and has for sure put a dent in retirement plans. Lots of life crises and college to plan for. The best we could promise is covering 2 yrs of college for each of them. They are all good kids but I worry about their financial future. None have high power jobs.

Still working ... hope to retire at 64.

 

[iloveyoga]

We have two grown up sons, four granddaughters, one grandson, and one great grandson. No planning on our part for the kids, but I love them and I have so loved being a grandma.

 

[big-papa]

I'm one of 11 kids. My wife is an only child. I always thought that anywhere between 0 and 2 would be fine for me. It's one of the things that caused the breakup between me and the girlfriend I had before I met my wife: she wanted to have many kids as her body would allow. While I love my siblings, it was clear just how tight money was for my parents and it was a priority for me not to repeat that experience. So, for the longest time, my wife and I chose zero. Late in the game (late 30's) we had a change of heart and we now have the most wonderful daughter.

Fast forward to our late 50's and she's 17 and looking at colleges. Financially, we're all set for that and nearly set for retirement.

 

[2lhasas]

My mother could not have children and adopted me when my parents were 39 and 40. Not growing up with siblings, I didn't have really strong feelings about the need for a large family. Got married in my 30's and my husband and I had one son. It was absolutely a financial decision for us. We both maintained our careers until I retired earlier this year.

Interestingly, my son has decided that he's not crazy about being an only child. He was fine with it when he was younger, but as a teen, he gets bored. I'm looking forward to my numerous grandkids. LOL.

 

[jberlat]

Zero kids doesn't mean you retire rich. 4 kids don't mean you will be poor.

 

[akidagain2018]

No personal experience, but from the sidelines it looks like a darned hard job. And I'm sure we are further ahead financially because we chose not to step onto the field.

Yes, agree. My colleagues will be working until they die to pay for all the kids and family/spouse needs. I think it must be easier to manage ones finances when you're the only one spending, and making all the buy/don't buy decisions.

 

[aida2003]

I think it is extraordinarily difficult to raise a child today. So many people telling parents what they are doing wrong and shaming them on social media. An absolute invasion of conflicting and contrary advice.

At the same time, local public education, strapped for cash, is passing onto the parents the costs of many school and after-school activities that were covered by the school system for past generations of students.

+1
This is a great observation. I agree with the first paragraph though luckily I am not interested in FB, Instagram, etc.
I personally feel a little sting, when we receive a yearly letter about our kids' school, stating that the school is awesome and the academic performance is very high, yada yada, but I think to myself that it would be nice if it acknowledged that at least 50% if not more is thanks to the parents' involvement and their hiring of tutors, Kumons, etc. OTOH, once the Kumon instructor told me that even some students of private schools attend her services. So, I guess I would be really upset if in addition to $20-25k/year for private school, I still would need to spend another few thousands for extra help.

To answer the OP's main theme: 2 kiddos are enough for us. My DH wanted 3, but this was my plan from the beginning. We had our kids a bit later (not in the 20's), so now he acknowledges that having two kids was a good plan after all

 

[nhcycling]

I have 3 lovely daughters and 2 grand babies that are my joy! I’ve worked hard to provide for my children. Yes, I’d be much better off had I not paid for college, grad school and weddings but it does not compare to how rich and blessed I really am.