It's funny joke Thursday! 2005 - 2020
- Thread starter cute fuzzy bunny
- Start date
- Status
Jack_Pine
Full time employment: Posting here.
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2013
- Messages
- 834
A blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.
The blonde driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.”
“Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.
The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”
“Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”
The blonde driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.”
“Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.
The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”
“Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”
chief04010
Recycles dryer sheets
Heard at the water cooler
Adult content warning!
Tom is a first line supervisor at a large company, one day upper management informs him that he must lay off one of his employees. After going through the list several times he narrows it down to either Mary or Jack, both are about equal in skill and seniority, he decides that whichever one goes to the water cooler first on Monday morning, he’ll give them the bad news. On Monday Mary comes in with a hangover from the weekend, she gets a couple aspirins from her desk and goes to the water cooler.
Tom is waiting and says “Mary, I’ve never done anything like this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.”
Mary says “Well you better jack-off because with this headache I’m not feeling up to it.”
Adult content warning!
Tom is a first line supervisor at a large company, one day upper management informs him that he must lay off one of his employees. After going through the list several times he narrows it down to either Mary or Jack, both are about equal in skill and seniority, he decides that whichever one goes to the water cooler first on Monday morning, he’ll give them the bad news. On Monday Mary comes in with a hangover from the weekend, she gets a couple aspirins from her desk and goes to the water cooler.
Tom is waiting and says “Mary, I’ve never done anything like this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.”
Mary says “Well you better jack-off because with this headache I’m not feeling up to it.”
In-control
Recycles dryer sheets
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2007
- Messages
- 319
So my wife were walking and a young lady was jogging behind us. As she approached to pass us I said Hi, she said Hi, and I said nice shirt (a reward for completing local 5 mile race) she replied thanks. My wife say’s after a few min. what a nice young lady. I say – that was your daughter!
[FONT="]Health Warning! Do Not shampoo in the shower.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]It's so good to finally get a health warning that is useful. It involves the shampoo when it runs down your body when you are showering with it.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner. I use shampoo in the shower. When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the shampoo label this warning: "FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME."[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]No wonder I've been gaining weight.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]Well, I got rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering with Dawn Dishwashing Soap. It's label reads, "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFICULT TO REMOVE."[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]Problem solved!!!![/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]It's so good to finally get a health warning that is useful. It involves the shampoo when it runs down your body when you are showering with it.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner. I use shampoo in the shower. When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the shampoo label this warning: "FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME."[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]No wonder I've been gaining weight.[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]Well, I got rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering with Dawn Dishwashing Soap. It's label reads, "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFICULT TO REMOVE."[/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
[FONT="]Problem solved!!!![/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
Rick_Head
Recycles dryer sheets
.
frayne
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
The Will
>>
>> Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His
>> nurse, his wife, his daughter
>> and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be
>> present and a camcorder be in place to record his last
>> wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak: My son,
>> "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
>> My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the
>> east end." My son, "Jamie, I want you to take the
>> offices over in the City Centre."
> "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the
>> residential buildings on the banks of the
>> river."
>> The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not
>> realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the
>> nurse says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been
>> such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this
>> property". Sarah replies, "Property ? .... the
>> ******* had a paper route!"
>>
>> Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His
>> nurse, his wife, his daughter
>> and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be
>> present and a camcorder be in place to record his last
>> wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak: My son,
>> "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
>> My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the
>> east end." My son, "Jamie, I want you to take the
>> offices over in the City Centre."
> "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the
>> residential buildings on the banks of the
>> river."
>> The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not
>> realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the
>> nurse says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been
>> such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this
>> property". Sarah replies, "Property ? .... the
>> ******* had a paper route!"
harley
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
lol! I understand that one. DW went on Nutrisystem at one point, and I tried eating some of their food. It would take about 3 dinners to satisfy me for lunch.
After a man retired, his wife insisted that he accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, his wife, like most women, loved to browse. After several months of retirement and trailing along with his wife, she received the following letter from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Fifteen complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at five-minute intervals.
July 7: With a jar of brown gravy he made a trail on the floor leading to the both the ladies' and men's restrooms.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away." This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
August 14: Moved a CAUTION - WET FLOOR sign to a carpeted area.
August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children of shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. Twenty children obliged.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying. He screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" EMTs were called.
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were
October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least...
October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here." One of the clerks fainted.
Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Fifteen complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at five-minute intervals.
July 7: With a jar of brown gravy he made a trail on the floor leading to the both the ladies' and men's restrooms.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away." This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
August 14: Moved a CAUTION - WET FLOOR sign to a carpeted area.
August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children of shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. Twenty children obliged.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying. He screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" EMTs were called.
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were
October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least...
October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here." One of the clerks fainted.
Jack_Pine
Full time employment: Posting here.
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2013
- Messages
- 834
After 40 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.
The wife went into a tirade, listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on, she went:
neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking
the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her, long and passionately, as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up, and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Friday I fish.
The wife went into a tirade, listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on, she went:
neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking
the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her, long and passionately, as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up, and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Friday I fish.
NW-Bound
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2008
- Messages
- 35,712
A teacher was trying to teach her class about right and wrong.
She said, "If I get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all the money, what would I be?".
Little boy raised his hand, "You would be his wife".
She said, "If I get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all the money, what would I be?".
Little boy raised his hand, "You would be his wife".
bjorn2bwild
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
PBD is toast -
Obituary for Pillsbury Dough Boy
The Pillsbury Dough Boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeatedly being poked in his belly during his lifetime. The veteran Pillsbury spokesman was 71. Dough Boy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; three children, John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dill Dough; plus they also had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
Services were held yesterday at 350 for about 20 minutes.
Dough Boy (DB) was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing DB as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. DB rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.
He was not considered a very “smart” cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, but was thought of a roll model for millions. Toward the end, it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he remained unleavened.
The Pillsbury Dough Boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeatedly being poked in his belly during his lifetime. The veteran Pillsbury spokesman was 71. Dough Boy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; three children, John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dill Dough; plus they also had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
Services were held yesterday at 350 for about 20 minutes.
Dough Boy (DB) was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing DB as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. DB rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.
He was not considered a very “smart” cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, but was thought of a roll model for millions. Toward the end, it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he remained unleavened.
Last edited:
prudent_one
Recycles dryer sheets
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2014
- Messages
- 333
That one reminded me of this one:
His wife nagged him to go to the mall with her for the day because she didn't like shopping alone, and he finally gave in. They went in and out of stores for hours with the husband dutifully tagging along.
Then the wife looked around and didn't see him anywhere.
Angrily, she calls his cell and asks where the hell he is.
He says, "Dear, do you remember when we were first married, and we were window shopping at the jewelry store at this mall? And you pointed out a diamond necklace and how much you loved it, and I felt terrible that I had to tell you I couldn't afford it, but maybe someday?"
Now all sweetness and light, she says, "Oh, honey, yes, I remember that store!
He says, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."
NW-Bound
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2008
- Messages
- 35,712
Q. How many 16-year-olds does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Whatever.
A. Whatever.
mickeyd
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Rules For Entering Texas
Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
It's called a 'gravel road'. I drive a pickup truck because I need to.
No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
They are pigs, cattle, and oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive three weeks a year.
So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
Trucks are made to get dirty. Don't bring your Eddie Bauer Limited Edition to my hunting camp and expect to leave clean on Sunday. It won't happen.
We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, well if that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in,we Will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
Go ahead and bring your $800 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle.
We have a name for that little 13-inch trout you fish for---bait.
Yeah, we eat catfish, carp, and crawdads. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you jack-slapped, by our women.
Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to.
Our women are some of the best looking in the country.We open doors for women. That applies to everyone regardless of age.
No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
When we fill out a table there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables,and breads. We use three spices- salt, pepper, and Tabasco Sauce.
You bring "Coke" into my house it better be brown, wet, served over ice, and plenty of it. You bring "Mary Jane" to my house she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar, some lemon, and a long spoon.
That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid for that shot in the airport at New York, Boston, Chicago, or L.A.
High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
Two kinds of SPURS~one ya wear and one you watch.
Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come out of there with an education and a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.
We have more Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other state, so, "Don't Mess With Texas". If you do it will get your butt kicked by the best!
Our Military is only used as a back up. Per capita, each man, woman, and child owns at least two firearms and has taken a NRA Certified Shooter Education Course.
Also, remember what Governor Sam Houston once said, "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas.
Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
It's called a 'gravel road'. I drive a pickup truck because I need to.
No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
They are pigs, cattle, and oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive three weeks a year.
So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
Trucks are made to get dirty. Don't bring your Eddie Bauer Limited Edition to my hunting camp and expect to leave clean on Sunday. It won't happen.
We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, well if that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in,we Will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
Go ahead and bring your $800 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle.
We have a name for that little 13-inch trout you fish for---bait.
Yeah, we eat catfish, carp, and crawdads. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you jack-slapped, by our women.
Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to.
Our women are some of the best looking in the country.We open doors for women. That applies to everyone regardless of age.
No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
When we fill out a table there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables,and breads. We use three spices- salt, pepper, and Tabasco Sauce.
You bring "Coke" into my house it better be brown, wet, served over ice, and plenty of it. You bring "Mary Jane" to my house she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar, some lemon, and a long spoon.
That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid for that shot in the airport at New York, Boston, Chicago, or L.A.
High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
Two kinds of SPURS~one ya wear and one you watch.
Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come out of there with an education and a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.
We have more Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other state, so, "Don't Mess With Texas". If you do it will get your butt kicked by the best!
Our Military is only used as a back up. Per capita, each man, woman, and child owns at least two firearms and has taken a NRA Certified Shooter Education Course.
Also, remember what Governor Sam Houston once said, "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas.
harley
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
I know this was supposed to be humorous, but point of fact, TX is only third in military population after California and Virginia. So is it "Don't Mess With California"?
Huston55
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
mickeyd
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Ghetto or Suburbs?
Ghetto Test (I'm more ghetto than I thought)
If the statement is true add the points in parenthesis to your score.
Scoring is given at the bottom of the test.
1. You've ever used an album cover or old envelope for a dustpan. (5 points)
2. You've ever put foil on your TV antennas to get better reception. (8 points)
3. You've ever had to use pliers to turn your TV on. (7points)
4. You had to come in the house when the street lights came on. (6 points)
5. You had a candy lady in your neighborhood. (5 + 5 extra points if your house was the candy lady)
6. If you can count more than five police cars in your neighborhood on a daily basis. (3 points)
7. If you ever had to pick your own switch or belt. (3 points for each)
8. If you've ever been beaten with an extension cord. (15 points)
9. If you have ever had to walk to or home from school. (2 points)
10. If you've ever passed someone a note asking "Do you like me?" or "Can I have a chance?" check _yes, _no or _maybe. (7 points)
11. If you have ever used dish washing liquid for bubble bath. (9points)
12. If you have ever mixed up some Kool-Aid and the found that you didn't have any sugar. (4 points & add 4 if you put the pitcher in the refrigerator until you got some sugar)
13. If you have ever played any of the following games. (2 points each): (hide and go seek, freeze tag, captain or momma may I?, or red light..yellow light..green light 123!)
14. If your neighborhood had an ice cream man. (2 points + 2 if he rang a bell + 5 if he played R&B)
15. If you remember any of the following candies. (1 point each): cherry clans, lemon heads, Alexander the grape, ring pops, Chico sticks, baked beans, candy cigarettes, powder packs with the white dip stick, big league chew, "Wine" Candy (jolly ranchers), jaw breakers, and candy necklaces.
16. If you refer to Now and Laters candies as "Nighladers". (6 points)
17. If you've ever ran from the police on foot. (5 points + 5 if you got away)
18. If you remember underoos or the Wonder Woman bra and panty set. (6 points + 4 if you owned some)
19. If you've ever had reusable grease in a container on your stove. (5 points)
20. The batteries in your remote control are held in by a piece of tape. (5 points)
21. If you've ever used any of the following for drinking glasses. (3 points each): jelly jars, mayonnaise jars, mason jars, or peanut butter jars.
22. You've ever covered your furniture in plastic. (2 points)
23. The heels of your feet have ever looked like you had been kicking flour. (1point)
24. If you have ever worn any of the following fragrances. (1 point each): Brute, Hai Karate, Jean Nate, Old Spice, Chloe, English Leather, Stetson, Charlie, or Faberge'.
25. You've ever used Tussy. (9 points)
26. You've never been to the dentist. (10 points + 10 if you've never been to the doctor.)
27. You've ever wore clothes with the tag still on them. (4 points)
28. If you're acquainted with someone with a name as follows. (3 points): Kay-Kay, Lee-Lee, Ree-Ree, Ray-Ray, etc.
29. You have ever paged yourself for any reason. (3 points)
30. You've ever worn house shoes outside of the house. (2 points)
31. You add "ED" or "T" to the end of words already in the past tense (for example, Tooked, Light-Skinneded, kilt, ruint, etc). (3 points)
32. You pronounce words like this (1 point for each example you can think of skrimps or strimps, skreet, axe (ask), member (remember), frigerator, etc.
33. You use nem' to describe a certain group of people (for example Craig and nem' or momma and nem'). (6 points)
34. You've ever had a crack across your windshield and never bothered to get it fixed. (3 points)
35. You've ever driven on a donut more than 2 weeks after your flat. (4 points)
36. You've ever asked a perfect stranger to take a picture with you and told your friends it was someone you dated. (3 points)
37. Your child drops his/her pacifier and you sanitize it by sucking it. (7 points)
38. If you've ever ran a race barefoot in the middle of the street at approximately 11 at night. (10 points)
39. You've ever left a social gathering with a plate. (1 point)
40. You leave a restaurant with silverware, sugar, and/or jelly. (8 points)
41. You think "red" is a flavor of Kool-Aid. (4 points)
42. You can't hold a glass because of the length of your nails. (3 points)
43. The gold teeth in your mouth spell words. (8 points)
44. You don't have your own place but your child has a leather coat and a pair of Jordan's. (5 points)
45. If you've ever had to get to the driver's side of the car through the passenger side door. (8 points)
46. You have ever slept in a chair to avoid messing up your hair. (7 points)
47. You constantly hit *69 and ask, "Did you just call here?" (10 points)
48. You won't answer the phone if you don't recognize the number on the caller id box. (7 points)
49. You know a child who can't speak, but can do the "bank-head bounce." (15 points)
50. You think Tupac is still alive. (20 points)
Scoring
0 - 30 - You have enjoyed a nice sheltered life in the suburbs.
31 - 60 - Hood movies have given you a little exposure.
61 - 100 - You may have visited the hood a few times or on weekends.
101 - 130 - You probably spent a few years in the hood, and moved to the suburbs.
131 - 160 - You're the genuine article. You are no stranger to hood life.
161 - 200 - You are definitely, without a doubt an expert on life in the hood.
201+ - Congratulations! You are Ghetto Fabulous!
==================================
Ghetto Test (I'm more ghetto than I thought)
If the statement is true add the points in parenthesis to your score.
Scoring is given at the bottom of the test.
1. You've ever used an album cover or old envelope for a dustpan. (5 points)
2. You've ever put foil on your TV antennas to get better reception. (8 points)
3. You've ever had to use pliers to turn your TV on. (7points)
4. You had to come in the house when the street lights came on. (6 points)
5. You had a candy lady in your neighborhood. (5 + 5 extra points if your house was the candy lady)
6. If you can count more than five police cars in your neighborhood on a daily basis. (3 points)
7. If you ever had to pick your own switch or belt. (3 points for each)
8. If you've ever been beaten with an extension cord. (15 points)
9. If you have ever had to walk to or home from school. (2 points)
10. If you've ever passed someone a note asking "Do you like me?" or "Can I have a chance?" check _yes, _no or _maybe. (7 points)
11. If you have ever used dish washing liquid for bubble bath. (9points)
12. If you have ever mixed up some Kool-Aid and the found that you didn't have any sugar. (4 points & add 4 if you put the pitcher in the refrigerator until you got some sugar)
13. If you have ever played any of the following games. (2 points each): (hide and go seek, freeze tag, captain or momma may I?, or red light..yellow light..green light 123!)
14. If your neighborhood had an ice cream man. (2 points + 2 if he rang a bell + 5 if he played R&B)
15. If you remember any of the following candies. (1 point each): cherry clans, lemon heads, Alexander the grape, ring pops, Chico sticks, baked beans, candy cigarettes, powder packs with the white dip stick, big league chew, "Wine" Candy (jolly ranchers), jaw breakers, and candy necklaces.
16. If you refer to Now and Laters candies as "Nighladers". (6 points)
17. If you've ever ran from the police on foot. (5 points + 5 if you got away)
18. If you remember underoos or the Wonder Woman bra and panty set. (6 points + 4 if you owned some)
19. If you've ever had reusable grease in a container on your stove. (5 points)
20. The batteries in your remote control are held in by a piece of tape. (5 points)
21. If you've ever used any of the following for drinking glasses. (3 points each): jelly jars, mayonnaise jars, mason jars, or peanut butter jars.
22. You've ever covered your furniture in plastic. (2 points)
23. The heels of your feet have ever looked like you had been kicking flour. (1point)
24. If you have ever worn any of the following fragrances. (1 point each): Brute, Hai Karate, Jean Nate, Old Spice, Chloe, English Leather, Stetson, Charlie, or Faberge'.
25. You've ever used Tussy. (9 points)
26. You've never been to the dentist. (10 points + 10 if you've never been to the doctor.)
27. You've ever wore clothes with the tag still on them. (4 points)
28. If you're acquainted with someone with a name as follows. (3 points): Kay-Kay, Lee-Lee, Ree-Ree, Ray-Ray, etc.
29. You have ever paged yourself for any reason. (3 points)
30. You've ever worn house shoes outside of the house. (2 points)
31. You add "ED" or "T" to the end of words already in the past tense (for example, Tooked, Light-Skinneded, kilt, ruint, etc). (3 points)
32. You pronounce words like this (1 point for each example you can think of skrimps or strimps, skreet, axe (ask), member (remember), frigerator, etc.
33. You use nem' to describe a certain group of people (for example Craig and nem' or momma and nem'). (6 points)
34. You've ever had a crack across your windshield and never bothered to get it fixed. (3 points)
35. You've ever driven on a donut more than 2 weeks after your flat. (4 points)
36. You've ever asked a perfect stranger to take a picture with you and told your friends it was someone you dated. (3 points)
37. Your child drops his/her pacifier and you sanitize it by sucking it. (7 points)
38. If you've ever ran a race barefoot in the middle of the street at approximately 11 at night. (10 points)
39. You've ever left a social gathering with a plate. (1 point)
40. You leave a restaurant with silverware, sugar, and/or jelly. (8 points)
41. You think "red" is a flavor of Kool-Aid. (4 points)
42. You can't hold a glass because of the length of your nails. (3 points)
43. The gold teeth in your mouth spell words. (8 points)
44. You don't have your own place but your child has a leather coat and a pair of Jordan's. (5 points)
45. If you've ever had to get to the driver's side of the car through the passenger side door. (8 points)
46. You have ever slept in a chair to avoid messing up your hair. (7 points)
47. You constantly hit *69 and ask, "Did you just call here?" (10 points)
48. You won't answer the phone if you don't recognize the number on the caller id box. (7 points)
49. You know a child who can't speak, but can do the "bank-head bounce." (15 points)
50. You think Tupac is still alive. (20 points)
Scoring
0 - 30 - You have enjoyed a nice sheltered life in the suburbs.
31 - 60 - Hood movies have given you a little exposure.
61 - 100 - You may have visited the hood a few times or on weekends.
101 - 130 - You probably spent a few years in the hood, and moved to the suburbs.
131 - 160 - You're the genuine article. You are no stranger to hood life.
161 - 200 - You are definitely, without a doubt an expert on life in the hood.
201+ - Congratulations! You are Ghetto Fabulous!
==================================
ls99
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- May 2, 2008
- Messages
- 6,506
Got around 45 points.
Does not knowing what a school bus is thus never having ridden one count extra? I found aout about school buses when I arrived in the US at 17.
Does not knowing what a school bus is thus never having ridden one count extra? I found aout about school buses when I arrived in the US at 17.
REWahoo
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give
You really may not want to see these pictures...
14 Pictures That Will Enrage Every Control Freak. You DON'T want to see these. - Encurious
14 Pictures That Will Enrage Every Control Freak. You DON'T want to see these. - Encurious
Car-Guy
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Status
