It's funny joke Thursday! 2005 - 2020
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REWahoo
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Many years ago a group of senior citizen ladies were touring a Marine base. After the Drill Sergeant showed the ladies the barracks, drill field, exercise area, stockade, and the Colonel's and staff offices, it was off to the mess hall.
After finishing lunch and the Sergeant telling the ladies of the 15,000 meals served each day, the 7,500 pounds of chicken, 500 loaves of wheat bread, 150 pounds of butter, and 300 pounds of sugar used daily in meal preparation and serving, it was off to see the kitchen area where the meals were prepared.
The Sergeant wanted to impress the ladies, so he showed them all of the stainless steel pots that held 200 pounds of mashed potatoes, the freezers that were 50-feet long, and the huge dishwashers that washed hundreds of plates and glasses per hour.
Then the tour moved to the baking area where cookies were being made. The cookies were cut into shapes by an automated cookie-cutter, and then put on a conveyor belt going into the oven. As the belt took the morsels toward the oven, a young shirtless Marine, who the Sergeant identified as Jarhead, would pick up each cookie, press it to his belly-button, and then put it back on the conveyor belt.
One of the ladies asked, "What on earth is that young marine doing?"
The Sergeant explained, "Jarhead is making designs on the cookies."
Then the same lady asked, "Isn't that awfully unsanitary?"
Replied the Sergeant, "Lady, you should have been here yesterday when we were making donuts!"
Many years ago a group of senior citizen ladies were touring a Marine base. After the Drill Sergeant showed the ladies the barracks, drill field, exercise area, stockade, and the Colonel's and staff offices, it was off to the mess hall.
After finishing lunch and the Sergeant telling the ladies of the 15,000 meals served each day, the 7,500 pounds of chicken, 500 loaves of wheat bread, 150 pounds of butter, and 300 pounds of sugar used daily in meal preparation and serving, it was off to see the kitchen area where the meals were prepared.
The Sergeant wanted to impress the ladies, so he showed them all of the stainless steel pots that held 200 pounds of mashed potatoes, the freezers that were 50-feet long, and the huge dishwashers that washed hundreds of plates and glasses per hour.
Then the tour moved to the baking area where cookies were being made. The cookies were cut into shapes by an automated cookie-cutter, and then put on a conveyor belt going into the oven. As the belt took the morsels toward the oven, a young shirtless Marine, who the Sergeant identified as Jarhead, would pick up each cookie, press it to his belly-button, and then put it back on the conveyor belt.
One of the ladies asked, "What on earth is that young marine doing?"
The Sergeant explained, "Jarhead is making designs on the cookies."
Then the same lady asked, "Isn't that awfully unsanitary?"
Replied the Sergeant, "Lady, you should have been here yesterday when we were making donuts!"
Outtahere
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
A married couple went to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival,the
doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of
the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point,they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, they found the mailman dead on the porch.
A married couple went to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival,the
doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of
the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point,they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, they found the mailman dead on the porch.
Outtahere
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Three old ladies named Gertrude, Maude and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.
The flasher approached the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
Tilly, bless her heart, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.
Three old ladies named Gertrude, Maude and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.
The flasher approached the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
Tilly, bless her heart, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.
REWahoo
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Many years ago, Mrs. Jarhead was waiting in the car outside her daughter’s school. She was picking her up after shopping at the market and, at her husband’s request, buying yet another half-dozen loaves of fresh wheat bread. Mrs. Jarhead had never understood her husband’s insatiable appetite for wheat bread, but it seemed harmless enough so she always kept a good supply on hand.
On the way home from school, her young daughter asked, “Mom, where do babies come from?”
Mrs. Jarhead had known this question was coming someday, and had vowed she would be open and straightfoward when it did. “Honey”, she said, “babies come from sex.” She then gave her young daughter a short lesson in the facts of life.
“OK”, replied her daughter. “I have another question. What is oral sex?”
Mrs. Jarhead smiled and said. “Honey, that’s where jewelry comes from.”
Many years ago, Mrs. Jarhead was waiting in the car outside her daughter’s school. She was picking her up after shopping at the market and, at her husband’s request, buying yet another half-dozen loaves of fresh wheat bread. Mrs. Jarhead had never understood her husband’s insatiable appetite for wheat bread, but it seemed harmless enough so she always kept a good supply on hand.
On the way home from school, her young daughter asked, “Mom, where do babies come from?”
Mrs. Jarhead had known this question was coming someday, and had vowed she would be open and straightfoward when it did. “Honey”, she said, “babies come from sex.” She then gave her young daughter a short lesson in the facts of life.
“OK”, replied her daughter. “I have another question. What is oral sex?”
Mrs. Jarhead smiled and said. “Honey, that’s where jewelry comes from.”
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Christmas Cookie Ingredients:
1 cup of water lemon juice
1 tsp baking soda 4 large eggs
1 cup of sugar 1 cup nuts
1 tsp salt 2 cups of dried fruit
1 cup of brown sugar
1 bottle Jack Daniel's Whiskey
Sample the Jack Daniel's to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the
Jack Daniel's again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one
level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to make
sure the Jack Daniel's is still OK, try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in
the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the
turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose
with a drewscriver. Sample the Jack Daniel's to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the
Jack Daniel's. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one
table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to
beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the
Dack Janiels and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.
Y'all didn't know the Eagle could cook... Did you?
Christmas Cookie Ingredients:
1 cup of water lemon juice
1 tsp baking soda 4 large eggs
1 cup of sugar 1 cup nuts
1 tsp salt 2 cups of dried fruit
1 cup of brown sugar
1 bottle Jack Daniel's Whiskey
Sample the Jack Daniel's to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the
Jack Daniel's again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one
level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to make
sure the Jack Daniel's is still OK, try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in
the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the
turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose
with a drewscriver. Sample the Jack Daniel's to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the
Jack Daniel's. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one
table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to
beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the
Dack Janiels and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.
Y'all didn't know the Eagle could cook... Did you?
REWahoo
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
JG's spouse was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you,but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to."
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me." So she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said,"That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
JG's spouse was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you,but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to."
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me." So she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said,"That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Mr._johngalt
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Not funny!
JG
REWahoo! said:
Not funny!
JG
Outtahere
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Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Worried that woman might be your wife JG? LOL
Worried that woman might be your wife JG? LOL
Mr._johngalt
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- 4,801
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
One of my fav. movies ever is 'HEAT', Pacino, DeNiro and Vought.
How could you miss? This is where my oft quoted line
"You can get killed walkin' your doggie!" comes from.
Anyway, Vought's character is talking to DeNiro's
character about "troubles" ahead for his criminal
aspirations. He smiles. Vought says, "Funny as a heart
attack man!" What a movie! Think I'll go watch it..............
Elvis has left the building................
JG
Outtahere said:
One of my fav. movies ever is 'HEAT', Pacino, DeNiro and Vought.
How could you miss? This is where my oft quoted line
"You can get killed walkin' your doggie!" comes from.
Anyway, Vought's character is talking to DeNiro's
character about "troubles" ahead for his criminal
aspirations. He smiles. Vought says, "Funny as a heart
attack man!" What a movie! Think I'll go watch it..............
Elvis has left the building................
JG
REWahoo
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Jarhead, carrying a bag of wheat bread, walks into the church and sits in the confession booth. He says to the priest, “Father I have sinned, I was golfing yesterday and I cursed.”
The priest replied, “Would you like to tell me about it?”
“I was on the seventh hole and I had just hit my best drive of the day. It was straight ahead, middle of the fairway, and a long, long way out there. So feeling pretty good about myself I walked down the fairway. But as I got within 30 feet of it, a squirrel ran out of the forest and grabbed my ball.”
The priest interrupted, "Ohhh I see, that's when you cursed."
Jarhead replied, "Oh no Father, I did not curse then. But as the squirrel was running away, it reached the edge of the fairway and was quickly caught by a hawk, which promptly flew way up high into the air."
Once again the priest interrupted, "That must have been when you cursed."
Jarhead said,"No Father, the hawk started flying away and I followed it because it flew in the direction of the green. As it passed over the green, the squirrel dropped my ball and it landed 3 feet from the pin."
The priest interrupts one more time, "Don’t tell me you missed the damned putt!"
Jarhead, carrying a bag of wheat bread, walks into the church and sits in the confession booth. He says to the priest, “Father I have sinned, I was golfing yesterday and I cursed.”
The priest replied, “Would you like to tell me about it?”
“I was on the seventh hole and I had just hit my best drive of the day. It was straight ahead, middle of the fairway, and a long, long way out there. So feeling pretty good about myself I walked down the fairway. But as I got within 30 feet of it, a squirrel ran out of the forest and grabbed my ball.”
The priest interrupted, "Ohhh I see, that's when you cursed."
Jarhead replied, "Oh no Father, I did not curse then. But as the squirrel was running away, it reached the edge of the fairway and was quickly caught by a hawk, which promptly flew way up high into the air."
Once again the priest interrupted, "That must have been when you cursed."
Jarhead said,"No Father, the hawk started flying away and I followed it because it flew in the direction of the green. As it passed over the green, the squirrel dropped my ball and it landed 3 feet from the pin."
The priest interrupts one more time, "Don’t tell me you missed the damned putt!"
REWahoo
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Jarhead, something else to read while you're killing time...
Jarhead and his DW were invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told him to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested as he munched a wheat bread sandwich, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So Jarhead took his costume and away he went.
DW, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as Jarhead did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted Jarhead cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every young lady he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, wasn't surprised when Jarhead left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars parked outside for some real fun.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation Jarhead would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when Jarhead came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
Jarhead replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and talked golf and fly fishing all evening. But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"
Jarhead, something else to read while you're killing time...
Jarhead and his DW were invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told him to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested as he munched a wheat bread sandwich, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So Jarhead took his costume and away he went.
DW, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as Jarhead did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted Jarhead cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every young lady he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, wasn't surprised when Jarhead left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars parked outside for some real fun.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation Jarhead would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when Jarhead came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
Jarhead replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and talked golf and fly fishing all evening. But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"
Outtahere
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2005
- Messages
- 1,677
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
A Chinese couple gets married -- and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he is none too experienced either. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring:
"My darring" he says, "I know dis you fus time and you berry frighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you wan, I do anyting jus anyting you wan, you say. Whatchou wan?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I wan . numba 69."
More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries .........
"You want... Beef wif Broccori."?
A Chinese couple gets married -- and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he is none too experienced either. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring:
"My darring" he says, "I know dis you fus time and you berry frighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you wan, I do anyting jus anyting you wan, you say. Whatchou wan?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I wan . numba 69."
More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries .........
"You want... Beef wif Broccori."?
T
TromboneAl
Guest
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Good jokes!!
Good jokes!!
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
NYMPHOMANIACS CONVENTION
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck." Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba"
NYMPHOMANIACS CONVENTION
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck." Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba"
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
ReWahoo, Eagle, Outofhere: Funny, funny stuff.
After reading recent thread on "Chain-Saws, and fact that this is early retirement board, reminded me of the following story:
A relatively young guy (Mid 40's), after going through a budget busting divorce, decided that he would move out of the city, and build a log cabin in a very isolated area of the Rockys.
With the help of friends and relatives, he was able to get it done in about a year.
Although very isolated, (required 4 wheel drive to get to his place), using old logging road, he had been there for 3 years and was enjoying his solitude. His only contact with anybody was a 50 mile trip into a small town.
One summer afternoon, there was a knock on his door. "I feel bad that I hadn't stopped by before, stated the stranger, but better late than never I suppose. I'd like to invite you to a get together next Sat. night. Should be a great time. Lots of drinking, maybe a fight or two, and all the sex you want."
The stranger gave him directions to get to his cabin, and he was actually relieved to find that contact back in his life again.
As the stranger was leaving his house, he shouted out to him, "by the way, I guess casual dress is o.k?"
With that, the stranger replied, "Hell yes, don't worry about that. There's only going to be the two of us."
ReWahoo, Eagle, Outofhere: Funny, funny stuff.
After reading recent thread on "Chain-Saws, and fact that this is early retirement board, reminded me of the following story:
A relatively young guy (Mid 40's), after going through a budget busting divorce, decided that he would move out of the city, and build a log cabin in a very isolated area of the Rockys.
With the help of friends and relatives, he was able to get it done in about a year.
Although very isolated, (required 4 wheel drive to get to his place), using old logging road, he had been there for 3 years and was enjoying his solitude. His only contact with anybody was a 50 mile trip into a small town.
One summer afternoon, there was a knock on his door. "I feel bad that I hadn't stopped by before, stated the stranger, but better late than never I suppose. I'd like to invite you to a get together next Sat. night. Should be a great time. Lots of drinking, maybe a fight or two, and all the sex you want."
The stranger gave him directions to get to his cabin, and he was actually relieved to find that contact back in his life again.
As the stranger was leaving his house, he shouted out to him, "by the way, I guess casual dress is o.k?"
With that, the stranger replied, "Hell yes, don't worry about that. There's only going to be the two of us."
REWahoo
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
Jarhead walked into the pub carring a bag full of wheat bread and took a stool at the bar between two of his golfing buddies. After a few beers, they began discussing their home lives.
"Last night I made love to my wife four times," one of his buddies bragged, "and this morning she made me Belgian waffles and told me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the other buddy responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."
When Jarhead remained silent, one of his buddies asked, "And how many times did you make love to Mrs. Jarhead last night?"
"Once," he replied.
"Only once?" his buddy snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"
"Don't stop."
Jarhead walked into the pub carring a bag full of wheat bread and took a stool at the bar between two of his golfing buddies. After a few beers, they began discussing their home lives.
"Last night I made love to my wife four times," one of his buddies bragged, "and this morning she made me Belgian waffles and told me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the other buddy responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."
When Jarhead remained silent, one of his buddies asked, "And how many times did you make love to Mrs. Jarhead last night?"
"Once," he replied.
"Only once?" his buddy snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"
"Don't stop."
haha
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
You guys (and gals!) get better everyday. Don't stop! I especially like dirty jokes told by women-so Outtahere, no rest for the wicked!
Ha
REWahoo! said:
You guys (and gals!) get better everyday. Don't stop!
I especially like dirty jokes told by women-so Outtahere, no rest for the wicked!Ha
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
HaHa said:You guys (and gals!) get better everyday. Don't stop!
Ha
[/quote
Ha: Outtahere has come up with some great ones, no doubt about it!
I hear most of the stories from my wife's hairdresser. I stopped by one time to take my wife out to lunch, and this gal started a rapid-fire
joke telling series that had me damn near in convulsions. Since that time, (knowing that I am a good audience), she never fails to send my wife home with a story for me.
Here's her latest:
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had passed away, a woman went to her grand-parents house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attck while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Obviously surprised, the woman told her grandmother that two people having sex when they are nearly 100 years old would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied Granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was on Sunday morning when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm-nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong. "She paused to wipe a tear and continued. "He'd still be alive today if that ****ing ice cream truck hadn't come along".
Outtahere
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2005
- Messages
- 1,677
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
LOL Thanks Ha, I'll do my best.
LOL Thanks Ha, I'll do my best.
haha
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Re: Its funny joke Thursday!
That's a good girl, Outtahere. You are greatly appreciated by this horny old bugger.
And Jarhead, great joke. That lady is a resource person in your life. ( And mine too, since I recycle most of the great jokes that show up here.)
Ha
Outtahere said:
That's a good girl, Outtahere.
You are greatly appreciated by this horny old bugger.And Jarhead, great joke. That lady is a resource person in your life. ( And mine too, since I recycle most of the great jokes that show up here.)
Ha
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