Mrs., Miss., and Ms.

[Shawn]

Personally, I don't like it when people refer to me as "Mr". My parents named me Shawn, not "Mr". And because my name is gender-neutral, I often get correspondence addressed to "Ms", which I hate even more. In correspondence, I usually address people by their first names (assuming I know their first names).

I find the use of "Ms" to be hypocritical. Why go from Miss/Mrs to another gender-specific term? In business correspondence, gender shouldn't matter, so a non-gendered salutation (or none) should be used. In personal correspondence, gender and marital status may matter, so anything is fair game.

I'm not expert on etiquette, especially historical etiquette. However, my impression is that it was once appropriate to use separate terminology for both men and women ... Miss for women, and Master for men. But maybe this applied only to young or younger people.

 

[Martha]

Personally, I don't like it when people refer to me as "Mr". My parents named me Shawn, not "Mr". And because my name is gender-neutral, I often get correspondence addressed to "Ms", which I hate even more. In correspondence, I usually address people by their first names (assuming I know their first names).

I find the use of "Ms" to be hypocritical. Why go from Miss/Mrs to another gender-specific term? In business correspondence, gender shouldn't matter, so a non-gendered salutation (or none) should be used. In personal correspondence, gender and marital status may matter, so anything is fair game.

I'm not expert on etiquette, especially historical etiquette. However, my impression is that it was once appropriate to use separate terminology for both men and women ... Miss for women, and Master for men. But maybe this applied only to young or younger people.

This is why I dropped salutations.

I used to do some work for a client that required me to write to lawyers in the middle east. I was told that I shouldn't use my first name, but just my first initial, and "esquire" instead of a title. Basically, this was to mislead them that I was a man, doing man business.

 

[Khan]

I never use "esquire," too old fashioned for me. Ms. seems to be the most commonly used in legal correspondence these days. Mrs. is wrong. If someone called me Mrs. Martha's last name it would be weird, especially as I never changed my name years ago when I married. Miss is weird too, at least in the north.


Years ago when writing letters I decided that there was an easy way around all the title issues. I never put a salutation on my letters. The letter would be addressed to Jane Doe at xyz but the body of the letter would omit a salutation. I had my associates do the same thing. You can't make a mistake that way and no one ever notices the absence of a salutation.

My letter would look like:

Jane Doe
Attorney at Law
X,Y, Z firm
street address

Re: Notice of Default

I represent the United States of America. You are in default of your bailout agreement with the United States. . . . .

I have always been Ms and didn't change my name when I got married (then divorced). Have gotten into serious disputes with ignorant yahoos who insisted I couldn't file taxes as married if didn't have same last name, insisted DH couldn't claim me on PCS if we had different last names. Am really tired of ignorant bleaters. (OK rant off)

 

[bssc]

This is why I dropped salutations.

I used to do some work for a client that required me to write to lawyers in the middle east. I was told that I shouldn't use my first name, but just my first initial, and "esquire" instead of a title. Basically, this was to mislead them that I was a man, doing man business.

J K Rowling would feel sympathetic.

 

[kumquat]

Lot of PHDs on this site. I now know to refer to you as Dr. Want2retire... just so you know I am not spamming ya

PHD, shmeaichdee.

The only two on the site that I'd address as Dr. are Rich_in_Tampa and meadbh.

On a more serious note, if the lady in question doesn't hire you because of the salutation, she's not someone you want to work for anyway. Don't sweat it.