Retired With Kids

[yakers]

I know that this has been addressed in different places in different ways but I thought it was time for this thread. RE2Boys triggered my issues and I believe others have similar issues to explore:

"Not what most consider "retirement". With the young boys, not as easy to travel due to school and soccer scheduling.

RE2Boys"

I know a few folks have kids and ERd. As long as you have an adequate income stream, is there any disadvantage?

I have two boys; the older one is done with school, married, job and has a child (yea!). The younger one is starting 3rd year of high school. My wife will be retiring in June 06 and I can retire, technically, any time next year. But I want to go on working until I know what younger sons college prospects are.

But if I could have retired earlier it would have been interesting to be more involved in school events (I did plenty after school, coached YMCA basketball for 4 seasons). Now that he is a teenager he has asked me, please, to NOT volunteer to be a chaperone parent on school trips.

I just sent off for a car insurance rate quote from AARP, with two old folks and one 16-year-old driver. No response, how many retired folks have 16 year olds on their policy?

Just a lot of questions about retired with kids, might also apply to grandparents who end up raising grandchildren.

Just wondering on the pluses and minuses of retiring with kids.

 

[Mountain_Mike]

Yackers,

I'll be interested in this thread as well. I would bail out today if I were single, but as it is I'm planning to quit the ratrace no later than 55. At that time, I'll have a kid in junior high. DW points out "you can't retire with a kid in school" but why not, as long as you have income? I won't mind being the "mommy."

 

[haha]

Just wondering on the pluses and minuses of retiring with kids.

I retired with a 10 year old and a 4 year old. I would say that the only big negatives relate to money, to having to always be watching your purse. If you have a large excess, it doesn't matter, but if your finances are OK but not a slam dunk there can be anxiety at times.

There is also an awful lot of togetherness; which is mostly but not entirely good IMO.

If I were in the same situation again, I think I would look for a somewhat more laidback job, and continue working at least until my kids were grown. But this isn't always possible.

Another aspect is than most kids are raised by relatively young people who are the people who make society work. Retirees, regardless of age, are just that -retired. I am not interested in stepping on toes, but I am not convinced that there isn't some loss there. "My Daddy is a policeman, he protects people." "My Daddy is a fireman, he keeps children from burning up." " My Mommy is a nurse, she takes care of sick people." "Uhh, well my Daddy used to work, but I can't remember much about it..."

Ha

 

[KB]

I sent for a quote last year from AARP for my 2 teenage boys and me.  They don't insure anyone who has had a drivers license less than 3 years.  So much for that.

My kids are almost 18 and 19 and they are on the policy that I had before adding them.  I sent for a lot of quotes but no other insurance could beat our rates.  Since then, the insurance company was bought and raised our rates a LOT.  To the point where I'm out looking again.  Not a good place to be with 2 boys under 25.  

I have to advice, I'm ready to find a new insurance company for my cars, house and an umbrella on top.  

Any suggested companies are appreciated.

 

[wabmester]

We have a 2-year-old, and we've both been retired since she was conceived.   It's been a huge advantage for everyone involved.   Mom's work load is reduced.   Kid gets a ton of attention and diverse activities.   Dad gets to watch the kid grow up.

She'll be entering preschool in the fall, and both parents have volunteered to help out at the school in various ways -- something we might not have had time to do while working.

I think having two stay-at-home parents has been a big boost to the kid's development, too.   Not to brag, but she seems to do just about everything much sooner than her peers.    And she seems to keep a mental laundry list of things I've told her we'll do when she's older (like teach her to play tennis), and then holds me to the list.

So far, so good.   Ask me again when she's 13.  Ugh.

Edited to add the major downside: if you need to complete any task that requires focusing for more than 5 minutes or spreading papers around your workspace, FORGET IT. You either need to maintain a separate work location or send the kid off to summer camp. Doing taxes was especially painful for me, and not because of the IRS.

 

[yakers]

It pays to look around for insurance coverage. I have 21st Century and they charge wife & I $1,800 to cover our 3 cars. They want an additional $1,800 to add my son. My exwife has Mercury and they want $1,400 to add him to her policy. A coworker paid Mercury $800 to add their son, must be a cheaper zip code.
Bottom line is it costs a lot, no great discount for the parents being older, stable no accidents and the like.
But this is an issue all parents face its just that it may have a bigger impact on a retired person who may not be able to earn more on the job or otherwise increase income.

 

[maddythebeagle]

good post wab. I agree that somebody should be with kids that is interested in the kids (one of parents or a grandparent at times). I guess that single parents dont always have as many choices, but child care bites esp. in the "formative" years. Just my opinion as someone that doesnt yet have kids but was a kid once, lol.

 

[laurence]

My goal is to retire early enough that I can get at least one or two "trip of a lifetime" summer vacations with my kids before they are too old to be forced to go. Kind of hard to have a life experience on two weeks vacation! If I retire at my goal of 45, my daughter will be 15 and any future children will obviously be younger. I am very much looking forward to it!

 

[Martha]

Another aspect is than most kids are raised by relatively young people who are the people who make society work. Retirees, regardless of age, are just that -retired. I am not interested in stepping on toes, but I am not convinced that there isn't some loss there. "My Daddy is a policeman, he protects people." "My Daddy is a fireman, he keeps children from burning up." " My Mommy is a nurse, she takes care of sick people." "Uhh, well my Daddy used to work, but I can't remember much about it..."

Ha

My mother died young, after my brother was born, and I was raised by an older father. He also was disabled from heart disease and effects from suffering TB for years. I always remember being proud of my father, even though he couldn't be easily pigeon holed into "my daddy does . . . " He was one tough old guy.

 

[farmerEd]

I retired with 3 kids, ages 6,3,1    3 years ago and now we have 4 kids 9,6,4,2...there is no real "downside", all the extra time with them I will never regret doing that, and the wife certainly appreciates the breaks she gets now that she couldn't before...

Instead of writing code, I now farm "for a living"...thats what the kids think anyway(reality is I loose money on that venture)...I work just as hard, and make no money, but I really didn't want to raise kids where all I did was sit around drinking and playing golf everyday...kids do need to see their parents work, at least one of them. Growing up in the country, on a farm, is a memory very few kids will have anymore...mine will.

The biggest problem, retiring with kids, is that even though now I have plenty of dough to travel, and plenty of time to travel, we can't really travel they way I want, i.e. spend the winters in the carribean...the realities of school and the kids needing to have a more or less stable "home base" make extended travel difficult...so I need to wait another 16 or so years until I can re-retire from being  a parent and have a bit of freedom to do the kind of travelling I'd like to do...

 

[retire@40]

...I think having two stay-at-home parents has been a big boost to the kid's development, too.   Not to brag, but she seems to do just about everything much sooner than her peers.    And she seems to keep a mental laundry list of things I've told her we'll do when she's older (like teach her to play tennis), and then holds me to the list...

Not to brag either, but my kid is the same way.  My wife is a stay-at-home mom and I'm at home for most of the day.  It's only been a positive experience for my kid so far and he's way ahead of his peers too.

 

[TromboneAl]

You're gonna love this.

When you have a teenager who works harder than you do, it's hard to get her to do her chores.  My daughter (who's leaving for college in a month) works hard at her job during the summer, but she fell way behind on her few chores at home.  When I told her that she had to shape up, she wrote me this priceless letter:

Dear Dad:

I will wash both of the cars, as you have described, tomorrow.  However, I'd like you to keep in mind that it is extremely hard to do chores and housework when the two of you get to sit on the couch, take naps, socialize with friends, and do whatever happens to tickle your fancy all day, everyday.  I am working 40 hours a week, eight hours a day, five days a week.  To get a feeling for this, you may want to walk in circles for eight hours straight, deal with rude customers, speak only in Spanish, and not leave until 10 o'clock at night.  I understand that you only have one month left to impress your ideals upon me, but I would like you to understand that I am working very hard right now, and I think that even if I fail to keep my room neat, I will still be able to function reasonably well when I move out in one month's time.  Please try to understand this.

Love,

Jenny

 

[sailor]

The biggest problem, retiring with kids, is that even though now I have plenty of dough to travel, and plenty of time to travel, we can't really travel they way I want, i.e. spend the winters in the carribean...the realities of school and the kids needing to have a more or less stable "home base" make extended travel difficult...so I need to wait another 16 or so years until I can re-retire from being a parent and have a bit of freedom to do the kind of travelling I'd like to do...

FarmerEd,
Have you considered home schooling?
I only have one nine months old kid, so we are still in "planning stage", but entertaining the possibility
There are plenty of parents cruising the Caribbean which are doing fine with home schooling their kids.

 

[REWahoo]

When I told her that she had to shape up...

Al, it appears the days of you telling her she has to shape up have come to an end.
(Been there, done that - two grown daughters)

REW

 

[haha]

You're gonna love this.

You are absolutely right. I love it. My kids stopped accepting "guidance" from me so long ago that I can't be sure if they ever did.

Ha

 

[farmerEd]

FarmerEd,
Have you considered home schooling?
I only have one nine months old kid, so we are still in "planning stage", but entertaining the possibility
There are plenty of parents cruising the Caribbean which are doing fine with home schooling their kids.

Yes, it was always my "dream" to homeschool the kids, and live an exotic life with the kids (i.e. grow up in a variety of faraway places). I even told my wife I'd buy her a nice beach-front house in the carribean if she would agree...she hasn't so far. I may have to take on the schooling myself and see how that goes...of course then we'd might need to give up the farm....we are going to give it a try this year with my son (who is going into a 2nd grade class with an AWFUL, NASTY antique of a teacher..so we'll keep him home. If it goes well or better we may keep the other two out of the system too.


Not to hijack the thread...but anyone have opinions on living that kind of life with small kids? To me it seems the kids would grow up with a different (better?) world view, would have memories to last a lifetime, we'd have fun doing etc etc...but my wife feels a permanent "home" with regular routine, etc is the safer route...(to me thats the boring route.. )..

 

[Jarhead*]

You're gonna love this.

When you have a teenager who works harder than you do, it's hard to get her to do her chores.  My daughter (who's leaving for college in a month) works hard at her job during the summer, but she fell way behind on her few chores at home.  When I told her that she had to shape up, she wrote me this priceless letter:

Dear Dad:

I will wash both of the cars, as you have described, tomorrow.  However, I'd like you to keep in mind that it is extremely hard to do chores and housework when the two of you get to sit on the couch, take naps, socialize with friends, and do whatever happens to tickle your fancy all day, everyday.  I am working 40 hours a week, eight hours a day, five days a week.  To get a feeling for this, you may want to walk in circles for eight hours straight, deal with rude customers, speak only in Spanish, and not leave until 10 o'clock at night.  I understand that you only have one month left to impress your ideals upon me, but I would like you to understand that I am working very hard right now, and I think that even if I fail to keep my room neat, I will still be able to function reasonably well when I move out in one month's time.  Please try to understand this.

Love,

Jenny

Dear Jenny: Having raised two daughters myself, you sound like a daughter anyone would be proud of.

Don't be too hard on your dad though.
He has taken on the job of proof-reading our posts on this forum. Being constantly on guard for spelling errors, and improper grammar is time consuming, and not an easy job.

Good Luck to you,
Jarhead

P.S. Maybe a set of golf clubs would be a
good solution to couch, and nap time.

 

[yakers]

Farmer Ed: Not to hijack the thread...but anyone have opinions on living that kind of life with small kids? To me it seems the kids would grow up with a different (better?) world view, would have memories to last a lifetime, we'd have fun doing etc etc...but my wife feels a permanent "home" with regular routine, etc is the safer route...(to me thats the boring route.. )..

Well if the issue is home schooling you will find answers all over the place. In the 1960s I went to a college that had a bunch of “home schooled” kids. About the smartest kids I ever met. This is the "classic" definition of home schooled, the families were very wealthy and hired tutors/governesses. These kids spoke several foreign languages and, no kidding, one was tutored in math by Werner Van Braun while visiting their yacht. About the most conscious man I met, he would be about 85 now, home schooled his kids in California, Mexico and Belize. He had many patents and could play 25+ musical instruments. And that’s just the start of his story.
Now the other side. My wife teaches school and sees mostly home school failures. I think by percentage more home school parents do so for social/political/religious reasons and are often clueless about education and sometimes destructive to the academic development of their kids.
It seems to me that anyone posting on this board is a better than average candidate to successfully home school. Having the intelligence, time, finances and intention to have the child develop into the world are great resources.

 

[wabmester]

Tentatively, we plan to supplement traditional schooling with home schooling. We want her to get both the social experiences of a traditional school and the intellectual treats she might not get from mainstream schools. My problem will be keeping up with her. She's already multilingual, and I'm not. I'm also not very musical, so I'm hoping we can learn some things together.

BTW, we checked out a few preschools for her, and I was absolutely floored by the differences in the quality of education even at the preschool level. We ended up enrolling at a Montessori -- the kids there were all polite, well behaved, articulate, and engaged. The kids at the "good" traditional preschool were unfocused monsters by comparison, and the "teacher" was mostly a disciplinarian.

We do plan to spend some time abroad, but my impression is that memories formed before the age of 3 are subject to "infantile amnesia," so we're going to wait until she can remember the experiences.

 

[TromboneAl]

Don't be too hard on your dad though.
He has taken on the job of proof-reading our posts on this forum. Being constantly on guard for spelling errors, and improper grammar is time consuming, and not an easy job.

That's right! Work, work, work! Never-ending job.

 

[KB]

Al,
That letter is priceless. Save it to show her when she has teen age daughters and complains about them

It sounds just like lots of lectures that have come from my mouth, said to my teenage boys. Let's just say, life will be more simple when they move out. I think the first is going in September and the second in January. Hey, where the finger crossed smily when you need it.

 

[Jarhead*]

Al,
That letter is priceless.  Save it to show her when she has teen age daughters and complains about them   

It sounds just like lots of lectures that have come from my mouth, said to my teenage boys.  Let's just say, life will be more simple when they move out.  I think the first is going in September and the second in January.    Hey, where the finger crossed smily when you need it.

KB: Make sure that you have both rooms converted to something other than bedrooms in Jan.

Or, like we did, that is effective also. Move 600 miles away.

 

[justin]

Al,

Congrats on your daughter. She can write pretty well. No spelling or grammar mistakes (that I caught). Most kids (even college bound kids) that just graduated from high school have bad spelling and grammar and choose words poorly. Looks like you did something right on gettin her educated.

 

[TromboneAl]

Save it to show her when she has teen age daughters

Right. Here's something we saved that she wrote when she was about 5:

 

[KB]

That letter is too cute.

I have a box for each boy. I've kept all sorts of stuff from birth on. Lots of cute letters and school papers, cub scout and boy scout stuff and the ceramics they made me as little kids. I plan on giving the boxes to them later in life, after they have kids.