Fedup
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
My kids or my sister can help out on that too. But they won't help with the dead animals. They scream even with spiders. Oh and I forgot to put a smiley after my last post.
Single men of ER...chime in pls
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aja8888
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No problem as the men your age at that time will probably want to hook up with a younger woman anyway.
ls99
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As a very recent widower, I found this thread funny, annoying, depressing and somewhat instructive.
I did resolve never to have anything to do with attempting anything resembling dating via social media contacts. Be a long while before dating happens. Avoidance will be easy since the only social media I use is the ER forums.
No interest in being meal ticket. Or a Mr fixit getting by dinner offer. Nor to pick up dead critters for those too queasy. Am a reasonably good cook, and was so before I married her. DW was superb, her creations would be hard to match.
Be interesting to see how life evolves from here on. Fortunately my many hobbies help to keep on trucking.
In time will continue dancing lessons, which the late DW and I were doing a while back.
To paraphrase the the writer of the Peter Prescription, He still wants female companionship and the attendant benefits , but the value of it has been greatly diminished.
I did resolve never to have anything to do with attempting anything resembling dating via social media contacts. Be a long while before dating happens. Avoidance will be easy since the only social media I use is the ER forums.
No interest in being meal ticket. Or a Mr fixit getting by dinner offer. Nor to pick up dead critters for those too queasy. Am a reasonably good cook, and was so before I married her. DW was superb, her creations would be hard to match.
Be interesting to see how life evolves from here on. Fortunately my many hobbies help to keep on trucking.
In time will continue dancing lessons, which the late DW and I were doing a while back.
To paraphrase the the writer of the Peter Prescription, He still wants female companionship and the attendant benefits , but the value of it has been greatly diminished.
Fedup
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Have fun being a sugar daddy. Try to Google Hughes Hefner sometime.No problem as the men your age at that time will probably want to hook up with a younger woman anyway.
Bestwifeever
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Calico
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GravitySucks
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Im a pretty good cook too but trying to make some things she made like her spaghetti sauce or meat loaf still can't be done. So bad it got me crying. I won't even try to make pies like she did.
Sorry for your loss.
evilanne
Recycles dryer sheets
I think it makes more sense for women to look for younger men based on actuarial tables for life expectancy. Unfortunately, most men seem to look only for someone younger.No problem as the men your age at that time will probably want to hook up with a younger woman anyway.
Olbidness
Recycles dryer sheets
I've been married/divorced once, got a great son out of the deal. The women that I have dated in the most recent history have been for the most part been good people, but more materialistic than me. I think that it maybe just "normal" american behavior. I spent a week in Mexico last year and seemed to attract some interest both Latina and Gringa. I'm sure it was because of my dashing good looks and winsome charm. Sure was fun though. I'm convinced that once I straighten out some health problems I'll go back and hang-out for awhile.
If you live in a desert don't complain about it, go where the water is.
If you live in a desert don't complain about it, go where the water is.
Actuarially, this is true, and the consequence is there are more single women then men in the older age brackets. Figure that's good for me, actuarially
From what I have learned, what actually plays out isn't what makes sense for women- many men appear to be chasing fantasies, as you implied, and a lot of women aren't catching what they're chasing, if my Match experience is an indication. And some aren't chasing at all, from my other social interactions. Had one lady I met on Match (60 yrs old) try to rationalize I shouldn't be interested in her because I was still young enough to have kids
Current GF ("a few years older" than my 57), tells me she had limited interest on Our Time and the only nibble she got on Match was from me.
In my case, bypassing younger women and looking for women my age or older makes sense - don't need more obligations arising from their kids or messed up ex, and overall prefer someone who has learned how to reduce or carry their own baggage
Sorry to learn you have joined the club, and my thoughts are with you.
I encourage you to keep an open mind as time goes by - the life you shared was based on circumstances that won't be repeated, and you have the opportunity to build a new life equally satisfying, but for different reasons.
Realize that sounds simplistic and easy, it won't be-sure hasn't been for me, I'm still working through it. Suggest you not lose sight of that however.
Your comment about cooking her recipes brought to mind something I just recently acknowledged - I'm no longer interested in many of the things we pursued passionately. Hope your other interests, as well as new ones you develop, will fill that void.
Best of luck to you
Meadbh
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That's an interesting observation. Do you think it is because the things you both pursued passionately were really DW's interests? Or is it because those activities bring back too many emotionally charged memories of DW?
haha
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Best plan. I know even young guys who never date American. They seem pleased by the trade off.
Good question, made me think about it in more detail.
There are 3 things that come to mind we once did that have limited interest for me now, all were shared passions - keeping up with the major auto racing series, photography, going to Disney World with the kids. Each in turn.
-Auto racing - fortunate to have seen the major US series together before the kids were born - multiple NASCAR races, 2 Indy 500's, 2 Brickyard 400s, F1. We both loved the sound, the pageantry of major events, the technical and human story behind success and failure. Kept up with all 3 via TV after the kids were born in the early 2000's
-Photography - Late 80's-90's (pre-kids). Lot of landscape, wildlife and racing slides to be sorted. Pre-digital.
-Disney World - was only 3 hours from our home in S. FL, many, many days when the kids were young, and a lot of great memories.
Think my stepping back from those is less that they are emotionally charged memories, and more that I have found those experiences much less interesting without her. Might be the same thing.
Spending my free time differently with the GF and enjoying it without a thought of doing any of those things. Hope it's part of building a new life, and not just avoiding the past. Time will tell.
Helpful to me that you asked, thank you.
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Amethyst
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I don't blame you. Even though most of the comments were meant in fun, it gets to reading as if older women could never love somebody just because he's...himself.
In life, we meet with so much cynical mistreatment that we come to expect it from all quarters, and perhaps even to dish it out pre-emptively. That's a big hurdle.
In life, we meet with so much cynical mistreatment that we come to expect it from all quarters, and perhaps even to dish it out pre-emptively. That's a big hurdle.
OKCupid has some very interesting writing on mutual misperceptions.
https://theblog.okcupid.com/your-looks-and-your-inbox-8715c0f1561e
Here's one:
And from the other end:
Basically confirms your anecdote.
W2R
Moderator Emeritus
I removed a huge, dying (not quite dead) rodent that appeared in my former house a few years ago. I am 69 and would do it again if I had to. The worst part was that it was still able to scamper. When I scooped it up with a shovel it did nothing as I walked towards the door, then suddenly it jumped down and scampered. Luckily, it headed toward the open door, scrambled outside, and died in the back yard. See photo below of the dying rodent in the back yard later that day.
No way would I have asked F to remove it! Dead animal disposal is not his function in my life. Quite the opposite - - I remove dead lizards from his house when asked. Still, the time we spend together, and our conversations and fun together are the highlight of every day. Since he lives next door, he sometimes comes over and serenades me with his ukulele, or we talk politics, crack jokes, or reminisce about days gone by, or whatever. Knowing him has added so much to my life.
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Fedup
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
@W2W, that is one mean looking rodent. I'm glad you are brave enough to deal with it. But I'm one big chicken and so is my sister. But I was thinking about this, if my husband is not around, if it the rodent is really dead and the hawks or crows have not gotten to it, I might use a long tongue to pick it up, I mean there is a back up plan. My sister doesn't even want to venture out of her garden because my husband set traps in her yard. He caught 8-10 rats with peanut butter trap. So that's why she's scare.
I have some experience in this area...
So here's my story,
After my divorce in 2005, I began attending Meetup groups (Meetup.com) with no inclination of ever getting married again. I attended coffee groups, college sports groups, movie groups, etc. All I know is that I met a whole bunch of desperate women who were looking for their "hostage."
It was sort of frustrating to continuously go through the process of getting to know someone. Anyway, I never took the bait. I maintained the posture that the only reason that I was going to go out with someone is to experience some sort of shared interest.
Anyway, most of the women that I met in these groups had profiles on Match.com, POF, Our Time, Yadda Yadda.com , etc. I had the opportunity to review profiles when I met someone and could usually tell if they were right for me.
Anyway, I did this for a few years and eventually came across this woman, June, who continually signed up to attend similar events that I would sign up for - but she would always cancel. Anyway, she "sent me a wink" via Match, and I received this "wink" nine months after she saw my profile. Since, I am not a paying member (of any site,) I figured that I would just write a note to her via Meetup.com.
Anyway, I did that and by the end of our first date, I knew that she was going to be my "next wife." I have never met a better match and we have been together for almost 8 1/2 years and virtually view the world in a similar fashion.
Anyway, when the question comes up - I let friends know that when I dated, it was purely unconditional and that I had no intention of doing anything but meeting a new friend. With this type of attitude - life took it's course when Ms. Michaela came into my life.
Michael
So here's my story,
After my divorce in 2005, I began attending Meetup groups (Meetup.com) with no inclination of ever getting married again. I attended coffee groups, college sports groups, movie groups, etc. All I know is that I met a whole bunch of desperate women who were looking for their "hostage."
It was sort of frustrating to continuously go through the process of getting to know someone. Anyway, I never took the bait. I maintained the posture that the only reason that I was going to go out with someone is to experience some sort of shared interest.
Anyway, most of the women that I met in these groups had profiles on Match.com, POF, Our Time, Yadda Yadda.com , etc. I had the opportunity to review profiles when I met someone and could usually tell if they were right for me.
Anyway, I did this for a few years and eventually came across this woman, June, who continually signed up to attend similar events that I would sign up for - but she would always cancel. Anyway, she "sent me a wink" via Match, and I received this "wink" nine months after she saw my profile. Since, I am not a paying member (of any site,) I figured that I would just write a note to her via Meetup.com.
Anyway, I did that and by the end of our first date, I knew that she was going to be my "next wife." I have never met a better match and we have been together for almost 8 1/2 years and virtually view the world in a similar fashion.
Anyway, when the question comes up - I let friends know that when I dated, it was purely unconditional and that I had no intention of doing anything but meeting a new friend. With this type of attitude - life took it's course when Ms. Michaela came into my life.
Michael
Amethyst
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What a wonderful story! Best wishes to you both.
I think some of the "desperation" we always hear about, may stem from a sense that "now that I'm older, if I don't present my most revved-up self, I'll be lost in the noise." Indeed, I suspect that the laid-back approach that I favored in my young dating days, probably would get me totally ignored today. Gone are the days when a significant glance would do the job.
I think some of the "desperation" we always hear about, may stem from a sense that "now that I'm older, if I don't present my most revved-up self, I'll be lost in the noise." Indeed, I suspect that the laid-back approach that I favored in my young dating days, probably would get me totally ignored today. Gone are the days when a significant glance would do the job.
My mother was widowed from hubby #2 when she was in her 60s. She told future hubby #3 her net worth practically on their first date, which I thought was a huge mistake. Her net worth was around 20 times his, and he wasn't a pauper.
I sometimes wonder what it would be like to date a woman with 20 times my net worth. It would be interesting to take a peek into her world, although there's a good chance that our value systems wouldn't align.
GravitySucks
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Me too
I was pretty shocked to discover that DW's net worth was several times mine when we were dating. Disclaimer: mine wasn't much. It didn't bother her, but for some reason it seemed important to me. I made out a pre-nup saying that I would have absolutely no claim on her assets at any time for any reason. Had it notarized and gave it to her. She laughed and shredded it. But she has always been smarter than me so I guess she knew me well enough. That was over 28 years ago.
athena53
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Wow- I couldn't do that. Only DS, DDIL, my Dad and one close, trusted friend know my bottom line. I'd have two concerns about putting that number on the table too early. One would be that the guy would suddenly be more interested in me (and I don't want that kind of guy). The other would be that if our values weren't similar, he'd think I was stingy if I didn't want to pay his way on exotic trips, in nice restaurants, for seats near home plate at baseball games (I hate team sports), etc. My first husband was a spendthrift and when he had no money and no credit limits left he expected me to enable his splendid lifestyle. Never again.
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