Single men of ER...chime in pls

[Music Lover]

I travel too much to find a relationship that the typical woman wants to be in.

Then look for someone atypical.

One of my friends took a gal for their first date to an auto salvage auction. They've been married for 30+ years...

 

[athena53]

I travel too much to find a relationship that the typical woman wants to be in.

I've been thinking about that; I have travel plans blocked out through November, 2019 (God willing). They include a group tour of India in March, 2018, hoping for Scotland next summer, maybe an UnCruise Adventures cruise of the Sea of Cortez in early 2019 and Hawaii plus Australia and NZ in late 2019 (my professional society is meeting in Honolulu in November, which makes it a good intermediary point).

So if I meet some great guy and he can't pay his own way, I can ante up the cost of bringing him with me, he can wait cheerfully at home (and I know a happily married couple where the wife travels and the husband doesn't want to) or I can cut travel from my life which ain't gonna happen. Hmmm...

One other thing on dating web site profiles: a picture of a guy in a tie looks very old-school even if you're smiling. And I just saw one of a retired teacher with 20 photos- turned out to be one shot of him plus 19 of scenery from his latest trip to Cozumel. Not very informative!

 

[Aerides]

I have a few more pages to read on this thread, and will add my Match stories later, but I'm wondering if anyone yet has suggested an ER-Dating sub forum? (only half kidding!).

 

[Danmar]

So with the folks who are dating or got married later in life as a widow or divorcee, what do you think of prenuptial agreements? Especially for those who are trying to avoid the gold diggers.

I met my current DS shortly after my separation from "wife #1". I had a negative net worth and was paying the vast majority of my employment comp to #1. A prenup would have been irrational at that point. DS actually helped to support me for a couple of years. Remarkable that she stuck with me. Been very happily married for 22 years now.

I am surprised about the male height thing. But I guess it makes sense. My daughter met her husband on eHarmony and the second thing she told me about him, was that he was 6'1". First thing was that he was a CPA. She has her priorities straight. Although she is 5'11" so wanting a comparably tall partner does make some sense.

Really would hate to go through that again.

 

[braumeister]

I've only skimmed this thread, but there are some fascinating stories here.

What concerns me a little is that if I ever lost DW I know I would turn into a complete recluse and that's not good.

 

[jetpack]

Get out there in the real world. It's a lot harder when you're retired. I'm still single.

 

[scrabbler1]

We broke up 4-5 months later...Same problem, she wanted rug rats and was eager to get started and I didnt want any.

This has been my biggest obstacle to finding a woman - I am CF (childfree, don't have kids and don't want kids) and nearly all the women out there either have kids or want to have kids (sometimes both). What opened things up for me was simple aging - I was willing to date women whose kids were grown up and no part of the daily lives of their mothers. This didn't happen when I was in my 20s and 30s, I had to turn 40 for this option to begin growing.

 

[John Galt III]

Chiming in as a recently single male. About 3 months now. Very unsure of what I want. Or want too many different things. Lots of attractive women around to look at and wonder about. Haven't approached any yet. Dangerous territory. Laying low for now.

 

[Mulligan]

This has been my biggest obstacle to finding a woman - I am CF (childfree, don't have kids and don't want kids) and nearly all the women out there either have kids or want to have kids (sometimes both). What opened things up for me was simple aging - I was willing to date women whose kids were grown up and no part of the daily lives of their mothers. This didn't happen when I was in my 20s and 30s, I had to turn 40 for this option to begin growing.

Scrabbler, that child thing left a mark on me. When I was 22 and just graduated I moved to a small town and dated a nice college educated young lady who had a 2 year old. Well I quickly realized I wanted no part of that. In the 20 years that followed I was married 5 years and dated dozens and dozens of ladies that all had one similar quality...No kids! Of course I kept getting older and older, but the women stayed the same age. Which eventually always caused a problem, starting a family... Finally "aged out" thankfully and found one nearlymy age with only one kid and she was already a teenager by then. Smooth sailing with her ever since...Of course I had my one child from my marriage, but that was never a problem because she was my kid, lol.

 

[aja8888]

The "my kid" vs "her Kid(s)" thing can develop into some unique problems, especially if "her kid(s)" are not a part of her ex's priorities.

 

[Chuckanut]

Found my true love at a local game. Spotted her in the crowd and used "Russian back door channels" to get the ball rolling...1.

Congratulations!

Now please tell this naive person what "Russian back door channels" are?

 

[rodi]

I've been thinking about that; I have travel plans blocked out through November, 2019 (God willing). They include a group tour of India in March, 2018, hoping for Scotland next summer, maybe an UnCruise Adventures cruise of the Sea of Cortez in early 2019 and Hawaii plus Australia and NZ in late 2019 (my professional society is meeting in Honolulu in November, which makes it a good intermediary point).

So if I meet some great guy and he can't pay his own way, I can ante up the cost of bringing him with me, he can wait cheerfully at home (and I know a happily married couple where the wife travels and the husband doesn't want to) or I can cut travel from my life which ain't gonna happen. Hmmm...

One other thing on dating web site profiles: a picture of a guy in a tie looks very old-school even if you're smiling. And I just saw one of a retired teacher with 20 photos- turned out to be one shot of him plus 19 of scenery from his latest trip to Cozumel. Not very informative!

I felt the same way - Athena. Fortunately, DH was also an avid traveler. Early in our courtship he was off on a 3 week trip to Istanbul - I was off to San Francisco for a work trip in the same time window - so no chance for me to join him on his trip. I had a trip to Scotland planned for a few months later... DH (then D-bf) joined me for the 2nd week. A few months after we got married we both arranged 12 week unpaid LOA from our jobs and traveled both domestically (road trip across country and back) and to Europe (Vienna and Prague.) We've been travelling ever since. Kids are growing up well traveled also.

 

[Chuckanut]

The "my kid" vs "her Kid(s)" thing can develop into some unique problems,

Very true. I lost a great woman because her kids all decided to remain where they went to college - thousands of miles away from home. So, eventually, she moved to be closer to them. I don't blame her. But, my kids are still here, not far away. And family is important. I would not want a woman who did not care for her family. So....

One of my few filters is - "How near/far is her family?"

 

[kcowan]

I am surprised at the number of single and widowed/divorced men on here. I guess I know very little about most of you.

 

[Chuckanut]

I have a few more pages to read on this thread, and will add my Match stories later, but I'm wondering if anyone yet has suggested an ER-Dating sub forum? (only half kidding!).

At the very least somebody could create a Subject in the Other Topics or Life After Fire forums on dating when one is FIRE'd or near to it.

There are unique issues with being older, retired or nearly retired, and finding a new partner in life. And, it's a lot of fun to trade 'war stories' about our adventures.

 

[Johanson]

I've been thinking about that; I have travel plans blocked out through November, 2019 (God willing). They include a group tour of India in March, 2018, hoping for Scotland next summer, maybe an UnCruise Adventures cruise of the Sea of Cortez in early 2019 and Hawaii plus Australia and NZ in late 2019 (my professional society is meeting in Honolulu in November, which makes it a good intermediary point).

So if I meet some great guy and he can't pay his own way, I can ante up the cost of bringing him with me, he can wait cheerfully at home (and I know a happily married couple where the wife travels and the husband doesn't want to) or I can cut travel from my life which ain't gonna happen. Hmmm...

One other thing on dating web site profiles: a picture of a guy in a tie looks very old-school even if you're smiling. And I just saw one of a retired teacher with 20 photos- turned out to be one shot of him plus 19 of scenery from his latest trip to Cozumel. Not very informative!

I travel for work almost every week. I still have a couple of years to go before ER. I'm sure I'd have no issues finding someone if I was traveling for fun after ER.

I don't own a tie, nor a suit, but I've been to Coz four times for dive trips. I was on a dating site a few years ago. I meet more women through Facebook. The last one I dated for 2 1/2 years but she lived in Montana and that doesn't help either.

 

[Chuckanut]

I meet more women through Facebook.

Is there a Facebook dating app?

I wouldn't be surprised.

 

[Amethyst]

I can see FB "working" as a way to meet. Although I'm married and not looking for someone, I have come to like some people - men and women - on FB very much. These are friends of friends, whom I never would have met in real life.

The nature of FB is that, depending on how much people choose to share, you can see a lot about a person - what they like, how they react, how they communicate. And because it's not an official Dating App, it's not as self-conscious as I imagine dating sites to be (then again I have never used one, so what would I know). Edit: I actually learned to respect a "friend" even more because of all the things he was posting on FB. I only knew him from work, and never realized how many outside interests he had.

I. I was on a dating site a few years ago. I meet more women through Facebook.

 

[Mulligan]

Congratulations!

Now please tell this naive person what "Russian back door channels" are?

Just a little harmless "politics" interjected into the conversation, lol.

 

[Johanson]

Is there a Facebook dating app?

I wouldn't be surprised.

I actually met a couple of women through an app that allowed people to buy and sell people's pics with fake money. The price would go up the more they were bought. That app went away years ago. I also met a few women playing Zynga Poker. Back in the day, you could see their FB profiles, send them friend requests, etc. You can't do that today.

 

[Mdlerth]

I've only skimmed this thread, but there are some fascinating stories here.

What concerns me a little is that if I ever lost DW I know I would turn into a complete recluse and that's not good.

This would be me as well. Our children are all grown and (mostly) launched, so I can readily see myself moving out to the woods in grief and being written about in a local paper as "that crazy mountain man".

How do I know this? There is a genetic precedent. I have a younger brother who already has done that.

 

[Souschef]

I've only skimmed this thread, but there are some fascinating stories here.

What concerns me a little is that if I ever lost DW I know I would turn into a complete recluse and that's not good.

Interesting thought, but I reacted just the opposite. There were a number of things my late wife was not interested in but I was, so I did them after she had passed away.
I took a 2 week trip to China, and rode the Trans Siberian Express from Moscow to Vladivostok. I met some interesting people on both trips.

 

[athena53]

Interesting thought, but I reacted just the opposite. There were a number of things my late wife was not interested in but I was, so I did them after she had passed away.

I'm doing this. DH and I enjoyed so many destinations together that I didn't want to use our time and resources to visit places where he wouldn't be comfortable (he didn't tolerate warm climates well) or that didn't interest him (India). Now that I'm traveling solo, I have 5 major trips planned through 2019. Two are returns to places we loved; the other 3, plus my most recent, are places we couldn't have enjoyed together.

 

[street]

Interesting post and I believe it isn't the norm today like it was 40 and 50 plus years ago.

I once was told by an old timer he said don't get married till you are older in life. Then he said marry one that can wheel you around in the wheel chair. Lol

 

[Mulligan]

Interesting post and I believe it isn't the norm today like it was 40 and 50 plus years ago.

I once was told by an old timer he said don't get married till you are older in life. Then he said marry one that can wheel you around in the wheel chair. Lol

I recently talked to a regular at the workout place I go too. She is 70 and considering to move away to find a better chance to find a significant other. She said "The only men around here that are a available either want a nurse or the purse".