The Grieving Widow? Maybe Not...

[Nords]

a truck stop in wyoming or nebraska (forget which)

It's hard to tell them apart.

(Am I talking about the truck stops or the two states?)

 

[yakers]

As I remember the truck stop story, as related generational wisdom from my uncle to me, if you see a lot of trucks outside a diner it means they have either good food or attractive waitresses. Ya can't tell which from the outside.

And back on the widow theme. I do not know how general this is but my observations are that the males I know/knew (father, uncles, older guys...) didn't fend as well without their wives and the older ladies did without their husbands. I don't know how to study this and I know there would be counter examples but I have see so much of this I really accept it as some kind of norm.

 

[Nords]

And back on the widow theme. I do not know how general this is but my observations are that the males I know/knew (father, uncles, older guys...) didn't fend as well without their wives and the older ladies did without their husbands. I don't know how to study this and I know there would be counter examples but I have see so much of this I really accept it as some kind of norm.

I think it's a gender-related learned helplessness that hopefully ended after the 1960s.

My grandfather, and my wife's grandfathers, were totally & absolutely clueless in the kitchen and the laundry room. When they said "Whatever will I do without her?!?" they really meant it. My father can handle his own housekeeping but I'm not so confident about my FIL. It probably won't be an issue, my MIL will no doubt ensure that he doesn't outlive her.

In my grandfather's case, one of the realizations that dementia had set in was learning that he'd stopped preparing his own food and was eating at the local Friendly's restaurant.

Every day.

Every meal.

The same breakfast, the same lunch, and the same dinner every day.

For over five years.

With a $5 tip each time. I'm sure that diet didn't do his cerebral cortex any good, but the wait staff "loved him to death". At least they were the first people to call his landlord when they noticed that he wasn't doing well...

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

It's hard to tell them apart.

(Am I talking about the truck stops or the two states?)

At 800-1000 miles a day in the early 90's, it really didnt matter. Burns Brothers or Sapp Brothers, take your choice. Location irrelevant. Just never, ever, ever order corned beef hash with eggs, and if you make that mistake and the waitress asks you how you want your eggs, dont say 'poached'. If you do, take the look she shoots you as a warning and exit the premises immediately.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

And back on the widow theme. I do not know how general this is but my observations are that the males I know/knew (father, uncles, older guys...) didn't fend as well without their wives and the older ladies did without their husbands. I don't know how to study this and I know there would be counter examples but I have see so much of this I really accept it as some kind of norm.

Indeed...with my fathers parents, my grandmother had never driven a car...or for that matter sat in the front seat. She always sat in the back. My grandfather had never cooked a meal that was upstream from toast and tea. She went first, which led to a series of trying to heat closed cans of soup on the stove, lighting things on fire on a regular basis, and stuff that had been left on the stove for 3-4 hours "just to be sure" where the pan and its contents were no longer seperable.

By the way Nords, I ate the exact same lunch at friendly's every day for 3 years. Not sure what that says about my state of mental health, but I did get it to go so no tipping.

 

[Nords]

By the way Nords, I ate the exact same lunch at friendly's every day for 3 years.  Not sure what that says about my state of mental health, but I did get it to go so no tipping.

I'm just glad that my grandfather didn't die at Friendly's. When the autopsy coroner's scalpel blade snapped off trying to saw through my grandfather's arteries, would that put Friendly's at some sort of liability risk? I'm sure those guys (and Denny's, & McDonalds, and others) have entire chapters in the employee training manual on how to handle the older customers.

Dilbert would agree that if you enjoy your lunch, why risk eating anything else that might be less enjoyable? He's probably been sharing his brownbagged PB&Js with Wally for two decades.

But as my spouse never fails to remind me, there's a mighty fine line between dementia & obsession!

 

[VoyT]

Back to the survey, it is easy to believe that 10% would find relief from a long vigil or simply jubilant that the old b*stard finally kicked the bucket.  We are talking widows here, it seems, and there are plenty of dicks that would make the world a better place if they checked out.

Gypsy

   
     Well, there is some of that ... at least from what I've seen in my own family.
    There's also another aspect that I've seen too -- a few of my widowed relatives have said that they simply enjoy living alone. After decades of running a house, taking care of a husband and children, they say they like the freedom to come and go as they please, even if it is a bit lonely at times.

 

[shiny]

Maybe when people are older death is expected and thus easier to deal with. With younger people whether a spouse dies or leaves it is not expected and therefore taken harder. Maybe

 

[SteveR]

Maybe when people are older death is expected and thus easier to deal with.  With younger people whether a spouse dies or leaves it is not expected and therefore taken harder.    Maybe

I think that is part of it. Many widowed folks who were married for decades and were old when their spouse died appear to prefer living alone for a variety of reasons. The one I hear most often is that they already had the one great love in their life and no one could possibly come close to that. Others state they are content with their memories and are waiting for their own death to be with their departed spouse again. Very few older folks appear to want a new relationship beyond friendship and if they do it ends up being a live-in arrangement due to pension, health insurance and SS issues.

Younger folks can have these same reasons but they do tend to recouple again; men at around 14 months and women after 36 months. Widowed folks with young kids may want to find a new partner sooner due to economic and role model issues. Those with older kids tend not to because of conflict potential between a new parent figure and the memories of the original parent as far as the child is concerned.

Men tend to remarry more often than women. There are many reasons for this and the comments I hear most about this relate to the concept that women past child bearing age have less need for a man than a man has for a woman. There may be other factors but this one seems to be the most common I have seen so far.