The Recession & our Adult children

How much would you help your adult children during a lay off ?

  • They could move back in

    Votes: 34 42.0%

  • I would forgo my vacation and give them the money

    Votes: 9 11.1%

  • I'd lend them money at no interest

    Votes: 24 29.6%

  • Nothing , They are adults

    Votes: 14 17.3%
  • Total voters
    81
M

Moemg

Gone but not forgotten
Joined
Jan 2, 2007
Messages
11,447
Location
Sarasota,fl.
If one of your adult children were hit with a lay off how much would you be willing to help ?
 
My son in law is being laid off and I'm worried about them but do not want to solve their problems so I'm wondering what help should I offer ?
 
Enough to keep them off the streets, but not so much that they didn't have an incentive to keep looking.

Speaking as the laid off adult child (odd phrase), I did not immediately need or want help. Family members communicated their (non-specific) support and I would have asked for it if I needed it.
 
Moemg said:
If one of your adult children were hit with a lay off how much would you be willing to help ?
Click to expand...

This is a question I have asked myself. I would help as much as I could, but I would not be happy that in spite of their making very good livings much of it tends to be "in one door, out the other".

About the only advice I have given them in the last 15 years is a) use condoms, and b) control your overhead.

They seem to have accepted a but not b.

Ha
 
Moemg, how much do you know about their financial situation? Do you know they need help?
 
I don't have kids, but if I had kids in that situation I suspect I'd probably help just enough to make sure they still had food and shelter but not so much, as Brewer said, to allow them to reduce the urgency of finding another job.

Still, being without any, I recognize my opinion could easily change if I did.
 
ziggy29 said:
I don't have kids, but if I had kids in that situation I suspect I'd probably help just enough to make sure they still had food and shelter but not so much, as Brewer said, to allow them to reduce the urgency of finding another job.

Still, being without any, I recognize my opinion could easily change if I did.
Click to expand...
Ziggy broke the ice, so...
I'm going to assume this is the SIL in Buffalo with the cutie-utie grandson. Correct me if I'm wrong.

I have helped out friends (not the same, I know) when adversity hit them. Some of the things I did...food store and gas station gift cards, gave them a ride somewhere (kept them company and my treat for gas), researched online j*b hunting sites for their field, helped tune up their resumes, listened, called frequently to express concern.

Except for the gift cards, none involved money. The personal touch beats cash anyday. :D No loss of dignity issues were involved.
 
brewer12345 said:
Moemg, how much do you know about their financial situation? Do you know they need help?
Click to expand...


I think financially they are better than my daughter makes it sound . They have a medium size mortgage and a small car loan no other debt . My daughter works part time and has a web design business that does okay . So they will probably be okay for awhile . The do live in upstate Ny which is not a hot bed of jobs . Plus having been a RN for 40 years gives me the personality of always wanting to jump in and help when sometimes I should just lay back and see what happens .
 
Moemg said:
Plus having been a RN for 40 years gives me the personality of always wanting to jump in and help when sometimes I should just lay back and see what happens .
Click to expand...
If I were more cynical, I'd suggest that being a RN means it's harder to relate to not being able to quickly find a new job. :flowers:
 
Here's a link that may prove to be useful...please pass it on.
New York State Department of Labor - Unemployment Assistance

Emergency Unemployment Compensation explained here
http://www.labor.state.ny.us/ui/claimantinfo/eucfaqs.shtm

NYS Unemployment benefits (basic plus emergency) are currently good for 33 weeks,
with legislation pending to be able to extend another 13 weeks.
See https://ui.labor.state.ny.us/UBC/home.do?FF_LOCALE=1

I would be very happy to help your loved ones find more info at the NYS Labor Dept web site.
I am very skilled at researching stuff on the web.
Ask away. :flowers:
 
ziggy29 said:
If I were more cynical, I'd suggest that being a RN means it's harder to relate to not being able to quickly find a new job. :flowers:
Click to expand...


Absolutely ! Many years ago my grandfather said to me be a nurse you'll always have a job and he was right .
 
I voted for the first option and I would have voted for the first three options combined depending on their level of financial need.

I would never turn my back on my adult children because I know they would not hesitate to return the favor.
 
 
I agree with the previous sentiment by Corporateburnout. I tried to vote for all three...ended up voting to forgo vacation. I would also give my DS my kidney or anything else I had in this world if he were truly up against it.
 
WhoDaresWins said:
I agree with the previous sentiment by Corporateburnout. I tried to vote for all three...ended up voting to forgo vacation. I would also give my DS my kidney or anything else I had in this world if he were truly up against it.
Click to expand...


Me Too !
 
What I would do depends on how much financial responsibility my children and their spouses have demonstrated. Some people are such big spenders that there is no way to help them, unless you are at least a decamillionaire. Even then, should one help his spendthrift offsprings or let them use this occasion for reform?

So, my answer is "It depends".
 
Moemg said:
I definitely want to keep them off the streets and out of the guest suite !
Click to expand...

We have no kids, so I can't offer any sound advice.

But speaking of guest suites - I saw a thread on a woodworking forum where a guy and his wife had two adult children lose their jobs at about the same time. Both children were married with small families and both families moved in with the parents. The parents didnt have room in the house, so the father remodeled his large detached workshop into two separate suites to house everyone. Then he sold all his woodworking tools because he didnt have room for his tools.

I dont think I would go that far.
 
I'd hope that our kid was either still on active duty... or drilling in the Reserves and able to pick up a set of active-duty orders.
 
Don't have any adult kids yet, but I guess I am an adult kid of my own parents. After my (messy) divorce I was set back quite a bit financially - then I got laid off. My parents were worried about my finances and nosed around a bit - making it clear that they would be happy to help me if I needed such a thing (my sister offered similarly obliquely). It isn't unprecedented and I have siblings who have moved in with them and other relatives who have been loaned money by them. Not all these arrangements have worked out very well for my parents, but they are still generous people and offer help if they think it might be needed.

OTOH - as the responsible LBYM adult that I am, I would have to be in dire straits indeed to ask for such assistance. I was vague, but truthful about my situation and my belief that I could probably work it out on my own. They asked again every six months or so for a couple years, which I take as their effort to let me know they were willing to help. I don't see me ever asking for money from them.
 
growing_older said:
OTOH - as the responsible LBYM adult that I am, I would have to be in dire straits indeed to ask for such assistance. I was vague, but truthful about my situation and my belief that I could probably work it out on my own. They asked again every six months or so for a couple years, which I take as their effort to let me know they were willing to help. I don't see me ever asking for money from them.
Click to expand...


Me either , I went through some really rough patches ( I was a single Mom for six years ) and I did not ask my parents for help ( maybe pride ) . I sold my jewelry and worked extra shifts . My daughter has not asked me for help mainly because she knows I'm always willing to help . Sometimes too willing !
 
We've helped our youngest daughter and her husband a bit lately as his work hours have been cut back. They have no debt, a very used car and literally eat beans and rice. They also have a 3 year old, and a 10 month old baby. They live in a modest apartment. Son-in-law is in the process of getting on with state law enforcement. If he gets a position, they will have a good salary and benefit package.

Any time they get money from us, we tell them "This is a gift." We don't care for the "lending" route where friends or family are concerned.

If they were living beyond their means, it would be a different story. We would still help, but it would first require the same type of sacrifices that we'd make in a bad situation, i.e. sell everything including the kitchen sink. Food, rent, utilities, basic car only until things improve.
 
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