Another approach would be live in your companies parking lot during the week...
Reminds me of being on sea duty, inport, and living onbase.I think it would be less painful to just shoot yourself.
"Oh, no problem, let's call Nords, he's only a two-minute walk from here and can come right over. In fact I think I saw him onboard eating dinner a few minutes ago, and I'm sure he'd be able to relieve you for a few hours!"
Or, in office-speak, "Why, sure, I know it's a bit late but I can have one of our people whip those numbers up for you in a few minutes. They're not in the office right at the moment but I don't think they've left the parking lot yet..."