Wife gets inheiritance
- Thread starter jambo101
- Start date
Watching stories like that make me grateful that I'm single and avoided a gold-digger "what's yours it's ours but what's mine it's mine!!!".
Jambo, just be cool and watch out how the next weeks will unfold. Always remember that if she is feeling that she is the new queen of England and can bitch and do whatever she wants because of 500k you on the other hand have a big inheritance to receive that she has just lost access to. In a way she lost more money keeping that 500k to herself.
Jambo, just be cool and watch out how the next weeks will unfold. Always remember that if she is feeling that she is the new queen of England and can bitch and do whatever she wants because of 500k you on the other hand have a big inheritance to receive that she has just lost access to. In a way she lost more money keeping that 500k to herself.
I'm glad I'm single as well and don't have to deal with situations like this...although I'm sure being in a relationship outweighs the negatives, on average, by a large amount.
I wonder how much of this has to do with what value each person puts on savings and spending money. My parents had extremely different views on spending money which in part ultimately lead to their divorce. My father would go out and buy very nice things thinking that my mother would be thrilled but instead my mother thought that some of the items were just a waste of money. So in this case, how much can be explained because jambo101 and his wife have such different views on spending money. Only they know that. I will admit though that it does seem a bit strange that she would buy a new car but not let Jambo101 enjoy some "equal" type of purchase from the inheritance just to even things out a bit. If I was in this situation I'd probably start withholding a certain amount each month from the communal contribution and eventually use that money to buy a car of my own.
I wonder how much of this has to do with what value each person puts on savings and spending money. My parents had extremely different views on spending money which in part ultimately lead to their divorce. My father would go out and buy very nice things thinking that my mother would be thrilled but instead my mother thought that some of the items were just a waste of money. So in this case, how much can be explained because jambo101 and his wife have such different views on spending money. Only they know that. I will admit though that it does seem a bit strange that she would buy a new car but not let Jambo101 enjoy some "equal" type of purchase from the inheritance just to even things out a bit. If I was in this situation I'd probably start withholding a certain amount each month from the communal contribution and eventually use that money to buy a car of my own.
You don't say how old the daughter is, but if she is a teenager, I would be reluctant to buy a new car for her to drive...liability issues, car insurance, and driver in-experience can all be costly...take it from my experience
Perhaps, that is part of the reason that your wife is so reluctant. Maybe a good compromise would be to buy an older and less expensive car? As both you and your wife are not working, seems that you could share the new car, with the used one as a backup.If the issue is really that the money isn't in a joint account, I have to wonder why that bothers you so much. If your marriage is a good one, you should be happy that she is so conservative with the inheritance, as so many others would just blow through it. Atleast, you both will have something to fall back on in the years to come.
Honestly, as a 52 year old woman, I don't see medical issues here, and I'm the age to know about these things! While I certainly don't know what's going on here, it sounds bad, and the fact that she isn't talking about the "issues" sounds worse. I inherited about $10K from one parent. It went into a CD in joint names. He will likely inherit more than me. We discussed this once before, and I told him it's my heartfelt belief that anything he inherits, his folks meant for him, and I would have nothing to say about the funds. I know, however, he will put inheritance in both names because we've always shared everything. In fact, I joke that when we married 31 years ago, we combined car payments (yes, we were really that broke). I've always worked and my paycheck has gone into the joint account just as his has. We've argued about the volume on the TV, religion, etc., but I don't recall arguing about money. Should we start disagreeing about money, I would be very worried because as noted up-thread, it's never about money.
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OP
jambo101
Full time employment: Posting here.
The second car is for me and my daughters use . The main reason she bought a new car for the family last spring was so that she would have a reliable car to drive cross country to see her brother last summer, she didnt bicker about buying the car or paying the $6000 the trip cost,its only now there is an issue concerning purchasing a newer car to replace the aging old car.
Moemg
Gone but not forgotten
Why don't you just ask her what is going on ? If she starts crying and says "Oh Nothing " it is probably menopause . If she hems and haws she probably has another agenda that might not include you . I'll root for the crying .
bbbamI
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Menopause for women.....Andropause for men.
Yep Jambo...I've been married for 32 years....been there, still kinda going through that.....
Yep Jambo...I've been married for 32 years....been there, still kinda going through that.....
harley
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
I recommend not taking any advice from anonymous internet posters, including myself. I suspect that if you've been married 32 years you've weathered worse situations than this. Do what makes sense to you, and good luck.
PS - Andropause is a myth. It's more an emotional attempt to try to continue do the things our bodies won't let us do anymore, combined with the constant pain that results from these actions.
PS - Andropause is a myth. It's more an emotional attempt to try to continue do the things our bodies won't let us do anymore, combined with the constant pain that results from these actions.
At work, we were sent through diversity (including gender) training classes. They
taught us that men are too quick to want to analyze and fix problems while women don't necessarily want the problem fixed (at least by someone else) but just want someone to listen to their woes. Because they knew that this was a difficult concept to put into practice, they painted it out in black and white...........
if your wife comes home complaining about something, you should listen attentively
and when you think you understand all the facts, circumstances, etc. to craft the perfect equitable solution, you should give her a big hug, take a deep breath, and say............
"Tell me more".
As others have said, listening is a valuable survival skill.
taught us that men are too quick to want to analyze and fix problems while women don't necessarily want the problem fixed (at least by someone else) but just want someone to listen to their woes. Because they knew that this was a difficult concept to put into practice, they painted it out in black and white...........
if your wife comes home complaining about something, you should listen attentively
and when you think you understand all the facts, circumstances, etc. to craft the perfect equitable solution, you should give her a big hug, take a deep breath, and say............
"Tell me more".
As others have said, listening is a valuable survival skill.
haha
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
There is a great episode in 2 1/2 Men where Alan's ex is worrying and fussing about something and Charlie (who had never understood anything in his life) just says "I understand". Everything she says, he replies "Ï understand". She practically melts right there in the living room.
So "I understand" has become a very common phrase in my lexicon, even if I don't really understand much at all. It's like oil on the waters, everything gets calm and friendly again. I feel the same way as when I am speaking Spanish- I really don't know what the hell it all means, but it works.
Ha
DangerMouse
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
The more I hear the more I think there is much more to this story to be said by the wife. As a female, I believe the old it must be hormones or menopause is way off the mark - it's used far too often to cover situations where we are just pissed off not because our hormones are making us feel that way. It may well be that she has been unhappy for a while and the inheritance she has received has given her the room to express her dissatisfaction with the situation. The fact that she is happy to be out the house all day doing volunteer work makes me wonder what is going on between the two of them.
Don't know if you are aware of two situations on the rise. The first is women who have been married 20+ years and are divorcing their spouses to be with a woman and the second is the rise of divorce amongst those 50+ When it is a divorce in the over 50 set it is usually initiated by the women, often she feels she has sacrificed everything for the husband and children and once he comes up to retirement she decides she has had enough and wants to live the years she has left for herself.
A House Divided
Why Women Are Leaving Men for Lesbian Relationships - Bisexuality - Oprah.com
So if I was Mr Jambo I would be forgetting the whole issue of the inheritance at this time and make the effort to reconnect with Mrs Jambo to be sure that there isn't any issue with their relationship.
Don't know if you are aware of two situations on the rise. The first is women who have been married 20+ years and are divorcing their spouses to be with a woman and the second is the rise of divorce amongst those 50+ When it is a divorce in the over 50 set it is usually initiated by the women, often she feels she has sacrificed everything for the husband and children and once he comes up to retirement she decides she has had enough and wants to live the years she has left for herself.
A House Divided
Why Women Are Leaving Men for Lesbian Relationships - Bisexuality - Oprah.com
So if I was Mr Jambo I would be forgetting the whole issue of the inheritance at this time and make the effort to reconnect with Mrs Jambo to be sure that there isn't any issue with their relationship.
This has to be the best solution offered so far. As a woman, I can just bet that she just wants to be heard and if he can back off from the "power struggle" over the money, he may just get what he wants if he is patient.
Dawg52
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Menopause? Dump her. 
My mother would have offered the old saying:
"You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" (and, I would add) or with logic .
for those callow youth who are mystified, there is this from wiki answers:
"This is a metaphor. Flies represents anything you want to achieve. Honey (sweet) represents anything pleasant that you do to get what you want. Vinegar (sour) represents anything unpleasant that you do to get what you want. It tells you to use nice methods rather than unkind methods in dealing with other people. "
Sometimes (maybe often) process is more important than objective.
"You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" (and, I would add) or with logic .
for those callow youth who are mystified, there is this from wiki answers:
"This is a metaphor. Flies represents anything you want to achieve. Honey (sweet) represents anything pleasant that you do to get what you want. Vinegar (sour) represents anything unpleasant that you do to get what you want. It tells you to use nice methods rather than unkind methods in dealing with other people. "
Sometimes (maybe often) process is more important than objective.
citrine
Full time employment: Posting here.
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Jambo....did you have a chance to talk to your wife yet?
Westernskies
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Looking back over this thread and the different responses, I am struck by this one thought:
What would possess anyone to tell their spouse:
"This is my money. You ride the damn bus!"
So much for share and share alike, in sickness and in health, etc. Somethign is fundamentally wrong. This is no longer a relationship for better or worse- at this point, it's apparently payback time. And since it worked so well, it will probably continue or even escalate.
Menopause? I'm not buying it- her actions are considered, not emotional. If her menopause were anything like I have seen with my own DW, she might make you ride the bus one day, but then buy you a new Ferrari the next.
Realize that there are two sides to every story, but I'd be seeing a lawyer and a marriage counselor, not necessarily in that order.
Hope things take an upturn soon.
What would possess anyone to tell their spouse:
"This is my money. You ride the damn bus!"
So much for share and share alike, in sickness and in health, etc. Somethign is fundamentally wrong. This is no longer a relationship for better or worse- at this point, it's apparently payback time. And since it worked so well, it will probably continue or even escalate.
Menopause? I'm not buying it- her actions are considered, not emotional. If her menopause were anything like I have seen with my own DW, she might make you ride the bus one day, but then buy you a new Ferrari the next.
Realize that there are two sides to every story, but I'd be seeing a lawyer and a marriage counselor, not necessarily in that order.
Hope things take an upturn soon.
I'm not sure they'll both have something to fall back on.
citrine:
We might have to watch the Canadian "true crime" or obits to find out when they have their talk.
They live in Canada! She gets to see the doctor for free! In January, 2015.
OP
OP
jambo101
Full time employment: Posting here.
We've had the talk about the inheritance and what to do with it a year and a half ago when she first got it,at that time it was made abundantly clear that i was to play no part in its dispensation and for a year and a half the topic has not really been discussed until recently when i thought buying a needed newer car would be a lot more financially prudent if she bought the car rather than me cashing out a retirement fund.We had this conversation a month or so ago and its over,she aint paying for the car,i'm cashing out an investment to take care of the car and she has put her foot down about any future discussion about her inheiritance= its VERBOTEN!!!
You might be onto something DangerMouse as her dozen or so best friends have a lot in common,they are all single due to divorce or separation,All their kids are now in their late teens,they are all constantly emailing each other derogatory joke pages about guys,and they are all fat..I'm now starting to wonder just how relevant me and the kids are in her life and maybe after 32 years of a solid paycheck every week and the kids being now grown up her attitude maybe her way of saying Jim you're REDUNDANT!!in which case its going to come down to should i leave? or should she leave?
jambo I wonder why your wife is still with you if she thinks you are redudnant? Are you still paying her bills for her. I would stop if so. No reason at all she should not be paying for all her personal expenses like her car and entertainment, ect. And you should not be paying any more than 50% of the joint expenses.
I would go see a lawyer to find out what I could do to protect the assets that I have and to find out if the inheritance is really only owned by her. If you are coming into an inheritance It will definitly all be yours if you are single. Otherwise ?
I would go see a lawyer to find out what I could do to protect the assets that I have and to find out if the inheritance is really only owned by her. If you are coming into an inheritance It will definitly all be yours if you are single. Otherwise ?
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jambo101
Full time employment: Posting here.
All her pension goes into the joint checking account and at this point my pension isnt so much higher than hers to warrant getting into 50/50 calculations.
Here in Quebec inheritances are not considered mutual property and i have no rights to it legally.
Problem i have with my inheritance is that my parents have to die before i can get it and i'd gladly put that situation off forever,happily they are in their early 80's and living like a couple of 20yr olds
Here in Quebec inheritances are not considered mutual property and i have no rights to it legally.
Problem i have with my inheritance is that my parents have to die before i can get it and i'd gladly put that situation off forever,happily they are in their early 80's and living like a couple of 20yr olds
Westernskies
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