Applying for SS Widow Benefits

[KB]

I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband. I know you want to keep busy, but please allow yourself to grieve. Hugs.

 

[mamadogmamacat]

My condolences as well. I would keep it simple for now, and go ahead and call SS and use the call back feature. I do remember, unless it has changed in the 19 years since my father's death, that you are paid SS ahead, not in arrears as was mentioned in one of the first replies. I had to pay back the check my father received near the end of Dec 1996, as he passed away on Jan 1st 1997. So, the info you found about paying it back may actually be correct.

 

[Bestwifeever]

So sorry, Athena. Your DH sounds like he was a good man.

 

[GravitySucks]

My condolences.

 

[athena53]

technically unless your name is actually on the account it is illegal to log to that account. It really needs to wait until the estate is opened if one is going to be opened did he leave a will or is his estate so small that no will was needed/ estate need be opened. You need to check to find out if an estate needs to be opened due to real estate. One thing you might do if you don't already know is figure out how much he was worth (which differs between community property and non community property states also)
The estate can't be opened before a death certificate is issued but if it looks like one might be needed you could start looking for a lawyer.

DH had almost nothing in his name; I handle all the money and when we knew his time on this earth was limited we moved both cars into my name. House is in the name of a trust and I'm the trustee. Right now there's a little over $200 in his checking account, no credit card debt. I can certainly bring in the attorney who created the trust plus DH's and my wills, healthcare POAs, etc. but it may not be necessary.

Thanks for all your kind wishes. I slept well last night and have been overwhelmed by the supportive calls from friends and family as well as FaceBook messages from contacts all over the world. The hardest part is just not having DH to talk with- I was married to my best friend. That's the part of my life I'm going to have to rebuild.

 

[ivinsfan]

So sorry for your loss. I'm a little confused about your saying that you will wait until 70 to claim your own benefit. Looking at the SS rules it seems you will be locking in a reduced benefit for yourself if you file for the widows benefit before you turn 70.

It clearly mentions the benefit is reduced if you file before FRA.

 

[Senator]

Wife #1 was not on good terms with DH although I’m on very good terms with their son so I may be able to get elementary info like her date of birth off the top of his head. Not likely I can get other stuff they mention like date of divorce. I’m even less likely to get that info on Wife #2. I know her first name. That’s it. She was a dear friend of a mutual friend of DH and me, whom I just called today- but not sure what the mutual friend would know.

My condolences.

Many states have marriage license information on a separate site. If you look up your husbands name, and find the license info, it would include all his former wives.

You can get a lot of information from a states court site. In MN, if a person has ever had a parking ticket, they are listed with their DOB. A civil action would also have to have been filed for a divorce.

With a bit of digging, it is not too hard to find names and dates of birth from various public information sources. I look up tenants all the time.

 

[MRG]

So sorry for your loss.

 

[SecondCor521]

DH had almost nothing in his name; I handle all the money and when we knew his time on this earth was limited we moved both cars into my name. House is in the name of a trust and I'm the trustee. Right now there's a little over $200 in his checking account, no credit card debt. I can certainly bring in the attorney who created the trust plus DH's and my wills, healthcare POAs, etc. but it may not be necessary.

In my state there are simplified rules and processes for small estates that presumably can be handled without a lawyer. In my case I think they apply to estates under $50K or $100K. Perhaps your state has similar laws.

 

[athena53]

In my state there are simplified rules and processes for small estates that presumably can be handled without a lawyer. In my case I think they apply to estates under $50K or $100K. Perhaps your state has similar laws.

That's what I'm hoping. When my Ex died penniless (and probably in debt) in FL, I was involved because DS, 26 years old at the time, was his next of kin. I consulted the attorney then and he said there was no need to open an estate and that if any of my Ex's creditors contacted us we could tell them that they were free to open an estate and try to collect if they wished. No one ever contacted us. I can do some research on our state.

On a slightly irreverent note: DH was getting credit card offers to the end and we speculated about taking one out and buying him a nice gold Rolex...but never did.

 

[bclover]

Athena,
so sorry for your lost. I lost my wonderful husband also to AML, he was only 55.

Take it from me, leave the small stuff to later.

wishing you and your family all the best. I apologize for not answering your question. I have not applied for hubby's benefits yet as I'm still in my 50's

 

[Sue J]

Athena,

You sound as prepared and ready for this as one could be. It's still a big hole left in your life. I have no advice, I just want to send a {{{HUG}}}.

 

[eytonxav]

Condolences on your loss and hoping you can get the SS resolved without aggravation.

 

[Walt34]

Even when you know it is coming that doesn't make it hurt any less. My condolences.

 

[Idnar7]

My sincere condolences Athena. My MIL died on January 1st and I remember there was an issue of whether her last check was valid. As she was on Medicaid by that time, the nursing home fought to get the check. IIRC it came down to how long she was alive on her last day. The nursing home won as it came down to TODon the DC.

 

[braumeister]

That's rough, and you're remarkably brave. When my mom died a few years ago it had been similarly apparent and planned for, but it still wasn't any easier. I concur heartily with those who recommend giving yourself a couple of days to simply grieve. Catharsis works.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I am so sorry for your loss. A friend of mine took her widow's benefits at 60 which was as early as she could take them.

 

[splitwdw]

Athena53, So sorry for your loss.

 

[SecondCor521]

That's rough, and you're remarkably brave. When my mom died a few years ago it had been similarly apparent and planned for, but it still wasn't any easier. I concur heartily with those who recommend giving yourself a couple of days to simply grieve. Catharsis works.

I agree with the sentiment. I would like to point out that some people, myself included, need to process grief associated with losses like this in pieces over time, and the mechanics of taking care of the lost loved one's affairs can be a helpful diversion.

 

[audreyh1]

DH died this morning- a relief after his life and activities becoming more and more limited since it was determined that his acute myeloid leukemia wasn't responding to treatment in late August. Thanks to hospice, he died peacefully at home in a cloud of Lorazepam, Haldol and morphine, which was what we both wanted.

So-o-o- I cope in times like this by doing organized, analytical things I can control. I got on the SS site and found I need to give back his last payment, received last week. Oops. Then I looked at the list of info they need and panicked a bit.

Background: DH was 78, started collecting at 65. I’m 63, retired, planning to wait till age 70 to collect on my own record, which will exceed the Widow’s benefit. DH was married twice before. Wife #1 is likely collecting SS- don’t know if it’s on her own or DH’s record (married well over 10 years). Wife #2 is deceased. I was married once before- the Ex started collecting on his own record at age 62 and died in 2010.
I can get hold of DH’s birth certificate, his death certificate, our marriage certificate, etc. It appears they have a lot of Qs about the previous marriages I can’t answer. Wife #1 was not on good terms with DH although I’m on very good terms with their son so I may be able to get elementary info like her date of birth off the top of his head. Not likely I can get other stuff they mention like date of divorce. I’m even less likely to get that info on Wife #2. I know her first name. That’s it. She was a dear friend of a mutual friend of DH and me, whom I just called today- but not sure what the mutual friend would know.
So, am I going to need all those gory details? And I assume widow’s benefits start as of 11/1 so that what I have to give back is offset somewhat. I can’t do anything till I get the death certificate and then I’ll fly into action. Cash flow is not an issue, but I’d appreciate any insight people c

Oh - I'm so sorry to hear this. Even though you let us know what was happening, it seems so fast!!!

 

[Ally]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[athena53]

I agree with the sentiment. I would like to point out that some people, myself included, need to process grief associated with losses like this in pieces over time, and the mechanics of taking care of the lost loved one's affairs can be a helpful diversion.

I'm more like that. I had a good cry today over all the kind comments from everyone I know on FaceBook, but a couple of days of wallowing in grief would drive me crazy. We're all different. I'm not opposed to getting professional help if I decide I need it but right now I'm functioning pretty well.

 

[Souschef]

Dear Athena,
As a widower married to a widow, I can understand you situation. I can only offer sympathy for your situation, and a quote I found:
Grief is like the wake behind a boat. It starts out as a huge wave that follows close behind you and is big enough to swamp and drown you if you suddenly stop moving forward. But if you do keep moving, the big wake will eventually dissipate. And after a long enough time, the waters of your life get calm again, and that is when the memories of those who have left begin to shine as bright and as enduring as the stars above.

 

[spncity]

I am so sorry.

 

[athena53]

Grief is like the wake behind a boat. It starts out as a huge wave that follows close behind you and is big enough to swamp and drown you if you suddenly stop moving forward.

Thanks-I like that image. I married a man 15 years older and he was diagnosed with polycythemia 10 years ago so I knew I was bound to outlive him. We found out 2.5 months ago that it wasn't responding to meds. It's a completely different experience for me than for someone who loses a spouse suddenly, like my Aunt whose husband the marathon runner dropped dead of a heart attack at 42. I had time to grieve before his death and to think about life without him and even talk with him about it. When I told DH that I'd booked a cruise from Panama City to Costa Rica on our favorite line (UnCruise) in April, his eyes lit up and he was happy for me. Thoughts of the future got me through some bad times.