Assisted living plan; do you have one?

[Fedup]

Or you might die in your sleep like my grandfather did and one of property managers. Nobody I know check into a CCRC, not on my in laws side either. My dad had a stroke, he went to a nursing home after that.

Also I’ve read that if you have Alzheimer’s and tend to get violent, memory care unit can check you out for good and the family has to take care of you. What are you going to do? I asked my friend whose mom is in nursing home in Ireland about this but she said her mom is really petite, tends to swat people, but in U.K., they don’t kick you out.

[Walt34]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst Harllee, all these types of threads eventually come down to the question you just asked. Usually we see responses like "I'll know when it's time, and I'll shoot myself dead/somehow get myself to an assisted-death state/take a bunch of sleeping pills." Sure you will. Sure you will.

Yep, that's one of the scary things about a stroke. Today you're fine, 20 minutes later you have neither the thinking capacity nor the physical ability to do anything about it. So much for the pills/9mm solution.

I gather that most on this forum are old enough to have seen a relative who has had a stroke and ended up in full time nursing care. Does anyone think that person planned to end up there?

[Beldar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by gauss Bottom line is that when you speak prices of "assisted living" be sure to specify how much "care" is being provided to avoid apples-to-oranges comparisons. -gauss

Yes, this is very true. We are starting to look into relocating MIL to our area in the next year or so, and the cost varies depending on what type of assistance would be desired in a particular facility. We're trying to figure out how to supplement her SS income with the VA assistance supposedly available to widows of veterans who served during wartime (something new to me).

It's going to be an incredible hassle to liquidate her home/assets and move her cross country, but the time is near (and she knows it).

_B

[ncbill]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fedup Or you might die in your sleep like my grandfather did and one of property managers. Nobody I know check into a CCRC, not on my in laws side either. My dad had a stroke, he went to a nursing home after that. Also I’ve read that if you have Alzheimer’s and tend to get violent, memory care unit can check you out for good and the family has to take care of you. What are you going to do? I asked my friend whose mom is in nursing home in Ireland about this but she said her mom is really petite, tends to swat people, but in U.K., they don’t kick you out.

I can speak to that.

Mom had some form of frontal/temporal lobe dementia, so behavior was an issue early on.

What happens is the facility will send them to the local ER where they will wait until seen by a psych resident who will then have them involuntarily committed (in mom's case it was always the state mental hospital, 3 hours away)

Then you get to find a new assisted living/skilled nursing facility when they're released from the above, because the old one won't take them back.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

In retrospect I should have begged (or bribed) the administrators at the state hospital to keep her for the duration of her illness, since she received far better care there than any other facility.

[Fedup]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ncbill I can speak to that. Mom had some form of frontal/temporal lobe dementia, so behavior was an issue early on. What happens is the facility will send them to the local ER where they will wait until seen by a psych resident who will then have them involuntarily committed (in mom's case it was always the state mental hospital, 3 hours away) Then you get to find a new assisted living/skilled nursing facility when they're released from the above, because the old one won't take them back. Lather, rinse, repeat. In retrospect I should have begged (or bribed) the administrators at the state hospital to keep her for the duration of her illness, since she received far better care there than any other facility.

All those comments about checking into early CCRCs are good as long as you know you don’t have certain type of dementia. At least at home, nobody kicks you out at home.

[2retireearly]

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Originally Posted by mountainsoft We moved my mom to an assisted living home about 1.5 years ago. She pays $3500 for a tiny 300+ sq/ft studio apartment. That was the best price we could find in the county that wasn't a total dump. Everything else was way out of her budget. She gets a tiny SS income and the proceeds from the sale of her house. When that runs out we'll have to turn to Medicaid. My wife and I haven't made any specific plans for our own long term care, but most of our regular retirement income could be redirected that direction if needed. If we needed care beyond that we might be able to do a reverse mortgage, or even sell our house if we're no longer able to live at home (I hope that day never comes). The most difficult situation would be if one of us needs assisted living while the other is still able to live at home. I'm not sure what we would do in that situation.

A word of advice, be careful with a Reverse Mortgage. Most people get them as they assume they'll stay in their homes, until they die. The Rev Mort will help pay for care, etc. Well things get dicey when there is a couple. My parents had one (unbeknownst to me, as I would have said NO, don't do it!). My Dad used the Rev Mort , for house expenses, car, putting in stair seat for my Mother, etc). He maybe borrowed 40k. That over a few years turned into 85k. Which still went up and up. Its is compound interest daily..that no..you don't have to pay back..but..when he became ill, my mother, who was the 'less well one' has mobility issues and dementia. She couldn't live alone, or spend the night alone..or cook, etc. Help is very expensive, at least $20 and hour, which adds up, if you need a lot of hours. So the best thing to do , was for them to move to an all stages facility, into Independent Living, at first, as he could take care of her. His mind is good, and he became more well...They needed the equity from the sale of the home to live off off. So equity was really cut into, from the rev mort they had had for 10 years. The worstwould have been if my Dad died, then Mother would have had to move to a more expense Assisted or memory care unit..Very expensive. And then very little equity left in house at that point. So, I advise against them. As most likely you do not get the luxury of living in your home, forever. Rev Mort are very expensive, daily, by not paying back on the mortgage. At the closing of their house, the Lawyer said to our agent , 'Ann shoot me, if I ever become old and think a reverse mortgage is a good deal'. He saw how it was then $130k owed on the rev mort.

[nwsteve]

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Originally Posted by harllee One good thing about the CCRC we chose--you pay a fairly hefty fee when you move in and then a monthly fee which is not increased when you have to go into assisted/skilled/memory care. I think it is called "Life Care". Also they have a trust fund for people who run out of money so you won't be kicked out if you do run out of funds. All 4 of the CCRCs in our area have waiting lists--some as long as 10 years-- so don't wait too long to get on the list.

The entire timing thing for the move to a CCRC is a huge dilemma for most. Move too late and you may not qualify for entry. Move too early, and you have to face a major entry fee and transfer of a significant piece of networth.
Having discussed "early entry" with several CCRC residents who Did make the move before 75, we consistently heard their strong endorsement of the early option. Several pointed out that the early entry allows them to fully benefit from the CCRC many choices and independence life style. One of the more financially driven gentlemen also pointed that early entry provided a longer time to amortize the entry fee and gain the benefits.

Another externality to consider is that availability later may not be an option. Many CCRCs already have long wait lists and the boomer wave is just now starting to move in the 70+ era. While new CCRCs are being built, it is clearly not at the rate of new boomers entering the market

[Teacher Terry]

My good friend had Alzheimer’s and her husband who was severely wounded in Vietnam died so I had to put her in a home. Good luck getting the widows benefit because we didn’t get it. Lots of rules and even though she was poor didn’t get it. Not everyone can afford to buy into a CCRV. Here even people who have their homes paid for find them out of reach financially. Also huge homeowner dues.

[zippy2020]

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Originally Posted by nwsteve The entire timing thing for the move to a CCRC is a huge dilemma for most. ......Another externality to consider is that availability later may not be an option. ..... While new CCRCs are being built, it is clearly not at the rate of new boomers entering the market

Absolutely correct - we visited a brand new, for-profit, very expensive "deluxe" CCRC recently. The units sold out within 2 weeks. A 2bd 2ba unit is almost $8K/mo.

[GravitySucks]

Assisted living here in a good community can be had for $3,500 a month, $5,000 for a full apartment and $7,000 for the rich folk home. Five to one women to men, happy hour every afternoon, trips to the casino.... Almost looking forward to it!
Skilled nursing is a bit over $100,000. I worked my way through Community College at a Nursing home. Don't want to live in any of them. Would hope to die before getting through a whole year. The cheapest in the area is not the one that ended up in the news. Not sure if I'm in that bad shape it matters of I'm in a government paid vs. Private paid.
Hope to have the chance to sit on a lawn chair out in low tide with a bottle of Canadian and a pocket full of rocks before I have to check into one of those places.

[Scrapr]

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Originally Posted by zippy2020 Absolutely correct - we visited a brand new, for-profit, very expensive "deluxe" CCRC recently. The units sold out within 2 weeks. A 2bd 2ba unit is almost $8K/mo.

maybe you could Air BnB the 2nd bedroom? Bring in a little extra cash

[Slow But Steady]

My dad suffered from Alzheimer's, and just passed away in May. He lived at home for about 5 years after being diagnosed. When he fell and broke his hip, my step-mom could no longer safely care for him at home, though she tried.

For about 6 months, he was in a converted house in a nice neighborhood. He would try to get up at night, and after a while they couldn't really care for him properly either. At that time, he went to the memory care unit of a beautiful but expensive assisted living facility. The cost was about $8,000 per month in San Diego, CA.

The place was beautiful, but it was a sad place. Outside every room was a display case, with photos and memorabilia of the person who lived there. It was poignant to see how time had changed the residents. And at the end of a visit, Dad could never understand why we had to leave.

Here in Texas, perhaps we'd be able to do round the clock at-home care for twice what we paid for Dad's care. If the finances permit, I will consider it.

[sunnysideup]

Just wanted to add my thoughts. The cost is not always proportional to the care.

My mom was in a couple of memory care units at two facilities that were only a couple of blocks apart. Both places are nearby and I visited 2 to 3 times a week.

The first place touted itself as the “best there is”. Well, mom was a curmudgeon and they drugged her up to make her amenable, so she continuously fell and ended up in the hospital. When I asked them to lower the dose, they would, she would stop falling, but then they would soon up the dose and not tell me. I would enquire why she was falling so much again and then find out. It was heartbreaking to watch. Then they wanted me to sign a waiver that we wouldn’t sue them. It became clear they didn’t give hoot about mom. Only their bottom line. After about 8 months I realized I had to move her.

The second place cost about $800 less per month. (6000, 5200) She was there about 11 months and then she passed. They managed her issues with a lower medication dose and redirecting her. I felt like they did their job, the other place just wanted zombies or happy people, so they didn’t have to work.

My takeaway from this was that one of the questions you need to ask is how they handle “difficult or ornery” residents. they may not be forthcoming but it’s worth asking.

Another thing I noticed was the activity schedule. I recommend going a few times to see if they actually do the activities...in my moms case the second facility had an awesome activity person. All day long they were engaging. The residents. The first one did not do everything they listed. It really was a joke.

Unfortunately the residents of memory can’t advocate for themselves. So if a family member is local and visits regularly, at least they can gauge what’s going on and try to manage the way the facility is giving here to the level one.

[Huston55]

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Originally Posted by GravitySucks I worked my way through Community College at a Nursing home. Don't want to live in any of them.

I’d be interested in reading about your experiences if you’re willing to share them.