Awkward Wealth

[FUEGO]

It is interesting what we imagine people think. She may have thought something like I would have "I can't believe you eat that stuff" and not given it another thought. (I'd literally have to be starving to eat that, Foie Gras, or any other innards, including the deep fried ones. yikes!!!!).

You're probably right. Who knows what she's thinking or if she read anything into it. She seems to be a very upbeat person overall in the face of adversity, so maybe she said "good for him!" to herself.

I'm with you on the yuck factor. I'll give many things a shot once just to see how it is. No fan of innards or pate made from innards. Hot dogs are about the closest I get to that stuff...

 

[FUEGO]

That is fine if the neighbor really provides high quality workmanship. The danger here is that you find out the real reason he's out of work, i.e. he's unreliable or his work is of low quality. I've seen this happen with some members of my extended family. Not saying that's the case, but THAT could be real awkward. I would be sure to try to find some assurance that he can and will deliver before offering work.

Good point. Maybe I can snoop around their house to see how well it's maintained. I know enough to know if he's trying to snow blow me about experience. And if he can't offer any insights into what might be causing my leak, I doubt I would want to retain his services. Might be worth $25 or $50 for him to look around though. Way cheaper than $4-5k for a new roof.

 

[jjquantz]

You're probably right. Who knows what she's thinking or if she read anything into it. She seems to be a very upbeat person overall in the face of adversity, so maybe she said "good for him!" to herself.

I'm with you on the yuck factor. I'll give many things a shot once just to see how it is. No fan of innards or pate made from innards. Hot dogs are about the closest I get to that stuff...

I'm with you on giving things a shot. I had a cricket taco once - it wasn't bad. I was awfully glad it was those itty bitty, really tiny crickets, though!

 

[Sarah in SC]

Haha, we might get all fancy if we got to sleep inside a house! I don't know about DH and the roof, though. He's not too good on a ladder after a couple of beers!

But to your question about the neighbor, I think you could ask him in a friendly way to come over and take a look, just to give his professional opinion.

That would be a confidence booster to a guy who probably needs it, and then you could go from there if you wanted to ask him if he wanted the job, and give him a graceful exit by asking for a referral to another contractor if it is outside his expertise.

The opinion could be requested with an offer of a few beers or a simple dinner. That would avoid any perception of pity he might be wary of receiving.

 

[MBAustin]

We have hired an acquaintance who does handyman work to supplement his pool maintenance business. We started out with a few small projects to get a sense for his workmanship and cost/value. We also found he was very honest about things that were beyond his expertise. The only time it's been awkward is when he had his daughter, who was near our daughter's age and in some activities together, do some painting on our porch remodel job. But she did a good job and we all survived.

 

[foxfirev5]

I'm finding an interesting perspective in this thread. I actually am finding this ER community becoming a little elitist regarding other's within our social circle. A rather backhanded way of being humble in my opinion.
I can recall as a child my father doing work for the well to do in our area. We never lacked for anything and his skills were highly appreciated. We even joked about the fact that " these people really can't do anything for themselves and are glad to pay huge sums to someone they trust."
Just an observation, as I am given to moments of arrogance myself.

 

[Walt34]

Not very many awkward moments since we mostly keep it to ourselves. Several years ago shortly after I had bought the motorcycle an acquaintance of DW was at the house and came in through the garage and saw the bike. DW mentioned that I had just bought it and the acquaintance asked what the payments were. Without thinking I said "Nothing. I wrote a check for it." She acted like this was a foreign concept but didn't say anything.

Come to think of it I haven't seen her around in years.

 

[bld999]

Not very many awkward moments since we mostly keep it to ourselves. Several years ago shortly after I had bought the motorcycle an acquaintance of DW was at the house and came in through the garage and saw the bike. DW mentioned that I had just bought it and the acquaintance asked what the payments were. Without thinking I said "Nothing. I wrote a check for it." She acted like this was a foreign concept but didn't say anything.

Come to think of it I haven't seen her around in years.

If she comes back, tell her they're really cheap because most boomers are ditching them for trikes.

 

[purplesky]

Today it happened. The first time I felt very awkward about being (relatively) wealthy.

Back in the spring, I found myself having coffee with two neighbors. We all have kids that attend the neighborhood elementary school, and we also have younger kids around age 2 or 3. The two neighbors are discussing finances and one of them (let's call her A) reveals the financial difficulties she's facing. They are about to lose their used car due to missing one payment too many. Her husband can't find work and has been scraping by on day laborer jobs and occasional handyman stuff.

I kept my mouth shut about why it was 10 am on a weekday and I'm hanging out shooting the breeze over coffee (I'm ER'd). The other neighbor knows I'm retired but she didn't toss that fact out for discussion (she has tact).

I see A while walking to school and at school functions and consider her an acquaintance. I forgot she worked at the local Trader Joes until I bumped into her this morning at TJ's (again, around 10 am). I chat with her a bit and then proceed with my shopping. Capers, marinated artichokes, wine, champagne, cheese - the regular things you get at TJ's that aren't cheaply found at Walmart or Aldi.

Crap, I can't find any caviar. I don't even know why it's on my grocery list other than DW put it there (it wasn't me!). After looking everywhere for the caviar, I finally decide to ask someone. The only person around was my acquaintance A. I tried to make it sound less expensive by asking "do you know where the fish eggs or caviar is located?". I already had my cart full of all these clearly luxury goods by this point. "A" told me the caviar is in the cheese section, but it's seasonal. Check back around Thanksgiving.

It felt awkward. And I felt a little guilty. I know I shouldn't feel guilty though.

Anyone else have those awkward wealth moments?

I have been enjoying this website for months now and it is really motivating me to try and super save for retirement.

No offense people but this thread sounds kind of arrogant and snobby?

Maybe I am missing something?

 

[brewer12345]

I have been enjoying this website for months now and it is really motivating me to try and super save for retirement.

No offense people but this thread sounds kind of arrogant and snobby?

Maybe I am missing something?

Um, not sure why you think it is arrogant and snobby. You have a very small, very select sliver of the population with regards to net worth posting here. Some of them don't want to embarrass or upset the people around them by the mere fact that they saved, scrimped and invested their way to being independently wealthy. Where do you find arrogance? Arrogance would be rubbing everyone's nose in your balance sheet, IMO.

 

[growing_older]

When people I work with talk about money, they are almost always either bragging about some fancy vacation or expensive car they bought, or complaining about their inability to save or high costs of their payments. It would be arrogant and snobby if I participated by proclaiming my savings, near financial independence or lack of debt. So I don't do that and just generally sympathize. Did you think even that is snobby, or the fact that we discuss it (semi-anonymously) here as snobby?

 

[purplesky]

Um, not sure why you think it is arrogant and snobby. You have a very small, very select sliver of the population with regards to net worth posting here. Some of them don't want to embarrass or upset the people around them by the mere fact that they saved, scrimped and invested their way to being independently wealthy. Where do you find arrogance? Arrogance would be rubbing everyone's nose in your balance sheet, IMO.

I get the wealth building demographic thing. Thats why I am here.

It just seems arrogant to assume a financially struggling neighbor would even care what you buy at her place of work? She has bigger things to worry about?

I guess this is a "lets pat ourselves on the back thing" because we have money?

My ego isn't that big I guess to assume people care about my wealth.

 

[purplesky]

When people I work with talk about money, they are almost always either bragging about some fancy vacation or expensive car they bought, or complaining about their inability to save or high costs of their payments. It would be arrogant and snobby if I participated by proclaiming my savings, near financial independence or lack of debt. So I don't do that and just generally sympathize. Did you think even that is snobby, or the fact that we discuss it (semi-anonymously) here as snobby?

Yes discussing it here.

It rubs me the wrong way. But thats just me. My issue I guess.

 

[brewer12345]

I get the wealth building demographic thing. Thats why I am here.

It just seems arrogant to assume a financially struggling neighbor would even care what you buy at her place of work? She has bigger things to worry about?

I guess this is a "lets pat ourselves on the back thing" because we have money?

My ego isn't that big I guess to assume people care about my wealth.

To be blunt, I mostly don't give a crap what people think. That said, I don't want to be a jerk and I don't want the hassles that come with flaunted wealth. So I tend to sing small.

 

[RunningBum]

My ego isn't that big I guess to assume people care about my wealth.

Sometimes people do care. Their reactions are not hard to miss. That's when it can get awkward. Most of us would definitely prefer to be under the radar, but sometimes it's hard to avoid.

 

[JoeWras]

Back when they were offering an "economic stimulus" rebate in the US, my husband was talking with our dentist and his BIL as they were on their way to a church campout. (Dentist is also a member of our church.) The dentist and his BIL were talking about what they were doing with their money and asked DH what we were doing with our rebate. DH said, "We didn't get one- we're over the income limit". They asked him what the income limit was. DH gracefully sidestepped the question by saying he wasn't sure, but that between my wages and his SS we were over it.

So then I knew I probably made more than our dentist- and he's a darn good dentist. For the most part, DH and I are really careful of giving any indications of how well we're doing. That revelation was a bit of an accident.

Whoops. I had a similar situation with the Medicare tax on investment income while talking to a high income friend. Problem is they are a 1 income family and we are two. We just barely "qualified" for the tax, and he didn't. I shouldn't have even mentioned it. Very awkward.

 

[jazz4cash]

Not very many awkward moments since we mostly keep it to ourselves. Several years ago shortly after I had bought the motorcycle an acquaintance of DW was at the house and came in through the garage and saw the bike. DW mentioned that I had just bought it and the acquaintance asked what the payments were. Without thinking I said "Nothing. I wrote a check for it." She acted like this was a foreign concept but didn't say anything.

Come to think of it I haven't seen her around in years.

There's something to be said for exposing people to different ways of thinking when it's done with tact.

When I was very young, I recall a co-working bragging that his dad had paid cash for a new truck....(he was bragging because he was very proud of his dad, not to make him seem superior). Honestly, I never even considered paying cash for such a large purchase, but I knew if his dad could do it...so could I (some day)!

People I know, friends, family, etc would never ask something so personal as how much your payments are, so I would've been caught off guard by such a question as well.

 

[JoeWras]

People I know, friends, family, etc would never ask something so personal as how much your payments are, so I would've been caught off guard by such a question as well.

I dunno. I got a lot of "what is your mortgage rate?" kind of questions from all kinds of people. I had to be honest and said I didn't have a mortgage.

Silence.... then, "You mean you paid it off?"

This was 10-15 years ago, back when I was in my late 30's and "everyone" had a mortgage.

Today, when I talk to the young whipper-snappers at work, I come out and tell them I don't have a mortgage because I've been in my home over 25 years. They can actually grasp that... kind of. And it usually leads to an opening to discuss the idea of saving money and not constantly refinancing at full 30 year term, etc.

 

[purplesky]

Sometimes people do care. Their reactions are not hard to miss. That's when it can get awkward. Most of us would definitely prefer to be under the radar, but sometimes it's hard to avoid.

Yes I have had people make smart comments about my income but I just ignore it because thats all you can do.

 

[purplesky]

I dunno. I got a lot of "what is your mortgage rate?" kind of questions from all kinds of people. I had to be honest and said I didn't have a mortgage.

Silence.... then, "You mean you paid it off?"

This was 10-15 years ago, back when I was in my late 30's and "everyone" had a mortgage.

Today, when I talk to the young whipper-snappers at work, I come out and tell them I don't have a mortgage because I've been in my home over 25 years. They can actually grasp that... kind of. And it usually leads to an opening to discuss the idea of saving money and not constantly refinancing at full 30 year term, etc.

I know several coworkers with paid off houses.
I know several Dave Ramsey people who have become debt free.

It seems like a lot of people are trying to pay off debt as quick as possible these days.

 

[jazz4cash]

I dunno. I got a lot of "what is your mortgage rate?" kind of questions from all kinds of people. I had to be honest and said I didn't have a mortgage.

Silence.... then, "You mean you paid it off?"

This was 10-15 years ago, back when I was in my late 30's and "everyone" had a mortgage.

Today, when I talk to the young whipper-snappers at work, I come out and tell them I don't have a mortgage because I've been in my home over 25 years. They can actually grasp that... kind of. And it usually leads to an opening to discuss the idea of saving money and not constantly refinancing at full 30 year term, etc.

"What is your rate" is totally different from "what's your payment". Your comment about speaking to young people is similar to my co-worker making me think about things differently....that's a good thing.

 

[steelyman]

The thing to do, in my opinion, is keep quiet about your worth. Even in a backward way, like on an Internet site.

 

[dallas27]

Anyone with a strong desire to less wealthy, please contact me. I know a surefire way to reduce your wealth and make you feel normal again.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

 

[Walt34]

People I know, friends, family, etc would never ask something so personal as how much your payments are, so I would've been caught off guard by such a question as well.

None of ours would either, now. I cut her some slack because she is half our age (she was in a school class with DW) and back when "everybody" was deep in debt it wasn't that uncommon a question where I came from because we all knew the real question was "Gee, I wonder if I could afford one of those too?"

 

[purplesky]

"What is your rate" is totally different from "what's your payment". Your comment about speaking to young people is similar to my co-worker making me think about things differently....that's a good thing.

I have had some great conversations about money and retirement planning with coworkers.