Awkward Wealth

[robnplunder]

DW always forgets how much she paid for items. It gives a wrong perception to others that DW doesn't care about how much she spends which is further from the truth. Rather than let it pass, I usually interject "yeah, she is very forgetful on how much she paid for things." I suspect DW's forgetfulness & my explanation don't go very well with some people.

 

[youbet]

DW always forgets how much she paid for items. It gives a wrong perception to others that DW doesn't care about how much she spends which is further from the truth. Rather than let it pass, I usually interject "yeah, she is very forgetful on how much she paid for things." I suspect DW's forgetfulness & my explanation don't go very well with some people.

Why the focus on how much DW paid for an item? Unless you're helping someone out by sharing some general info on how much at item might cost or where you got an item for a competitive price, there's really no reason to discuss it. "See my new purse.... It was $400." Why?

If it's a case that friends always ask you how much you paid...... "I see you have a new purse. How much did you pay?"........ get some new friends.

Just my opinion.......

 

[robnplunder]

Why the focus on how much DW paid for an item? Unless you're helping someone out by sharing some general info on how much at item might cost or where you got an item for a competitive price, there's really no reason to discuss it. "See my new purse.... It was $400." Why?

If it's a case that friends always ask you how much you paid...... "I see you have a new purse. How much did you pay?"........ get some new friends.

Just my opinion.......

Focus? Not so much.

In a normal course of conversation, how much did you pay for "it" comes up someimes, especially, among women. More if one is doing LBYM. It's more of a curiosity than anything, IMO, when persons asks about how much one paid for a set of coat hangers, etc..

 

[youbet]

Focus? Not so much.

In a normal course of conversation, how much did you pay for "it" comes up someimes, especially, among women. More if one is doing LBYM. It's more of a curiosity than anything, IMO, when persons asks about how much one paid for a set of coat hangers, etc..

Must be a regional or cultural thing. It's not so common here and with our circle of friends and relatives. The exception might be with commodity type items. If I know a friend drinks Jack Daniels and I just got a 1.5L for a bargain price, I'll mention it to him so he can benefit from the sale too. But, in general, asking or telling what an item cost isn't a common thing here, at least with us.

 

[Amethyst]

I've never lived anywhere, where people considered it polite to ask what you paid for something. They prefer to look it up for themselves, on the Internet! E.G., I have certain relatives who always know what everyone paid for their house.

Some less inhibited people can be nosey about "what did you pay?," but that's pretty easy to deal with. Nosey people know they're being impolite; they just like to see if you'll let them get away with it.

Amethyst

Must be a regional or cultural thing. It's not so common here and with our circle of friends and relatives. The exception might be with commodity type items. If I know a friend drinks Jack Daniels and I just got a 1.5L for a bargain price, I'll mention it to him so he can benefit from the sale too. But, in general, asking or telling what an item cost isn't a common thing here, at least with us.

 

[robnplunder]

Must be a regional or cultural thing. It's not so common here and with our circle of friends and relatives. The exception might be with commodity type items. If I know a friend drinks Jack Daniels and I just got a 1.5L for a bargain price, I'll mention it to him so he can benefit from the sale too. But, in general, asking or telling what an item cost isn't a common thing here, at least with us.

Not really. I'd ask DW how much she paid for a pound of filet mignon from Costco, etc. She'd say "I don't know." Someone (we have visitors often) may over hear and get the wrong idea that she does not pay attention on where the money goes. Despite our humble abode (we do LBYM), some relatives suspect that we are FI. DW's answer can cement their suspicion and I feel awkward to lead others on that way even though it was not intentional.

 

[brewer12345]

Not really. I'd ask DW how much she paid for a pound of filet mignon from Costco, etc. She'd say "I don't know." Someone (we have visitors often) may over hear and get the wrong idea that she does not pay attention on where the money goes. Despite our humble abode (we do LBYM), some relatives suspect that we are FI. DW's answer can cement their suspicion and I feel awkward to lead others on that way even though it was not intentional.

Ask her what she paid for the Funyuns or the boxwine when you have visitors and this problem will go away very quickly.

 

[robnplunder]

Ask her what she paid for the Funyuns or the boxwine when you have visitors and this problem will go away very quickly.

That will work. I will even throw in a question about how she could pay so much for a pack of Ramen.

 

[FUEGO]

Not all fish eggs are caviar....

Caviar - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

It's all the same to me! I'll take the salmon eggs if it's a tiny fraction of the real thing (sturgeon eggs). I honestly knew nothing about caviar until I read that wiki article.

 

[FUEGO]

If anything, that could possibly make it sound even more insulting, since I'm willing to bet that most people over the age of, say, 25 probably know what caviar is, including those working in a grocery store (whether they know where it is kept, may be another story). But you clearly were aware of the nature and possible interpretation of your question, and the potential perception it would have, such that you went out of your way to phrase the question in a certain way to appear to not be snobby (while possibly coming across as even more snobby, implying that someone might be so underclassed as to not even know what caviar even is - even if you didn't want to appear that way). So you clearly were fully aware of the possible perception of what you were asking.

Well, I wasn't really sure whether DW wanted fish eggs or caviar. And I wasn't really sure what the difference was. Guess I'm the underclassed one! My acquaintance A might actually have known the difference. (I know the difference know after reading the wiki linked here). I was going to check out the prices for whatever fish egg or fish egg related products they had and make a choice based on what was on offer.

I'll also add that this was early in the morning, I hadn't had any coffee (except a small cup of free TJ coffee a minute earlier), I was in a hurry with other groceries in the car, and had a 2.5 year old in tow asking for more of the organic cheese crackers and "gapes" (free in store samples at TJ that day). My brain wasn't totally on yet!

(You can find a variety of cheeses at both Walmart and Aldi's. I don't know what makes them so 'luxury', unless you pick up each wedge in someone's cart to see the $/lb for each....same for champagne: you can get it at Aldi or any store for $5-$10/bottle, or you can spend $100+/bottle. No one knows how much you spend unless it has the sticker on it)

Maybe I oversold just how luxurious my cart was. The capers are a lot cheaper at TJ's than walmart (2x the amount for the same price IIRC). Artichokes about the same as aldi if aldi has them (not often). Cheese was $6/lb creamy havarti and I think I put back the $6/lb brie (we're going out of town in a few days and the expiry date was close). Those prices are as cheap as aldi but I think TJ quality is better. Wine was all 3 buck chuck except the $5.49 champagne.

From a quick glance I think the cart could be perceived as luxurious since you don't know what kind of wine was in the case ($3 or $18?). What kind of cheese - $6/lb or $15/lb? In any event, none of these items are necessities. I personally consider them luxuries.

So you were already feeling "awkward". But why? Did you have to push the cart in front of you up to the store clerk, showing off all of your "clearly luxury goods" in front of you? Were you able to leave the cart at the front of the aisle and walk up to them without your cart, to save yourself some awkwardness so they didn't have to gaze into your cart and see tons of things that would show hints at your lifestyle?

I suppose I could have. I didn't really think about it at the time. I kind of stumbled into the awkward moment and didn't realize what I was saying until the moment I was saying it. Although anyone shopping at TJ's is indulging in luxury spending to some extent (many of the goods in there can be purchased cheaper elsewhere).

 

[FUEGO]

That will work. I will even throw in a question about how she could pay so much for a pack of Ramen.

Just serve the ramen and there will be no mistaking your lo-falutin status. We love ramen in the FUEGO household. Makes great lo mein or quickie pho in addition to the regular noodle soup. If it wasn't so cheap that would sound pretentious, right?

Sometimes we live large and buy the tom yum soup ramen noodles for $0.42 each instead of the regular $0.20. Twice as expensive but oh so good.

Way better than caviar with a side of foot-in-your-mouth flavoring.

 

[MRG]

It's all the same to me! I'll take the salmon eggs if it's a tiny fraction of the real thing (sturgeon eggs). I honestly knew nothing about caviar until I read that wiki article.

If you want trout bait. Have you eaten salmon eggs? There must be something I don't understand. I love sushi, one year my goal was to try every different sashimi style fish. I loved it, even Uni and flying fish roe, items people said were acquired tastes. Last item was the salmon eggs, couldn't get past having used them for trout bait No Way.

Cavier it's ok, I'll eat if it's served but wouldn't go out of my way for it. It's been mentioned, the real stuff is having a hard time in the wild. There's domestic and imported sustainable product, use them.

 

[FUEGO]

We had some friends over Friday night for dinner, and were discussing best places to eat breakfast out. We mentioned a nearby brunch in an upscale area, and when they asked how much it was, I replied with $20 per person, but worth every single penny. The look on their faces made me feel like a schmuck. I might as well have said $200 each.

I'd probably throw you a sideways look, too. We could afford it but probably don't spend that much on a meal for 1 person more than once every 4-5 years.

Of course I see plenty of people I know dropping $20 or more on a single meal (or just drinks to accompany a single meal!). They tend to not have a lot of money if I had to guess.

 

[FUEGO]

If you want trout bait. Have you eaten salmon eggs? There must be something I don't understand. I love sushi, one year my goal was to try every different sashimi style fish. I loved it, even Uni and flying fish roe, items people said were acquired tastes. Last item was the salmon eggs, couldn't get past having used them for trout bait No Way.

Cavier it's ok, I'll eat if it's served but wouldn't go out of my way for it. It's been mentioned, the real stuff is having a hard time in the wild. There's domestic and imported sustainable product, use them.

I've had some straight from the freshly caught fish's gut eggs that my Thai in-laws served up one day. I only tried 1-2 and can't recall it having much flavor. No clue what kind of fish it was.

And I've had the little eggs on sushi (orange, red, green, presumably dyed with food coloring). Nice crunchy texture when you bite into them. Never had them in sufficient quantity to get a good taste.

I'm not really into trying them, but DW wants to give it a shot. It's way cheaper to buy expensive ingredients at the store than to load up at the sushi restaurant.

 

[Lsbcal]

...(snip)
I'll also add that this was early in the morning, I hadn't had any coffee (except a small cup of free TJ coffee a minute earlier), I was in a hurry with other groceries in the car, and had a 2.5 year old in tow asking for more of the organic cheese crackers and "gapes" (free in store samples at TJ that day). My brain wasn't totally on yet!
...

Well, as one of presiding judges I find these thin excuses to be laughable.

Now the jury is instructed to deliberate and present a verdict. Don't take too long.

 

[Elbata]

Years ago, rich relative was talking about trip to Vegas. All they played were slots and I think their minimum bet was $25. (As an aside, these were frugal people who worked very hard to earn their MM.)

Without thinking I said, "Boy, I bet you got comped". And then by the look on their faces, I don't think they knew what that meant. I was kind of embarrassed by my plebeian utterance.

Not sure if this story is at all related to the thread, but thought I'd share it. Interesting thread.

 

[Bigal50]

A few years before I early retired (but I was already counting down the days with a notation on the corner of my office calendar), I was sitting around chatting with my boss and a fellow employee. This boss just loved to "live large" and was bragging about her recently refinanced Jumbo mortgage. She turned to me and asked me details about my mortgage. After an awkward silence, I said I didn't have one.
You could've heard a pin drop.

omni

The ultimate comeback! I love it!!


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

 

[Cassie]

Years ago, rich relative was talking about trip to Vegas. All they played were slots and I think their minimum bet was $25. (As an aside, these were frugal people who worked very hard to earn their MM.)

Without thinking I said, "Boy, I bet you got comped". And then by the look on their faces, I don't think they knew what that meant. I was kind of embarrassed by my plebeian utterance.

Not sure if this story is at all related to the thread, but thought I'd share it. Interesting thread.

They should have been getting RFB (room, food, beverage) playing slots at $25 per spin (especially if they were playing for hours at a time and had their player's card in the machine). My response would have been just like yours.

 

[NW-Bound]

Good caviar is excellent. Doesn't make it ethical to eat it, though...

The caviar that goes for several thousands/lb is from farm-raised sturgeon. I do not know how much one has to pay for caviar from wild sturgeon, or if it is even openly available, but then I am no caviar eater. And speaking of sturgeon, it is interesting that it can be farm raised for caviar.

But while I do not care for sturgeon roe, some years ago, I had sturgeon in a Portland restaurant, and it was very good. I have not had another fish with the same texture and taste. There are many species of sturgeon, perhaps not all endangered, and I did not think of asking what species it was that was served. I forgot about that until now. If I remember, will do some research to see how I can acquire some, and if it is that good farm raised, all the better.

 

[purplesky]

Well, I wasn't really sure whether DW wanted fish eggs or caviar. And I wasn't really sure what the difference was. Guess I'm the underclassed one! My acquaintance A might actually have known the difference. (I know the difference know after reading the wiki linked here). I was going to check out the prices for whatever fish egg or fish egg related products they had and make a choice based on what was on offer.

I'll also add that this was early in the morning, I hadn't had any coffee (except a small cup of free TJ coffee a minute earlier), I was in a hurry with other groceries in the car, and had a 2.5 year old in tow asking for more of the organic cheese crackers and "gapes" (free in store samples at TJ that day). My brain wasn't totally on yet!


Maybe I oversold just how luxurious my cart was. The capers are a lot cheaper at TJ's than walmart (2x the amount for the same price IIRC). Artichokes about the same as aldi if aldi has them (not often). Cheese was $6/lb creamy havarti and I think I put back the $6/lb brie (we're going out of town in a few days and the expiry date was close). Those prices are as cheap as aldi but I think TJ quality is better. Wine was all 3 buck chuck except the $5.49 champagne.

From a quick glance I think the cart could be perceived as luxurious since you don't know what kind of wine was in the case ($3 or $18?). What kind of cheese - $6/lb or $15/lb? In any event, none of these items are necessities. I personally consider them luxuries.




I suppose I could have. I didn't really think about it at the time. I kind of stumbled into the awkward moment and didn't realize what I was saying until the moment I was saying it. Although anyone shopping at TJ's is indulging in luxury spending to some extent (many of the goods in there can be purchased cheaper elsewhere).

If I am understanding this whole scenario correctly you and your family live in a modest typical middle-class neighborhood. You killed it and retired early super young with 3 small children. Thats awesome.

The woman neighbor works at Trader Joes and has a unemployed husband and their used car might go to the bank.
I really doubt caviar or fine cheese or fine wine is even on her envy or jealousy radar. I wouldn't worry about it moving forward. She is just busy keeping her lights on.

The" keep up with the jones" mindset has changed in this country for many middle-class families.

Most people now realize nice car=big car payment and big house=big mortgage and are moving away from the big debt traps. I did both and it sucked.

I am definitely not in the same money league as many people on this forum but I am "a millionaire next door".

Caviar for most people is kind of a joke luxury item. It reminds me of that show "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous".

I would rather snowboard in Chile during my summer than waste cash on caviar.

Not that theres anything wrong with caviar.

 

[EastWest Gal]

"Champagne wishes and caviar dreams," remember that?

Travel when and where you want = lifestyles of the RE and not famous. Wearing T-shirts and shorts/jeans/sweats most days = lifestyles of the RE and not famous.

Cheap black lumpfish caviar is $13 at the grocery store. Certainly won't break the bank. Sometime I 'm going to buy one tin of the expensive stuff. I like caviar. I guess it's my Russian heritage. Our local Wegman's carries it (under lock and key). Wegman's also carries truffles. $999/lb for mushrooms. They only keep a few, in the produce section. The truffles bin is covered and locked. I don't like truffles.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

 

[kombat]

If they needed fifty thousand dollars, would you loan it to them?

Is that a question for me?

No, it wasn't to you at all.
I just think there are a lot of (other) smug people who won't step up when the chips are really down.

Did you mean to imply that being willing to lend someone $50,000 is a virtuous trait, whereas declining to make such a loan is "smugness," or some other negative trait?

There are a handful of people with whom I'm comfortable openly discussing our finances, but they do not include any co-workers. My siblings and siblings-in-law know we're well on our way to paying off our house, and I make no secret of my commitment to paying cash for large purchases.

Where I'm from (East Coast), there's a tradition of having a party to "burn your mortgage" when you make your final payment. Family and friends come over, you host a bar-b-que, and at the end of the night, you ceremoniously burn your mortgage papers. Is this in poor taste?

 

[LoneAspen]

Years ago, rich relative was talking about trip to Vegas. All they played were slots and I think their minimum bet was $25. (As an aside, these were frugal people who worked very hard to earn their MM.)

Without thinking I said, "Boy, I bet you got comped". And then by the look on their faces, I don't think they knew what that meant. I was kind of embarrassed by my plebeian utterance.

Not sure if this story is at all related to the thread, but thought I'd share it. Interesting thread.

Reminds me of a trip to Vegas once about 20 years ago. I was walking through a casino, and happened to pass by the edge of a high rollers slot area.

I saw this elderly woman, immaculately dressed and coiffed, all kinds of jewelry on, with a fur coat draped over the chair she was sitting on. She must have been in her 80's.

She was playing a $100 slot machine, three coins ($100 tokens I guess) at a time, and pulling the handle. This was back in the days before slots went all-electronic, and still took coins and had handles.

I was just amazed. This woman was playing (in my mind, wasting) $300 with each pull of the handle. And it wasn't like she was waiting long between pulls. She'd put in three tokens, pull the handle, and then keep going.

I stood there and watched for about 10 minutes and she never let up. She probably spent more in that 10 minutes than I made in a year back then.

Now, I have no problems spending money on entertainment, but even I would never be able to do something like that. That wouldn't be fun for me, even if I could afford it, because I'd realize how much I was throwing away.

 

[Sarah in SC]

Where I'm from (East Coast), there's a tradition of having a party to "burn your mortgage" when you make your final payment. Family and friends come over, you host a bar-b-que, and at the end of the night, you ceremoniously burn your mortgage papers. Is this in poor taste?

We did that. It was a great party, and our friends seemed to be very happy for us. I think these kinds of things are important, if only to be a good example, especially for younger folks. Be sure to burn a copy, though, and not the original mortgage papers--those need to stay in your fireproof box!

 

[rayvt]

Sometimes people do care. Their reactions are not hard to miss. That's when it can get awkward. Most of us would definitely prefer to be under the radar, but sometimes it's hard to avoid.

We figured out how to take care of these questions/discussions a long time ago. My wife will say, "I don't know, DH does all the bills." I just say, "I don't recall exactly, I have everything set up on automatic bill pay."