Can't Get Over Mistake

[brucethebroker]

"Now, a year later, I can't get this mistake out of my head. First, I feel stupid for doing it, and second, I feel guilty at having given up something my parents worked so hard fo and left to me. "

Think of it as your parents leaving you the money (from the sale of the home) instead.

As for me? Should never have sold my first two homes after moving to this area. (Would have been the worlds easiest rentals, and most profitable).
Should never have sold the 64 Fairlane Grampa left me (8 years old, 20k miles).
Same with my 71 Dodge Charger, and 79 Monte Carlo. Bought WorldCom, Conseco...sold Marvel.

But learned along the way and am no worse off financially because of a lifetime of hitting singles and doubles. Finally took my eye off hitting homers.

Now, when looking at a big financial decision, I spend more time weighing the future costs of doing that now. Like someone said, cheap tuition.

 

[Maenad]

DH and I both worked for the same tech company. In ~2001, after wage freezes and decreases and all kinds of other cost-cutting measures, they announced a program where we could borrow up to a year's salary from the company to buy company stock. It was sure to recover! We could stabilize the price right now and make money off of it in the future!

Yeah, right. It went up briefly (one work friend sold at that point and made money - good for him), but it didn't last. When they finally called the loans we sold all of the company stock and wrote an additional check for $40K. I've been leery of company stock ever since.

 

[iloveyoga]

Hello,

I am a brand new member, although I've been reading others' posts on the forum for some time. Single male, 59 yrs old. Worked in public sector for well over 30 years. Inherited a little from parents, but basically lived a frugal lifestyle and, through investing/saving, have a net worth over $2M.

I know this is going to sound whiney, so I apologize in advance. I, like my parents, have always been pretty cautious with money. Yes, I bought a lot of useless crap in my younger years, but for the most part I think I've done pretty well. Anyway, I can now start to see retirement in my sights, although I'm not quite ready yet (I actually like my job.). However, a couple of things have really started to bother me and caused me to lose sleep lately:

(1) And this one goes to the title of my post. I foolishly -- VERY foolishly -- sold my deceased parents' small home (which I owned free and clear and was where I was living), several years ago because I was in a relationship with a woman, moved into her home, and didn't want to be a landlord or have to otherwise worry about my home. Plan was to get married. Well, as you probably guessed, the relationship didn't work out and, the next thing I knew, I'm moving into an apartment at the age of 58. Now, a year later, I can't get this mistake out of my head. First, I feel stupid for doing it, and second, I feel guilty at having given up something my parents worked so hard fo and left to me. Anyway, I can certainly buy a new home but, unlike someone who is downsizing, doing so is going to cost me a lot more than what I got for my old home. Now, with interest rates going up and an apparent shortage of homes on the market, I don't know what to do ... buy or continue to rent, possibly into retirement.

(2) Because of my "mistake," as described above, compounded by another thoroughly stupid mistake of agreeing to help fix-up (financially) my ex-girlfriend's home -- money I'm sure I'm never going to see again, even though she promised to pay me back if we ever broke up -- I am lately feeling extreme caution about spending ANY money. In a nutshell, I guess I feel the need to "make up" what I lost.

So, I guess I'm looking for a little validation. Has anyone ever (a) made a stupid financial mistake that has haunted them, even if only in their own mind, and (b) how did you get past it ?

Thanks very much.

Overall you have done very well!! I would think almost everyone has at least one financial folly in their past (for us it was a BMW convertible). I recommend you forgive yourself and look at all the great things you have accomplished at your age, like $2M.

 

[athena53]

DH and I both worked for the same tech company. In ~2001, after wage freezes and decreases and all kinds of other cost-cutting measures, they announced a program where we could borrow up to a year's salary from the company to buy company stock. It was sure to recover! We could stabilize the price right now and make money off of it in the future!

Ouch. I'd say you guys win the prize for Worst Financial Move. I'm glad you recovered!

 

[MichaelB]

Just a reminder to keep the dialog friendly and helpful for the OP.

 

[googily]

Sold most of our AMZN stock in 2015 (bought at $40/share) when it was at 375 and looked to be dropping.

It's now over $1000.

Kept the house my mother so desperately wanted me to have (that belonged to her parents) even though my dad really really wanted to sell it. Thought it would be a retirement home for DH and me. Now DH is gone, I've decided to sell it, and it turns out that there were years and years of ignored repairs. Will probably lose about $40k on that decision, all told.

 

[bloom2708]

It sounds like the power of nostalgia at work. Very powerful indeed.

One way to look at it. Lets say your parents didn't own that house. If you had the cash and could buy any house in that price range, would it be THAT house?

I guess I'm trying to say, if you remove nostalgia and the guilt that comes with it, would that be the house? I doubt it.

Past is the past. If you desire to own another house, look around and buy another one that fits your needs. Maybe you will find another one that is 5x better and your parents will smile down on your improved house.

My parents lived in their first house for 40 years. Bought it for $10k from my mom's grandma when she had to move to a nursing home. Powerful nostalgia at work. About 5 years ago them moved to a newer (2 years old) house about 5 blocks from their old house (build in 1908). The new one is one floor, much nicer, attached garage.

My dad says over and over "why did we wait so long to move...."

His regret is they didn't move to a better house a long time ago. Can't live in that past either.

 

[Montecfo]

i seriously considered buying Apple at $16 per share (so about $2.25 adjusted for splits). it seemed like a good buy. Then it rallied north of $20 (so less than $3 split adjusted). I figured it had gotten. away from me. I do regret that.

I am troubled by regrets of all types. it can be paralyzing. I can put things behind me, but fear of regret can be a powerful de-motivator.

 

[ejman]

Regrets? Oh dear - Back in 1979 I read a fascinating article about a feller by the name Warren Buffet and how he had bought this mill by the name of Berkshire Hathaway and was in the process of transforming it into a money making machine and he had the credentials to convince me he could. I called my broker and found out that the stock was then selling for about $175 or so a share and to buy 100 shares would take most of my capital at that time. And I had this thing about paying an extra commission since I would buy an odd lot of maybe 30 shares or so instead of my usual 100 share round lot. Long story short I didn't buy any. So 30 shares would have cost me a little over $5,000 at the time. Value today for 30 shares? $8,037,330.

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

He applied sporadically for jobs, but none suited his exalted credentials and he would demand twice what the job was worth and then tactlessly tell them all the things they were doing wrong. .

OMG, too funny , Im crying.

 

[Senator]

I sold AMZN for ~$68 and lost money on it a while ago... Among many others.

I did do well in real estate. Never underestimate the power of a successful person to rebound. You will rebound too.

 

[Meadbh]

You made what you thought was a good decision based on the information available at the time. People do that every day. There's nothing you can do to reverse the decision, so it's best to learn from the experience and move on.

 

[RenoJay]

As someone who used to lose sleep over financial mistakes, my thoughts are:

1. Every millionaire I know has made some doozies. It's part of getting to millionaire status.

2. I used to own a home 5 minutes walk from the new Apple HQ. It's more than tripled in value since I sold it. BUT...rather than dwelling, I recognize that I put a bunch of the money into the stock market when I sold (which has more than doubled) so the opportunity cost isn't as large as it could have been. I suspect the OP didn't just stuff the cash into his mattress.

3. If the parent's home was, say, $500k at the time of sale and has since appreciated 30%, then the "loss" is $150k. Out of $2MM, that's less than 10%. Most of us have had worse rides in various assets classes.

4. To stop dwelling, I quickly mark down my "whoops" moments on my spreadsheet and accept whatever the new number is as "the number" since I can't change the past.

I hope OP stops beating himself up. The cost of marrying the wrong person would have been way higher than the cost of losing some appreciation on a house.

 

[Luck_Club]

Many mistakes over the years, fortunately few regrets. Most recent mistake was taking a year off to start an import business. Was sure I could build it to $20 Million in short order. Lost about $75K plus lost wages. It is a tough long road to build a respectable name even in commoditized products.

 

[Aerides]

I think you have to be a little zen about it.... we've all had our share of mistakes, some of them down right trainwrecks that we are lucky to have recovered from alive or with a penny.

First (second) spouses, first houses, addictions, career mis-steps, bad investments, you name it, everyone's got one or more.

I just figure life is not a straight line. There are detours and back tracks, lulls and potholes, but they all get you to where you are NOW. Would you trade that to be somewhere and someone else?

If you are fundamentally happy with your life, you just have to dismiss the "gdi what if I'd never or I had...." stuff.

If you can't do that easily, meditation might be an idea?

 

[ncbill]

Trusted the wrong (financial) people based on their prior relationship with other members of my family.

Oh, and worked for a "social drinker" in my last corporate job until it became obvious that habit had grown into something much more serious than "social" drinking...

 

[MRG]

I believe I'm the only person who ever owned Berkshire Hathaway long term and lost money.[emoji111]

 

[Lawrencewendall]

How appropriate. I just came across this.

https://satisfyingretirement.blogspot.com/2017/09/if-i-had-heeded-this-advice.html

EDIT: Sometimes making seemingly wrong decisions or decisions against other's advice, leads to other/better things.

 

[GravitySucks]

Nope. Never made a mistake.
Anyone want to buy this Cisco stock I still have? I'll let it go for 1/2 what I paid....
Out packing up the 39 year old RV I bought as I honestly thought I could get some collector value out of it. Selling in the spring and will be lucky to only be out a couple of thousand and maybe 200 hours labor.

$2mm in investments. Most people would love to had made that many mistakes.

 

[haha]

Hello,

(2) Because of my "mistake," as described above, compounded by another thoroughly stupid mistake of agreeing to help fix-up (financially) my ex-girlfriend's home -- money I'm sure I'm never going to see again, even though she promised to pay me back if we ever broke up

I assume you at least took it out in trade?

Don't be embarrassed, sometimes this isn't a bad deal at all.

Ha

 

[Winemaker]

I had 10,000 shares of megacorp with a goal to sell at $120, my basis was $7.50. I was hoping to take advantage of NUA in my 401k but I was only 53, so I was just going to sell.

It reached $119.75 and fell from there. I ended up selling most at about $70. I only own 100 shares and it's $15.00 now.

 

[burned out shift worker]

it's ok

I took 100% of our cash out of markets when S&P went up to 1332 around 5/2011 from a low of 666 and placed the $850,000 into 2.9% 5 year CDs 2008 had me so upset I told myself if I get back what I had in I was out forever, Last 15 months since the CDS came due I have 40% stock 60% bonds managed by Vanguard. Think how I feel retired 6 months ago with 1.25 should have been 1.6

 

[OHjosh]

Far better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all

I don't see your attempt to be in a committed relationship a mistake. Congratulations for taking a risk, even if it did not turn out as you had hoped. So this experience cost you some monay. I left my partner of 13 years free and clear of debt. (That took about $10K a decade ago.) I can't justify it financially but I can in my heart. As others have said, it was a life and learning experience. Move on...

Financial mistakes, oh yeah. Damn REITs. They set me back at least a year in FIRE-ing.

I had the opportunity to purchase the fam home for a song 30 years ago and turned it down. I didn't care for the layout and it never would have felt my own.

With the funds you have, I think rent or buy is at your option.

Enjoy your life!

 

[timemoveson]

Great thread

Really enjoying hearing these stories because I've done the full beat up as well, many, many times.

- Buying at the very top of a big regional real estate bubble, never recovered, paid to get out of mortgage;
- Tech crash losses, never recovered;
- Treaded water with overpriced investments and/or terrible investment strategies, for years;
- Too many houses, traded serially and at one time!

But: business life was a successul earnings machine, saved efficiently, controlled lifestyle, SO totally aligned, got investing house in order, de-risked continuously, set clear goals, etc.

Now nudging $10M in NW as we speak. You can recover and you definitely learn.

You do have to put it behind you. I'm convinced you have to make some of these mistakes.

But I'm also convinced I could have done with fewer of them. That would have been nice.