FUEGO
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- Nov 13, 2007
- Messages
- 7,746
DW would go insane within a week.
Might be cheaper just to bail MIL out...
DW would go insane within a week.
I think the main thing that is needed is for her to realize her financial situation - realize that money won't suddenly appear on her doorstep just because she is accustomed to her lifestyle. I get the feeling she is refusing to accept the fact that she is now responsible for her actions (with no bailout) and she will have to suffer the consequences of any financial actions (or non-actions in her case). I say this because she doesn't seem to be receptive to the help you are trying to offer.
To me, the best thing to do is to let her assume all her financial responsibilities. I don't know if your wife will agree, but I would tell her not to expect any financial help from you or from your wife. (After all, she has enough money to manage on her own and she is choosing to overspend and there is no reason someone else has to pick up the tab.) (You may end up helping anyway, but your MIL should not expect it and should not plan her budget with that in mind. She is on her own like everyone else.)
You could still break down the numbers for her (her budget/her asset breakdowns and when she would run out of money if she followed her spending patterns.). She needs to face that and realize what she is facing. From what you said, she never was involved in the family finance and she is still playing by the same old rules ("someone else always taking care of it." rule.) I say this because you mentioned that she tries to justify her spending even to you (as if you were her husband who brings back the bacon, who can say "OK, I will give you more money.") If she asks for help in how she could rebudget, then give her advice - options she can pursue etc, but she herself needs to feel nobody is going to bail her out. - It's time for her to rise up to the occasion. Maybe she is still counting on the alimony to arrive on her doorstep, I don't know.
OK, I may sound tough, but my take is she is responsible now for her finance, not you or anybody else and she can do this. I hope she will end up feeling empowered with the notion that she is now in the driving seat for her life.
Might be cheaper just to bail MIL out...
There's another issue here that we haven't discussed.
If she wants to, both you and she know that she can simply refuse to "get with the program" and live within a budget. She could then gleefully run right through that $170,000 before she is 72, at that rate. When she is destitute at 72, one might expect her to play the guilt card:
"But dear, you just wouldn't believe the sacrifices I made when you were a baby. I changed your every diaper, went without things I needed, and put up with your crying, sacrificed my career. And now that I am in my old age, and need YOUR help, you are going to throw me out on the street? How could I have raised someone so heartless?" and so on.
She has the trump card and is in the position of power, here, not you. You cannot make someone change or do something they simply refuse to do.
Maybe Bikerdude's idea of selling both houses and buying a house with an attached MIL apartment, with a separate entrance, is something to consider. The extra money from her house might take her to age 80 or so before she runs out of money.
If she refuses to go with the program and burns through her savings in 6 years, then I guess she'll have to learn how to spend the rest of her life living on SS. DW would absolutely refuse to help if MIL displayed so little concern about her own situation.
Here my son has a python that stays in his room,
In my opinion, FIREdreamer, if your MIL had any interest at all in this situation, she would be actively trying to figure it out for herself, either by figuring out what to give up, or what job she was going to get. Reading your posts, I can't help but feel like she thinks you are going to fix everything for her. She is just a disinterested or marginally interested party waiting to see the outcome and expecting that it will be positive. You've already explained to her the reality in which she is finding herself. She doesn't understand it? Come on, you don't believe that...she wants you to support her. If it were me, or I would argue that if it were anyone on this board who found themselves in MIL's situation, I guarantee you that we would be doing something about it.
R
In my opinion, FIREdreamer, if your MIL had any interest at all in this situation, she would be actively trying to figure it out for herself, either by figuring out what to give up, or what job she was going to get. Reading your posts, I can't help but feel like she thinks you are going to fix everything for her. She is just a disinterested or marginally interested party waiting to see the outcome and expecting that it will be positive. You've already explained to her the reality in which she is finding herself. She doesn't understand it? Come on, you don't believe that...she wants you to support her. If it were me, or I would argue that if it were anyone on this board who found themselves in MIL's situation, I guarantee you that we would be doing something about it.
So, what actions has she taken personnally, knowing that she spends 32k, but can only reasonably expect to spend 20k, without you telling her specifically that she must do?
R
I agree with Moe and I did read your reply to her.I would take an extended vacation from MIL's problems otherwise she will never figure them out as long as she has you to solve them . She's 66 not disabled .If she wants to live on $32,000 maybe she does have to get a job or figure out where to make cut backs instead of putting it in your lap.
Sorry FD if I went a little overboard. I feel for you and I truly know how your situation feels. I just seemed to recall your post on this subject a long time ago, and I thought she had already understood how severe it might be. And yes, if it was me, I would have adjusted the very month the alimony stopped coming...but that's me.
Apologies if I offended.
R
I agree with Moe and I did read your reply to her.
If you and your DW were to suddenly go up in smoke at the same time, who would come to her rescue?
Well, assuming he treated it as a rental for tax purposes, it would seem he could deduct all the mortgage interest and depreciation but add back the rent as income, at least as I understand the tax law for rental property.I am curious if he could legally deduct
the rent from the mortgage payment each month.