Help me spend money

Bamaman said:
We've seen that too often people have not lived their dreams or grabbed as much gusto out of life as they should have.
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Amen to that. My wife married young, and told me of measuring out the coffee to see if they had enough for the week. Her husband passed away 15 years ago, and some years later, we met and married. She said she wanted to travel, but could not do much.
Fast forward, after 52 trips and 511 travels days, we are slowing down. Our last cruise was in a suite, and our next one will be too:D
 
RunningBum said:
That's fine, everyone has their own priorities. On any length flight I like the easy boarding, and not fighting with others on the overhead bin space, and being one of the very first off. Usually bags are tagged specially and are first on the carousel. The wider seat and more leg room is just a part of it.

In any case, I won't be bothered if the OP rejects it. Just giving ideas that maybe will spur something else. I also like the idea given above about vending out unpleasant tasks. That can be about anything.
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I agree with all those reasons. But another important factor for me is that I just don’t like to sit next to young people. There are few in first class, and those that are generally seem well-mannered and dress conservatively. Rarely a rambunctious child in first class, either.
 
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Had this very discussion with my Dad over the holidays...their investments this year netted them over 3x what he ever made in salary and they don't know what to do with it all. Dad FIRE'd at 51 (they are now in their mid-70s) and raised 3 frugal kids - when we were children they spent money on "experiences" and not "stuff". Mom still darns socks and patches clothing! (She hates for things to go to "waste" - knowing that they can afford replacements doesn't change anything). They are generous with gifting to us kids (now in our 40s and all doing fine) and the grandkids' 529 plans are well-funded.

So, we tell them to just spend it! But they don't really know how - Mom got the kitchen remodelled, she LOVES it, but they accumulated more money in the time that it took to get the remodelling done than it actually cost. They do give to charity but (I think) have the same problem I do - a lot of the money you give to charities is "wasted" on administration and fund-raising, so your dollars aren't used as efficiently as you would use them yourself. (Off-Topic: suggestions of best charities to contribute to would not be ignored!)

For those of us not yet ready to FIRE but already on the right track - I think the advise should be to not short yourself of experiences now - BUY the WAGYU (no, I mean it, I speak from experience, I have some in my deep freeze right now). Drink the good beer. YES save, YES find the best deals, YES get those credit card bonuses and frequent flier miles - but, once you are saving a good amount and living below your means, live a little now.

I'm also a fan of random acts of generosity - that waitress at the diner that saved the last piece of rhubarb pie for you, at the end of her shift, when she didn't know if you were really coming back after your hike? $100 tip! Seriously, her day just turned out SO MUCH better - and you got rhubarb pie!
 
DrJDoe said:
Had this very discussion with my Dad over the holidays...their investments this year netted them over 3x what he ever made in salary and they don't know what to do with it all. Dad FIRE'd at 51 (they are now in their mid-70s) and raised 3 frugal kids - when we were children they spent money on "experiences" and not "stuff". Mom still darns socks and patches clothing! (She hates for things to go to "waste" - knowing that they can afford replacements doesn't change anything). They are generous with gifting to us kids (now in our 40s and all doing fine) and the grandkids' 529 plans are well-funded.


This sounds so much like us. Me more so than my wife on the parentheses except I don't darn socks. I enjoy gifting the max each year (divided between Christmas and Birthday) to my 2 step-children.


So, we tell them to just spend it! But they don't really know how - Mom got the kitchen remodelled, she LOVES it, but they accumulated more money in the time that it took to get the remodelling done than it actually cost. They do give to charity but (I think) have the same problem I do - a lot of the money you give to charities is "wasted" on administration and fund-raising, so your dollars aren't used as efficiently as you would use them yourself. (Off-Topic: suggestions of best charities to contribute to would not be ignored!)


This is why I gift directly to a few small local charities where I know how the money is used and that need the help.


For those of us not yet ready to FIRE but already on the right track - I think the advise should be to not short yourself of experiences now - BUY the WAGYU (no, I mean it, I speak from experience, I have some in my deep freeze right now). Drink the good beer. YES save, YES find the best deals, YES get those credit card bonuses and frequent flier miles - but, once you are saving a good amount and living below your means, live a little now.

I'm also a fan of random acts of generosity - that waitress at the diner that saved the last piece of rhubarb pie for you, at the end of her shift, when she didn't know if you were really coming back after your hike? $100 tip! Seriously, her day just turned out SO MUCH better - and you got rhubarb pie!
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+1 and #4 and #6 I have been working on it for the past 8 years although it is coming along slowly. I even find myself discreetly going after my wife multiple times a day and turning off the bathroom light she left on. This is even after replacing burning out lights with LED bulbs. :facepalm: This past year I have spent more than usual trying to break the habit. Most of the time buying gifts for my wife gives me the most pleasure or arrange a special trip/adventure. :D In the past those have been mostly tent camping while traveling that we both enjoy. I have more limitations now so I have to spend the money to travel.

This is not an easy thing to change after all those times during which I only had canned pinto beans and biscuits to eat for a couple of years or other times (after a divorce from my first wife) where I had no furniture and slept on the floor or the few years where I had no heat during the winters and no air conditioning during the summers. (fortunately I didn't have to walk 10 miles uphill to work and 10 miles uphill to return home.) Eventually I will break the habits. I just hope I'm not too late.


Cheers!
 
We are still clipping coupons and using Groupon...I think it is in our DNA.

We are at the stage in life, similar to you, where we prefer experiences to things. You mentioned that you go on cruises twice each year. Rather than going on 6 cruises/year, look into a WORLD CRUISE. We did that 2 years ago, and went with an ALL INCLUSIVE cruise line, Seven Seas. You do not deal with drink packages, or wifi costs. Excursions are already included. You pay a lot up front, but then you just enjoy 137 days, 30 countries, 62 ports, seeing so many different cultures. We did hiking, biking, kayaking, and a lot of physical things, but you can choose how much heavy lifting you want to do.

From that experience, we were able to decide where we wanted to visit again in the future. Our 6 hour safaris were very interesting, so last year we booked 5 weeks of safaris in 7 different camps. Amazing adventures...and again,all inclusives, we there were no expenses along the way that we had to decide on.

I highly recommend using a WORLD CRUISE to get you small appetizers of different countries...then you can decide if you want to go back for a full meal.
 
Sojourner said:
I could understand not getting much pleasure out of first class on a short domestic flight, but on long overseas flights? Those lie-flat seats are so comfy (compared to cramped coach seats), and the whole first class experience (food, drinks, service) is hands-down better than coach. Way better. Now, of course, one could argue whether this is worth the added cost—typically well over $1,000 more than the economy/coach fare. I struggle with that myself, but I think it's a reasonable upgrade to suggest to someone who enjoys traveling and is looking to "blow that dough" in retirement.
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I couldn't agree more. The worst thing about overseas travel is the flight. Upgrading to 1st class or business class would be an excellent way to blow extra money.
 
If you play golf, take your friends on a trip to Pebble Beach, Pinehurst, Scotland or Bandon Dunes.
 
Dr. Doe, the Salvation Army is my favorite charity. A married couple are always in charge and together they get one small salary. Most of the money goes to help people. As a former social worker I have seen them help many of our clients. They are religious which turns some people off but I don’t care. Locally we have a mission for homeless men and they spend very little on salaries. I also give to our local humane society because they receive no money from the National one. People assume they are connected but they aren’t.
 
ER Eddie said:
I've been frugal all my life and "struggled" to spend more in retirement, too. It's not just frugality, though, it's really a philosophy of life, simplicity. Keeping things small, simple, and uncluttered, so I can focus on what I really enjoy and care about.

I'm different, in that I don't seem to want or care about most of what normal people do -- you know, kids, family, nice houses, travel, busy social calendar, nice cars, lots of stuff, plenty of entertainment. I get my joy from simple things like reading, taking walks, going to the park and walking my dog, fiddling on the internet, hanging out in the backyard, playing a game, reflecting, or just relaxing. None of these things cost any money.

So despite my desires to spend more, I'm only moderately successful. I can't really change who I am at this point, nor do I want to. Buying stuff just doesn't bring me much happiness, generally speaking.

Now, there have been a few exceptions. I "bought" a dog. I bought a bike. I spend pretty freely on good food. I bought some better patio furniture. I bought a shitload of books. I buy gourmet food for my backyard squirrels and birds, lol. All of those things made me happier or more content. If there's something I want, and I think it'll genuinely bring me long-term happiness/contentment, I'll buy it. I don't deprive myself. But I've only been moderately successful in increasing my spending so far, even though I know I should. I yam who I yam.
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OMG Eddie, It is very similar to mine. except I have a family but not dog.
My biggest expense is buying grocery for home cooking (many of them are organic). Reading, exercise, hiking, running don't cost much money at all.
 
jkern said:
I couldn't agree more. The worst thing about overseas travel is the flight. Upgrading to 1st class or business class would be an excellent way to blow extra money.
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We flew Business Class on British Airways a number of times. Other than a comfortable flight, they have great BC lounges. You sit and relax, have a light meal, beer , wine, or soda, and quiet.
 
"I feel stuck in this frugality mindset and can’t seem to spend more."


Welcome to the club!! Wife and I have been retired for 8 years and I still can't bring myself to spend even 50% of what we could/should. Got 200k/year income in retirement, just shy of 5M in assets, and still have trouble breaking the mentality of 'saving for tomorrow'. You haven't said why you have the frugality issue, but for me it is simple - at some point the economy is going to dump. Many of those who spend freely are going to be selling their houses for pennies on the dollar (again), and I don't want to even take a chance of being part of that crowd. Fear of poverty is, or even being middle class, is a great motivator for being a tightwad. Maybe you have the same issue?
 
Very nice room. Recently, I paid close to that for an Airbnb apartment in a Waikiki highrise, which was nowhere that nice, but it was for 5 people.

Out of curiosity, I looked on the Web, and across the Carmel Bay, there are a couple of lodges that are more expensive, and the rooms do not look as nice. I guess their higher prices are because of the golf courses. I'd rather take your TicklePink Inn.
 
Thanks!

Yeah, it's that tub shot out the window that did it... signed me right up.

Yeah some guys like to golf but me...I'mma gonna tickle some pink - :)
 
levindb said:
We are still clipping coupons and using Groupon...I think it is in our DNA.
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I finally gave up clipping coupons a couple years ago. Sorting through the ones I might want wasn't too bad. But half the time I'd forget them in my car and have to go back and get them, or skip it. Then I'd have to squint at the expiration date, and keep track of what I bought with a coupon and what I didn't. Then the slowdown at the register whether I do self-scan or a manned register. Then there would be the time when I grabbed the wrong size or something else made the coupon invalid. So I punted them. And it greatly improved my attitude toward grocery shopping. Worth every penny I'm giving up not using them.
 
Yeah.

I keep losing the $5 off coupons the hardware store sends me. What's groupon?
 
I have the same problem but I don't think I have the wealth of some of you people. I grew up poor and never really had a budget or spending plan. I just saved very well. Starting a couple of years ago, I put myself on a budget of 60K a year. No family, no heirs. I have a sister who lives overseas who doesn't have anything to do with me. I don't really know my cousins, except for one whom I barely know and she's loaded. But I don't want to wind up in a nursing home and if that means keeping a lot of money in order to finish my life in my apartment, so be it. At 65, my big $215 a month pension kicks in.

I guess the answer for the person who wanted to spend money, get married and have kids. Women can spend every dime you make.
 
Start collecting Japanese swords. That should easily take care of any excess $$ lying around!
 
Buy a small yacht. It will definitely help you spend. An airplane would be even better. I can't fly anymore because of my cataracts so shifted to sailing instead. I love it!!

Seriously though, I identify with this and for us it was an actual problem. The epiphany came for us when we were on a tour in China. There were some very beautiful silk art which I would buy except for our frugality. I was sitting with another woman with a similar mindset talking about how we had amassed a lot of money but weren't spending it. My wife, who is the more frugal of us, realized I was right and plopped down $5k for a large silk piece on the spot which shocked me. We actually ended up buying 2 of them and lugging them home but they are beautiful. Since then we are not being frugal at all and it hasn't really affected our savings. We have 5 long and expensive trips planned this year. But, we are in our 70's and the clock is running out so we have decided to spend it down as long as we are fit enough to enjoy travelling and our hobbies of photography. We have no grandchildren so for us it is not a serious issue to maintain savings for my children. They are completely on their own and doing fine.
 
I am not religious, but I find my thoughts often return to the mental explorations of my youth and Jesus’s clever quips on matters.,

He was distainful of over worry about the future, miserliness leading to relatives enjoying the fruits of your labour, and he thought excess money should be focused on increasing your friendships.

I have a humble condo in a wealthy Florida gated community, where I get to study different lifestyles. The key seems to be making choices and investing money in social enablers.

1) vacation homes in retirement communities with an active sports and social scene, in particular, a staffed bar and restaurant, is beneficial. A cottage near children will draw family together.

2) a comfortable boat is something you can invite acquaintances out on, a great social enabler. One with a head.

3) a home suitable for largish cocktail parties and dinners allows you to be the host, the person inviting others

4) spend money on learning golf, tennis, pickleball, poker, mah Jong,

5) dogs

6) Chautauqua arts and philosophy Mecca in the summer

7) special interest cruises

Curate carefully who you get close to. People with strong marriages who have their **** together who can teach you something about living.
 
Kroeran said:
I am not religious, but I find my thoughts often return to the mental explorations of my youth and Jesus’s clever quips on matters.,

He was distainful of over worry about the future, miserliness leading to relatives enjoying the fruits of your labour, and he thought excess money should be focused on increasing your friendships.
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I'm familiar with the "disdainful of over-worry about the future" -- the whole lilies of the field speech -- but disdainful over "miserliness leading to relatives enjoying the fruits of your labor?" Where does that come from? I'm just curious. I'm trying to recall a passage, but I'm coming up blank.

Also, "he thought excess money should be focused on increasing your friendships"? Can you share a quote? Thanks.
 
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