How to distinguish EOC (economic outpatient care)

[PandaBear]

Hi all.

I have three children: DS25, DS20, and DD18. All three have graduated from high school and are in the process of obtaining marketable college degrees.

They all have different money personalities, and they all are in the process of becoming self-sufficient in various ways and at various speeds.

I want to avoid EOC (economic outpatient care), probably for all the reasons outlined in the book (which I read a long time ago). I have a goal for all of my kids for them to be completely self-sufficient at some point.


I'm really interested in both (A) the broader question of EOC, and (B) how to treat college medical expenses in the context of EOC.

Personally, we supported our kids through college, including medical. We have the financial resources to do so and our kids are basically good kids, so I wouldn't have considered doing anything else. Especially since keeping them on our medical until didn't cost us anything.

I share your concern in terms of EOC, but I do not believe helping kids in college the same as when they are starting their lives.

Now, mine are 28, 25 and 23. All living on their own. We still pay their phones (kind of just the status quo.....we'll be changing that eventually, but we're not highly motivated right now to decide a new plan, so we keep putting it off).

I agree with the poster who noted that EOC is when your kids depend on the money or resources you provide to maintain their lifestyle. We "help" our kids out at times. We cosigned both our oldest kids first apartments. We pay for an annual family reunion weekend for dh's family (his siblings and their families), because we want them to stay connected to family and it's a priority for us. If we take them out for dinner, we pay. We dog sit our "grandpuppy" a couple of days a week, because he's adorable and gets along well with our dog. Our sons roommate and roommates girlfriend don't have family in town, so we invite them to join us for family events and meals at times and pay for them as well.

Our dd has a pension and puts 15% of her remaining salary into a 403B. Our youngest just started his first software job and maxes out his 401K. Our oldest makes half of what his siblings do and can't contribute to a 401K until he's been with his new company a year, so we match what he puts in his IRA, because it's hard for him to max it out.

I don't know what will happen in terms of them buying a house (we're not there yet) but we would like to gift them some money to help with a down payment. We also have a wedding fund for all three.

I'm a firm believer in fair doesn't mean equal....we help out our three kids in different ways, based on their individual circumstances. I also believe you can help your kids with some things without it impacting their ability to live within their means and make responsible decisions. It really depends on your kids and who they are. And kids can change. Our daughter (25, almost 26) was not nearly as responsible two years ago as she is now. So that has changed how we might help her out. I despaired of my youngest finding a job.....he did poorly in college and seemed to be struggling after college. But 14 months later he has a good job, an apartment and has really gotten his act together.

 

[ivinsfan]

PandaBear, great post and sometimes kids need a little time and helping them out for a little time lets them figure things out.

OTOH some kids get stuck and you might end fronting the bills for years waiting for the lightbulb moment. At some point you have ready to turn off the money if you realize it isn't helping them mature. Speaking for an extended family parent, for those you not in this position stopping the EOC can be harder then you imagine.

 

[Sunset]

I feel health insurance while attending College is part of the College cost, even if not explicitly required by the College.

However, I will point out, going bankrupt during College or right after is the best time to go bankrupt. Having a "child" go bankrupt when they are age 50 would be a more catastrophic event for their success, as they would probably loose more $$.

 

[ivinsfan]

I feel health insurance while attending College is part of the College cost, even if not explicitly required by the College.

However, I will point out, going bankrupt during College or right after is the best time to go bankrupt. Having a "child" go bankrupt when they are age 50 would be a more catastrophic event for their success, as they would probably loose more $$.

In college it's not about the kid going bankrupt it's about you going bankrupt if they have a medical issue. You could roll the dice on them getting the best treatment as an uninsured person, I wouldn't be comfortable with it.

 

[pacergal]

I think this situation will be different for each family, and possibly each child within the family.
We offer help/assistance/pay for various things for our two kids, based on their needs and asks. (they don't ask very much, or very often)
We feel blessed to be able to do this, and helping them now, to me, is better than waiting for their inheritance after we are gone.

 

[KarlH]

I have been thinking about this thread and I think the key is whether you are helping your kids afford a lifestyle they couldn't otherwise have. EOC can put your DD or DS behind the wheel of a 3 Series BMW, when they really have a budget for a Focus, or puts them in the 500K home when they have a 250K budget. The big negative of the elevated lifestyle is that the kids end up spending like (or to keep up with) their neighbors and don't develop the savings they would otherwise. I think its fine to help out with healthcare, but with the clear understanding that "you're too poor to afford this". If my kid can't afford health car after he buys a sports car, I would probably advise them to trade in the car, buy a used focus, and foot the bill themself.