Just curious as to how everyone handles this and views it in their own households.
When we first started out as DINKs we had separate checking accounts, separate savings accounts, separate (obviously) retirement accounts, and a joint after-tax investment account, an account who's demise has been well-covered in my previous thread. I wanted the separate accounts, Mr.Sassy disagreed, thinking of it in terms of "ours". To him, separate indicates bigger problems and the plotting to split down the road. In my view, separate accounts means covering all bases, keeping some level of independence, and a safety cushion if, yes, I do need to split down the road. Sad to think that way, I know, but I'm in favor of watching my own rear, especially now. We kept those separate accounts for the first 10 years of our marriage until I stayed home with the kids, then moved to one joint checking and savings account with the others staying the same.
So, the discussion recently came up that I wanted to keep the joint checking (being a SAHM doesn't work for opening an individual checking account since they now have so many deposit/withdrawal requirements to meet to avoid bank fees), but open an after-tax account in just my name and put some money in that. We would still have a joint after-tax account and separate retirement accounts, but I would like a little extra under my name. Mr. Sassy then countered with wanting the same for him, his thinking is this is my chess move for eventually leaving him. However, he has his 401k and IRAs, not to mention the paycheck, and the disparity moneywise between what's in his name and mine is huge, even if I factor in the joint account. Fair enough that, yes, I'm positioning myself in case things go south again in the future, but I think it's reasonable considering I currently have zero income and little in just my name to begin with.
This conversation also carried over to what-if inheritance scenarios with him basically saying that any inheritance he received would be ours and he expected the same of me, though he understands if I don't want to do that. I told him that any inheritance I receive is mine with only my name staying on it. That doesn't mean he wouldn't benefit from it through me (as in it'd give us a better cushion and ease money worries down the road), but nothing would be transferred over to joint ownership between us. As of right now, I stand to inherit significantly more than him, his being little if anything.
So, I'm curious to know other's opinions and how you work it. If you have separate accounts are you suspicious that your spouse is plotting something else, do you feel "what's mine is yours", or how do you find some balance and harmony regarding this?
I'm amazed after 20 years of marriage how much we butt heads on this stuff or, more importantly, can not even understand what the other is trying to communicate. And, yes, the trust factor obviously needs some work. We'll see what time has to say about that.
Dr. Phil would just have a feast with us.
When we first started out as DINKs we had separate checking accounts, separate savings accounts, separate (obviously) retirement accounts, and a joint after-tax investment account, an account who's demise has been well-covered in my previous thread. I wanted the separate accounts, Mr.Sassy disagreed, thinking of it in terms of "ours". To him, separate indicates bigger problems and the plotting to split down the road. In my view, separate accounts means covering all bases, keeping some level of independence, and a safety cushion if, yes, I do need to split down the road. Sad to think that way, I know, but I'm in favor of watching my own rear, especially now. We kept those separate accounts for the first 10 years of our marriage until I stayed home with the kids, then moved to one joint checking and savings account with the others staying the same.
So, the discussion recently came up that I wanted to keep the joint checking (being a SAHM doesn't work for opening an individual checking account since they now have so many deposit/withdrawal requirements to meet to avoid bank fees), but open an after-tax account in just my name and put some money in that. We would still have a joint after-tax account and separate retirement accounts, but I would like a little extra under my name. Mr. Sassy then countered with wanting the same for him, his thinking is this is my chess move for eventually leaving him. However, he has his 401k and IRAs, not to mention the paycheck, and the disparity moneywise between what's in his name and mine is huge, even if I factor in the joint account. Fair enough that, yes, I'm positioning myself in case things go south again in the future, but I think it's reasonable considering I currently have zero income and little in just my name to begin with.
This conversation also carried over to what-if inheritance scenarios with him basically saying that any inheritance he received would be ours and he expected the same of me, though he understands if I don't want to do that. I told him that any inheritance I receive is mine with only my name staying on it. That doesn't mean he wouldn't benefit from it through me (as in it'd give us a better cushion and ease money worries down the road), but nothing would be transferred over to joint ownership between us. As of right now, I stand to inherit significantly more than him, his being little if anything.
So, I'm curious to know other's opinions and how you work it. If you have separate accounts are you suspicious that your spouse is plotting something else, do you feel "what's mine is yours", or how do you find some balance and harmony regarding this?
I'm amazed after 20 years of marriage how much we butt heads on this stuff or, more importantly, can not even understand what the other is trying to communicate. And, yes, the trust factor obviously needs some work. We'll see what time has to say about that.
Dr. Phil would just have a feast with us.