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Marriage financial advice location/person?
Old 01-17-2023, 05:46 PM   #1
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Marriage financial advice location/person?

DH and DW have different thoughts on retirement and/or how to spend their income. One piece of advice I received is to get a good marriage financial advisor (CPA/CFP/whatever acronym) so that DH and DW have a professional to listen to (they do not listen to each other on this topic as often and they believe a financial advisor will provide a great "middle ground" between them.

We tried The Financial XXX (not trying to provide negative review of it) and the young advisor was very friendly but we "lost" money between every session. We tried a CPA who was a father of a friend and both of us did not agree on him.

Will you please provide your recommendation on where to find a quality marriage financial advisor (remotely online works too)?*

*Besides Google
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Old 01-17-2023, 05:57 PM   #2
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This recent post on Bogleheads.org lists many financial advisors that you could look into:
https://www.bogleheads.org/forum/vie...64802#p7064802
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Old 01-17-2023, 06:04 PM   #3
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This recent post on Bogleheads.org lists many financial advisors that you could look into:
https://www.bogleheads.org/forum/vie...64802#p7064802
Thank you! I'll look through the link.

Any other advice is welcome.
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Old 01-17-2023, 06:15 PM   #4
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Just about everything lost value last year unless you put it into CDs. Even good old dependable bonds went down as interest rates were hiked. Whether or not the advisor was any good depends on what you told him/her about your risk tolerance and how your mix of investments performed compared with similar portfolios. (See the 2022 Investment Performance thread.)

If you're comfortable volunteering this info, what did you tell the advisor about your objectives and risk tolerance and what did he/she have you invest in?
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Old 01-18-2023, 05:11 AM   #5
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If you're comfortable volunteering this info, what did you tell the advisor about your objectives and risk tolerance and what did he/she have you invest in?
We do not have an advisor and I am looking for a good professional person/place to provide this information to DH and DW who have different ideas on income, spending it now vs saving and investing it.
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Marriage financial advice location/person?
Old 01-18-2023, 05:19 AM   #6
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Marriage financial advice location/person?

I love this guy - he is our fee-only financial advisor. We paid $1000 to work with us to come up with a plan and then check in every year or so for about $250. Meets with you on Zoom. His current pricing may be a little more for new clients.

https://forthrightfinances.com/y
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Old 01-18-2023, 05:33 AM   #7
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This sounds like more of a marriage thing than a financial advice thing. IMO, there is a chance that the FA will likely align more with one than the other and while that might sway the other partner, it could also make them feel "ganged" up on and/or dismiss the advice. -that's sort of how marriage counseling worked in my marriage.



When I was married, we had his, hers, and ours accounts (for joint expenses and savings goals -house downpayment, etc) and that worked well (other things didn't but finances were not an issue). That could be a solution if risk tolerance or spending patterns/desires are vastly different and both are able to respect the autonomy of the other's account that is not managed to their preference.
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Old 01-18-2023, 06:29 AM   #8
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Wait - the marriage partners won't listen to one another, identify what they like/don't like about each other's ideas, and come up with a solution they both can live with....

....yet they expect some unknown 3rd party to come in with a solution they both will listen to, evaluate, and agree on?

Respectfully, something doesn't add up.
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Old 01-18-2023, 06:38 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by FLSUnFIRE View Post

When I was married, we had his, hers, and ours accounts (for joint expenses and savings goals -house downpayment, etc) and that worked well (other things didn't but finances were not an issue). That could be a solution if risk tolerance or spending patterns/desires are vastly different and both are able to respect the autonomy of the other's account that is not managed to their preference.
We started out that way because we married late-ish compared to our peers and had already established careers and a strong sense of independence but not as much savings as either would have liked. About a year after that, we decided that this was a pain to keep up with and went full-on-merged...

Good friend became a widower and eventually married someone who was also a widow. Both are retired and have substantial assets and they've gone with his/hers/ours. For them, and for others that come into a marriage with substantial assets, this makes a lot of sense to me, especially in community property states...

Cheers.
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Old 01-18-2023, 06:45 AM   #10
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This sounds like more of a marriage thing than a financial advice thing. IMO, there is a chance that the FA will likely align more with one than the other and while that might sway the other partner, it could also make them feel "ganged" up on and/or dismiss the advice. -that's sort of how marriage counseling worked in my marriage.



When I was married, we had his, hers, and ours accounts (for joint expenses and savings goals -house downpayment, etc) and that worked well (other things didn't but finances were not an issue). That could be a solution if risk tolerance or spending patterns/desires are vastly different and both are able to respect the autonomy of the other's account that is not managed to their preference.
This is an accurate post. We already have a his, hers, and kind of an ours account but we do not truly use it the way you described. This might be what is needed. Right now, the mortgage and HOA is paid by one of us and there is a monthly bills Excel document that has a DH section, DW section, and money owed each month.

Off to w*rk and appreciate all posts!
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Old 01-18-2023, 06:46 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by FIREarly View Post
DH and DW have different thoughts on retirement and/or how to spend their income. One piece of advice I received is to get a good marriage financial advisor (CPA/CFP/whatever acronym) so that DH and DW have a professional to listen to (they do not listen to each other on this topic as often and they believe a financial advisor will provide a great "middle ground" between them.

We tried The Financial XXX (not trying to provide negative review of it) and the young advisor was very friendly but we "lost" money between every session. We tried a CPA who was a father of a friend and both of us did not agree on him.

Will you please provide your recommendation on where to find a quality marriage financial advisor (remotely online works too)?*

*Besides Google
I've heard of financial advisors and marriage counselors, but I don't think I've ever heard of somebody who actually does both. No reason such a person couldn't exist, though.

I do, however, know couples where one of them has the most interest in financial matters and the other less so. In most of the cases, the one that is less interested is also the one more worried about how the other is handling investments, savings etc. In those instances, having a CFP review the financial plan has resulted in a few tweaks to the plan, but also gave peace of mine to the less interested party that the right things are being done.

Doesn't sound exactly like your issue though..

Cheers
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Old 01-18-2023, 06:47 AM   #12
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Will you please provide your recommendation on where to find a quality marriage financial advisor (remotely online works too)?
Sounds kinda like a "life coach" is needed to me.
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Old 01-18-2023, 07:35 AM   #13
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Wait - the marriage partners won't listen to one another, identify what they like/don't like about each other's ideas, and come up with a solution they both can live with....

....yet they expect some unknown 3rd party to come in with a solution they both will listen to, evaluate, and agree on?

Respectfully, something doesn't add up.
It could help- someone might be able to help them find a middle ground if one is genuinely spending too freely and the other is being too cautious.

Having said that- the yours/mine/ours structure won't work if the two people aren't on the same page financially. I had that with my Ex but he spent everything he made and maxed out his credit cards. I was the saver, so guess who had funds to be tapped when the house needed a new roof or the water heater died. Well, I guess it worked for HIM.
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Old 01-18-2023, 07:53 AM   #14
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Yeah, it sounds to me more like a marriage counselor thing than a financial counselor thing. First thing is to try to agree on high level strategic goals/dreams like retire or work for life? If retire, then early (say 55), middle (say 65) or late (say 70 or later)? Then agree on level of retirement spending in 2023 $$$ and then look at planning to get there.

Quicken Lifetime Planner might be a good tool to flesh out a plan on the last part.
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Old 01-18-2023, 08:00 AM   #15
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True. But what about the part that says "they don't listen to each other"? We can never know if we're on the same page, if the listening part isn't there.

Perhaps I am reading too much into it, and OP really just meant that one person is more interested than the other one in finance.

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Originally Posted by athena53 View Post
It could help- someone might be able to help them find a middle ground if one is genuinely spending too freely and the other is being too cautious.

:
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Old 01-18-2023, 08:41 AM   #16
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Perhaps I am reading too much into it, and OP really just meant that one person is more interested than the other one in finance.
Yes, one side is more interested in finance and the other side buys (both paying) a new SUV on loan and puppy from breeder... didn't know how EXPENSIVE a dog is.

The other side just increased their 401k to 8% (company match max). It's a great start but is not enough to retire "early"
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Old 01-18-2023, 08:48 AM   #17
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You ught want to research "Pay yourself first".

Figure out a ballpark estimate of what you need to save annually to retire at a certain age or year given an agreed rate of spending in retirement... and then set that savings level up via payroll withholdings... then any remaining takehome pay after debt service could be spent on enjoying life.

It might be a way to get a realistic view on the lifestyle that you can afford given your income and your future financial goals.
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Old 01-18-2023, 08:49 AM   #18
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You are just seeing the tip of the iceberg with modern-day pet costs.

At least, as of 2023, you don't need to worry about funding the dog's college - though I'll wager somebody out there is busy concocting a canine academy of some sort.

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didn't know how EXPENSIVE a dog is.

"
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Old 01-18-2023, 08:56 AM   #19
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I think both are warranted.

Financial advisor to help parse out financial goals/desires/parity in budget spending.

Marriage counseling for assistance in managing disagreements, desires to "split" monies spent/fairnes/equalness (based on percentages of income perhaps), listening skills, compromise skills, anything else.

I have no recommendations of specific person/institution. Perhaps asking friends/neighbors?
One of the churches nearby recently had a marriage program based on Dave Ramsey Peace University. Maybe something like that? I now nothing of it, other than the church advertised it as a marriage financial help.

Best wishes as you deal with this issue.
Finances can make or break a marriage.
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Old 01-18-2023, 09:07 AM   #20
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We started out that way because we married late-ish compared to our peers and had already established careers and a strong sense of independence but not as much savings as either would have liked. About a year after that, we decided that this was a pain to keep up with and went full-on-merged...

Good friend became a widower and eventually married someone who was also a widow. Both are retired and have substantial assets and they've gone with his/hers/ours. For them, and for others that come into a marriage with substantial assets, this makes a lot of sense to me, especially in community property states...

Cheers.

I was more established and several years older than my ex-wife and on my way to FIRE back then, she had a negative NW (student loans) which were rapidly paid off. Managing it was pretty easy as we each had split deposits on pay into the joint account. Spending was just a matter of pulling out the joint credit card or personal card. The biggest benefit to me was I would never judge her stupid purchases nor she judge my stupid well thought out perfectly rational purchases. Also, she treated her car as a trash can and if it was "our" car, I would have been livid. Since it was "her" car bought with her money I just kicked the trash out of the way of my feet when she drove!



I thought of a pre-nump but didn't like the thought of planning to fail (now I don't view it that way, more like an insurance policy in the same way I don't plan to crash my car); fortunately, the unfortunate divorce was amicable and uncontested and it made it fairly easy to split our joint assets with most of our accumulated wealth "individual."
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