Poll: Who manages the money in your house?

[devans0]

We (DW and I) both came from disastered previous relationships. We each kept checkbooks and savings separate, and split the bills. Now, I maintain most of the investing, but decisions are joint. She has the business and finance degrees.

 

[Rambler]

I do, and I'm male. DW has been told the passwords but does not remember them. I try to make sure she understands why we have what we have, why the assets are allocated as they are, etc, etc, but her only interest is that there is cash available when she wants it (and that there always will be...how that happens is up to me). I have a hard time getting her to participate in writing checks to those vendors who do not yet have online payments. I'm still young but nevertheless most likely to depart this life before she does, and you can imagine how worried I am about her post my departure. Anyone have any ideas to help motivate her?

R

 

[REWahoo]

I'm still young but nevertheless most likely to depart this life before she does, and you can imagine how worried I am about her post my departure. Anyone have any ideas to help motivate her?

My situation is similar - except for that "young" part.

No success here either in motivating DW, but I do sit down with her at least once a year and remind her where all our investments are and where she can find the passwords to all the accounts.* I've also put together a one-page document outlining what I recommend she do with our investment should I go first (mentally or physically). It also includes what annual income she should expect from various sources (SS, her small pension, Wellesley dividends, etc.).

No, it isn't as good as having her cultivate an interest in helping me manage our financial affairs, but it's the best I've been able to come up with.

*This is separate from the "To be opened the event of our death or incapacitation" letters I put together for our two adult children, which I update annually and give to them during the Christmas holidays.

 

[ShortInSeattle]

DH handles the detail stuff (tracking, reporting, paying bills) and I do most of the investment research. We both approve budgets & investment changes.

 

[beaglemom]

I do and I'm the female. DH did it for the first 20 years of our marriage but for some reason it starting stressing him out. I took over and I really enjoy it. Decisions are made jointly on spending, investing, etc.

 

[Helen]

SumDay, Thanks for including those of us in same sex relationships.

I am handling the investing, but I must admit our investments need a good overhaul. I need to move out of individual stocks and into index funds.

 

[Meadbh]

So far, ~80% of respondents indicate that one person does the finances. Obviously this poll is not directed at singles, who don't have a choice to delegate this function! It is curious to me that there is a predominance of men doing it. I grew up in a household where both parents were financially literate but my mother handled financial and investment transactions. Recent research evidence suggests that women make more conservative but safer investment decisions.

 

[Tyro]

We share it (though I couldn't put a number on it -- 75/25?, 67/33?, 60/40?, 50/50?, 40/60?, 33/67? 25/75?), each doing the parts we're best at/suited for, and doing much of it (prolly half or more) together, so we both know what's going on with the important stuff, make decisions together, and learn from each other.

Tyro

 

[Walt34]

I'm male and married to a bookkeeper/budget analyst. I handle the details and she sets policy.

However, each can handle it and has done well on their own so that just sort of evolved over time, especially recently since DW is handling her father's fiances. Like so many others here any spending over ~$100 gets some discussion or at least mention. We see it not so much as "asking permission" but just making sure the left hand knows what the right hand is doing.

 

[Tree-dweller]

I do; male.

I try at least a couple of times a year, but my DW really doesn't want to know the details, and is happy to leave it all to me.

I maintain a file on my computer called "Open on my death" that contains many pages of detailed information and instructions.

I don't call the file that - probably should - but that's exactly its purpose. I try to sit with her periodically to go over it all, and make sure she knows how -and practices - to access all online resources. We still get paper statements for most everything for her comfort.

 

[Sue J]

I'm the female and I do it all. DH has no interest in anything having to do with household finances except for making the cash in his pocket last throughout the month. And that was a big step he only tackled when he retired. I don't mind handling it all because I have a natural feel for it and enjoy it.

I keep him updated if anything significant changes. When his yearly COLA kicks in I give him an updated list of our income and expenses. He has no interest in any of the daily or monthly financial happenings.

Money management makes him itchy and squirmy and he trusts me and he knows I enjoy it and handle it well. This has worked well for us for many years but I wonder if he'd handle things ok if I died suddenly. I keep very good records and everything is on autopay so he could coast for a while if needed. Also, one of our sons is very financially savvy and could help him learn to do it himself.

Sometimes it baffles me that someone could be so removed from his own financial life. Reading the other posts here, I see that other spouses have a similar situation.

 

[ER Eddie]

I do, but then the only alternative is my dog, and she's not very good at balancing the checkbook.

 

[FIREd]

I do, and I'm the male. DW doesn't like dealing with household finances at all while I enjoy it a lot.

 

[rodi]

I do. Female.

My husband is uber conservative (all cash or cd's kind of guy)... but even he knows that in this climate of no interest, that's not good. So he let me pick his 401k funds, and I handle all the other accounts.

We discuss major purchases. If either of us has an unplanned purchase more than $200 we talk. Not necessarily to veto it - just so it can be planned for. I say unplanned because Costco runs are regular, and we've still got kids in the house, pre-teen boys with appetites.... so costco bills sometimes top $200 and I don't call him (or me) if that happens.

He's more frugal than me by nature - but I've learned a lot of frugality from him.

He's not interested in the finances - but we do have regular discussions about where we are financially. He's older than me (61) so when he retires next year it won't be an early retirement... but if I retire at the same time or soon after, mine will be.

I need to put together a cheat sheet of accounts/passwords for him.

 

[Gumby]

The young wife has no interest, so I do it all. I periodically tell her what is happening, but she probably just hears Charlie Brown's teacher when I do.

 

[seraphim]

You missed a couple of options, thus negating the poll...

 

[Midpack]

I handle investing and budget variance tracking, DW handles checkbook, bill paying, bank statement reconciliation. And we both set budget annually, though after this many years it's simple tweaking based on prior year. So I guess 50/50 is closest, though the poll isn't entirely clear.

 

[Sittingduck]

I handle investing and budget variance tracking, DW handles checkbook, bill paying, bank statement reconciliation.

Us too. I do the big picture stuff and DW handles the checkbook. Couldn't even tell you where it is. Seems to work for us. I can't handle th day to day stuff, and that's what she seems to want to do.

I have tried to explain our assets & investments to her, she gets the same look on her face as when trying to explain differential calculus to the dog. She pretends she's interested in hearing me speak, but really.....

I recently went through some major surgery so I had everything updated in THE BINDER - wills, trust, insurance, investments, etc... I tried to go over it with her and was getting the look again. I said "hey - you really need to pay attention to this stuff in case". She says "oh your so organized everything will be fine"

Several years ago I put a sarcastic remark on the first page of instructions of what to do "in case" in THE BINDER". - " if you're reading this I must be dead, because up to now you have shown absolutely no interest in our financial affairs". Still haven't heard any comment.

 

[haha]

When I was married I tried to be open with my wife about finances. She would just fall asleep, literally from awake to sleep in 2 minutes.

I also tried to help spare a woman I knew some big hurt, by mentioning a few things that were at best suboptimal in her financial life. She either didn't trust me, or she was just paranoid about all help, particularly from men. She finally settled down to a female FA who saw her coming from about a mile away and bled her until she was out of blood. This person is the one I have mentioned before, who blew through a $2mm inheritance without any dope or alcohol problems, just a sheer overwhelming personality deficit when it came to making halfway reasonable life decisions.

She called me a few weeks ago, not to ask for money which she only did once at the start of the friendship. She is a straight shooter, just weird. She is nearing 60 now, and will never have the money to retire from her difficult, low paying job. Sooner or later she should be able to file for half her high earning ex's SS, which I hope will keep her in her house.

She was however a huge amount of fun, and in most ways a very kind, admirable woman. She likely should have joined an affluent church and started a careful campaign of ambushing recently bereaved older gentlemen.

Financial savvy takes a different thing from many other skills and aptitudes. And the person who possesses it may not be all that attractive for anything other than the money. I think my own money skills and attitudes are reasonably effective, but at least somewhat unappealing. Still, as you get older getting close to a financial klutz would be more than I could take on. There would either be constant struggles, or the sure knowledge that sooner or later you would have to bail him/her out, or be a real A$$hole.

Ha

 

[devans0]

I am worried about her post my departure. Anyone have any ideas to help motivate her?

R

I recently wrote an investment policy statement for the same reasons. If something should happen, I wanted DW or DD, or even DGrandD to have a clue on finding a way to follow the asset allocation plan and avoid the sharks and shoals. Reading the directions and staying away from fakir fiduciary friend /brokers should be enough to take care of all my dependents.

The IPS contains a succinct philosophy and investment strategy of a way to get by without my input. It is not quite Couch Potato simple, but close enough. Writing it down clears my own views, another plus. My IPS is two pages of directions and another three pages of assets and allocations, locations, account numbers, passwords, etc.

I consider this as important as durable POA, a will, or any other survivor document.

Psst.. W***** is there too.

 

[John Galt III]

My GF lives with me. Separate financial lives completely. I don't know her net worth. She does not know mine. Without getting into too many details, I give her a limited free ride, but it's all under my control. When I was married I was way too nice with the wife financially, which ended up being a main cause of the divorce.

 

[GSMAN]

My wife handles the household budgeting and takes cares of all the bills. I on the other hand have always done the investing for us. We have been married 31 years and this has seemed to work. I try to sit down with her and explain our investment strategies and performance but her response always is "that's all fine and dandy but when can I quit my job and retire?"

 

[haha]

My GF lives with me. Separate financial lives completely. I don't know her net worth. She does not know mine. Without getting into too many details, I give her a limited free ride, but it's all under my control. When I was married I was way too nice with the wife financially, which ended up being a main cause of the divorce.

Judging by your avatar, you are quite the looker for a guy!

 

[UserRequested]

Judging by your avatar, you are quite the looker for a guy!

+1. You got any twin brothers

 

[Calico]

Us too. I do the big picture stuff and DW handles the checkbook. Couldn't even tell you where it is. Seems to work for us. I can't handle th day to day stuff, and that's what she seems to want to do.

I have tried to explain our assets & investments to her, she gets the same look on her face as when trying to explain differential calculus to the dog. She pretends she's interested in hearing me speak, but really.....

I recently went through some major surgery so I had everything updated in THE BINDER - wills, trust, insurance, investments, etc... I tried to go over it with her and was getting the look again. I said "hey - you really need to pay attention to this stuff in case". She says "oh your so organized everything will be fine"

Several years ago I put a sarcastic remark on the first page of instructions of what to do "in case" in THE BINDER". - " if you're reading this I must be dead, because up to now you have shown absolutely no interest in our financial affairs". Still haven't heard any comment.

Your last paragraph made me laugh out loud - good to know we keep our sense of humor even after we're gone!

Several years before he died, my dad gathered copies of all his important documents - will, insurance, POA, account numbers, living will, etc. and put them in a folder which he labeled simply "DEAD" and then he wrote to my sisters and me to tell us exactly where the folder was located in his desk. My sisters were horrified and didn't want to think about it, while I was impressed by both his planning and his brevity. I am working on my own (digital) version of a "DEAD" folder now. I don't have a spouse or children, so it will go to a trusted, much younger cousin. I have already instructed said cousin and her husband that in the event I lose my marbles, and refuse to recognize I have lost them, they have my permission and my blessing to bop me on the head with a big stick and take over my affairs. Thank goodness I have them in my life.