Thanks all for the responses... and I get a kick out of the fact that a handful made assumptions about gender roles! I phrased my post with neutrality in mind, because I felt people would treat the situation differently based on the gender of the SAHP. So I'm going to keep it that way. Sorry to be annoying like that.
We do talk to one another about this kind of stuff. I was just curious how others felt, if others would want their abled spouse to work a certain amount or pitch in a certain amount, aka, make a certain amount, if he or she had the time to do so? IDK that I really think that my spouse should earn 10K or any amount, I just wonder if others feel it would be reasonable to do so.
I greatly value the child-rearing work that SO provides, as we could never get this level of quality care for any reasonable sum. But I'm talking about later, when kids are in school for 30 hours a week.
Things are pretty evenly split in terms of housework. I do all the house cleaning and laundry (cloth diapers! our youngest still uses them for nights and naps), SO handles cooking and dishes. I manage finances and arranging for stuff like utilities, SO does most of the grocery shopping. The way I see it, SO is also working all the hours that I am not in the house, but SO's job is raising kids and my job is corporate financial analysis. I can sometimes handle a phone call to the insurance company during my lunch break, and SO can sometimes get beans on the stove while watching the kids. FWIW, our kids watch zero TV; SO really spends most of the day with them, not sitting around eating bon bons like people sometimes assume SAHPs do. We are both comfortable with the division of duties currently. So let's assume non-monetized work will continue to be shared at reasonable proportions in the future.
We have joint financial goals, like saving aggressively for retirement and continuing to live below our means. But where we differ is that I would like to be financially independent in as short a time as possible and quit megacorp, and SO is doesn't mind "working" longer- at something that SO loves, but that something also makes no money now and could possibly make some later, but we are not sure how much. Can we both have it all? Maybe. We both hope this side biz takes off, but in the event that it doesn't, I feel like SO should take on part time work, with hours that work around the kids' schedules. In other words, I don't want SO to work 25 hours a week at this biz to net $3K, if SO can work whatever job for 25 hours a week and make 10K. Of course there is a value in doing what you love, but it is hard to quantify that, and that doesn't help me quit my work any sooner.