Social aspects

[Eileen]

Does anyone else sometimes want to keep working because you know more people at work than outside of work...
And you're worried that they might mostly 'disappear' and ....
You get the idea.
I have to decide when I can do it according to finances, and then help myself do it by finding more people and activities outside of work....
surely that can be done.....

 

[calmloki]

I found moving to a new "destination" area helped. Anyone with the same out of state license plate became a new conversation buddy. Think that all us out of staters were/are more open to new relationships by being the new kids in town. SO is very social and outgoing, which helped, while I'm more a loner, which meant it wasn't all that critical to me. Either way, it works out.

 

[Which Roger]

Sure, get involved in some activities that interest you outside of work, and you'll meet people with similar interests, and you're all set. When you retire, the work relationships that were just about work will go by the wayside, but the real friendships will likely continue.

 

[O2Bfree]

I've been thinking about that more as I near ER. I'm not big on reaching out socially, and tend to rely on structured activities for my social fix. Being at work meets a big portion of my social needs.

Getting into some other activities after retirement seems like a good plan. I've been a gym-goer for years, and have gotten to know people there, so yeah, there's a definite social aspect to outside activities. I haven't tried much to grow those relationships outside of the gym, but the opportunity is there.

I was in the Mountaineers years ago, and that was clearly a huge base for social contact for people who enjoy hiking and such. (I met my DSO there, and we've been together 20 years!)

Another thought is Toastmasters, which would help keep the brain engaged as well. And of course there's always volunteer work.

My biggest problem is I don't seem to need a lot of social contact, or maybe I'm just lazy socially . But I think with more free time I'd have more desire to reach out, and there are plenty of ways to do that.

 

[Katiek]

I don't too many social activities with people from work, but I do like the social interaction I get there. When I retire, I expect I'd like to volunteer at a local organization that I like, but don't have the time to make a formal volunteer commitment now. But you could get the same social impact by participating in various activities.

I do think maintaining relationships or forming new ones takes some effort, but if you're doing things you genuinely enjoy, it's just some effort and not work.

 

[O2Bfree]

One thing to anticipate is that while socializing at work is more or less free, outside of work it can cost! Going out for food and drink, paying for entertainment, buying sports equipment, paying dues for clubs, and so on.

I'd be good with a home movie night club or some other frugal affair, but many folks are not so easily entertained.

 

[brewer12345]

Depends on your needs. I am [-]a misanthrope[/-] an introvert, so my needs are relatively modest when it comes to social contacts. I miss some of the relationships I had at the last job because I worked with a group of generally likable people. That said, I get most of what I need through extended family interactions, some volunteering, and kid-related stuff. If you are an extrovert, you will need to do some real work to maintain the level of social stuff you will require. There are lots of ways to do this, but you had better figure out how to do so when you bail on the job. Fortunately, you will have ample time to find ways for the level of social interaction you require.

 

[W2R]

I liked and admired many of the people I worked with. But let's face it; for many of us, work is no party and our relationships with co-workers are defined by our work.

After we retired, I found plenty of social interaction with others like me at places like the gym. Like Brewer, I am a bit of an introvert. I don't really want to spend much time with friends other than Frank. So, the gym works out fine in that respect because I can chat and socialize with friends there, but they don't follow me when I leave.

 

[KrissK]

No...I can find other social outlets. I can't wait to leave my job behind.

 

[Mulligan]

I got a job/career because I needed money to live on, not for social reasons, so staying for that purpose would have had no interest for me. That being said, retiring early can quickly cause you to fall out of the social networks. So I do make it a habit to continually stay in touch with my close 5/6 good friends, with only one being within 15 miles of me. Always setting up visits/golf/gambling outings and usually make sure I go when invited.
It is easy to fall off the map and become isolated if retired and other friends are not. I would rather keep the friends I have as I have little interest in trying to find new ones.


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[Meadbh]

I am an introvert and I did worry about this before ER. However, as Mulligan has pointed out, we work to earn money and social interaction is secondary. In ER I have absolutely no desire to hang out with former work colleagues and talk shop. I have been fortunate to join a social group largely composed of ERs, which encompasses many different activities. I have also become involved in volunteering in areas of interest to me. As a result, I have plenty social interaction and have several new circles of friends. Building friendships requires investment of time, and would not have happened if I were still working. My advice would be not to worry about it and to start regular involvement with activities that you enjoy once you have the time. But you must get out there and do it!

 

[traineeinvestor]

Another introvert who likes is social interactions in small doses.

Pre-retirement I was a little bit worried that I would end up being isolated. I took a few steps to make sure that wouldn't happen - working on a very part time basis, joined a local writing group, volunteered for a few things, caught up with some former colleagues who had also moved on, enrolled in a post-grad degree course. All of these provide the small doses of interaction with a range of people which I enjoy - no isolation and none of the heavy duty stuff that I dread.

 

[LOL!]

I still see people from work every month. Sometimes just walking the dog. I go out to lunch with former colleagues about twice a month. Sometimes I just see them at the grocery store or in a restaurant. I know all my neighbors and sometimes we do things together, too, such as a concert.

Then there are all my wife's friends and colleagues, too. Book Club was at my house last Sunday.

Add to that a trip every month or so just to visit friends for a couple of days in another part of the country: San Francisco is next week. Chicago was last month. New York later this year. Etc.

It helps to live in the same [not large] place for more than 20 years.

 

[WhoDaresWins]

Eileen, I can understand your musings on the subject of losing work friendships as I had the same worries. I would say if you do social things now with friends from work, they are likely to continue to some degree when you retire. I made it clear to folks when I retired July 2014 that I wanted to stay in the social loop and would be delighted to meet up for lunch, or a movie or dinner or a walk or whatever. And they do call or email with their plans and ask if I want to join them. It helps that I live 10 minutes from my former office and no more than 30 minutes drive from the handful of people who were my particular friends. And the times I have initiated getting together, they have usually been free to accept. My closest office mate still calls me several times a week and always inquires about my holiday plans and insists I come to her place if I am not going elsewhere.

I have renewed contact with my best friend from high school (also retired) and some cousins who live at a distance and have done things with them now that we all have more time. A group of retired ladies at the gym (now that I do my workouts in the morning) have befriended me and asked if I would like to get a sandwich after on occasion and I have been pleased to join them. A retired college classmate flew in from FL for 5 days in October and we enjoyed reminiscing about the good old days while doing some local touring.

Some things take planning but others just unfold naturally over time if you are receptive.

 

[Eileen]

Great responses, thanks.
I am sure it'll be clear to me what to do as time progresses.
It is a process of figuring out what I really want ... since I don't have a retirement date yet.

 

[slowsaver]

I'd recommend learning to social dance. It's a great way to make friends, and recent studies show seniors who dance are much better off: Dancing Makes You Smarter

 

[Car-Guy]

Does anyone else sometimes want to keep working because you know more people at work than outside of work...
And you're worried that they might mostly 'disappear' and ....

Not me. However, sometimes I would pray that some of them would disappear.

 

[RAE]

When you retire, the work relationships that were just about work will go by the wayside, but the real friendships will likely continue.

+1, that is the way it has worked out for me. Five years into retirement now, and I still keep in touch with 4-5 good friends from work, and rarely see most others. And we have made several new friends, through travel, volunteer activities, etc.. It's all worked out just fine.

 

[Moemg]

Does anyone else sometimes want to keep working because you know more people at work than outside of work...
And you're worried that they might mostly 'disappear' and ....
You get the idea.
I have to decide when I can do it according to finances, and then help myself do it by finding more people and activities outside of work....
surely that can be done.....

I did worry about this because I socialized a lot with my work friends . Some I have stayed friends with and see occasionally . I met a whole new group of friends at the gym . We lunch together every Friday & occasionally meet for other fun things . I also joined a book club & met more lovely women . Between those activities and doing things with my SO I have a full life .

 

[FUEGO]

OP, I worried a tiny bit about socializing and losing the social aspects of work. It hasn't been a problem at all. I think back to previous jobs and how I maybe keep in touch with 5-10% of the people I used to work with (and in an age where keeping in touch through FB or email is incredibly simple).

At my last job, I probably worked with 30+ people on a fairly routine basis. A small handful are still my facebook friends, and I only see 1-2 of them in real life, and that's just lunch every few months or a couple times per year now. From my previous job before that (that I left 5 years ago), I keep in touch with 1-2 guys, and it's the same lunch a couple times per year.

Over time, you make new friends and slowly drift through social circles as your pastimes and interests change. Right now, most friends I see on a routine basis are parents of my kids' friends. In 10-15 years I'll potentially drift into different social circles and make new friends. Maybe I'll keep in touch with the ones from today, maybe not.

 

[ChicagoGal]

Another introvert chiming in here. And while I don't want or need a lot of social contact, I recognize that left to my own devices I might end up with almost none, which is probably less than ideal. I just started working from home 2 days a week. It's been fantastic, but I do find that I look forward to going in to the office on the days I go in, which almost never happened before!

One thing I started to do a few months ago is keep a retirement "idea book". It's just a small spiral notebook. On each page, I've written one thing I like to do (cooking, travel, learning, reading), or know that I should do (physical activity, social activity). Then below that, I list things that might be ways to express that in retirement (for cooking: healthy cooking for myself, informal catering for other people, volunteer cooking for church/charity group, making candies to sell, etc.). Some of those things will naturally put me in contact with others on as frequent or as limited a basis as I would like.

I carry the notebook around with me, and whenever an idea strikes me or I run across a web site that might be interesting, I write it down on the appropriate page. Helps me feel more comfortable that in retirement (3-4 years away) I won't totally isolate myself.

 

[Which Roger]

I am an introvert and I did worry about this before ER. However, as Mulligan has pointed out, we work to earn money and social interaction is secondary. In ER I have absolutely no desire to hang out with former work colleagues and talk shop. I have been fortunate to join a social group largely composed of ERs, which encompasses many different activities. I have also become involved in volunteering in areas of interest to me. As a result, I have plenty social interaction and have several new circles of friends. Building friendships requires investment of time, and would not have happened if I were still working. My advice would be not to worry about it and to start regular involvement with activities that you enjoy once you have the time. But you must get out there and do it!

This is me exactly! In the last couple years of my career, my ER friends were out having fun during the day, and I was stuck in the office interacting with a bunch of people with whom my relationship didn't go any deeper than the work we shared. Also, being an introvert (like the vast majority of people on this board), I felt over-stimulated by too many interactions and often needed to escape and decompress. In retirement, it's much easier to control how much (or little) interaction I have with others. I am always aware of the possibility of becoming too isolated, but as Meadbh indicates, all it takes is a little effort to make sure you stay sufficiently engaged. All that being said, I can understand how things would be much different for an extrovert.

 

[Dash man]

People are overrated.

 

[David1961]

Eileen:

You are smart to understand the social aspects of retirement while you are still working. You can take action to get to know more people outside of work now, so the transition into retirement will be easier.

I will say one fear I had when I retired was that I would sincerely miss the people I worked with. I not laugh at how naive I was - to say that I don't miss most of them is a huge understatement. I did have 2-3 close friends there who I still get with. When you retire, it becomes apparent who your "real" friends are at work.

 

[Meadbh]

This is me exactly! In the last couple years of my career, my ER friends were out having fun during the day, and I was stuck in the office interacting with a bunch of people with whom my relationship didn't go any deeper than the work we shared. Also, being an introvert (like the vast majority of people on this board), I felt over-stimulated by too many interactions and often needed to escape and decompress. In retirement, it's much easier to control how much (or little) interaction I have with others. I am always aware of the possibility of becoming too isolated, but as Meadbh indicates, all it takes is a little effort to make sure you stay sufficiently engaged. All that being said, I can understand how things would be much different for an extrovert.

That's me to a tee!