So do you have any thoughts as to why this happened in your home? Most kids have a roof over their heads and enough to eat, but they don't all follow the path of your kids.I'm curious because your post could have been written by my sister about her almost 19 YO DD..
She's living at home, messing around at the local CC. Can't hit college level math so takes non-credit catch up math. It takes her about 2 or 3 tries to pass each level and shes still 3 levels away from college math classes. Doesn't have a job and says the reason she flunks math is that she doesn't have time to go to the study labs. Told the college counselor that her parents don't support her love of strumming guitar and art, so it's so hard on her to have a pick a study field. I have no illusions she will even grad the CC let alone in 2 years. I tell my sister, make her pay for the make-up Math classes out of her own pocket, quit paying for her 100 dollar hair streaking jobs, makes her life a little uncomfortable, or she'll be living in your house rent free, eating your food forever. My niece rules the roost at that home and nothing good is going to come of it.
I can only speculate - we lived abroad due to work for a good portion of my kids lives. I was trying to give them life opportunities in the form of world experience, global travel, speaking foreign language, appreciating other cultures Etc. Stuff most American kids get zero exposure to. On the other hand my kids didn't get a chance to have summer jobs and were surrounded by other kids whose sense of reality was fairly warped - kids who never have to work in their lives - old wealth or families who owned conglomerates, were high level diplomats, or C-suite executives. They are street smart yet sheltered and this's skills are hard to apply back here in Mayberry, USA .
Despite our own LBYM, the perks that come with decades of global megacorp assignments where ok and some pitfalls of that lifestyle were hard to avoid too. Add to that the desire to provide more for my kids than I ever had and DW who never did without growing up.
I can be an jack-ass at times setting the bar high (it's set high I am told but I think is low... But that's a judgment that everyone makes for themselves) and that probably doesn't help.
We moved home to the USA a year ago when I FIREd and it's been a big adjustment -- for us parents it was coming home. For the kids it was leaving all they knew as kids behind in a foreign country and over night expecting them to become American again. ( they lived abroad for most of their childhood aside just a couple years). Some of this may just be taking transition time to adjust.
I think personality certainly plays a part. My older son is Introvert and Sensing. He is truly afraid to go out and "make things happen". Needs to be the wing-man not the initiator. The other day I heard it called the snowflake generation. That's him. Got into a good university and flunked his first semester. Did better his second semester but not at all what he is capable of doing. Also he is a 1 marshmallow now vs 2 marshmallows later type. And being empathetic and sensing, he would much rather give his marshmallow to a friend than eat it himself.
Younger son is a bit more aggressive. Likes to hustle. Is more of an extrovert and wants a summer job. He'a traveled solo internationally since age 15 - pretty independent and determined and good financially. He is a 2 marshmallow kid ...but always trying to figure out how to scam the system to get a 3rd marshmallow from someone else without anyone noticing.
A dose of family counseling is in order.
