My parents attended an LTCi presentation many years ago and ultimately decided to self-fund, in large part due to my dad's COLA'd pension with survivor benefits. Around age 90, dad began a gradual descent due to vascular dementia. Around age 94, he had a stroke and needed 24/7 skilled nursing care. Months later, he died at home, which was probably more important for my mom.
Unfortunately, within months of dad's death, mom started showing serious signs of dementia. The next 18 months were hellish for me because she would phone me every single evening (usually multiple times) because she couldn't find my dad. It was classic "sundowning" syndrome. I'd even get texts and calls from her neighbor if she saw my mom wandering around in the dark, looking for my dad. But mom wouldn't accept any help at home until she fell and fractured her pelvis. After rehabilitation, she returned home and has had caregivers 24/7 since then. This has gone on for several years as her dementia worsened and she became more and more frail. Last fall, she fell again and fractured her hip.
After surgery to hold her hip together with a rod for the duration of her life, and after physical therapy at home, I decided it was time for home hospice. She was evaluated and approved for home hospice by a nurse who told me that my mom had been getting excellent care, and that I had basically been running a nursing home. I had never thought about it in those terms, but I realized that the nurse was correct. Home hospice, BTW, has already been of great help.
This has certainly taken a toll on me. For several years, I've had to buy mom's food, medicine, household items, make medical decisions, deal with issues with her house, her finances, taxes, and deal with the caregivers. My one sibling also lives just 10 minutes from mom. But mom never called him when she couldn't find dad, and he has refused to help out in any way. As a result, we are no longer on speaking terms.
My parents always had an LBYM lifestyle. Their assets started to grow as they aged and were spending less and less. Now the spigot is flowing out the other way. In an HCOL area, between my dad's skilled nursing care and my mom's home care, the cost has been nearly $750,000. That's just for the care. Given my mom's age (99) and state of health, I'm pretty sure the money will outlast her. A reverse mortgage would be the last resort.
As for me, I'm in the same situation described by BarbWire. I'm self-funding, but I hope that if I get to the situation my dad knew he was getting into at the early stages of dementia, that I have the courage and the means to end things peacefully on my own.