Are you cheap?

[Texas Proud]

Once or twice a year, I have dinner at a fancy restaurant with 3 of my gal friends. All 3 friends order wine/alcohol and an appetizer, which adds greatly to the total dinner bill and also the total tip. I don't drink and I don't care for appetizers. (The last time, they ordered oysters for appetizers, and I don't even like oysters.) Well, the dinner bill is always split equally between us 4. I am beginning to think, why am I paying for alcohol and appetizers when I don't even drink/eat the appetizers? This has been going on for years.

Maybe I am "cheap", but next time I am going to ask for a separate check. My 3 friends can split the bill between themselves!

I agree with Monarch on this one.... once or twice a year is not worth the trouble.. heck, I might even buy the whole thing if it was only once a year...

But, we do that for lunch almost every day... so, the water people said it was not fair with all the tea and coke drinkers... so, we implemented a 'tea tax'... sometimes it gets to be $3 if the tea is high and the tip is larger..

Usually, you are only $1 off either way.. now, I have brought it up a few times when I get a $7 meal and everybody else gets a $10 meal... so they give me the 'frugal' discount... I am happy..

 

[Scrooge]

He was saving for his retirement with a vengeance and doing well at it. He finally fell for the wrong lady and she took half of everything he had saved a few years later.

It could be worse. The writer H. Beam Piper retired on a small pension, then married a "wrong lady". The divorce left him destitute and he commited suicide at 60 

 

[Mwsinron]

Once or twice a year, I have dinner at a fancy restaurant with 3 of my gal friends.  All 3 friends order wine/alcohol and an appetizer, which adds greatly to the total dinner bill and also the total tip.  I don't drink and I don't care for appetizers.  (The last time, they ordered oysters for appetizers, and I don't even like oysters.)  Well, the dinner bill is always split equally between us 4.   I am beginning to think, why am I paying for alcohol and appetizers when I don't even drink/eat the appetizers?  This has been going on for years. 

Maybe I am "cheap", but next time I am going to ask for a separate check.  My 3 friends can split the bill between themselves!

Not cheap at all. Seperate check is probably the right way of doing it in my book.

 

[Meadbh]

Once or twice a year, I have dinner at a fancy restaurant with 3 of my gal friends.  All 3 friends order wine/alcohol and an appetizer, which adds greatly to the total dinner bill and also the total tip.  I don't drink and I don't care for appetizers.  (The last time, they ordered oysters for appetizers, and I don't even like oysters.)  Well, the dinner bill is always split equally between us 4.   I am beginning to think, why am I paying for alcohol and appetizers when I don't even drink/eat the appetizers?  This has been going on for years. 

Maybe I am "cheap", but next time I am going to ask for a separate check.  My 3 friends can split the bill between themselves!

Toejam, I sympathize. I don't think that it would be cheap to suggest individual checks here. The pattern is well established, and you are overpaying for what you're getting. The trick is to get agreement before the waiter/waitress takes the orders. It can be done in a humorous way, e.g. "remember last year when I didn't have money for gas to get home?". My friends and I do this routinely and then we can all order what we want without feeling guilty.

Several years ago, one of my friends suggested we go out to dinner together. She suggested a new and trendy restaurant. The check was ~ $250 (gulp!) We split the bill.

Personally, I don't think any meal is worth $125.  I am now more careful and suggest more reasonable restaurants that are equally enjoyable. I later learnt that this friend spent almost $1000 on a pair of sweats. That's why she will be working till she's 70-75, and I won't.

 

[VoyT]

I later learnt that this friend spent almost $1000 on a pair of sweats.

Say what? For $1,000 bucks, the sweats better go out and exercise for me!

 

[BUM]

And yet from another angle differentiating the frugal from the cheap...

In my experience the frugal often posess a quality totally foreign to the cheap - generosity!

 

[Outtahere]

And yet from another angle differentiating the frugal from the cheap...

In my experience the frugal often posess a quality totally foreign to the cheap - generosity!

I totally agree!!!

 

[saluki9]

Toejam, I sympathize. I don't think that it would be cheap to suggest individual checks here. The pattern is well established, and you are overpaying for what you're getting.

What you're getting isn't the meal. You're getting a night out with three close friends which happens to be over dinner. Suck it up and pay your 25%, or heck be a real friend and pick up the check for everybody once in a while.

Stop trying to account for everything. This does seem to be more of a woman thing. I can't remember where I read it (it might have been here) but it talked about the difference between a group of men and a group of women dining together and what happens when the check comes.

With the women the calculators come out, and with the men it winds up looking like an Italian wedding with all the money flying around and each guy trying to pick up the whole check.

I know for sure that If I go out with my 3 close friends for steaks and cigars that I'm going to have to fight them in hand to hand combat in order to even get near the check because we are all going to want to grab it.

 

[Cut-Throat]

Not cheap at all. Seperate check is probably the right way of doing it in my book.

Yeah, but then you might put yourself in danger that it would be one of your friends birthdays and someone at the table suggests that the rest of the folks pick up the birthday guy/gal's check.

Better to get a separate table and dine alone.

 

[Nords]

Not that every one of them was jerk when drinking just enough to make an evening unpleasant. I had to put a good face on things not to hurt the ones I got along with.

Maybe you just needed to drink more!

Once or twice a year, I have dinner at a fancy restaurant with 3 of my gal friends.  All 3 friends order wine/alcohol and an appetizer, which adds greatly to the total dinner bill and also the total tip.  I don't drink and I don't care for appetizers.  (The last time, they ordered oysters for appetizers, and I don't even like oysters.)  Well, the dinner bill is always split equally between us 4.   I am beginning to think, why am I paying for alcohol and appetizers when I don't even drink/eat the appetizers?  This has been going on for years. 
Maybe I am "cheap", but next time I am going to ask for a separate check.  My 3 friends can split the bill between themselves!

I can sympathize with the idea that you're paying more to enjoy the same experience as your friends.  It's sort of a tax on your behavior (or perhaps in this case the lack of it).  If you were "required" to go to this dinner or if it's a daily work-related occurrence with co-workers instead of with your best friends forever then I can see how this corrosive issue would eat at one's soul.

However just once or twice a year it appears to be a reasonable price for getting to spend an evening with friends you haven't seen in a while.  Your separate check will reduce your expenses but it may cost you your friends-- or as another poster has mentioned, at a minumum, their entertainment at your cheapness!

People can assess an expense to an object or an experience and fixate on it to the point where they can't enjoy it anymore if it doesn't stay at that price.  We all know of an elderly relative who's fixated on what they used to pay and can't enjoy something anymore because now they have to pay "real money" for it.  Yet if they were doing it for the first time and had never paid that "new" price before, they'd be happy with the experience instead of bickering over the pricing.  It's all in your expectations...

 

[Eagle43]

Seems a tad cheap to me.  However, if it bothers you, then get agreement upfront on who's gonna pay what.  That way, your friends can decide if they want you back next time, and you can decide if it's worth the price.  Without prior agreement, pay some or all of it and be happy you have close friends. 

 

[astromeria]

Just start eating expensive desserts

 

[jclarksnakes]

I lost many of my closest friends in accidents. I sure would like to have a nice dinner with all of them and pick up the check. Like Saluki said
"Stop trying to account for everything"
Some things in life are more important than the final score. I am competitive and analytical in most everything I do. It is sometimes good and sometimes not.
jc

 

[Gumby]

I feel sad for the people who go through life knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing.

My friends are worth more than a few dollars to me. I would just be happy that I have the money to "subsidize" them.

 

[Mwsinron]

Yeah, but then you might put yourself in danger that it would be one of your friends birthdays and someone at the table suggests that the rest of the folks pick up the birthday guy/gal's check.

Better to get a separate table and dine alone.

Guess I missed the detail that it was a birthday dinner.

 

[laurence]

In my circle, I've always been happy to pick up a check, I just tell people to cover me next time, or some such thing. I've found that it all works out about even in the long run, and it adds to the warmth, because we always get a good laugh when one of my friends says, "Don't even think about it, I owe you, put that wallet away!", or surprises me with a drink from the bar, etc. And if I forget my wallet, everyone believes me!

 

[saluki9]

In my circle, I've always been happy to pick up a check, I just tell people to cover me next time, or some such thing. I've found that it all works out about even in the long run, and it adds to the warmth, because we always get a good laugh when one of my friends says, "Don't even think about it, I owe you, put that wallet away!", or surprises me with a drink from the bar, etc. And if I forget my wallet, everyone believes me!

Maybe I'm just sexist, but I think it's a guy thing. You don't have to tell most guy friends "Hey, cover me next time" most men are ALWAYS keeping score.

It could be 6 months since I've seen a friend but he will not forget that I picked up the last round of drinks. Even if he did, it wouldn't matter to me time with friends is more valuable.

 

[kcowan]

Since we have been serious about weight loss, we regularly pay for part of our friends meals/drinks when dining out together. I figure it as a cost of being slim. We will each order big entrees and then take half of them home. When just the two of us dine out, we will often split one entree.

 

[haha]

I am with the people that think this way of behaving is cheap. I would stay home or suggest something less expensive if I couldn’t happily buy in. Or invite them to my house and fix the meal.

Otherwise, I would figure I have a problem and go see a therapist to try to get it fixed.

Ha

 

[Cut-Throat]

Guess I missed the detail that it was a birthday dinner.

No, you missed the detail that it might be someone's birthday, or substitute job promotion, or ? - The real detail was that one of the other parties might suggest picking up the tab for one of the other parties.

 

[Mwsinron]

No, you missed the detail that it might be someone's birthday, or substitute job promotion, or ? - The real detail was that one of the other parties might suggest picking up the tab for one of the other parties.

Im talking about Toejam's topic because that is what you quoted me on. Im assuming thats what you are talking about. Im going on the fact that this person doesnt drink or get appetizers so why should she have to pay 25 percent of the drinkers and appetizer eaters.

 

[laurence]

I have seen some abuse the "just split the bill" thing. Two or three drinkers who order steaks loudly saying, "just split the bill!" when it comes, meanwhile the other 3-4 of us got salads and a water. Depending on situation I let it slide or say "My salad cost $27?" in a joking manner, and usually they shut up.

 

[audreyh1]

I noticed when working and going out to lunch with coworkers that it was always the folks who ordered the most who suggested the "simplicity" of splitting the bill. Who did they think they were fooling?

Audrey

 

[AltaRed]

I have found that in fairly large groups, splitting the bill tends to work pretty good. Seems to be less likelihood that 1-2 people will stand out as arrogant, insensitive twits and in the event they do, spreading the risk out over the other 10-15 folks is not a big deal.

In smaller groups of 4-6, I have seen it work both ways. If there is a known leech in the group, very few people would argue against an upfront suggestion of 'separate checks' and I have suggested that a number of times..and it has gone over well. Generally speaking though, I've had few experiences that required separate bills and I certainly wouldn't quibble over a few dollars.

 

[ladelfina]

I would figure I have a problem and go see a therapist to try to get it fixed.

Ha, the therapy (however needed) is gonna cost more than the drinks and apps!

On men and women: I have seen that women are more 'mindful' and are generally willing to split or not depending on the group dynamics. The men tend to be more 'outliers', either "you're money's no good here" or whipping out a calculator.

I remember going out in groups during college (especially to Chinese places where everything was shared) and having nerds geniuses (all guys) confidently declare that everyone owed $8.34. Then they would sit trying to come up with the right change for everyone somehow.. to the penny. The sons of the rich b***ds were the worst.

I think someone who is worried about a margin of 'error' of less than $10-20 just shouldn't be going out, or should at least try to avoid the worst repeat offenders/scroungers if they can't get over it. In Toejam's case, I personally would just feel free to order the lobster.

The point of going out is to have good food, good drinks, and a good time. If you need to pinch pennies, then organize a BYOB or pot luck at home.