Did You Move Where You Did Not Know Anyone?

[LiveBelowMeans]

We moved to Florida from up north. Knew no one in the area. Best thing we did was join a newcomers club in the area. We have met literally 100s of new people, all of whom want to meet new people. We got to pick and choose our friends from this large pool and now have way more friends than up north. It helps being retired and having the time to do things. You’ll be fine, if you make the effort.

 

[Third Son]

We didn't know anyone near here when we moved from California to Pennsylvania in 1998-1999. We met some people through our son's school activities, and that was very nice, but all temporary, as the kids grow up, families move away. In 2002 our local shopper newspaper had an ad for a community choir needing an accompanist. That same year there was an article about a local community band.

Fast forward 20 years, those newspaper ads/articles started our adult social lives for real. Much better than we ever experienced in Silicon Valley.

Just make sure that when you arrive, you meet your neighbors, follow your interests, and you will make friends.

Where in Pennsylvania did you move to? We are considering the same...freshly retired, we want to be closer to the grands who are on the east coast. We are looking at eastern PA, maybe Doylestown or a little farther north.

 

[tb001]

We moved around two years ago. Spent the first year still w*rking like crazy, so not a lot of time to get out and make friends. We are older but have young kids, so are kind of ‘off cycle’ vs most of the other people we know. We had a fledgling friendship going with the parents of one of our kids friends, but COVID pretty much squelched it.

We’ve met a few people in ‘our generation’ while out walking in the neighborhood, but our lives with young kids will make it hard to do the same things I think.

I’ve always had a small but close circle of friends, so the last year has been difficult not having a social ‘pod’. It’s one of my goals for the upcoming year. Hopefully DH and I can get out and start meeting people during the day while kids are in school!

In general, it’s been harder than I expected, in part because we moved to a less transient area than we were used to, and in part because we don’t quite ‘fit’ in either demographic. Then Covid put a wrench in things. Our area also trends to much younger parents than we experienced in our previous urban setting. I think if any of those things were different, it would be much easier.

The upside is that because of the kids we’ll likely be making friends 20 yrs younger than us, so they’ll help keep us young!!

 

[RVplusDog]

We have RV’d full time plus moved a couple of times. As a very early retiree, sometimes I have noticed a disconnect between my beliefs (?) / history / style vs many of the people we come across who are from earlier generations. So yes, it has been very easy to meet people, but less so to find people that we both really “click” with. Common interests are really key for us - if we can find dog-loving hikers we are pretty much golden in any location. Pickleball was also a fun activity with low-stress socialization.

 

[tb001]

We have RV’d full time plus moved a couple of times. As a very early retiree, sometimes I have noticed a disconnect between my beliefs (?) / history / style vs many of the people we come across who are from earlier generations. So yes, it has been very easy to meet people, but less so to find people that we both really “click” with. Common interests are really key for us - if we can find dog-loving hikers we are pretty much golden in any location. Pickleball was also a fun activity with low-stress socialization.

I think this is a good point and is similar to our experience. If you tend to be a little off the mainstream, and move to an area that isn’t, it will take more time to find ‘your people.’ I think this is especially true if you’re on the early side of ER, since most people will still be working.

 

[Koolau]

Moved 5000 miles to a place we knew no one. As crazy as it sounds, within a week we ran into a guy DW and I went to University with (we did NOT know him or vice versa - just a shared set of experiences and location, home town, etc.). Still we formed a friendship with him and his wife (a local girl.) So now, we've been "adopted" into the extended family.

The other source of friends we found very quickly is through church, though clubs and other "focused" groups may well lead to friendships. I'm quite introverted, but friendships have not been a problem to us. YMMV

 

[firemediceric]

My plan is to move out of Florida to a rural area of Tennessee. I do not know a soul in Tennessee. On one hand being an isolated recluse very much appeals to me. I've been described by a psychiatrist as "asocial." On the other hand I know that in person social interaction is important from a practical and mental health perspective. It's tough for me to strike a good balance.

 

[smalltownguy1]

I did ,after my divorce and returning from almost 3 years deployed in Iraq ,in the summer of 2006.
I moved across the state to work with an army bubbly in the Texas department of criminal justice prisons in East Texas.
I knew him and had met his wife, but that’s it.

Starting new was actually wonderful as nobody knew me. My army buddy “knew” me 1-2 8 hour shifts a month from 1999-2003 in the guard. His wife knew me for 10-12 “lieutenant’s wifes “ nights out over those 4 years. But I had changed a little after my deployment and being injured overseas.

 

[Al in Ohio]

Most of the people here in Florida are from somewhere else. Worked there, retired here. Or they live elsewhere and are seasonal residents here. You’ll fit right in. [emoji4]



Well, maybe not most, but certainly many. The rest are aliens.

I snowbird to Florida each winter for 6-8 weeks (I am here now). I didn’t know anyone at first, but very quickly almost everyone here knows me. They have lots of activities and I am on the dart league etc. and attend pot luck dinners and get to make friends fast.

 

[jrcunniff]

I didn’t actually do a count, but as I read through replies, I noticed most (75%?) referenced “we” vs. “I”. I don’t think this is a small detail. I think it’s easier to make this type of move if you have a spouse or partner you’re moving with. At least you have a built-in companion as a couple.

I’ve given it a lot of thought myself, as a single guy, whether I’d want to move away in retirement. I think it would be tough for me, especially if I’m not in a job where you have co-workers and clients that you’re interacting with on a regular basis. I’m a pretty big introvert and it would take a huge effort for me to build new friendships. Not impossible, but a challenge.

I think the right answer here is: “it depends”. If you’re outgoing and social, I’m sure wherever you go will offer opportunities to make new connections. If you’re more introverted, it’s going to take more of an effort, and what you put into it will determine what you get out of it.

 

[HawkOwl]

I think that the answer to your question depends on you. Do you make friends easily?

My wife and I moved to Florida about a year ago, into a suburban house. We have zero friends here at present. An unfortunate combination of weak social skills and and the pandemic limiting opportunities. I am hoping that the situation will resolve as the limitations due to COVID fade.

 

[Djwil296]

We just did it! I retired last Friday the 12, closed on our retirement home in Florida yesterday. We chose a 55+ neighborhood based on all the clubs and activities that would help us meet people. Only been here 24 hours but have already had 4 neighbors already stop by introduce themselves.

 

[6miths]

We moved to the UAE in our 40s and it was not difficult at all to make friends. We had work connections, there was a large ex-pat community, we had 4 young children, and we did many activities. A great experience.

 

[Freedom56]

Most of the owners at our condo in Florida are snowbirds from the North East. There are multiple social events at our condo around Christmas and New Years hosted by our condo association where we have met many other owners. So it's not difficult to meet people if you live in a condo complex. Having property in South East Florida also means a regular flow of visitors to keep you occupied.

 

[Dave J]

I lived in Tampa as a boy in the 50's-60's. My sister stayed when my parents and I moved to Illinois when I was 14. She is a retired RN. I think age and health should be thought of if a couple. She has told tales of so many lonely widows/widowers who move to Florida, knows no one and spouse dies in first 6-12 months. No support system.
Also, as previously mentioned, if you make new friends easily where you are now, would not be a ton different. If not, I wouldn't move.
Personally, I would not move to Florida unless it was a rural area of Florida. But I don't like crowded urban areas now, so.....YMMV
Good Luck!

 

[ohyes]

We moved to Northwest Arkansas in November 2019. Because we were focused on cleaning out/selling our previous home, we did not seek out meeting folks. Our house sold in March 2020; so, about the time we were ready to meet & mingle, COVID hit.

We are now enrolled in Osher Lifelong Learning Institute and looking forward to our classes. Our church holds services, but Sunday School and groups have yet to begin. We intend to join a couple things there when that happens.
There is a Master Naturalist program we are waiting to join once it's back to normal.

In short, we have not made any new friends/acquaintances since moving here...but hope is on the horizon.

 

[BoodaGazelle]

Many people in Florida are from somewhere else. Without trying too hard, you may run into people from your area... We met a woman from the same town as our 2nd home, and have been friends now for 20+ years. We are not all that gregarious, but it is clear that people who want to socialize find many ways to do so, and to make friends with.

 

[msanniee]

I moved from San Francisco to Upstate South Carolina. Didn't really know anyone. Got lucky and have wonderful neighbors on one side. I am happy because I got a couple of things I really wanted after living in San Francisco: an affordable house with fenced in yard, three French Bulldogs, and space to garden. I am slowly making new friends - very slowly, but I am a west coast liberal living in the south.

 

[FatBob]

We are considering a move to Florida. We do not have friends or family there. Anyone moved somewhere and had to start a new life in their 50s/ 60s? How difficult was it to make friends/ acquaintances?
Any and all advice appreciated.

Yes, we threw a dart in the map and moved to FL without knowing anyone here. Actually, we found it rather easy to make friends because there are so many transplants that nearly everyone is from somewhere else and in a similar situation. I would suggest taking up a hobby (i.e. pickle ball) and you will likely meet some friends there. After COVID, go to the local cafe with outdoor seating and a Saturday afternoon band....the tables will be full and you will end up sharing with someone else and can meet people that way too.

 

[FIREarly]

I think it is easier in a 55+ community where everyone is from somewhere else.

For under 55 year olds, Washington DC Metro Area is full of "transplants" traveling for government, embassy, World Bank jobs, and more.

PS it is expensive

 

[Retired Expat]

I moved 6300 miles and to a country where I barely spoke the language. Fortunately my fiancé had a summer house here so while no social circle at least knew support people... plumbers etc, and spoke the language fluently. Now 7 years in is fully “home” and I love it...language is still a barrier, what with local dialects and slang and the speed people talk, but I can fully get by.

Making close friends is still tough however and those close friends remain ones we knew before we came here. But being both introverts we really don’t find it an issue.

“I love Mankind .... It’s people I can’t stand”..... Linus by Charles M Shultz

 

[meleana]

Yes. We went from living on 10 1/2 wooded acres - secluded - small rural town - and having just a couple of friends in the area- to a new state where we knew no one except our son when we retired last year.

Part of the plan was to live completely differently. We made sure we were in a community that was or was similar to a 55+ with people our age (66 and 64) as neighbors and in an area with amenities and activities and conveniences, etc. - pretty much a vacation area. Where we live has no age restrictions but most people are our age, but not all. Many folks are transplants like us., but not all. About half are full timers; others weekenders or snowbirds. A lot have family like kids and grandchildren in the next state over so they see them regularly. But we don’t. We are 8 hours away from our relatives but we rarely saw them anyway when we lived there because we were still about 2 hours away.

We moved last February and a month later COVID hit. But all was well because the development has a Facebook page and I saw that a small group of people started a daily morning walk. I told hubby we had to join so that we could meet people. So we did and it was the best thing we did. I am the social one and I needed to push my husband to tag along and get involved.

They had some get togethers we were invited to. One couple has a boat and invited us many times to go out on the lake. We had a couple of dinners out at restaurants and even one couple’s home.

Then- we began to meet people who were moving into the new homes being built on our end of the development. (ours was also new construction). We have a front porch we hang out on and people walk by and stop to chat which is nice. So we met more people. We have a small community pool so we meet people when hanging there.

Moving forward - from there we learned of a couple of groups we have political ideals in common with (from being on Facebook). We attended a few events with those and met more people! Pancake breakfasts, luncheons, barbecues, etc. Actually one group we joined 14 years BEFORE we moved when we learned about it hoping someday the move would become a reality.

And recently I learned of activities provided by the local Parks and Recreation Dept. and joined a snowshoe hike and met a nice couple I expect to see again at some other outings.

My husband joined a local sportsmen’s club as well.

We are only retired a year and have had more of a social life than we ever had in our past. And this in the age of COVID- go figure.

Once this COVID nightmare subsides, this development we live in usually has gatherings and activities in the clubhouse and so forth that the residents arrange. So looking forward to that. That’s something we have not experienced like the other residents have because of this darn virus.

Anyway- so you get the picture. Put yourself in a place or in situations where you are forced to be with people. It helps A LOT if you are in a CONVENIENT situation where it is not too much hard work to make friends. If not- at least volunteer for something. Anything to be around others.

PS Before we moved we researched doctors especially because we knew my husband would need his blood pressure meds. So we made appts. Once here, we got a recommendation for a dentist from a neighbor and our doc here recommended a GYN for me. I then researched a Gastro doc for me also. I made sure to physically pick up all my medical records, CD images ( mammos), etc. from my old docs to bring to my new ones when we moved. I joined a local on line community forum to keep in touch with local happenings and also get recommendations for handymen, a CPA, etc. in this day and age if internet, things are much easier.

 

[RobLJ]

Yes; we moved to Reno from Houston about 5&1/2 years ago and knew nobody (except the sister of one of my wife's soccer team members and we only met her once). We are Sierra Club members and Reno chapter here has one of the most active Outings/hiking programs in the country, until COVID, so we quickly picked up friends through hiking (I'm now Outings Chair).
So a hobby/activity is a good way to go to meet acquaintances.

 

[Kroeran]

Key points

Start with a toe in the water part time renting

Move up to Snowbirding.

Sell the house up north and rent a cabin summers

Eventually give up the northern cabin

Try different lifestyles

Focus on gated communities with retirees and activities

Learn how to golf, play tennis and Pickleball.

Volunteer in the national level political party of your choice at elections

Try to find a church you like

Walk a dog

Rent a garden box

Keep a fishing boat or pontoon boat and invite people out on the water, organize boat rentals or join a boat club

Go on neighbourhood organized cruises

Florida gated communities are social nuclear engines. The contrast to life up north in a normal neighbourhood is shocking

 

[67walkon]

We moved part time to NC from FL in 2013. 6 months there and 6 months in FL. For me, the move was a great way to separate from an almost 40 year career in the same place. We immediately found better friends, different hobbies, a new church family and more community. For me, the key was reaching out to new neighbors, finding local people who shared NY passion for cycling and getting involved in a local church after visiting a bunch of them. Our sense of community is much better in NC than it is in Florida.

If you move, get involved, reach out to new neighbors and find groups with common interests. I've enjoyed these years more than any extended time of my life.