Elderly couple commit suicide together

[Sarah in SC]

Those of you interested in dignity at death would be well-served to read Helen Nearing's Loving and Leaving the Good Life about her husband's reasonable, dignified and controlled choice to stop eating and die. Why this isn't mentioned more often is completely bewildering to me--a simple choice, no pills, no plastic bags, no what-have-you. Just a peaceful end like Scott Nearing had. It is encouraging that very few hospitals promote feeding tubes any more. My own grandfather's end at 91 came in just this way, he was unable to eat and we chose to let him die with dignity and no feeding tube. After reading about Scott Nearing, I was able to share with family members that that in the end, hunger just, well, fades.
Great book about a truly dignified end that required no assistance, just understanding.

 

[old woman]

My aunt and uncle were married in March 1946, now he is having strokes, pacemaker and other issues. She has had cancer twice and beat it. Now she had surgery that she can't lift anything so when he can't walk to the bathroom he has to stay in the nursing home unless they have company that can help so they can bring him home. He isn't talking anymore. I don't know how she is handling sleeping alone if she even can. She was never able to even drive a car alone if he wasn't with her she took a child even a a baby. Now two kids are in California and one is handicapped living in a mobile home on her farm. Her daughter has her own farm and family so can't spend all her time taking care of parents, she works full time. I think if the handicapped son and the husband died she might not want to live.

 

[amy5708]

Sarah,

I am fond of the Nearings' books (although I'm not really into the commune lifestyle). I just wrote a blog article about this very thing (mentioning the Nearings), just last week. I think it takes "dying with dignity" to a different level.

I wonder how many families would try to get a court order making their loved one get a feeding tube?

IMHO, if someone is at the end of a long, productive life, or is facing a terminal illness, then why not? My dad made me swear to him that I would not let him languish in a nursing home. He asked me to force feed the best vodka I could afford while he was getting loaded up with morphine, in the event he was ever terminal or without his mental faculties. These kinds of discussions early in life make later decisions a little less difficult.

Suicide only hurts the ones left behind. A friend of ours tried to commit suicide last year. Unfortunately, he was unsuccessful. I say this only because he ended up blowing off half his face and now needs full time care. His wife and 3young kids have nothing...

 

[rs0460a]

I think if the handicapped son and the husband died she might not want to live.

You bring up another point. I have read newspaper articles (more than once) that those who are caring for handicapped "children" (even though they may be adults) are "taken" when somebody ends their life early, for whatever reason (e.g. murder/suicide).

Often this is because the "social system" in a lot of states is not set up for continued care of the handicapped individual, and the parent cannot see a "way out" by leaving their child alone in the world

- Ron

 

[myself]

I meant if they had family that cared for them, then this would be very painful for them.

If family cared enough, they would also understand that if someone no longer has the will to live, and are terminal (or darn close to it). They should be allowed to die with dignity.
The caring family should also understand that they will mourn the loss of the loved one, whether it was this way (their own choice), or after having someone change their bedpans for however long it takes for them to pass on.