ER - the Rational Response to a world going crazy

[73ss454]

Dreamer,

Wonderful post.
When I was growing up I also came from a low income family. Since my parents had 8th grade educations they never pushed me to go to college. They must have been amazed that I graduated HS. Since I didn't know any better I graduated HS and got a job. Didn't know very many people that even went to college.
I guess in most cases you become a product on your enviornment.
Once your working and start a family it's tough to stop and change what your doing.

 

[Martha]

We grew up poor in a rural area where most people did not go to college. But my father would tell me that I could be anything I wanted. That I should go to college. That I would be successful.

I owe my success in large part to my father's belief in me.

 

[LRS]

It's amazing, isn't it, how one person can change everything for you. In my case, it was the next door neighbor lady who helped me. My parents knew squat about applying for college and they were sure not going to pay for it. The neighbor lady sat down with me and helped me fill out the financial aid forms. I didn't even know what I wanted to study. She told me "Just go! You'll find out what program you'll want to be in" and she was right.

 

[Nords]

If I have any money left over when I croak, I hope to create an education foundation/scholarship fund - obviously not as significant as the one you benefited from, but if I can get one person where you are (financially and mentally) that would be awesome.

Here's another example.

 

[Jarhead*]

We grew up poor in a rural area where most people did not go to college.  But my father would tell me that I could be anything I wanted.  That I should go to college.  That I would be successful. 

I owe my success in large part to my father's belief in me.

Martha: Your father must be very proud of you!

Father-Daughter relationship is very special.
(Nice to hear that you recognize that).

Jarhead

 

[laurence]

Here's another example.

Yeah, the Admiral is the man!

 

[brewer12345]

Here's another example.

Interesting.

The school I went to was originally founded to offer a free education to poor kids in what was a slum neighborhood.  The slum is now one of the most expensive neighborhoods in the world and an increasing proportion of the students were middle class or higher.  The school is well known for having the highest academic standards, and the poor kids were basically not getting enough of an education to be able to get in (entrance exam and interview).  The people running the school realized that this trend was drifting them away from the founder's intent, so they started an outreach program for 6 to 8th graders.  The kids get tutoring and if they pass great, if not they get a leg up wherever they go.

It is always interesting to see how institutions change over time.

 

[Martha]

Martha: Your father must be very proud of you!

Father-Daughter relationship is very special.
(Nice to hear that you recognize that).

Jarhead

The sad thing is that he died while I was still in law school. I never really had a chance to do something for him. I try to be good to my siblings and because he loved the symphony, I contribute each year in his memory.

 

[laurence]

The sad thing is that he died while I was still in law school. I never really had a chance to do something for him. I try to be good to my siblings and because he loved the symphony, I contribute each year in his memory.

I'm sorry to hear that, but isn't the dream always to see your kids go off to college? You know your child is off for a bright future, at that point you can be at peace knowing you've done everything you can. It would have been awesome to have helped him materially, but I bet he already knew what good you were going to do for your siblings when he was gone.

 

[Sheryl]

That's sad to hear Martha.    My dad is still with us, and I try hard to make sure he knows how much I appreciate him.   He was similar to your dad in encouraging me to believe I could do anything I set my mind to.  He assumed it would be doctor, lawyer, or engineer, so the architect thing really threw him for a loop but he supported me completely.

My mom in her own backwards way contributed to my success.  She was not happy in her marriage (or in life generally) and implanted in me the belief that there is much more to life than staying home raising children and that a woman should plan to be independent and self sufficient financially just as  a man would.  

Please don't tell me  - I KNOW there are many women who are happy being home with kids and find it a fullfilling and meaningful life.  I don't need examples of that.  I'm just saying that my upbringing combined with certain levels of intellegence and motivation caused me to choose a different path.   Our own personal definitions of success are formed when we are young.

My S.O. is an interesting example - his mom didn't go past 8th grade, his dad I think finished high school.  SO went to work full time at 16 and finished high school - attempted college a couple times while working but didn't get through it.  As he was working in construction and supporting a family.

He always assumed he would be a blue-collar construction worker, I think, because that's what he knew and what his family did.  However, he's very smart and motivated (and stubborn).   (I'm not biased at all ),  and has worked his way up in a large construction company into a management and potential ownership position -  far beyond anything his family has ever done....

My point -  and I do have one -  is that as we've said all along, success is determined by both nature and nurture, and some succeed with family support and some succeed in spite of it - but it certainly doesn't hurt.

 

[Nords]

I'm sorry to hear that, but isn't the dream always to see your kids go off to college?  You know your child is off for a bright future, at that point you can be at peace knowing you've done everything you can.

A bright future? Is that how it's supposed to work?!?

I thought college was a convenient excuse for getting them to move several time zones away, allowing you the leisure to re-key the locks and change the alarm codes... otherwise they'd get a job at Wal-Mart or McDs and live out of their your "spare" bedroom forever!

 

[ESRBob]

The latest trend seems to be "Boomerangs" who move back in after college and never really leave. Reasons seem to be the high cost of real estate, and boomer parents' closer relationships with the kids. One aggravator seems to be parents who make life too comfortable at home that no rational economic unit (kid) could pass up the deal.

Another may be kids who worked so hard to get into a good college thinking that would ensure lifetime success and happiness, and get offput by the difficulties of starting out on their own in an entry level job in the real world. Easier to stay at home and hang with the old friends.

My oldest has just entered high school, so we're some years away. I can see the housing problem brewing, already though. I'm of the "up and out" school, and my Chinese wife is of the "why should they ever leave -- even when they're married they can all move in with us with the grandkids in one big happy compound/commune" school. Not sure where we'll end up on this one!

 

[Nords]

... and my Chinese wife is of the "why should they ever leave -- even when they're married they can all move in with us with the grandkids in one big happy compound/commune" school.  Not sure where we'll end up on this one!

As long as she's of that school, will she be doing all the tribal cooking & cleaning & childcare? This controversy may work itself out without any need for your input!

Fox's show "The War At Home", which sadly appears to be already off the air, featured a scoreboard of the guy's three kids and the days remaining until they left home for college. At the end of the day when he smacked the wall the board was mounted on, each counter decremented by one.

Anyone know a countdown utility that we could download, add to our Windows desktop, and customize for our kid's countdown?

 

[justin]

Anyone know a countdown utility that we could download, add to our Windows desktop, and customize for our kid's countdown?

I think your kid is almost old enough to keep track of that for you. Soon she'll be eager to. You can just ask her how many days till she gets set free*.

* by free, I mean a few years of college then a few decades of work

 

[SteveR]

I use this one....it's free so don't expect too much. I run it for my ER but you can configure it to read anything you want and it even has reminders of you want them.

http://www.timeleft.info/

 

[Calgary_Girl]

Eagle43:

blah, blah, blah....

Since I've actually lived in both countries, I won't comment since I know the U.S. has it's fair share of problems!

 

[Nords]

I think your kid is almost old enough to keep track of that for you.  Soon she'll be eager to.  You can just ask her how many days till she gets set free*.

Good point-- I like that idea. If she can do it with Harry Potter's latest movie then she can do it with her "emancipation"...

 

[ESRBob]

As long as she's of that school, will she be doing all the tribal cooking & cleaning & childcare? This controversy may work itself out without any need for your input!

For better or worse, she loves to cook, so that isn't an issue. In fact, she'll do four separate meals for four people if given just a little nudge. Amazing. (She's an ERd immigration attorney -- I guess cooking is what she always wanted to do -- anything beats battling with the INS!)

 

[deserat]

Yet another great thread! To add my 2 cents:

For me, the expectations in the household helped to define what I was able to do - in addition to my driven nature. What's interesting is the difference in results between my brother and I, which I now hesitatingly attribute to a different genetic aspect - he tended to take more after my mother's side of the family, which in general isn't the most prosperous and tends to an attitude of entitlement. I took after more of my father's side, which believed in education, education, education and hard work. One could also link this to the mother-son and father-daughter relationships as well.

In my case, I expect to be RE'ing soon - before 65 for sure. In my brother's case, he died at 23 due to some poor lifestyle choices and bad luck at that time. I'd say on a pure intelligence measure, he was higher than I, but perhaps in emotional and relationship intelligence, he fared on a lower scale.

My motivation for striving to RE - to have the time to do what I wish - to not have someone else's agenda be my priority for a large part of my day. To experience that which I wish to experience and not what someone else believes I should experience.

Bridget