Escapist thread - If you lost half your assets what would you do?

[frayne]

Hit butthead in the head with a shovel, then bury him and collect the insurance money, that way you don't split the baby and actually increase your net worth.

As a side note a friend of mine, single actually widowed and about 65 years old was complaining about all the older single women hitting on him. He said they were all looking for the "wheel of fortune" and all he wanted to do was to play "lets make a deal" !

 

[ProspectiveBum]

It's not so straightforward unfortunately. The extreme irritability has been since he has been in the contracting job, but not sure there is a direct link. He says he likes the easy work, paycheck and food options in the cafeteria especially. He is even talking about extending his contract. He of course knows he can quit anytime.

Just a thought, but has he had a comprehensive health screening recently? My grandfather was irritable for most my childhood. He never hurt us kids, or even yelled much, but he was always grumpy and a little scary to be near. It turned out that he was an undiagnosed diabetic. Once he got his blood glucose levels under control (presumably because he was physically feeling much better), he was much more pleasant to be around.

 

[braumeister]

He says he likes the easy work, paycheck and food options in the cafeteria especially.

Seriously? He actually talks about how good the cafeteria food is where he w*rks? That is NOT someone who is ER-ready.

Just a thought, but has he had a comprehensive health screening recently?

+1. That is an outstanding suggestion. Good for anyone at any age, but especially in this case. There could easily be a physical reason for his being difficult, and it could be easily curable. No guarantees, of course, but it's quite possible (and not uncommon).

Best of luck.

 

[Rustic23]

So, half of all marriages end in divorce, and the others death. Well that means that 100% of those not married end in death.

Cute statement, but I would not trade my 48 years for all the money we have!

 

[REWahoo]

So, half of all marriages end in divorce, and the others death. Well that means that 100% of those not married end in death.

Cute statement, but I would not trade my 48 years for all the money we have!

Reminds me of a recent quote I saw on how to differentiate between the terms "complete" and "finished":

"When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.' And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished. When the right one is finally done with your sorry butt, you are "finished completely".

 

[pullmyfinger]

Seriously? He actually talks about how good the cafeteria food is where he w*rks? That is NOT someone who is ER-ready.



+1. That is an outstanding suggestion. Good for anyone at any age, but especially in this case. There could easily be a physical reason for his being difficult, and it could be easily curable. No guarantees, of course, but it's quite possible (and not uncommon).

Best of luck.

Yes, I'm afraid the daily cafeteria offerings are very exciting for him. He especially likes Tuesday "Sushi Day". Before his initial retirement "trial" he brought lentil soup to work every day. Maybe this is in response to his prior austerity.

Anyway, I agree it is time for a physical. His excitement over the cafeteria has led to some weight gain as well.

Thank you everyone for the helpful suggestions. Definitely stuff to work through.

 

[pullmyfinger]

Half your assets is about equal to all my assets. So, if my assets were as much as yours and then cut in half, I'd take my money and run.

But, if I lost half of my present assets I'd still be OK. I have thought about this, actually. I have SS and a tiny pension, which help. I'd NEVER go back to work. I'd cut back on spending, instead. I have enough "fluff" in my spending that it wouldn't be that hard.

Divorce is hard on both spouses both emotionally and financially. IME both spouses feel like they got the raw end of the deal, financially speaking. Nobody wins. I never want to marry again. Luckily, I found a wonderful guy who doesn't mind.

W2R - I think your arrangement is ideal!!!

 

[Senator]

So, half of all marriages end in divorce, and the others death. Well that means that 100% of those not married end in death.

Cute statement, but I would not trade my 48 years for all the money we have!

I was always told it's better to "find a woman you hate, and buy her a house". And I suppose the saying it works with either sex.

 

[pullmyfinger]

Just a thought, but has he had a comprehensive health screening recently? My grandfather was irritable for most my childhood. He never hurt us kids, or even yelled much, but he was always grumpy and a little scary to be near. It turned out that he was an undiagnosed diabetic. Once he got his blood glucose levels under control (presumably because he was physically feeling much better), he was much more pleasant to be around.

Thanks for your thoughtful post. Perhaps you are on to something. I think it's time for a physical.

 

[Amethyst]

With divorce, the catch, of course, is that neither of you will get a true 1/2 unless you somehow manage to split without getting lawyers involved. Don't count on that, if one of you doesn't want the divorce!

I agree with those who are urging your husband to get a physical, especially if it has been a while since he's had his blood tested: thyroid, blood sugar, Vitamin D levels, testosterone, the works. Chemical imbalances can do a number on people's moods and even their intellect and judgment.

Good luck!

Amethyst

 

[sheehs1]

What would I do?

1) I'd make sure my marriage lasted to the 10 year mark for possible SSN benefits from spouse, if needed. Whose SSN is the highest?

2) Don't know your situation, but are you entitled to half? A ten year marriage may not mean half if he had most of the assets going into marriage. Or did you guys build that together? I'd nail this down. Check with a lawyer and your state laws.

3) Six months of Butthead is not unusual in a marriage, particularly around life transitions such as retirement. I'd give him a bit more time.

4) I suggest taking a break from each other for however long you need. BUT before I'd do that I'd make sure he could not classify it as desertion. Both of you agree in writing to "take a break". I'd also make sure all accounts and financials remained status quo or that you also agree in writing if it did not work out, things were split 50/50 or whatever you decide. If need be, get a formal legal property settlement (post marital) agreement BEFORE taking a break.

5) I'd ask for marriage counseling.

Just how serious are you?

 

[pullmyfinger]

What would I do?

1) I'd make sure my marriage lasted to the 10 year mark for possible SSN benefits from spouse, if needed. Whose SSN is the highest?

2) Don't know your situation, but are you entitled to half? A ten year marriage may not mean half if he had most of the assets going into marriage. Or did you guys build that together? I'd nail this down. Check with a lawyer and your state laws.

3) Six months of Butthead is not unusual in a marriage, particularly around life transitions such as retirement. I'd give him a bit more time.

4) I suggest taking a break from each other for however long you need. BUT before I'd do that I'd make sure he could not classify it as desertion. Both of you agree in writing to "take a break". I'd also make sure all accounts and financials remained status quo or that you also agree in writing if it did not work out, things were split 50/50 or whatever you decide. If need be, get a formal legal property settlement (post marital) agreement BEFORE taking a break.

5) I'd ask for marriage counseling.

Just how serious are you?

I intended this thread as a fun "what would you do if everything went to hell" type fantasy. I am not looking to ditch him, but the butthead stuff was getting out of control. I do appreciate all the thoughtful and well meaning advice I have been receiving.

 

[robnplunder]

To the OP, you are young and many years ahead of accumulating wealth. If I were in your situation, I would not worry too much. Good luck no matter what you decide to do.

 

[splitwdw]

OP, You threatened a divorce because he's being a butt head? Didn't know that was grounds for divorce. Are you sure it's not you? Are you pissed that he went back to work? Were you two doing things together before he went back to work?

 

[Fedup]

Haha! Where does one find wealthy widows? Maybe an ER dating forum!

Whole Foods near my house which is near an expensive area.


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[Fedup]

I think my husband and I would will be ok if we split up, but the kids may not be. But no remarriage if there is such thing, I mean what is the reason. I believe you get married to have kids. Otherwise why bother.


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[Rustic23]

Could I live on half our assets, H@ll Yes! I would spend the first six months eating ice cream and chocolate cake!

 

[pullmyfinger]

OP, You threatened a divorce because he's being a butt head? Didn't know that was grounds for divorce. Are you sure it's not you? Are you pissed that he went back to work? Were you two doing things together before he went back to work?

Oh dear, I've obviously shared too much.

 

[MRG]

Well my plan for losing half my assets still had DW in it. But feel free to borrow. Perhaps this is in the spirit of your request.

We were going to move to a lower col area, very remote. Cheap small place out in nowhere. Grow our own food and live off the land. Probably some place where we could hunt for food and make stuff from furs, hides. Some of that brings pretty good money especially if you have legal Grizzly hides. While still endangered, most states allow you to protect yourself and take a Grizzly if it's threading your life; that's where DW comes in.

 

[Marita40]

Well, there are always two sides to a story. We don't know what "butthead" means to you.
If you promised to marry him "for better or worse," consider this a "worse" spell and work through it. If it were me I'd get marriage counseling.

In terms of what I'd do if I lost half my assets, I'd sell my home and move to a cheaper location. I'd start watching every penny and be most consistent with a strict budget. I'd continue to work and continue to invest my remaining assets wisely. What other options are there, really?

 

[Dash man]

Find a way to agree without lawyers or you'll both end up with much less than half.


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[Moemg]

Try counseling . I have seen too many late life divorces .

 

[rodi]

My take on this (and many interpersonal relationships).... It's easier to change your reaction to a someone's behavior sometimes than to change their behavior.... In this case - if you DH is being a butthead - find a way to not get upset by it...go to another room, laugh it off, ignore him, whatever.... Just don't let his behavior bum you out. You can't control him - but you can control your reactions to him.

I also notice you were married late... I can relate to that - got married at 38, DH was 47 at the time... first marriage for both of us... It can be challenging to merge behaviors/lifestyles when you have two established adults stuck in their ways... I keep reminding myself of this (16 years later) if DH does something that rubs me the wrong way.

As for what I'd do if assets were split... My investible assets are much smaller than yours - but I live in a pricey place... plus we have kids under roof... If I were free of DH and kids I'd get a condo for 1/2 the price of our house - and I'd do some serious travel... I'd want to try living in Italy for a month or two to put my italian skills to use (I'm in my 3rd semester of college Italian classes.)

 

[daylatedollarshort]

We married young but one or both of us always worked so being at home together so much now has its own "opportunities" for adjustments.

We found this series of research based DVDs on relationship communication skills helpful:

https://www.prepinc.com/shopping/ProductDetail.aspx?ID=116

"Most of us learned to read with the help of a teacher. We took tennis lessons, piano lessons or at least watched a t.v. show on how to remodel the bathroom before digging in. But when it comes to loving relationships, we just assume we’ll know how to do it. The fact is that most of us didn’t learn relationship skills in a direct manner from qualified sources. Most of us simply picked up bits of information from people who had good intentions, but lacked expertise. Worse, some passed on advice that was downright wrong."

 

[Letj]

OP, You threatened a divorce because he's being a butt head? Didn't know that was grounds for divorce. Are you sure it's not you? Are you pissed that he went back to work? Were you two doing things together before he went back to work?

+1 My thoughts exactly. It seems to me that there's more going on. I don't know too many middle age women ready to give up on a marriage for this reason. Could there be physical, emotional and verbal abuse, gambling, cheating, drug/ alcohol abuse? Just asking because the opening post just seemed a bit strange. I would expect couples, especially mature couples to work through surmountable difficulties.


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