Escapist thread - If you lost half your assets what would you do?

[brett]

Marry again. This time for money instead of love.

 

[papadad111]

Thanks for your thoughtful post. Perhaps you are on to something. I think it's time for a physical.

+1. Health Could be causing issues. Stress. Heart problems. Diabetes.

No need to post here but ask yourself how's life in the bedroom. Changes there can be a sign of health issues... Low testosterone, depression, etc.

Or maybe he is bored and retirement woke him to that fact - just like his daily lunch... he has grown tired of "lentil soup" and wants to try sushi...and I mean ... You're his lentil soup and I mean more than just for lunch.

If I lost half - life would go on. I would still try to be FIRE but probably would need to do some work along the way. It's ok to have a plan b. Unfortunately unexpected **** happens

 

[Which Roger]

I intended this thread as a fun "what would you do if everything went to hell" type fantasy. I am not looking to ditch him, but the butthead stuff was getting out of control. I do appreciate all the thoughtful and well meaning advice I have been receiving.

If my DW started a "fun" thread that referred to me as a butthead and was using it to fantasize about divorce, she would not need to file because I would start the proceedings. Whatever is going on is a lot deeper than just being frustrated with your husband and needing to vent.

 

[papadad111]

By the way. This thread got me thinking. What do we mean by losing half

Presumption is losing half of our assets

What if the half is losing our spouse
What if the half is losing time alive

Just got me thinking.

Which loss would drive my sense of urgency about all things in life. Which loss would cause me to spend less because there was less to enjoy being one versus two.

 

[Closet_Gamer]

Congrats on a new definition of light-hearted.

Not sure what I would do if I were you, but I think I know what I would do if I were DH. Some men are not amused by threats, so one may be your last.

Ha

My godfather (a survivor of the Bataan death march and one crusty dude) married late in life to a woman who was also single for a most of her life.

Things got rocky and one night she threatened to walk.

The next day he got divorce papers and signed them, undated, and hung them on the fridge with a note that said "anytime you want, sign here."

They stayed married until the end.

 

[Closet_Gamer]

+1. That is an outstanding suggestion. Good for anyone at any age, but especially in this case. There could easily be a physical reason for his being difficult, and it could be easily curable. No guarantees, of course, but it's quite possible (and not uncommon).

Best of luck.

The retirement or something else could also have triggered a stress event. Our society sucks big time talking about mental health issues.

I was raised in a "just suck it up, you're lucky, quit your whining" household and for most of my life, in most circumstances, that was both true and helpful to being a productive, happy person.

But there are moments, driven by circumstance or genetics, when brain chemistry gets knocked out of whack. It's no different, nor worthy of harsher judgement, than becoming diabetic or developing cancer. It's a legitimate medical issue that needs to be addressed.

I have walked this road. Your DH might actually be in deep pain and turmoil that even he cannot see clearly because it has literally become his world. It may come and go as certain chemicals on his brain ebb and flow. It may be a cycle because thinking impacts chemistry which impacts thinking. It is a brutal journey that sometimes ends very, very badly.

Now, at times we are all BH's deserving of a swift kick in the pants, but if this has gone on for a long time you may want to consider some medical examination. It does not have to be complicated. Your family Doc is a good place to start.

Good luck.

 

[Danmar]

I would have to downsize my lifestyle by half. Not a happy thing, for sure but easily doable. Would have to sell two of our four homes. Would still have A very good standard of living.

When I divorced at age 42 after almost 20 years of marriage the result was much worse. She ended up with everything except my career which luckily turned out to be my biggest asset by far. She only ended up with about 15% of that based on alimony which I am still paying almost 25 years later. Everybody ended up in a pretty good place eventually, but I sure wouldn't want to go through that again.

 

[LauAnn]

50% of those assets is way mo' than plenty enough for me

+10

It always amazes me how much money/assets many people on this forum appear to have. I could live immensely well on that much money.

 

[pb4uski]

I rather enjoy having rich friends.

 

[cyber888]

I would do Nothing, because your assets are more than twice mine.

I'm not yet retired, but if I lost 50% of my own assets and we are retired .. DW and I would move to the Philippines, where we lived before, and have tons of relatives. For $18,000 a year ($1500/month), we'd have a great lifestyle in the Philippines. That would translate to around P 70,000 Philippine pesos. The middle-class income average is around P36,000 pesos. So, we would have about double the middle income salary. We'd probably be able to eat out 5 days a week in nice restaurants, and we'd still be ok.

When we reach retirement age (62), DH and wife will have around $3,000/month + in Social Security income. So even if we have 0 savings at 62, we would still be ok living in the Philippines just on U.S. social security payments. $3000/month translates to P138,000 pesos per month. That's a rich income in the Philippines. Even if by that time, middle class income earnings has gone up from P36,000 to P46,000, we will have 3x that middle-class income.

 

[papadad111]

Talaga...

 

[rayinpenn]

1. Talk the old man into seeing a therapist
2. Talk the old man into getting a part time gig
3. Talk the old man into an art, gardening, dancing, cooking ...something class
4. Talk the old man into taking a walk or bike ride with you every day.

Finally Ask the old man what he thinks might make him happy


Sent from my iPad using Early Retirement Forum

 

[kcowan]

Already did. 50% of everything. I worked harder and cut corners. I held out for higher salary and got it.

When I met DW2 for love, we worked as a team. Turned out we made a lot due to synergy. Then 16 years later, her inheritance restored our stash, so we had built more and then had a windfall. Completed alimony commitment after 5 years of retirement.

Face the future with courage if you don't like the present.

 

[Independent]

I'm not sure where to put this. This is motivated by DH being a butthead over the last 6 months or so. My 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up next month, so for my first 37 years I was single. We have no children. No, there are no plans for divorce right now, but I did threaten, not an idle threat, that I would walk if this continued.

So, if your assets were cut in half, what would you do? In our case this would be a portfolio of 2.5M and a house in the 650-700K? range. Dividing those assets would really change the retirement plan for me. This is meant as a light hearted thread. Would you join the Peace Corp? Go back to work? Take in a roommate? Move abroad? Move to a small town somewhere?

I've thought about it for pretty much the same reason you're thinking about it.

I'd try to live on half of what we had been spending together. Some of that is easy (food, medical care, one car). The awkward item is housing, where I'd probably go over the 50% line.

I think I could cut my "untouchable" savings that are allocated to LTC expenses by more than 50%, because I wouldn't have the one in facility, one still at home situation.

So I think I'd end up with about the same financial lifestyle.

Now, I would do some things that I can't do today because I'm married.

I'd move to the town where my grandkids live (if my daughter were okay with that), my wife doesn't want to do that today. I'd travel more, and do it economically (lower cost lodging), though not for 50% of the cost. I'd have fun picking out a house and decorating it to my taste instead of hers.

 

[cyber888]

Talaga...

Tama !

 

[FIREd]

Interesting question. A "clean" divorce (marital assets split down the middle) would be a blow to my finances for sure, but I think that I would be able to recover without going back to w*rk. First, if I would move back to Europe because, without my wife, that's where the center of my social circle would shift. The move would immediately cut my expenses by a substantial amount. I already own a condo there (non-marital asset), so I would not have to buy a new home (I will gladly leave the US house to DW). And my half of all marital assets would still throw a passive income substantially higher than the average earned income in many Western European countries. So it would not be a huge disaster. Of course if lawyers get involved, then all bets are off.

 

[W2R]

Interesting question. A "clean" divorce (marital assets split down the middle) would be a blow to my finances for sure, but I think that I would be able to recover without going back to w*rk. First, if I would move back to Europe because, without my wife, that's where the center of my social circle would shift. The move would immediately cut my expenses by a substantial amount. I already own a condo there (non-marital asset), so I would not have to buy a new home (I will gladly leave the US house to DW). And my half of all marital assets would still throw a passive income substantially higher than the average earned income in many Western European countries. So it would not be a huge disaster. Of course if lawyers get involved, then all bets are off.

That's for sure. Thank heavens, for my (uncontested) divorce back in 1998, the lawyer only charged us $250. It can be SO much worse.

Another aspect of divorce seems to be that when assets are cut in half, neither side ends up with anywhere near 50%. I'm not sure why that is. Many very nice people end up in divorce. No matter how nice, I have yet to hear one say, "I think my spouse got less than his/her fair share in our divorce. So, in order to be able to look at myself in the mirror, I'm going to send him/her a check for enough to even things out."

I just cannot believe that previously good people have all suddenly turned evil. It's that when divorce is involved, half is not equal to 50% for some reason. Divorce is strangely reminiscent of The Twilight Zone.

 

[Sunset]

That's for sure. Thank heavens, for my (uncontested) divorce back in 1998, the lawyer only charged us $250. It can be SO much worse.....I just cannot believe that previously good people have all suddenly turned evil. It's that when divorce is involved, half is not equal to 50% for some reason. Divorce is strangely reminiscent of The Twilight Zone.

I see you met my ex...

 

[ugeauxgirl]

I could actually live more easily on half WITHOUT my darling hubby than WITH him. I could happily move to a cheaper location (out of the country possibly) or maybe a maintenance free condo or apartment, and this is not an option in dh's opinion. Also, if I could manage it, I'd leave him with all that timberland he insisted on buying as part of his half, and I'll take the dividend paying stocks... I'd be fine.

If he has life insurance you could consider killing him with bacon. As far as I know it is not illegal to kill your husband with fattening food in any state in the U.S. Also probably more fun being a widow than a divorcee- ha.

 

[BTravlin]

I could actually live more easily on half WITHOUT my darling hubby than WITH him. I could happily move to a cheaper location (out of the country possibly) or maybe a maintenance free condo or apartment, and this is not an option in dh's opinion.

Please let me know where to find "a maintenance free condo" as that would up my spending allowance by a decent amount.

 

[ugeauxgirl]

I wasn't thinking of no cost free, I was thinking of free as in "I don't have to mow 7 acres of grass"

 

[MichaelB]

If he has life insurance you could consider killing him with bacon. As far as I know it is not illegal to kill your husband with fattening food in any state in the U.S. Also probably more fun being a widow than a divorcee- ha.

This is why one of my core financial beliefs has always been to be worth more alive than dead. Once that ratio changes there's no telling what might happen. No need for any unnecessary motivations ...

 

[ugeauxgirl]

Y'all realize I'm kidding, right? I adore my husband, and fully understand he is one of very few who would put up with me, BUT if you want to think of it from a strictly mathematical point of view, if he's dead, I get to keep his half of our net worth which is a heck of a lot more than the value of his life insurance. I told him about the bacon joke, and he laughed and said to tell ya'll he's not scared- also everybody has to die of something and excess bacon sounds good to him.

 

[jIMOh]

Congrats on a new definition of light-hearted.

Not sure what I would do if I were you, but I think I know what I would do if I were DH. Some men are not amused by threats, so one may be your last.

Ha

Yes, the moment I get a threat like that dating or when I was married was moment I realize I'm done. Relationships should be built on unconditional liking of the other person. If there are conditions needed, the relationship is not solid.

 

[jIMOh]

My take on this (and many interpersonal relationships).... It's easier to change your reaction to a someone's behavior sometimes than to change their behavior.... In this case - if you DH is being a butthead - find a way to not get upset by it...go to another room, laugh it off, ignore him, whatever.... Just don't let his behavior bum you out. You can't control him - but you can control your reactions to him.

I also notice you were married late... I can relate to that - got married at 38, DH was 47 at the time... first marriage for both of us... It can be challenging to merge behaviors/lifestyles when you have two established adults stuck in their ways... I keep reminding myself of this (16 years later) if DH does something that rubs me the wrong way.

As for what I'd do if assets were split... My investible assets are much smaller than yours - but I live in a pricey place... plus we have kids under roof... If I were free of DH and kids I'd get a condo for 1/2 the price of our house - and I'd do some serious travel... I'd want to try living in Italy for a month or two to put my italian skills to use (I'm in my 3rd semester of college Italian classes.)

great advice above