Flying below the radar

[Music Lover]

Interesting! All of your story's I can relate too. I have no interest to go back to the office and visit and listen to all the BS I left. Lol I loved all the people I worked with but those years are gone.

From what I've read a lot around here, it seems that a lot of people have made very few long lasting friendships after decades (in some cases) working in close contact with dozens or hundreds of people.

Obviously, not everyone got the chance to interact with a lot of people, but for those who did they must have crossed paths with plenty of decent people that had similar tastes and interests. Over the years, wouldn't it be inevitable that a few long lasting friendships would develop.

 

[Meadbh]

I can say almost exactly the same...except that I stay in touch with about 10 - 12 former co-workers. A lot of that has to do with the fact that I started my career when I was 19 along with a lot of other people my age. And at that age you're still going out a lot and playing sports, so a lot of friendships were developed over the years from shared activities outside of the office.

From what I've read a lot around here, it seems that a lot of people have made very few long lasting friendships after decades (in some cases) working in close contact with dozens or hundreds of people.

Obviously, not everyone got the chance to interact with a lot of people, but for those who did they must have crossed paths with plenty of decent people that had similar tastes and interests. Over the years, wouldn't it be inevitable that a few long lasting friendships would develop.

I think you answered your own question in your previous post. You “grew up” with your work colleagues. You had a stable job in the same organization (Manitoba government?) for your entire career. You were most likely a civil servant with regular hours that allowed time to socialize. There was most likely a social structure in place at your organization.

Your situation, if I’m correct in my assumptions, is unusual. For comparison, I finished university just before my 23rd birthday and started a tumultuous career in medicine that had me working up to 80 hours a week, unable to socialize much with work colleagues because one of us always had to be on call or was exhausted. (I bought many tickets to Christmas parties that I couldn’t get to). On top of that, I initially had a new job every 6 months, and after a few years of that I moved to another continent. All told, I had over 12 jobs and moved 8 times in my career, two of those moves being international. The longest time I stayed anywhere was, coincidentally, in Winnipeg. I still do have some friends there, but they are mostly personal friends. I’m not saying my career was typical, but it’s hard to make large numbers of enduring friendships at work under those circumstances.

 

[braumeister]

From what I've read a lot around here, it seems that a lot of people have made very few long lasting friendships after decades (in some cases) working in close contact with dozens or hundreds of people.

Obviously, not everyone got the chance to interact with a lot of people, but for those who did they must have crossed paths with plenty of decent people that had similar tastes and interests. Over the years, wouldn't it be inevitable that a few long lasting friendships would develop.

More common in certain professions than others. In the military, despite constant reassignments, job changes, long spells on temporary assignments, etc., I made a few very close friends. I'm still in regular contact with two of them, decades later. Likewise I'm also in regular contact with a few friends I grew up with, many decades later. If the chemistry is really there, it works.

 

[Music Lover]

I think you answered your own question in your previous post. You “grew up” with your work colleagues. You had a stable job in the same organization (Manitoba government?) for your entire career. You were most likely a civil servant with regular hours that allowed time to socialize. There was most likely a social structure in place at your organization.

Point taken. I did sort of "grow up" with a lot of the same people over a lot of years. We went out for drinks after work, played on sports teams together, I even played in bands with a few of them. All the requirements were there for friendships to develop.

 

[Scuba]

Point taken. I did sort of "grow up" with a lot of the same people over a lot of years. We went out for drinks after work, played on sports teams together, I even played in bands with a few of them. All the requirements were there for friendships to develop.

I think this is why I'm still friends with many previous co-workers from the megacorp I worked for from age 25-45. However, at the company I ER'd from, even though I was there for 10 years and had cordial relationships with co-workers, I did not spend time with them outside of work. Part of the reason was maintaining a professional distance as a C level executive, and part of it was that many people lived very far apart (50-100 miles) and with the traffic in So CA, these distances just aren't conducive to socializing. I never felt the same level of connection to my last company, probably partly because of the lack of close personal relationships. But that made it pretty easy to ER and disconnect without looking back.

 

[skipro33]

Leaving work was a lot like when I was discharged from the military. Those guys meant a lot at the time, but, after 5 years ER, I can't remember but maybe a few of their names even! The longer I'm retired, the more I only remember why I left. Same as it was with the military.
Life doesn't stop when retiring, it evolves into something else. I'm very good with that.

 

[brucethebroker]

I am an extrovert, but have enjoyed turning it down in semi-retirement. My, DW, kids and dog are plenty of company most of the time. Old friends from my prior work life are fading. Like others, we are making new friends at church, and where we snowbird.

Besides, having too many friends/commitments might endanger my napping....and I will not allow that!

 

[JoeWras]

And then sometimes you find yourself in a work environment with nothing in common. My first Megacorp job was crucial to my social development. My latest? Nope. Most of the people I work with are from a different culture, and much younger. We try to reach out to each other, but it is just too distant.

 

[CaptTom]

And then sometimes you find yourself in a work environment with nothing in common. My first Megacorp job was crucial to my social development. My latest? Nope.

I can relate. Most of us joined my Megacorp back in the (very) early '80s. We all sort of grew up together. Heavy partying in the early days, then raising families, then moving into retirement. The ones who stayed had a lot in common.

OK, I guess I should head over there one of these days to see everyone again. But it's getting more and more that I see them mostly at retirement parties, and lastly a very unexpected funeral

 

[pb4uski]

The question that the OP posted was not an issue for me because for the last 13 years that I worked I lived over 200 miles from the office.... telecommuted and traveled and spent little time the office.... though when my travels brought me to NYC or when I was in the office I did socialize a bit with my co-workers.

A couple years ago I had lunch with my boss and another partner who I did a lot of work for one our way home from Florida... that's about it.

 

[Aerides]

After over 25 years with MC, I have only a handful of work-friends that I keep up with on facebook (or want to), and am glad to see maybe once or twice a year. Holiday party season coming up, so there will be a gathering at one house at some point. I will go, have fun, catch up, and then be exhausted from being social for 2 hours. I won't make DH go at all.

But that's plenty for me. The drive home after the party will be nice and quiet and I like it that way!

I was never all that social with work friends when working, maybe out for a drink once a quarter or so? I was also the boss for the last 10 years so it added a layer of difference, and by then I wasn't going to get all extra-curricular with my "new level" colleagues.

 

[gcgang]

I can say almost exactly the same...except that I stay in touch with about 10 - 12 former co-workers. A lot of that has to do with the fact that I started my career when I was 19 along with a lot of other people my age. And at that age you're still going out a lot and playing sports, so a lot of friendships were developed over the years from shared activities outside of the office.

After 35 years, I still have birthday month celebration with 4 of my former co workers. None of them stayed with the company I spent 32 years with, but as above poster said, we played soccer, had lots of parties back when we were in our 20's and early 30's. Never made the same kind of friendships with any other co workers after they left.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I think about dropping by the office to just say “hi!” once in a while but I have yet to actually do it, even when I drive right by the place.

Reminds me of a fella I used to w*rk with years ago. His retirement date came and went, but he continued to come into the office about once a week and hang around for about an hour or so. We bugged him incessantly about it, but he did it for almost 6 months! He was always a social butterfly and I think this contributed to his transition from being an early retiree (late 40's) to going back to w*rk a few years later.

Personally, as an introvert, I have very much enjoyed my solitude. When I was flying missions, I would be "stuck" with the same crew from anywhere from 3 to 30+ days...and sometimes it could be very, VERY painful. Today, I associate with about 5 really good friends (and have been for 30+ years) but even that is fairly sporadic. I rarely speak to any former co-w*rkers these days, and that's OK with me. All they would want to talk about is stuff I don't care about anymore.

 

[Danmar]

I have very little contact with old work associates. The longer you are retired the less you will see them probably. However, we have developed a whole new social network in the 11 years we have been retired. Met new friends on trips, at our new homes, volunteering, etc. Everybody is different but I do believe social contacts are important, especially as we age.

 

[flyingaway]

I am semi-retired and I don't like to socialize with people at work. I think I only had one non-business-related lunch with a good colleague in my last 20 years of work. When I have no desire to claim the career ladder, there seems to be no need to socialize with any one at work.

 

[flyingaway]

After 35 years, I still have birthday month celebration with 4 of my former co workers. None of them stayed with the company I spent 32 years with, but as above poster said, we played soccer, had lots of parties back when we were in our 20's and early 30's. Never made the same kind of friendships with any other co workers after they left.

I think those are friends, not co-workers anymore.

 

[kcowan]

One of the benefits of moving geographically is that we learn the difference between acquaintances and friends. Very few real friends but they are always there for us and we pick up again after many years of being apart. Acquaintances drift away after a few months of being apart.

Since retirement, we have developed a new mix of both.

 

[Sunset]

One of the benefits of moving geographically is that we learn the difference between acquaintances and friends. Very few real friends but they are always there for us and we pick up again after many years of being apart. Acquaintances drift away after a few months of being apart.

Since retirement, we have developed a new mix of both.

Yep, practically all my co-workers turned out to be acquaintances. And all my neighbors are really just neighbors.

 

[Nature Lover]

I have another question since you retired have you stayed under the radar more. What I mean by that is not being so social or wanting to be around old work friends etc..

For some reason I have no desire to go visit or see people I worked with or even do all the public doings with a lot of people around. I never was much for that but seems since retiring I am so happy just not having to be so social thingy.

I also know I need people and I'm around people just things have changed. I like being the lone wolf thing a lot more in life.

+1, although a couple of close friends to see each month is about right for me. I can tolerate being the lone wolf, but I enjoy a couple of close friendships more. What I don't like is when the social stuff becomes obligation.

 

[FIREd]

DW still hangs out with old work friends. When she has lunch with them, all they talk about is work! I personally don't see the point.