His & Hers

[Ronstar]

DW has her $, I have mine. She pays some of the bills, I pay some. I save some of mine and she saves less of hers. She never clears her discretionary spending with me. My discretionary spending is usually more $, so I'll let her know when I'm going to spend more than $1000 on something. DW still works FT and I work PT, so its somewhat ok now, but there will be a budget when we pull the plugs.

 

[Jack_Pine]

DW has her $, I have mine. She pays some of the bills, I pay some. I save some of mine and she saves less of hers. She never clears her discretionary spending with me. My discretionary spending is usually more $, so I'll let her know when I'm going to spend more than $1000 on something. DW still works FT and I work PT, so its somewhat ok now, but there will be a budget when we pull the plugs.

This is pretty much us except I am FT and she is PT. My hobbies are way more $$ but I pretty much consult at the 1k marker (or at least inform) I also fund her account when it gets to low.

Not sure how we are going to handle things at retirement but I would not say we are necessarily frugal (nor want to be) Having no need to leave a legacy (no kids) will give us some flexibility in that area.

 

[Moemg]

DW has her $, I have mine. She pays some of the bills, I pay some. She never clears her discretionary spending with me. .

This would describe us . We are both retired but have at home small businesses . If I had a fifty dollar spending limit I would have to call him every time I entered JJill and if he knew how much even a blouse costs he would be nauseous so I am protecting his health by just shopping & not telling . He does the same for me .

 

[ERD50]

Like some others here, one account, really no rules--I don't think either of us has vetoed the other. Also like others here, we know when to save money and we know when to spend money, so fortunately those have balanced out.

Pretty much the same here. We are both LBYM mentality, so it is rarely an issue. It happens occasionally, when I have to ask if a certain expenditure is really a good use of funds. Most recently, she wanted a big screen TV for the family room - I didn't disagree (I'm not a big TV person, and am sports agnostic), but I did encourage her to hold off for a year, as we'd likely get a much better TV for the same money. I think we are both glad we waited, We would have ended up with something quite a bit smaller a year earlier. And if our older TVs are any indication, we will be living with this a long time.

-ERD50

 

[rodi]

I grew up in a separate account household - and thought that's the way we'd go when I go married. I was older when I got married (late 30's) so we did that... until we had a kid and moved across country in short order. Now it's joint and it works.

I pay the bills, run quicken, do the forecasts. I don't ask on the little stuff - but if I see a charge expense for more than $100 that I don't know what it's for - I ask... if only to get the category right. He has a card in his own name that doesn't get pulled into quicken except manually - it gets used before my birthday and Christmas... and he tells me to update it manually after the gift is given... I then pay the bill. LOL.

I guess money is fungible in our house.

We're both frugal and try to live within a set spending/month - so big stuff is discussed and planned for so that money can be moved around to accommodate the extra spending. As long as we stay within our budget - no permissions are asked. If we get to close - I tell him (and myself) to throttle any extra spending (lunches out, starbucks, etc) until the next cycle.

It works for us.

 

[Katsmeow]

We have joint accounts. I'm the one who keeps track of everything. I do categorize all spending in YNAB and there is a spending category for me and one for DH. For those categories we put a set amount of money into that category each month and each person can spend it as he or she wishes. The things that are currently paid from spending:

1. Computers, hardware and software. Personal electronic devices (iPad). The one exception to this is software or hardware that is common to the household (new router, new printer). We each have individual computers.

2. Books, gaming, other discretionary entertainment. DH doesn't get upset when I spend what he thinks is too much money on $X and I don't get upset if he spends too much on his hobby since we are both getting a set amount of money and how we spend it doesn't affect the other person.

3. Each person's share of dining out.

4. Any soft drinks each person wants to buy.

5. Clothing and personal care (hair, makeup, toothbrushes, razors, etc.)

We do vary from time to time what we put in the spending category. Category no. 2 is how it started. But, we found that making spending broader than that was helpful. For example, dining out and soft drinks was something we recently added. We felt we were spending too much on them but since it game out of the general food budget, there wasn't a lot of incentive to cut them. By putting them in the spending money category then each of us knows that if we spend less on these things then we have more to spend on our "fun" categories (mostly 1 and 2).

 

[Sue J]

We each get a set amount of pocket cash at the beginning of the month. We are not accountable for it. It's to spend on what you want. DH gets almost double what I get because I just don't need much.

DH prefers to go to thrift stores, flea markets, hamfests, etc. and browse ebay looking to buy other people's used stuff. He does this until his cash is gone. Sometimes he can make it to the end of the month.

I have enough stuff that I already own and would rather know that my cash is in my wallet. I may spend some on an extra eating out (we have money budgeted for that) or something that's a personal want. At the end of the month my unused cash gets saved with previous months unused cash.

Since we are not accountable to each other on how we spend our pocket cash, I try not to judge the stuff he buys and he tries not to drool over my accumulated wad of cash. But he does covet my iPad mini that I bought for cash out of my accumulated excess pocket money.

Yeah, opposites attract.

 

[Katsmeow]

At the end of the month my unused cash gets saved with previous months unused cash.

That is the key to our spending money category. What isn't used, gets accumulated. So, we can each save up for specific things that we might not otherwise have bought.

 

[Zathras]

We each have our own private accounts for personal expenditures and a household account used for joint expenditures.

We discuss large joint expenditures and often seek advice from each other about large private expenditures although we don't need "permission".

 

[Arifriekinel]

I took some tips from other members here a few months back and created an allowance system with my boyfriend. We work together so all money comes in under both names.

We have a base allowance of $100/mo, plus we each get 25% of any side income that may come in over the month (helping someone move for $50, we each get $12.5, or I do insurance photography for $25 a vehicle, so we each get $6.25, etc).

We just keep track of those purchases on excel rather than opening up separate accounts for the allowance, and we do allow it to carry over month to month to save up for more expensive things

 

[mystang52]

Nothing hard and fast, but somewhere around $50 is our cut-off. Clothing is exempted. I use 2 different models of running shoe. both expensive, and when I need a new pair I can just buy it.

 

[Koolau]

We solved the "budgeting" issue by not having a budget. Works pretty well. She does virtually all the day to day money management (check book, reconciling the credit cards, etc.). I do the quarterly and yearly Vanguard, etc. statements and any rebalancing. As far as spending money, it only comes up once every couple of years when I buy a "toy" she didn't know about or take several hundred in cash from the checking. Other than that, we are free to spend what we want. We simply don't ever buy anything "big" like a car, appliance, furniture, etc., without consulting. Not so much because we have agreed to that, but because we have learned to do so over the 40+ years. Seems to work for us 99+% of the time. YMMV

 

[Throwdownmyaceinthehole]

We have had a $100 cash weekly allowance each as long as I can remember, no matter how much money we've made. Anything over that we just do a minor discussion, like hey I'm going shopping.

 

[Theseus]

Nope.
We each spend whatever we want for discretionary expenses. Something over $1K would most likely involve a little discussion, but since we're both pretty frugal in general, the occasional treat is perfectly reasonable.

1+ Works for us too, the normally frugal part helps a lot, although I've begun to realize we are probably getting less so as we approach FIRE with some confidence. I probably have a bit more leeway as I do the routine Quicken finance stuff and can go to [enter favorite sporting goods store here] on a whim, or go on a mini-Amazon shopping spree for gadgets and yeah, I roll my eyes when her theater season ticket charge comes across on the CC. Over $500 or so we know enough to say something to avoid surprises. Current budget, which we expect to pretty much maintain as is when we transition to FIRE has that much monthly discretionary spending built in.

 

[MBAustin]

We've always had joint accounts with no specific rules, and like many others here are frugal by nature. If anything, we've relaxed a bit now that we have finished with all of our planned major expenditures (both kids through college, bought and remodeled retirement house, bought motorhome, two cars less than 5 years old). I used to stress out when DH would buy something I considered extravagant or unnecessary, now unless it's over $200 or so it doesn't bother me. We do generally discuss anything over about $150 before buying it.

 

[jimnjana]

Earlier this year I started putting $300 a month into DW's bank account automatically. This is her money to do pretty much what ever she wants with it. I did this primarily to make her happy and because our cashflow made it possible. Of course, I didn't tell her until about 4 months later.

 

[sunnysideup]

My take on the situation is why would you need to change things in retirement? I am not yet retired but I am thinking it should be somewhat similar for DH and me.

I previously was in a long term marriage where every dime was shared, and we argued alot about money, and how much each person was spending, how much each person needed....obviously we never figured it out, although many folks on this board have!! Currently (married 12 years) we have both separate (individual spending) and joint (household) accounts, and it seems alot more peaceful to me!! We always seem to work together to budget for the household, and we allow each other to spend their own monies at our own discretion. Please note we have no debt so we both are financially aligned in our spending/saving habits and fiscal responsibility--maybe that is why it works.

In retirement, we intend to adjust as follows: Since one of us has alot more money coming in retirement via pension and social security, we will share funds more but will still have separate monies that should be respected as such. We will jointly decide what the separate monies will be, as it benefits both of us to maintain the coffers for our anticipated longevity. Not expecting warfare and hoping I am right!!!

 

[seraphim]

Everything we have is joint. We generally mention planned purchases to each other, just to make sure there's no bounced checks. If the money's there, it's generally first person who mentions it, gets it lol. But we are both reasonable, and most purchases have a reason. If its a gun or a guitar, it's mentioned while I'm in the process of considering the purchase, in case DW has a more pressing need for the money. or in case it's her turn to treat herself to something lol. Most money we spend is on travel, which we both enjoy.

 

[martyp]

We have always been splitters. We contribute to a joint account for joint expenses. When DW retires we should each be bringing in about the same amount of money with each of our pensions so nothing changes.

 

[jerome len]

I'm really lucky with a great wife. We pay all our joint bills out of a joint account.

I have my checking acct, DW has hers. I never look at hers and she doesn't look at mine. We can each spend our personal funds without any explanation to the other. Most of the money is spent on gifts for family members or little splurges on outselves. DW had braces last year....in middle age....I laughed, told her that I was proud of her and she paid for and enjoyed her braces with her own money.

What makes it work is trust.....we trust each other and don't worry about personal expenses......life is nice.

 

[Tom52]

Every month each of us receives $300 "personal allowance" to spend on whatever we want. No questions asked. All other expenses are tracked very closely. The personal allowance is considered as a line in the budget whether it actually gets spent or not. DW lives allowance to allowance while I am sitting on about $11,000 accumulated cash. I may go out someday and spluge on that big ticket item for myself....uh, maybe I better rethink doing that.

We are not yet retired but I think we would continue to do the same once retired.

 

[FIGuy]

Every month each of us receives $300 "personal allowance" to spend on whatever we want. No questions asked. All other expenses are tracked very closely. The personal allowance is considered as a line in the budget whether it actually gets spent or not. DW lives allowance to allowance while I am sitting on about $11,000 accumulated cash. I may go out someday and spluge on that big ticket item for myself....uh, maybe I better rethink doing that.

We are not yet retired but I think we would continue to do the same once retired.

This is our approach as well, except it's $220 / month each currently automatically transferred into separate accounts. Lunches / dinners out, electronic gizmos, gym memberships, hobby stuff, and most gifts are "discretionary". Strangely enough, DW spends hers fully and mine's grown at about $150 / month for the entire time.

Everything else goes into a joint account that we minimize our spending with. If either doesn't agree that we need something, it's discretionary and that's usually the end of it. Nobody seems to abuse the system and I can't remember any huge fights. We originally set this up as both of us know families where one spouse made significantly more than the other and there were control issues. We agreed on this approach before we got married and have kept it since. I was fully employed and decently paid while DW was a grad student at the time, so we wanted to enter marriage on equal footing. It works great to maintain expenses and is probably a big part of why we're headed toward FIRE.

We agreed on this approach and either of us can recommend increasing the allowance if ever desired, which we've done once. I find it also forces me to spend a bit more on small purchases that give me pleasure as that account feels somehow separate from the joint accounts. Otherwise, every buck I spend is just lost future income in my mind.

Now, someday we're buying a cruising sailboat (think used pacific seacraft 34). Obviously, this is going to be a joint purchase.

 

[sailor]

Now, someday we're buying a cruising sailboat (think used pacific seacraft 34). Obviously, this is going to be a joint purchase.

Beautiful and very functional boat.
Saving $440 per month, it should take less than 19 years to afford her

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

We have agreed upon amounts that we both feed the basic living expenses account, the rest we're on our own. She likes her job and I like my time.

DW and I have the same arrangement. We feed the joint account for joint expenses. The rest we keep separate and don't have any obligation to tell the other person how much was spent and what was bought. That said, if it's home decor, appliances, a car or something that could potentially impact the other person, we discuss it beforehand.

Call me selfish, but I never understood needing to get permission to spend money that I've earned. If we were a single income household, I could understand that the money earned is joint money due to the other person's contribution through keeping the house and raising the kids.

 

[redduck]

I can't imagine having to be accountable to someone else for such a small amount of money as $51. I guess that's why I truly enjoy being single!

OK, Meadbh, you may have started a bidding war here. I'll go $52.50.