How do strangers see you?

[grasshopper]

On our safari we were required to pack only one 33 lb soft bag. So I carried a cloth Lands End day bag. Among the other travelers I must have looked nearly homeless. All the bush camps did our laundry daily for us but I think I overpacked.

 

[RVplusDog]

We RV and have come across such a wide variety of socioeconomic backgrounds... you really can never tell who is wealthy and who is bankrupt by what they drive or how they dress. We have encountered folks in million-dollar motorhomes who are underwater on a huge RV loan and also otherwise homeless and income deficient. We have also met people in tiny old campervans and mini pull-behinds that own several million-dollar S&B homes.

As far as dress & appearance, I make zero effort. I wear clothing to keep the sun and bugs off me, to keep from getting torn up by thorny vegetation on trails, for warmth, and for modesty. I don’t smell, that’s about all I can say. My clothing is stained, ripped, or dirty (gardening or hiking tough trails) soon after I buy it and daily after I put it on. I plop a hat on my head and wear no makeup. My shoes are only tennis shoes or hiking boots, and they’re as well-used (or abused) as my clothing. I’m sure most people presume I’m landscaping staff when I’m seen out-and-about at the luxury RV resorts we frequent. I have seen surprise on many faces when they see the RV we live in - some of these people probably thought I lived in a tent LOL

 

[kcowan]

We lived in a modest condo in the hills overlooking the water when we met most of our fellow retirees during the first 10 years, and when we upgraded to a twice as expensive condo close to the ocean during our "blow that dough" phase, many of our friends had to reassess their assumptions about us.

It is always surprising how people make assumptions.

 

[bearkeley]

OP-Great trawler! What's its range? What kind of cruising are you doing?



I just bought a boat in Marina del Rey last year and brought it up the coast to SF Bay, where I'm easing my way into living on it full time. I'm splitting time btwn the boat and the condo now, as I work on both to prep for the transition. So, as you can imagine, lots of projects on the list to get done. And, since this is my first boat, everything has a learning curve for me (And, a spending curve too because, well...it's a boat.).



To your original question, I haven't noticed any real 'classism' in either of the marinas I've been in. But, it's early days so, I expect it's out there somewhere; hopefully, not much of it though.

Thanks! She’s simple, but like you said, she’s a boat, so lots of work! She has a 60 gallon tank. At 7mph, we get 350 to 400 miles, leaving some for reserve.

Good luck with the transition!

 

[DrRoy]

I don't know what people think. I would say we do not show off that we have N x $1,000,000, but I can't hide that I RE'd at 57, or the big deck project that sprouted in the back yard last year. Photos that I post show we have travelled to places like Paris, Switzerland, Norway, and Patagonia.

 

[Amethyst]

At a local service station, I was putting air in the car tires. A scraggly young man asked me if I needed help, and I said I was fine, thank you.

Then he asked me if I had any spare change, which I didn't - I'd barely had the quarters for the air machine, because I seldom carry cash and always use a credit card. Not feeling the need to explain, and wanting to beat the air machine's 5-minute limit, I just glared at him, and he went away.

So I guess to strangers, I look like a stern older woman.

To the neighbors, I am the highly unusual woman who works in her yard a lot. Although I wear worn and paint-spattered clothes, they know I can't be poor, so why do I do all that hard dirty work which everyone else hires out? "Exercise," I tell them.

 

[CaptTom]

OK, here's one...

My 90-year-old neighbor sprained something in her leg. She went to the doctor, who patched her up and said she'd have to keep pressure off it for a while. He made the mistake of asking if she had a walker or cane. She was indignant. NO! What do you think I am, some kind of cripple?!?

Then he tried to tell her she should stay off her feet for a few weeks. She said "I can't do that! I have old people I have to take care of!" She actually was still working as a home health aid at the time.

She's slowed down a bit now, at 96, but the (adult) grandchildren are still afraid of her!

 

[street]

Just reading through all the new posts I just remembered what some young boys told me one day. I was on a bike ride and two young boys that looked like they were up to no good, asked me "what are you doing old man". They actually said it a few times. It didn't bother me that I was old but I did think they most likely weren't taught to show respect to others and that they maybe the ones I see in the paper as getting in trouble someday.

I grew up among elderly in all of my early years of life. I would never have said that to one of them out of respect.

 

[jollystomper]

As a dark skinned minority male, I learned growing up, and through my parents, that I had to be aware of what strangers might think of me, as it would make a difference in the quality of my life. That is one reason I always dress clean and neat in public. My parents also taught me that "wherever you go, act like you belong there, as you will stand out and some may not want you there". In my line of work and travel that was true, though it did improve over the years. Too many "interesting" incidents to document here. I joke with people that social distancing is not an issue for me, I have experienced enough of it over the years that I am used to it.

My guess is that most strangers would find it surprising that I am retired and not working at all. Some of my friends see me that way. DW said a lot of her friends implied that she was still working because I retired, they will be surprised when she stops working in a couple of months .

 

[RVplusDog]

As a dark skinned minority male, I learned growing up, and through my parents, that I had to be aware of what strangers might think of me, as it would make a difference in the quality of my life. That is one reason I always dress clean and neat in public. My parents also taught me that "wherever you go, act like you belong there, as you will stand out and some may not want you there". In my line of work and travel that was true, though it did improve over the years. Too many "interesting" incidents to document here. I joke with people that social distancing is not an issue for me, I have experienced enough of it over the years that I am used to it. .

Well crap. I’ve never thought as my comfort in dressing however I want as white privilege, but I guess it is. Oh well, at least I’m learning.

 

[Bigdawg]

Well crap. I’ve never thought as my comfort in dressing however I want as white privilege, but I guess it is. Oh well, at least I’m learning.

^Same thing I thought of when I read that. Interesting observation.

 

[Chuckanut]

It's been awhile, but while in an elevator once with a woman I had never met, she gaped at me for a moment and told me I looked like Sean Connery. I hope Sean and I have diverged a bit in the looks department since then, since Sean is dead.

Myself, I don't see it.

After my divorce in my mid 50's I was wondering if any woman would ever find me attractive. Trust me when I say nobody would ever mistake me for Sean Connery. Hollywood good looks are not one of my advantages. And I didn't have that Scottish accent that women find so appealing.

But, I came across an ad with a 60-something Mr. Connery posing. He wore a fedora type hat, well fitting jeans, and shirt. Simple, clean, elegant. I could never buy his looks or accent, but I could buy the hat, jeans and shirt. Thankfully, good genes and virtuous living gave me a descent body to fit into them.

It worked.

 

[Nemo2]

I was wondering if any woman would ever find me attractive.

Which is why, after my late wife passed, I joined an online dating site entitled "Visually Impaired Females In Your Area".

 

[Exchme]

Well I just got back from the store and noticed my pants have multiple holes in them, so sometimes it's not about how people see you as how much of you they see!

 

[Amethyst]

Some years ago, I was chatting on FB with some cousins, and a young male cousin (20's) kept butting in with remarks in ALL CAPS. I should've let it alone but just had to ask, "Why are you shouting, XYZ?"

His witty response was "So old hags like you don't have to put on your reading glasses."

We've never met, so all he had to go on was my profile pic.

Just reading through all the new posts I just remembered what some young boys told me one day. I was on a bike ride and two young boys that looked like they were up to no good, asked me "what are you doing old man". They actually said it a few times. It didn't bother me that I was old but I did think they most likely weren't taught to show respect to others and that they maybe the ones I see in the paper as getting in trouble someday.

I grew up among elderly in all of my early years of life. I would never have said that to one of them out of respect.

 

[Amethyst]

Does this go for African American women, too? Because I always noticed, at work, that many of the best dressers were African American men and women, and not just management either. Indeed, I never saw a Black person at work who wasn't well dressed, whereas many of the white co-workers looked extremely shabby.

As a dark skinned minority male, I learned growing up, and through my parents, that I had to be aware of what strangers might think of me, as it would make a difference in the quality of my life. That is one reason I always dress clean and neat in public. My parents also taught me that "wherever you go, act like you belong there, as you will stand out and some may not want you there". In my line of work and travel that was true, though it did improve over the years. Too many "interesting" incidents to document here. I joke with people that social distancing is not an issue for me, I have experienced enough of it over the years that I am used to it.

My guess is that most strangers would find it surprising that I am retired and not working at all. Some of my friends see me that way. DW said a lot of her friends implied that she was still working because I retired, they will be surprised when she stops working in a couple of months .

 

[Marita40]

I never give a thought as to what strangers think of me. This is a pretty casual area and I dress like everyone else most of the time: jeans, t-shirt, sweater, coat (MN here). I'm always clean and neat in body and attire, not because I care what others think but for my own integrity. As an older woman I pretty much go unnoticed by strangers, I think, but being an introvert that suits me just fine.

 

[jollystomper]

Well crap. I’ve never thought as my comfort in dressing however I want as white privilege, but I guess it is. Oh well, at least I’m learning.

^Same thing I thought of when I read that. Interesting observation.

I tend not to like the term "white privilege" as IMHO it is one of a set of recent terms that tend to shut down productive discussions on race. I may be biased since, at this stage in my life, I have had a career and finances better than probably 90% of "white" people in this country and therefore have gained a lot of "privilege" over them. I look at the dress situation more as "minority realities" . Dress nice as to lessen the chance that it will be used against you to "justify" their assumptions about you.

 

[jollystomper]

Does this go for African American women, too? Because I always noticed, at work, that many of the best dressers were African American men and women, and not just management either. Indeed, I never saw a Black person at work who wasn't well dressed, whereas many of the white co-workers looked extremely shabby.

This would also fall into what I posted in my previous reply - dress nice as to lessen the chance that it will be used against you to "justify" their assumptions about you.

 

[Bryan Barnfellow]

However, when we are not at anchor, we tend to stay at expensive marinas with the amenities we like and at times, go to good restaurants because we have been eating in while at anchor, so it’s not uncommon for us to run into people who generally have fancier boats. It is always interesting to see their reaction to their new poor neighbors on the little boat.

I would just mention that it's your dinghy and that your yacht is too big for the harbour.

 

[jldavid47]

They don't. As a man of a certain age I have become invisible to most of the outside world. This is a huge advantage.

Life is good.

+1

 

[Amethyst]

I always assumed the people merely had good taste, and liked to show it. Your insights have made me think back quite a bit.

This would also fall into what I posted in my previous reply - dress nice as to lessen the chance that it will be used against you to "justify" their assumptions about you.

 

[ncbill]

I would just mention that it's your dinghy and that your yacht is too big for the harbour.

Looking at the picture I'd tell 'em Skipper left it to me & are they interested in a 3-hour tour?

And as I've posted before I like to tell people I'm unemployed just to see how they then choose to treat me...

 

[brett]

My SIL spent a lifetime worrying about how others saw her.

As a result she is about to retire with no savings, no pension, a house that she cannot afford to maintain, two vehicles, a mortgage and a reverse mortgage.

She never cracked the code. Insecurity. But still keeping up the charade....for now.

 

[aja8888]

Originally Posted by Chuckanut:

They don't. As a man of a certain age I have become invisible to most of the outside world. This is a huge advantage.

Yeah. ditto.