I am starting to understand Introverts

[Midpack]

I test as an introvert but I think I’m in the middle. I need/enjoy some time to myself but I need/enjoy the company of others too - friends, acquaintances and strangers. We just moved to a new place last Summer and we’re still making new friends, Covid brought that to a halt. And of my 6 favorite activities, only 2 have come back so far. Even fewer for DW. We’ve also put off travel, but we’re not world travelers, mostly 1-2 day trips. So we’re tired of (semi) lockdown, not fun. A couple times a week lately, DW and I have just decided we need to get out even if there’s nowhere we really need to go...usually we go to a park or the lake.

OTOH we loved the first 3-4 weeks of lockdown since Lowe's & Home Depot were "essential." We got all the inside and outside home projects we'd been putting off done, big and small, it was gratifying!

 

[Winemaker]

When I was in school/high school/college, I played sports, was involved in student gov't, Boy Scouts, Honor Roll Society, worked in a hardware store and dated. Once with mega corp as a production foreman, I always had people around me, working on a common goal, and pretty successful at it, if I say so myself. I have always enjoyed working with people through out my life, and have met a lot of interesting people as tenants. I thought I would miss w*rk as a shift foreman with 150 people, but I was able to walk away easily, even after 35 years. I enjoy being with DW on long hikes/travels by ourselves, I don't think I could handle being alone without DW. At this point, I could never imagine being an introvert.

 

[Red Badger]

Red Badger--I guess I need to a better definition of introverts. Can you tell me how you define it?

I'll try. Interacting with groups of people can be exhausting for me. Family and friends are welcome and cause no stress. If I can interact / make a transaction with a machine in lieu of a person, I feel better. Crowds don't bother me as I can ignore them. The people in the crowd can be a PITA.

Signed, INTJ

 

[Nemo2]

Me, I'll yuk it up with anyone, anywhere; clerks in banks, cashiers in supermarkets, library staff.....but I prefer to do it on my feet where I can say "See Ya" and depart after finite interactions.

One, (a minor one, and certainly not the 'only'), reason that we (virtually) never go to the dining rooms on ships is that I (and DW feels the same) don't want to get stuck at a particular table with a bunch of people in whom I/we have no interest...(and I'm sure they'd feel the same about me).........and as for going on tours.."Aaaargghh!"

 

[SumDay]

I'm an introvert, and was shocked that, in the beginning, I was sad about the lock down. As time went on, I began to relax. I retired almost two years ago, and prior to the pandemic I was feeling a little bit at loose ends, like I should be doing something 'more' with my life. Not being able to get out forced me to learn to relax. Lots of reading, exercise, re-learning to play the piano, cooking (and eating it, darn it) and sitting on the patio watching the golfers with DH made me realize this is WHY we retired.

All that said, I do miss commerce as it used to be. Running out to get hand soap can just ain't what it used to me. And, I miss church and travel. Things are opening back up, but I feel like this was a good calming exercise for me.

I'll always be an introvert, but moving a few years a go to a small neighborhood of mostly retired folks was a real blessing during these past few months. Every walk or bike ride provided ample opportunity for visiting from across the street, and I now also appreciate this new neighborhood more than ever.

 

[Which Roger]

So for those of you who are introverts are you like Red Badger and love to travel? If so do you go solo? I am an an extrovert (or I thought I was because I generally like being around people) but I have always hated group travel. In fact, I am not planning on traveling any time soon and that does not bother me at all.

I like to travel, but on my own terms. DW and I plan our own routes and activities, make our own reservations, and away we go. I can't imagine ever going on a trip where I'm at someone else's mercy, like a group tour or cruise. Or even have someone else plan a trip for me. I think a lot of introverts also like to be in control. I know I do.

 

[harllee]

I am the person that started the thread and after reading the posts from true introverts I am thinking I am still an extrovert --I like being in large groups of people and talking to people--but what I am thinking is that I am now enjoying the lack of a schedule. I have been retired many years but if you looked at my calendar before March you would think I was running a big business- meetings for nonprofits and church, meeting friends for lunch/dinner, social gatherings, athletic events, classes, lectures, etc etc. My calendar was full. I was just over scheduled and now I am liking no schedule except for a few Zoom events.

I have also decided I really don't like eating in most restaurants--they were crowded, expensive, food mediocre. We are enjoying cooking and eating at home now with occasional take outs. My favorite restaurant has not reopened which is sad.

As for travel, I never have liked group travel--I want to travel on my own schedule. I had almost quit flying a few years ago--flying had got to be too much of a hassle-- planes crammed, flights cancelled and not able to reschedule for days. The last time my flight was cancelled and I had to sleep at the airport because no hotel rooms were available I said no more. I had a motorhome for years and enjoyed that until all the campgrounds became so crowded I never could get a reservation. We also had a sailboat and then a trawler boat and loved that until arthritis made it too hard for my husband. Now when we travel we travel by car. We had 3 trips scheduled this year that have been cancelled but I am not really sad about that.

I think I have learned some things about myself over the last 3 months that will cause me to do things differently in the future.

 

[Rianne]

I have no problem talking to strangers. If I notice someone interesting I'll comment or say something to see how they interact. But I take most joy listening to others, watching their body language and understanding their motives, opinions etc. People are fascinating especially when they reveal their backgrounds and secrets.

A friend from high school had 2 personas. She was popular, outgoing and laughed a lot. Her home life, not so nice. I knew much of her background and secrets. She was raised by a single mom, never spoke of her father and they had financial distress. She lived in a poorer area. But she had an amazing positive attitude.
Where is she now? Got involved in the cell phone industry early on. Now a multimillionaire with property next to Jack Nicholson.

I guess that's one reason I'm not afraid of strangers and people. They are so interesting and will surprise me, most of the time.

 

[Nemo2]

While we're touching on travel:

Ships......a) We enjoy transatlantic repositioning, (either way), because we, (like many people), don't like airports or flying.

b) Others, primarily Eastern Med, we use as hop-on-hop off (although we stay on), simply for the convenience, and to let DW see places she's never previously visited.

We don't travel with people, although a couple like minded friends from Missouri, who we've hooked up with on occasion, concurred that the four of us could travel for a while because there's no obligation to be joined at the hip.

Regular travel: Our (flexible) itinerary - local trains, airbnb's, and wandering down back alleys away from the proverbial "Madding Crowds".

Two cordial loners together.

 

[Red Badger]

I like to travel, but on my own terms. DW and I plan our own routes and activities, make our own reservations, and away we go. I can't imagine ever going on a trip where I'm at someone else's mercy, like a group tour or cruise. Or even have someone else plan a trip for me. I think a lot of introverts also like to be in control. I know I do.

That's us to a tee as well. I plan the hell out of our trips. We fly out of necessity due to all the compounding hassles of flying, that usually begin at the airport parking deck.

 

[justlikebike]

I remember when I first read the definition of introvert vs extrovert. It was such an eye opener for me. I thought I just didn't like people. The simple definition has been noted here. Introverts recharge by being alone. Extroverts recharge by being around other people. That's it. I now understand why I have a limit of how long I can be in a crowd. Now I just plan my time better.

 

[Chuckanut]

Extrovert - This was a great dinner party! Fantastic people, conversation and food. But, it's ending and it's only 12:30 AM. Who wants to join me at a great little bar I know of on the beach?

Introvert - This was a great dinner party! Fantastic people, conversation and food. Time for bed. Tomorrow night I think I will stay home with a good book.

 

[tb001]

I’ve always been an introvert and homebody, but the lockdown coupled with a kind of retirement at the start of the year has meant everything slowed way down. DH liked to get out of the house—every day there was a trip out for something. I could stay at home for weeks as long as I have enough materials for projects. After not going out for months, he has completely come round.

We have been really enjoying the slower pace. DH made the comment that our family feels like it’s in a way better place without all of the hustle and bustle. We will be cutting waaay back on kids activities after this.

So with respect to the original question, it’s amplified my introvert/homebody tendencies and it’s definitely converted my DH.

 

[W2R]

I'm an extreme introvert and homebody, and during normal times I love staying at home by myself. At times like that, it would be my own decision to do so.

But also I HATE being bossed around! Being told that I should stay home whether I wanted to or not, was very upsetting to me. On the one hand, I wanted to tell TPTB to take their lockdown and shove it, but on the other hand I did not want to endanger myself or others so I reluctantly, resentfully complied.

Thank goodness, restrictions are lifting here in the New Orleans suburbs. We are in Phase 1 of re-opening, and starting Phase 2 tomorrow. Much better.

 

[Midpack]

I have no problem talking to strangers. If I notice someone interesting I'll comment or say something to see how they interact. But I take most joy listening to others, watching their body language and understanding their motives, opinions etc. People are fascinating especially when they reveal their backgrounds and secrets.

A friend from high school had 2 personas. She was popular, outgoing and laughed a lot. Her home life, not so nice. I knew much of her background and secrets. She was raised by a single mom, never spoke of her father and they had financial distress. She lived in a poorer area. But she had an amazing positive attitude.
Where is she now? Got involved in the cell phone industry early on. Now a multimillionaire with property next to Jack Nicholson.

I guess that's one reason I'm not afraid of strangers and people. They are so interesting and will surprise me, most of the time.

When I was younger, I didn't usually talk to strangers if I didn't have too - didn't initiate and minimal responses to others. Nowadays I'll try to talk to anyone when we're out and about, and I'm finding I enjoy it. You can tell almost immediately if they want to talk, or they have anything interesting to say, and "nothing ventured, nothing gained." Most people are nice, I didn't expect that when I was younger - my assumptions were wrong...

Too soon old, too late smart.

 

[John Galt III]

Myers Briggs tests over a career were interesting for me. I started out as INTJ and moved to the center over time. Mega used to screen prospective senior managers (after a nasty episode of sociopaths running the joint) and a head doctor summed up a 2 day testing session with me as: "you are a midtrovert with a strong ego." Paid more attention to keeping ego in the pocket after that.

Interesting about screening for sociopathic managers. I thought Mega was in favor of sociopaths (seriously). Good to see at least one Mega was not, lol.

 

[pacergal]

An excellent book to understand introverts is Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. I bought it in ebook form and it describes how I feel extremely well.

This is an excellent book.

I am an introvert. Small talk at parties or groups drains me, yet i can talk one on one with a friend for hours. I like to travel, but not in groups and only to places where I have the ability to recharge and regroup away from others. (hotels and cruises have to have a balcony so I can enjoy the view and not have to be "out")
And yet, as a manager, I had to force myself to be more of an extrovert at work--to be out and about, speaking at meetings, etc. It was draining!!
So happy to be retired.

 

[jollystomper]

I have no problem talking to strangers. If I notice someone interesting I'll comment or say something to see how they interact. But I take most joy listening to others, watching their body language and understanding their motives, opinions etc. People are fascinating especially when they reveal their backgrounds and secrets.

One reason I still have some problem talking to strangers are experiences I had when I was younger. As a young, dark skinned, minority male, the majority of attempts to talk to strangers resulted in either (a) being perceived as a threat, or (b) being treated as if you were invisible. For example, I had the police called on me for trying to ask for directions when I was lost, and when standing outside of a dorm, with several other minority friends (all carrying books) waiting for a friend a daring to say "hello" to several white students going inside. Or, standing in line somewhere and having a conversation with a stranger, then seeing that person again and them walking by you as if you were a ghost. Though things are relatively better now that I am older, I am still wary of this.

DW, as an extrovert, does not have this problem. Though a minority, being female and light skinned (with which some call "exotic" looks), strangers are happy to talk to her. She has had more the opposite problems (IMHO due to her figure) of people wanting to talk to her and thinking her responding to them was a come-on to them.

 

[harllee]

One reason I still have some problem talking to strangers are experiences I had when I was younger. As a young, dark skinned, minority male, the majority of attempts to talk to strangers resulted in either (a) being perceived as a threat, or (b) being treated as if you were invisible. For example, I had the police called on me for trying to ask for directions when I was lost, and when standing outside of a dorm, with several other minority friends (all carrying books) waiting for a friend a daring to say "hello" to several white students going inside. Or, standing in line somewhere and having a conversation with a stranger, then seeing that person again and them walking by you as if you were a ghost. Though things are relatively better now that I am older, I am still wary of this.

DW, as an extrovert, does not have this problem. Though a minority, being female and light skinned (with which some call "exotic" looks), strangers are happy to talk to her. She has had more the opposite problems (IMHO due to her figure) of people wanting to talk to her and thinking her responding to them was a come-on to them.

jollystomper, I am so sorry for the things that have happened to you. As a white female I have not had these experiences but I want to say how sorry I am. I am trying personally to be more open to all people.

 

[John Galt III]

I am one of those introverts who needs at least one good friend (could be romantic or not) to be happy. I need someone to relate to. I was looking for some of those 'relatable' people at the senior center and the unitarian church, when the stay at home stuff started, and those places shut down. I'm looking forward to them reopening. Kind of tense and bored at home, looking for stuff to do, but what I really want is a friend. Cue James Taylor.

 

[jollystomper]

jollystomper, I am so sorry for the things that have happened to you. As a white female I have not had these experiences but I want to say how sorry I am. I am trying personally to be more open to all people.

harllee, thank you for the kind words. Those incidents have made me more thankful for those who did not fall into this, and for those who may have done this in the past but have tried to change.

 

[WhenIsItTime]

I’m an introvert. Corp America tapped every last ounce of desire I had to work with other people. Miss some of social aspects, team success, but not enough to reach out now. Perfectly happy with DIY projects, golf, exercise, cleaning cars, etc. never run out of things to do.

I’ve been retired almost a year. Wife and young kids are starting to learn this about me. I had them fooled with big team, constant calls, meetings, trips, dinners, etc.

 

[Lsbcal]

I'm an extreme introvert and homebody, and during normal times I love staying at home by myself. At times like that, it would be my own decision to do so.

But also I HATE being bossed around! Being told that I should stay home whether I wanted to or not, was very upsetting to me. On the one hand, I wanted to tell TPTB to take their lockdown and shove it, but on the other hand I did not want to endanger myself or others so I reluctantly, resentfully complied.

Thank goodness, restrictions are lifting here in the New Orleans suburbs. We are in Phase 1 of re-opening, and starting Phase 2 tomorrow. Much better.

Interesting that you resented the lockdown. Was that different then "social distancing" with closed stores?

We would have imposed the requirements on ourselves because of the horrible consequences of getting a possibly deadly illness. So we did not resent it. The thing I didn't like was closing the park for some weeks as DW and I do a lot of exercise in the park. We still avoid the park on weekends as it gets too crowded for my tastes. On the plus side I discovered walking and running on our neighborhood streets.

As an introvert I haven't had any problems understanding them. Vacations on hold, bummer.

I am still reminding myself to stay vigilant and keep good health habits. The virus particles do not know about relaxed regulations.

 

[ER Eddie]

Yeah, harlee, it just sounds like you're enjoying the reduction in busyness and the increased feeling of freedom and spaciousness in your life, rather than becoming an introvert per se.

As for me, I'm a big-time introvert. Every test I take, I max it out.

It took me a while before I discovered introversion was just a normal temperamental variation. For a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me. Our culture is a very extroverted one, so it does a lot of inadvertent shaming and pressuring of introverts. Fortunately, that has begun changing in the past couple of decades. People mentioned Quiet. I found Introvert Power and The Introvert Advantage to be very helpful books. In particular, they help you to value your trait, rather than subtly pressure or shame yourself about it.

I enjoy group discussions where I can flex my mind and express my opinions, but I hate parties and general mixers. I avoid those whenever possible. I like intimate, honest talk about real stuff. I dislike small-talk chatter, especially if it goes on for more than a few minutes. I think of those as cardinal introvert features.

I'm actually a mix of introversion and a trait called high sensitivity. Throw some general neuroticism in there, too, heh.

I'm like John Galt, in that I'm fine as long as I have one close friend, someone to talk honestly with about my life and what's going on in my head. It can be a man or a woman, doesn't matter. I don't want to share my house with another person, but I like sharing it with a doggie.

 

[omni550]

I am one of those introverts who needs at least one good friend (could be romantic or not) to be happy. I need someone to relate to....... Kind of tense and bored at home, looking for stuff to do, but what I really want is a friend. Cue James Taylor.

......
I enjoy group discussions where I can flex my mind and express my opinions, but I hate parties and general mixers. I avoid those whenever possible. I like intimate, honest talk about real stuff. I dislike small-talk chatter, especially if it goes on for more than a few minutes. I think of those as cardinal introvert features.

I'm actually a mix of introversion and a trait called high sensitivity. .....

I'm like John Galt, in that I'm fine as long as I have one close friend, someone to talk honestly with about my life and what's going on in my head. It can be a man or a woman, doesn't matter. I don't want to share my house with another person, but I like sharing it with a doggie.

+1 to both John Galt's and ER Eddie's posts.

I like my own company and can keep myself entertained.

At the same time, this extended lockdown was quite a lonely time for me. I, too, would love to have a close 'buddy', M or F.

omni