Loneliness In ER

[Alexi]

Because my siblings were much older, I grew up like an only child. I still prefer to be alone and do my own thing.

 

[Music Lover]

But I'm not bored, I'm longing for pals to have some laughs with during working hours - some social interaction. All my current hobbies that I do during the daytime are solitary.

Solo hobbies make it tougher to find people to hang out with. When I retired I joined a group of guys that had informal music jams once a week.

Is there any chance of branching out any of your hobbies so they can involve other people on occasion?

 

[SkisALot]

I retired before DH and I did get lonely at first. I have always been an introvert and enjoyed being alone; in fact, I often feel lonely in a crowd, so it was a surprise. I just lived through it. I did walk a lot. I'd always been a hiker but I became a walker in every season, in every kind of weather. Often I slogged my way through several feet of snow. I always felt better afterwards.

 

[SkisALot]

P.S. I once read that if a person allows an "uncomfortable" feeling to engulf him/her, the human psyche will only allow the feeling for 3 minutes. I do this exercise with every "uncomfortable" feeling and have found that it works. Fighting the feeling - at least for me - makes it linger.

 

[ER Eddie]

I definitely experience some aloneness in ER but it is rather a good thing. As an introvert, I need plenty of alone time to recharge my batteries. But I rarely feel lonely. I briefly did after my post-ER divorce, as it was tough getting used to living alone again. But I cherish my bachelorhood now.

Glad to hear you're adjusting well. That's a difficult transition for a lot of guys (and gals).

Nice to hear that you're enjoying your new bachelor life. Savor the freedom. Enjoy the peace and quiet. Explore the possibilities.

 

[UnrealizedPotential]

I am an introvert and it helps to have hobbies and interests. I have a lot of interests but few hobbies. But this can be enough sometimes to keep busy. I rarely if ever feel lonely, but I do not require a lot of human interaction.

I guess just ask yourself what do you really want to do. What are you interested in? Wherever that leads you go there. It's waiting for you. Explore it. You just might find some pals to be friends with along the way.
There are many possibilities. This is just one.

 

[gayl]

Please note - I'm lonely at times, not bored. And I do enjoy my own company.
But every now and then I need companionship .

I guess I'll just keep looking for volunteer opportunities.

When you see folks sitting at the local coffee shop in the morning it isn't for the coffee IMHO. It's for the comraderie (think of it as a morning alternative to the bar) and soon enough you're sucked into a group for the banter

 

[Music Lover]

When you see folks sitting at the local coffee shop in the morning it isn't for the coffee IMHO. It's for the comraderie (think of it as a morning alternative to the bar) and soon enough you're sucked into a group for the banter

My dad meets his buddies 3 or 4 times a week for "coffee". I still meet a friend once a week for the "breakfast special" (going on 10 years now) and I sometimes plan a Costco run when a still working friend can join me there for lunch and the free sample tour.

 

[misshathaway]

For those of you who ERd before your spouse or those who are single and ERd, did you ever get lonely during the day? What, if anything, did you do about it?

Yes. I'm single in ER and an introvert, but some contact during the day is nice. Retired people or work-at-home people go to the gym, go to swim at the pool, and go to the neighborhood grocery store during work hours. Don't know if you like any of those things, but chatting around activities you share is easy. For me, alot of times that is enough.

 

[Hermit]

As a Hermit, I probably don't meet your ideal reference, but with DW being gone for more than 10 years now, I do have a routine. A big part of that routine is just an open door. My fridge is always full of different varities of beer and someone stops by to chat and have a beer multiple times a week. Sometimes multiple times a day and sometimes there are multiple people that cross paths here at my place and we all enjoy chatting for a bit and I am never too busy not to stop for a beer and some small talk. When no one stops by, I actully get some work done on building my house. I have been working on it for over 6 years now. Maybe a little less time chatting and more time working would move this project along, but there is nothing like sitting around a nice fire in the woodstove and talking about whatever is on your mind...

 

[aja8888]

When you see folks sitting at the local coffee shop in the morning it isn't for the coffee IMHO. It's for the comraderie (think of it as a morning alternative to the bar) and soon enough you're sucked into a group for the banter

The ROMEO group that I meet with 6 mornings per week has as many as 14 members. Some of us have known each other for over 40 years and are close friends.

 

[MarieIG]

Sure, it's a matter of balancing now and later, but not sure from the OP what is so bad about the current situation that you need to adjust it.

A family with young kids can enjoy totally fun local vacations. You need "insane" vacations with a one year old?

You need a new car; as opposed to a reliable car?

Wife is already getting to reduce her work schedule to spend more time with kids.

Not sure why eating out should cause stress now (other than the fact that you have young kids).

Also, I can't endorse not fully funding OP and spousal Roth; that will reap huge benefits in the future.

You want to play with the mortgage, not the end of the world.

The one thing I can understand is reducing OP's work schedule to spend more time with the kiddos, but I strongly suspect this can be done without dropping the Roths. You can also reduce the 529s when you are working 80 percent, and pick it up when you return full time.

The 33 year old you is important; but so is the 50 year old you.

But, your choice.

 

[Calico]

Sure, it's a matter of balancing now and later, but not sure from the OP what is so bad about the current situation that you need to adjust it.

A family with young kids can enjoy totally fun local vacations. You need "insane" vacations with a one year old?

You need a new car; as opposed to a reliable car?

Wife is already getting to reduce her work schedule to spend more time with kids.

Not sure why eating out should cause stress now (other than the fact that you have young kids).

Also, I can't endorse not fully funding OP and spousal Roth; that will reap huge benefits in the future.

You want to play with the mortgage, not the end of the world.

The one thing I can understand is reducing OP's work schedule to spend more time with the kiddos, but I strongly suspect this can be done without dropping the Roths. You can also reduce the 529s when you are working 80 percent, and pick it up when you return full time.

The 33 year old you is important; but so is the 50 year old you.

But, your choice.

Just wondering - did you intend to post this in the thread about "is ER worth it?"

 

[NyCteacher]

Retired in July. Survived 30 years as NYC teacher.
Love retirement. I think I only get lonely. Seldom bored.

I need a girlfriend. But finding one is difficult.

Evan

 

[EastWest Gal]

I just rejoined our local YMCA. They have many more classes than they did 15 years ago when I was last a member. I'm taking Tai Chi and I swim laps. They converted their lobby into a hangout with free coffee. People hang out there, talking, reading, on their laptops. Lots of activities for little kids too, so moms (and sometimes dads) and their preschool children are coming and going. I've been in Tai Chi for two weeks and the class is starting to make friends already.

There is a lot of activity during the day at the Y.

 

[irishgal]

I think like a lot of people I’m fine being alone the majority of the time but do have moments where I get hit with a sharp ping of loneliness. I think it’s often made worse when I read about friends with their long term spouses or partners doing simple things together and it sounds sort of sweet and comforting.