Public Speaking Fears

[frayne]

Towards the end of the cave rescue thread, someone mentioned about the two greatest fears people have are being buried alive and public speaking. When I was a working stiff, every month I had to take to the podium and give a presentation, followed by a Q & A. At first I dreaded doing it but later actually enjoyed it. Guess there is something to be said for repetition. After retirement I did some volunteer work for the IRS VITA program and was asked to make a presentation at a recognition dinner for those who worked at the VITA site where I worked. I relished the opportunity and enjoyed the challenge and in fact was asked for a copy of the speech by a few work mates after the dinner.

For those who dread public speaking, trust me, being buried alive has to be much worse.

OK, so what was your best and worst public speaking experience ?

 

[joeea]

OK, so what was your best and worst public speaking experience ?

The worst public speaking experience was talking for the first time in front of a large group. My company had an Annual User Conference of several hundred customers. Since my experience was in the same domain in which we sold, I was asked to speak. I lost a lot of sleep worrying about that speech, although it wasn't as bad as I feared.

The best public speaking experience was at the Annual User Conference several years later. By then, my customers felt like old friends, and speaking to them felt like a lunchtime chat. I enjoyed it a lot. 20 years and several companies later, I still get emails from many of those customers.

I agree with your premise - repetition can make everything easier and better.

 

[Just_Steve]

OK, so what was your best and worst public speaking experience ?

I was giving a class to about 20 managers from the SVP down. After our lunch break I resumed, 15 min later two fairly senior managers come sauntering back in, so me being me told them it was nice of them to rejoin us and if they would like me to start over?. Needless to say everyone else broke out laughing.
After the class the SVP grabbed me and told me that was very funny but could be bad for carrier progression and not to embarrass any managers in the future.
The only reason I did it to these two was because I didn't get along with them to start with. It never did affect my future promotions because one retired and the other was no longer in my chain of command.

 

[trumpeting_angel]

I dreaded public speaking in high school, going so far as to call in sick on days when we had oral reports.

I got better in grad school, when I sought help in preparation for defending my thesis. The speech department offered this service. I got practice and a bunch of pointers. It went well.

In my job I began doing a LOT of training, in front of large groups. I found I still couldn’t read anything long in front of the group, but I was just fine turning it into a conversation. If the group was small enough (50), I would have everyone introduce themselves and I’d make a chart. Then I would refer to specific people and their place of work during the talk. Also self-deprecating jokes helped quite a bit. I would ask someone how they approached X in their place of work, and ask someone else how it was different in their setting. Conversation comes easy to me; a “speech” not so much.

I remember those days in high school, blushing, stuttering, no confidence, and the teacher “kindly” lecturing afterward about how there was no reason to be nervous. I’m glad I never have to go back!

 

[bigcmagor]

I gave a speech to the outside sales force of 30 or so in very close quarters, no podium. I couldn't understand why all of the salespeople in the front row looked so mortified during the short talk, until I bent over to pick up my brief case when it was time to leave and noticed that my fly was down.


I learned to check that twice before doing any more speeches.

 

[aja8888]

When I first started in business, public speaking was tough on me, like others here. But after 30+ years in consulting and countless client presentations, it got pretty easy to do. Also, when you are the "expert" in some field, that helps overcoming the fear of being not entirely confident on your subject material.

 

[Hibernian]

Regular lurker here, prompted to join in by this thread. Like many, I dreaded public speaking but oddly my career ended up relying on my doing it regularly for all types of audiences. While I will say it gets easier over time, I still experience nerves in anticipation and when up there doing it. However I've learned a couple of things along the way that usually help.

First, even if you are forced to wing it, try to give yourself the launchpad of a coherent opening. It doesn't have to be witty, but it should be audible, pertinent, and offered at a pace that allows you to adjust to the fact that you are the voice that everyone is hearing now, and 'this' is how if feels to be 'up there' in the moment.

Second, pace again. Every silence you provide at the end of a sentence might seem like an age to you but it is rarely so to the audience. You can learn to take those few seconds to get your words ready to continue. Many novice speakers panic when they think they have forgotten what's next or what they wanted to say, but experience has taught me that you can safely stop talking for a two seconds while you gather your thoughts and, if you have been speaking at a reasonable pace before this, it will just feel like the normal rhythm of speech.

Most importantly, in those spaces, suppress any vocal habits you have to hum and haw...to say...'er...' etc. Silence can be your friend. Look around the room and make eye contact with people in the audience if possible. And remember, most people will never remember most of what you say

Yes, practice really helps, but as I tell novice speakers who tell me they are terrified of this, you need to do it more than a few times to get the benefit of that practice. I don't think I'll ever give a speech where I am not nervous, but I have developed the knack of giving the appearance of relaxation by applying those principles above.

 

[mamadogmamacat]

welcome, Hibernian. Very good advice. i too will never be comfortable with public speaking, but like a lot of things, having some age on me helps in providing perspective and in helping me to connect with my audience, even if it is only in my head, and that alone quiets the jitters, at least it does for me. your first point is most important, having a coherent opening will capture your audience's attention. otherwise, you have mostly lost them and it matters little if the rest of your content is good or not.

 

[Rustic23]

As a military officer, briefings were a daily occurance. So I got over that fear early.

 

[brett]

I had to make many presentations. To customers, employees, and to executive teams. IT was frightening at first. It took a long time for me to get comfortable doing it.

Last one I did was a speech at my daughters wedding. Thought about it on and off for quite some time. Jotted six items down on the back of an envelope just prior to the wedding. Those were my key talking points. DW and others said it was perfect. But it took 35 years to get there. One thing that I learned early on...keep it short and to the point.

 

[Amethyst]

Only one bad experience that I can recall. I tended to rehearse my material so I could give the talk in my sleep.

One day, I was sandbagged by my boss - directed to stand in for a speaker who couldn't come in that day. "You're a good speaker, you'll do fine." Was handed a script (!) and off I went.

The audience, a large class of young military, decided to play "stump the speaker" by asking picky questions about the material, which naturally I could not answer, although I promised to get answers for them later (although I could tell they didn't really care - were just being smart asses). Later, I got negative audience feedback that "she read from a script."

 

[marko]

Public speaking WAS my job! Sales meetings, technical seminars, customer, stockholder and board room presentations and company spokesperson.

Groups as small as 30 and as large as 1800. Tony Robbins in style if not content.

Almost always, I would have a mild panic just before starting where I'd want to run off the stage (" I can't do this!") but after the first 15 seconds, I'd settle down.

My best was almost 30 years ago on a two day new product roll out for 150 sales people that essentially launched my career. Had them eating out of my hand.

My worst was a bad case of hyperventilation in front of a key customer who started getting aggressive. Full-on panic and mental confusion. A colleague picked up the ball and bailed me out.

Funniest: I had to do a 3 hour technical seminar at a big customer for 60 people. My rep and I had gone out drinking until late the night before (something like 6 Grand Marniers). By the 8:30 AM presentation, I was still hammered out of my mind; drunk as a skunk..... after the presentation they said it was the best seminar ever and asked me to come back so they could video tape it. I did come back a month later but it wasn't as good IMO.

Strangest: A presentation at a UAW plant where I got in trouble for plugging my projector into the wall and not waiting for the house electrician.

 

[Amethyst]

Yep, those morning stand-ups will train you to grasp-it-and-gasp-it pretty fast.

As a military officer, briefings were a daily occurance. So I got over that fear early.

 

[gcgang]

OK, so what was your best and worst public speaking experience ?

When in training, my 40 classmates and I were videotaped making a 2 minute speech before the group. You could either speak on your most embarrassing moment, or draw two slips of paper on which each person had written one word. Almost everyone spoke on most embarrassing. I could only remember what really was my most embarrassing, and I wasn't gonna talk about that. So I drew two pieces of paper, "French" and "toggs". I gave the impromptu speech of my life, describing customs of the settlers of the mountains of North Dakota. It was almost as if I was hearing the words come out of my mouth without having any idea what I was going to say. Laughter built all the way through. It was the only speech that got a standing ovation when they replayed them. That was my best.

My worst was probably when I was the emcee for a nonprofit dinner, and had to introduce the Governor. I used the timeworn phrase, "and now someone who needs no introduction", and didn't say anything else but "the Governor". Applause was hesitant, and Gov seemed taken aback by my brevity. I had several digs from my fellow Board members about my intro "speech".

 

[athena53]

Worst: I was 27, in a meeting room with a bunch of Old White Males who ran the various divisions of the company, presenting the results of an analysis I'd done of our business, I couldn't talk. Really. Boss ended up doing all the talking for me, He was a good guy in general but some coaching beforehand and a debrief afterwards would have been really helpful. Neither happened.

I got better, but what really helped was joining Toastmasters 15 years ago. I'm retired but still like the people and enjoy public speaking, so I stay with it. Best? I don't know, I've given a lot of really good ones over the years. I'm working on a Lay Preaching License right now- I hope my best is yet to come!

 

[DrRoy]

I was on the debate team in high school and have just never had a big problem with it.

 

[Midpack]

Like many here, public speaking didn’t come naturally to me, but it’s no problem now. Don’t remember what it was called, but I took a class in high school that forced us to speak in front of everyone, and they gave us some helpful guidance on how to prepare and deliver that I’ve probably used ever since.

And in my career I was forced to speak all the time. It became just as natural as a simple conversation pretty quickly. To me it’s like learning to swim, you have to get in the pool and thrash around some, but you’ll get it and it’s easy after that.

 

[Ronstar]

Public speaking was tough for me at first. But with more experience came more confidence. As I got more experience, I was sure that I knew what I was talking about as much or more than anyone listening, so it wasn't a problem. All of my public speaking was project presentations or expert witness testimony, so specific knowledge of the subject was key.

 

[COcheesehead]

I own a business and have to talk in front of groups all the time. Live, no problem. I also make a lot of promotional videos for social media. I rarely get it right on one take. Something about being captured on camera makes me tongue tied. So we do take after take. I have a new respect for TV reporters and people who can rip it off in one shot.

 

[GalaxyBoy]

The HR manager at one of the “medium corps” I worked for gave a lunchtime workshop on public speaking over several weeks. Each student gave a short talk of their own choosing, and it was quite useful. I found the only way to get over my fear was repetition.

 

[MRG]

I was put in a position of going into client sites to review our application running their workload. Wasn't long before they're asking questions.

I asked to go to Dale Carnegie human relations class. A friend referred to it as walking naked through hell for thirteen weeks. I enjoyed the experience and gained a lot. I'd say the most powerful was our internal graduation, you were only supposed to talk for 2-3 minutes, they ignored the time limit that night and handed out tissues. Wow. Our instructor had suggested we'd come with two stories, one comfortable, one that we were afraid to talk about, and to tell it. There were no dry eyes that night.

I also did a lot of client presentations, after Dale they were pretty easy. One went very badly. The customer's were really upset about some new software, they'd been misinformed about. I was supposed to talk about it and they were ready to throw things at me. It became okay when we got to an understanding.

 

[kcowan]

Another vote for Dale Carnegie. I became so good, they asked me to return as a guest instructor. I did that 2x then said I had to devote the time to my day job.

 

[Dash man]

Public speaking was always a mixed bag for me. I was great at debate or speaking on a topic I was thoroughly familiar with. If I was being “graded” on a speech topic assigned to me, I was always nervous and showed it.

 

[2soon2tell]

My conservative southern university required all students in the College of Business to take two semesters of public speaking. Several students who wanted to study business majored in some other field rather than suffering through two semesters of public speaking.

 

[Winemaker]

I was the member who mentioned both fears, however I was involved in coal mine management for 35 years, and never had a problem with either. The last 10 years, I had to get up before the shift of 150 men and women and give some motivational "Walk and Talk". I enjoyed the moment, although it allowed me to set myself up for an "under cut" or some mockery, but everyone on the shift knew where I was coming from on safety, production, attendance, notices, and good old fashioned ribbing.

I wish I could conquer my deadly fear of heights, though.