Ready to pull the plug..

[24601NoMore]

Hey gang..

Thinking it's finally time to RE (me - 54..DW - 60) but still suffering from OMY syndrome.

I've modeled things out till the cows come home and am confident we'll be more than fine financially, but the thought of leaving a pretty good paying (but brutally horrible & stressful) mega-corp job where my W-2s are at #s I thought I'd never see is pretty challenging.

Complicating things is a choice we need to make this week (Friday is the drop dead decision day) on whether to buy the retirement property I mentioned previously. Cost of building is just super sky high at this point, and we'd be looking at a net $200 - 250K above and beyond what we'd get for our current house before all is said and done, which seems REALLY tough to do right before RE. Seems like that money would be better spent buying healthcare coverage until both DW and I get to Medicare..(I also checked that..yikes. Easily $20K/year even WITH income limited ACA subsidies).

So, curious - how did those of you who RE'd decide to walk away from the additional $s (which in our case would allow us to do something we've dreamed about for literally decades now)? Once I leave, it's unlikely (at my age) I'd ever get back in..and it just seems that 54 is way too young to call it a day for good. If I could do OMY, I could fund the retirement house..but also at a cost of further damage to my and possibly DW's health from the additional stress also..

Really tough decision, but it's more likely than not that 2018 will be the year we both hang up the "gone fishing" signs..the work stress is extremely high and in the big picture becoming increasingly not worth it..

Would appreciate any thoughts and experiences you guys can share.

TIA..

 

[SheitlQueen]

I calculated how much more I could save and invest if I stayed another 5 years. It didn't make enough of a difference to entice me to stay.
You sound very conflicted though, and have a huge expense with the retirement home.
If you really want the home, I would tough it out another couple of years if doing so offsets a good portion of that $200-250K.

 

[rayinpenn]

My little town was not really rural when we moved in but now it is crazy how busy it has become. I hate it. Amazingly 30 minutes away you can be in farm and horse farm land. I am so tired of it. Some kind of relo is imminent.

Plus the nighttime trolls stalk the neighborhood looking for unlocked cars and sheds. My cameras are ever vigilant but who wants to live that way...

 

[redduck]

Plus the nighttime trolls stalk the neighborhood looking for unlocked cars and sheds. My cameras are ever vigilant but who wants to live that way...

Oh, I don't know, it's not so bad trolling at night looking for unlocked cars and sheds. A lot depends on the weather, though.

 

[Red Badger]

Let me see if I understand this correctly. You are willing to risk your health AND that of DW for doors, walls, windows, and a roof? Is that dream home where you plan to do stroke or heart attack therapy? I know I'm being an ass, but when you talk about about trading your life for a few more $$, that's a hell of a position to take. Keeping your nose to the grindstone at risk of health is noble if you are doing so to ensure DW isn't eating cat food when you expire. Doing same for shiny objects is beyond my comprehension. YMMV.

 

[MRG]

How did I decide to walk away?

The VP I w*rked under became incredibly stupid one day! He made my decision easy.

 

[Onward]

I still say if you have to ask yourself, "Should I retire?" then you probably shouldn't.

When the time comes, you'll know.

 

[CoolRich59]

I know I'm being an ass, but when you talk about about trading your life for a few more $$, that's a hell of a position to take.

Very well said.

Don't know how the OP feels about it, but I'm the type of person who sometimes needs this kind of undiluted straight talk.

As Red Badger says, one of the key truths I've learned here during my short time here is that when you get to a certain age, you have time, you have your health (or what's left of it), and you have money. Past a certain point, you are trading off time and health in order to have more money, and you need to ask yourself if that's really what's most important to you.

 

[Bigdawg]

the young lady in the cube adjacent to mine started crying yesterday morning. Her 65yr old father just passed. I looked at my 67 yr old coworker and thought "what is he thinking right now". He is 15 yrs older than me and wants to work at least two more years. He says he needs to pay off his credit card balances on 4 cards. I just kept my mouth shut. Came home and updated the numbers.

 

[Red Badger]

Thanks CR59 and bigdawg. Tough love is needed.

I was mentally debating OMY in 2016. In November, a coworker in his 50's died at his desk a row over from my cube. I submitted my retirement notice same day.
Time, health, money. Well spoken. I've never seen a hearse pulling a trailer.

 

[24601NoMore]

Thanks, guys. Appreciate the feedback.

I mentioned on another thread that we really do not want to stay in current house as we have neighbors pretty much "on top of" us (as in 20 feet away, angled to look in our windows and noisy as heck). House is great. Lot is not. So, this one way or the other will not be our last house.

I generally agree that it's not worth health or giving up life's energy for "shiny objects'" and we live pretty simply and humbly compared to how we "could" live. But, yes, roof over our head - that we are HAPPY in, IS important.

We've looked for more than 10 years for the next house and (yes, we're fussy) have not found anything we'd seriously consider. Have pretty much come to the conclusion we will "have" to build if we want to get close to what we are looking for - like, a wide lot without neighbors and certain amenities (lots of windows, big kitchen, no living room, ideally first floor master) that we want..anything else would be a significant compromise and I'm not sure those compromises would make us happy. Unfortunately, we also have never found a property we'd consider during that time (most are just 'bowling alleys' - max 300' wide and really deep..this one is roughly 1,000 x 450 at the shallowest and 1,000 x 900 at the deepest and heavily wooded) - until now.

So, yes..it's unfortunately been a really tough decision - especially harder now with new construction being $200/sq ft (JUST for the house - not land, deck, window treatments, sprinklers, etc). On the one hand, I'd RE 1H18. But if I and DW W*rk to EOY, we can do the house without digging into the piggy bank. Tough call.

 

[CoolRich59]

I've never seen a hearse pulling a trailer.

Great line.

In the short time megacorp made the mistake of letting me manage people, I used to insist they go home at a reasonable time. I don't know where I poached the line, but I always said to them: 'No one ever died wishing they'd spent more time in the office'.

 

[24601NoMore]

One other thing..we could have done this much more easily 20 years ago. Not sure we can handle the 2-year design-to-build process at our ages without it really taking it's toll on us. We're not in our 30s any longer..just the thought of trying to tackle this in our mid 50s/early 60s is pretty terrifying..but then again, we don't want to stay in current house forever and there ain't much already built that's decent on a nice property available, either. (I know - we've looked weekly for > 10 years).

 

[Jerry1]

- like, a wide lot without neighbors

My BIL has 40 acres and still there is a property line with an a**hole on the other side of it. I don't know how big you have to go before you don't feel like you have a neighbor, but I don't think it's possible. I live on a acre and I think the next house over is about 200 feet. Old neighbor just moved and now there are three children there. We affectionately call them the rowdies. Two of the children are young boys and the parents don't know how to communicate without yelling.

Good luck with your search.

BTW - If I could have worked another year and had my "dream" satisfied without being in debt, I probably would have done it. For me, I never had a dream that was clear enough of compelling enough to base my retirement date on.

 

[rayinpenn]

Oh, I don't know, it's not so bad trolling at night looking for unlocked cars and sheds. A lot depends on the weather, though.

Point of order cameras are the second thing people buy when burglaries are an issue...

 

[Bamaman]

My parents had the ideal marriage--until they decided to build their retirement house on a major lake. My mother continued to work that six months and come to the new house every weekend and cry about the decisions my father made. But then, she was completely indecisive. I then swore off building a home because (1) I would do too much of the work and (2) I'm too ADHD to take on such a project and get it done promptly. I never stop building anyway.

My wife's hobby is scouring the internet for bargains. She started looking at foreclosed houses and found two magnificent homes (6600 and 5200 square feet) that were especially great bargains. Although our present home was a great retirement home, the foreclosure we paid cash for is truly special--and worth $100k more than we paid. There again, we are in a very low priced housing market. If I had it to do over, I would again be looking at high line foreclosures to buy cheap.

 

[24601NoMore]

My BIL has 40 acres and still there is a property line with an a**hole on the other side of it. I don't know how big you have to go before you don't feel like you have a neighbor, but I don't think it's possible. I live on a acre and I think the next house over is about 200 feet. Old neighbor just moved and now there are three children there. We affectionately call them the rowdies. Two of the children are young boys and the parents don't know how to communicate without yelling.

Yeah..there's always the chance of having rowdies near you. We have them today, and it SUCKS. Loud yelling. Music. Like they are the only ones on the block. And their drive is ~10 feet from my library wall, where I work. Nice. That's actually one of the "compelling event" reasons to move - I actually added 'soundproof' (not really soundproof, but more like sound reducing) drywall and windows (!!) to both my library and master bedroom because the constant loud noises annoyed me so much. That made things tolerable, but now the oldest two kids are gone and the youngest is hitting the "testosterone years". So, no telling what's coming this summer when basketball season goes back into full swing. THEN, assuming the divorced mom moves out when the kids are all gone..the process could start ALL. OVER. AGAIN. for another 20 years. Heartbreaking as we have a pretty nice home with a lot of things we like - we just have ZERO privacy.

New property is super secluded. Even in winter, I can't see a single neighbor. And the lot is 900+' deep behind me and backs to a trail with nothing on the other side. So, we are as protected as you can be. The only potential downside is small airplanes - have heard them up there a lot, but I guess you can never get away totally from noise. At least they are not looking in our windows like the neighbors can today (needless to say, we pull the blinds a lot).

On the flip side, job sucks in a big way. It pays well, but the stress is intolerable and unmanageable.

So, OMY to buy the new house and hope it doesn't kill me? Or learn to put up with lack of privacy like we have for 17 years already and just suck it up..

I COULD actually do the house, dig into my piggy bank and still RE. But it would take a $200-250K dent out of the piggy bank also, and even though we'd still be "fine" it's a smaller # than I see on the bottom line today and that doesn't feel as secure as the $200K+ larger # in the bank makes us feel.

It IS pretty enticing, though, to think about not going into W*rk any longer and just calling it a day..that alone is "almost" worth putting up with subdivision life and the suckiness that goes along with it..

 

[Jeffman52]

Oh, I don't know, it's not so bad trolling at night looking for unlocked cars and sheds. A lot depends on the weather, though.

 

[Scuba]

Yeah..there's always the chance of having rowdies near you. We have them today, and it SUCKS. Loud yelling. Music. Like they are the only ones on the block. And their drive is ~10 feet from my library wall, where I work. Nice. That's actually one of the "compelling event" reasons to move - I actually added 'soundproof' (not really soundproof, but more like sound reducing) drywall and windows (!!) to both my library and master bedroom because the constant loud noises annoyed me so much. That made things tolerable, but now the oldest two kids are gone and the youngest is hitting the "testosterone years". So, no telling what's coming this summer when basketball season goes back into full swing. THEN, assuming the divorced mom moves out when the kids are all gone..the process could start ALL. OVER. AGAIN. for another 20 years. Heartbreaking as we have a pretty nice home with a lot of things we like - we just have ZERO privacy.

New property is super secluded. Even in winter, I can't see a single neighbor. And the lot is 900+' deep behind me and backs to a trail with nothing on the other side. So, we are as protected as you can be. The only potential downside is small airplanes - have heard them up there a lot, but I guess you can never get away totally from noise. At least they are not looking in our windows like the neighbors can today (needless to say, we pull the blinds a lot).

On the flip side, job sucks in a big way. It pays well, but the stress is intolerable and unmanageable.

So, OMY to buy the new house and hope it doesn't kill me? Or learn to put up with lack of privacy like we have for 17 years already and just suck it up..

I COULD actually do the house, dig into my piggy bank and still RE. But it would take a $200-250K dent out of the piggy bank also, and even though we'd still be "fine" it's a smaller # than I see on the bottom line today and that doesn't feel as secure as the $200K+ larger # in the bank makes us feel.

It IS pretty enticing, though, to think about not going into W*rk any longer and just calling it a day..that alone is "almost" worth putting up with subdivision life and the suckiness that goes along with it..

If you could literally work just until the end of the year and have the funds for your dream home, I say go for it, but in the meantime find ways to reduce the stress. A lot of stress is self-induced, and a year goes by a lot more quickly than one might think, especially with a compelling goal. I stayed a couple of years beyond our true FI because a big bonus was coming up that I felt I deserved and didn’t want to leave on the table, and I knew that having a bigger contingency would give us more options.

During that period while I was still working, in order to tolerate it, I made a list of what I liked about my job and referred to it whenever things seemed really bad. I also made a list of all the things I was looking forward to doing in retirement, and to the extent possible, started on some of them in my free time so I felt like I was exploring some new things without waiting for ER for my freedom to begin.

 

[almosttime]

Your story reminded me of ours. We purchased a great home with space between the houses. A great Move-up neighborhood. We also discovered that we had neighbors from hell (I’ll spare you the details). Eight years in and I couldn’t stand it any longer. An extensive search and many conversations later and we found our perfect home in the same school district. A condo! Totally shocked me! Four units to a building, great pool, pretty green space, walkable to everything we will ever need. Fabulous neighbors, more privacy than we ever had, incredibly quiet. No more lawn care or shoveling. And cheap!! Not only did this purchase Push us into FI, we feel like we are on vacation as life has become very easy! Who woulda thunk?

 

[freedomatlast]

Thanks, guys. Appreciate the feedback.

I mentioned on another thread that we really do not want to stay in current house as we have neighbors pretty much "on top of" us (as in 20 feet away, angled to look in our windows and noisy as heck). House is great. Lot is not. So, this one way or the other will not be our last house.

I generally agree that it's not worth health or giving up life's energy for "shiny objects'" and we live pretty simply and humbly compared to how we "could" live. But, yes, roof over our head - that we are HAPPY in, IS important.

We've looked for more than 10 years for the next house and (yes, we're fussy) have not found anything we'd seriously consider. Have pretty much come to the conclusion we will "have" to build if we want to get close to what we are looking for - like, a wide lot without neighbors and certain amenities (lots of windows, big kitchen, no living room, ideally first floor master) that we want..anything else would be a significant compromise and I'm not sure those compromises would make us happy. Unfortunately, we also have never found a property we'd consider during that time (most are just 'bowling alleys' - max 300' wide and really deep..this one is roughly 1,000 x 450 at the shallowest and 1,000 x 900 at the deepest and heavily wooded) - until now.

So, yes..it's unfortunately been a really tough decision - especially harder now with new construction being $200/sq ft (JUST for the house - not land, deck, window treatments, sprinklers, etc). On the one hand, I'd RE 1H18. But if I and DW W*rk to EOY, we can do the house without digging into the piggy bank. Tough call.

Around here, RE taxes on new construction are significantly higher than comparable houses of the same size that are older. It's the recurring annual cost of the ridiculous real estate taxes that have swayed me away from building new.

 

[Honeyfill]

I'm following this thread with interest. We are lucky in that we already live in the perfect house in the perfect location. Except for one thing: the kitchen. I'm ready to retire but we wanted to do a kitchen remodel first. The estimate comes out to about 70k. I considered between paying it off and retiring anyway. We would take a 2.8k hit on our annual retirement per the 4% rule. I also considered working another year, and paying it off from our salary. I finally decided on starting my retirement withdrawals early. Since we have no pension, we are planning on taking out 12k a month from our retirement funds to live on. The compromise is to take the withdrawals 6 months early and pay off the kitchen in 6 months. Work those 6 months and then retire. Call it the OM6Ms strategy!

 

[CoolRich59]

We also discovered that we had neighbors from hell (I’ll spare you the details).

Darn. These are the best stories.

Maybe you could start a new 'Neighbors from Hell' thread?

 

[joylesshusband]

Oh, I don't know, it's not so bad trolling at night looking for unlocked cars and sheds. A lot depends on the weather, though.

You do this too?
It is one of my favorite pastimes.

 

[24601NoMore]

Your story reminded me of ours. We purchased a great home with space between the houses. A great Move-up neighborhood. We also discovered that we had neighbors from hell (I’ll spare you the details). Eight years in and I couldn’t stand it any longer. An extensive search and many conversations later and we found our perfect home in the same school district. A condo! Totally shocked me! Four units to a building, great pool, pretty green space, walkable to everything we will ever need. Fabulous neighbors, more privacy than we ever had, incredibly quiet. No more lawn care or shoveling. And cheap!! Not only did this purchase Push us into FI, we feel like we are on vacation as life has become very easy! Who woulda thunk?

Glad it worked out for you, but a condo would TERRIFY me as I'd be literally the other side of a wall from potential neighbors from hell..20 feet is a bad enough!

Guess it really does come down to luck of the draw.