Retired - Finding a Purpose for your life

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Danny

Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Joined
Jul 14, 2005
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I met a retired guy in his early 60s this week while golfing. He had been so for about a year....He was having trouble making the adjustment. What really stuck was him saying that he was having a hard time getting up every day and finding a purpose for his life. He didn't know what to do with all the time on his hands. He had gotten a small part time delivery job. Tried to buck him up some and gave some suggestions like taking classes and assured him that golf was a worthy [-]obsession[/-] use of his time - also thought about turning him on to the forum. >:D I've had my moments but I think I've coped pretty well - probably telecommuting the last 3 years before cutting looses helped and having high school kids at home the first few years to herd did too.

For me there is no shortage of nothing to do all day - as some of you know I'm happy to say I usually only get half of it done.

Like to know your experience.
 
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though i've always known the purpose of life is nothing more than the purpose you give it, i struggle now for the first time in my life. i can't blame my loss of a sense of purpose on not working because i never felt that was much of a purpose for me. as i never found my vocation, work just paid the bills. driving deliveries part time would not impart upon me a sense of purpose.

it happens that i experienced a lot of real loss (deaths) at the time i retired and clearly to me that is where my sense of loss of purpose derives, especially concerning my mother for whom i was guardian for so many years.

compounding that chasm, the travel i thought i'd be doing in retirement to take my mind off my losses & to expand my experience has been delayed by the bubble burst into which i retired. i can't even get rid of the inherited house. finally it is rented. but for the past three months or more i've had to go there a few times a week to show the place. each time it was like visiting my mother's grave, adding to my sense of loss and particularly to my loss of purpose. tasks alone not only do not offer purpose but they can sap the sense of purpose from you.

so to find a sense of purpose, i would not look simply at what i was doing. i am looking elsewhere.
 
Even though "we've gone down this path before", looking back over the last year (retired May 1st '07) I must admit it took me a good 9 months to become "comfortable" with retirement.

I consider that a long time for a person like me (anal, structured, a pain in the a** :bat: ) and after many years of "planning for retirement" I will admit that it took me that long to "get my legs". I planned on spending my time in volunteer work; however not all the "opportunities" worked out.

Some folks "hit the bricks" with no problem. Some others (like me) take a bit of time before they "find their niche".

With time comes wisdom. With wisdom comes contentment.

- Ron
 
lazygood4nothinbum said:
...
it happens that i experienced a lot of real loss (deaths) at the time i retired and clearly to me that is where my sense of loss of purpose derives, especially concerning my mother for whom i was guardian for so many years.

compounding that chasm, the travel i thought i'd be doing in retirement to take my mind off my losses & to expand my experience has been delayed by the bubble burst into which i retired....
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Lazy, you are "travelling." The photos you show us of your nearby travels are as good as any in the world, boats! tree frogs!. I think we need to feel our grief before moving on. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us.
 
Do people without a purpose not have a house and yard and self to maintain?
 
Khan said:
Do people without a purpose not have a house and yard and self to maintain?
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He had sold the house a year ago and moved into a condo half the size. Said he was finally getting used to it.

Having our house and land to maintain does keep us busy and very occupied especially between May - October. This morning I worked on the stream and pond I built 2 years ago in the back - some varmint came for a drink and fell into the pond knocking over the Buddha statue in the process and while swimming to get out knocked the tubing off the water pump and see the little creek ran dry...and well the birds and squirrels were complaining that they couldn't get a drink and a bath....I felt like I owed it to them...there's a chance there maybe a porpoise out there waiting for me some day.
 
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CuppaJoe said:
Lazy, you are "travelling." The photos you show us of your nearby travels are as good as any in the world, boats! tree frogs!. I think we need to feel our grief before moving on. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us.
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Yeah, ditto from me. I don't comment on each photo spread but I am enjoying them. I'm ready to come out if I can live in some of those Tampa houses. Keep traveling and reporting.
 
REWahoo said:
Danny, haven't we already [-]beaten this subject to death[/-] gone down this well-worn path many times? ;)

http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f47/faq-archive-but-what-will-i-do-all-day-30655.html
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I think we can never really talk too much about this subject. Sort of like watching the Seinfeld reruns, by the time you get through them you've forgotten the first one. So it just becomes one continuous running loop. Anyway I'm always up for people's imaginative explanations for the purpose of life. Can always add another activity and bump off the least fun one.
 
lsbcal said:
Sort of like watching the Seinfeld reruns, by the time you get through them you've forgotten the first one. So it just becomes one continuous running loop.
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I thought I was providing a public service by pointing out where you can find the boxed set of DVD's. ;)
 
lsbcal said:
I think we can never really talk too much about this subject. Sort of like watching the Seinfeld reruns, by the time you get through them you've forgotten the first one. So it just becomes one continuous running loop. Anyway I'm always up for people's imaginative explanations for the purpose of life. Can always add another activity and bump off the least fun one.
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To torture this analogy a little further, we'll have to check back with you in a couple years when you've had a chance to watch the rerun 10 or 12 more times...
 
Nords said:
To torture this analogy a little further, we'll have to check back with you in a couple years when you've had a chance to watch the rerun 10 or 12 more times...
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By then my memory will be getting even shorter :duh:. DW and I often get through the first 15 minutes of Seinfeld before one of us figures we've seen it before. In a few years that will be up to 30 minutes -- game over.
 
lsbcal said:
By then my memory will be getting even shorter :duh:. DW and I often get through the first 15 minutes of Seinfeld before one of us figures we've seen it before. In a few years that will be up to 30 minutes -- game over.
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It "depends" on when I took a bathroom break while watching it the last time, and if this is my year to go without t.p., Not! Having a good memory is over rated?
 
lsbcal said:
By then my memory will be getting even shorter :duh:. DW and I often get through the first 15 minutes of Seinfeld before one of us figures we've seen it before. In a few years that will be up to 30 minutes -- game over.
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DW and I have done the same thing, thanks for letting us know we're not the only ones...
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lsbcal
I think we can never really talk too much about this subject. Sort of like watching the Seinfeld reruns, by the time you get through them you've forgotten the first one. So it just becomes one continuous running loop. Anyway I'm always up for people's imaginative explanations for the purpose of life. Can always add another activity and bump off the least fun one.

:)
I like your attitude! The forum needs more of that understanding attitude towards those with memory issues and those that have given up hope of ever understanding how to weed through the search function results on the forum.... ::)


REWahoo said:
Better hope it isn't a shark in porpoise clothing. ;)
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:cool:Thanks wahoo I'll be on the lookout for sharks in drag...I just had a moment of memory clarity - the SNL Land Shark skits (dolphin impersonation at the end)
 
This keeping busy in retirement must be a real problem for more than a few people. Last fall, right before I retired I was at the doctor's office for a checkup. When he heard I was going to retire he looked me in the eye and said, "You're not going to be one of those guys that's back here in six months saying you're bored and depressed and can't figure out what to do with all your time, are you? (according to him it's a significant problem)

Nope, not me Dude. :D

I was planning on having all the yard work finished back at the end of April, but somehow it got put on the back burner while another project got finished and now I'm playing catchup. Just not enough hours in the day to get it all done. For the last week I've been putting in about 5-6 hours a day trimming shrubs and getting the outside shipshape. It rained all day today and by about noon I was bored just playing on the computer so I headed out to my shop and didn't come up for air till about 5:30. Tomorrow looks like it's going to be hot (89) so I'll start early with the outside stuff and move into the shop later in the day. :D

Geeze, I may have to go back to w*rk just to rest up. :p
 
UncleHoney said:
...I was planning on having all the yard work finished back at the end of April, but somehow it got put on the back burner while another project got finished and now I'm playing catchup. ...
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I'm resigned to never quite finishing the gardening. As soon as something gets planted another thing dies or a tree falls down or something. Bought 3 roses with DW today. The big aha moment came last week when I found out our garbage company will furnish 2 (not just 1) yardwaste containers for free. Now I can really get into that pruning that's been piling up. I'm learning how to keep a lawn green -- higher cut, mulching, etc. I'm learning to identify the birds in our backyard and their calls. Even sat outside the other morning with a cup of coffee and just enjoyed the late spring morning air. Lots to do.
 
Danny said:
For me there is no shortage of nothing to do all day - as some of you know I'm happy to say I usually only get half of it done.

Like to know your experience.
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I've had a similar experience. I entered early semi-retirement in early 2006 due to burnout (and the fact I met the 4% SWR requirement with my investment portfolio for the first time). I was fun at first "being irresponsible" and not having to get up early or get anything done for the day. But it got old after a while also.

I took on some contract work during the past two years, but only in low-stess situations. I didn't want to have to deal with the high pressure that is typical in Corporate America.

Then I signed up for a three-month contract a few weeks ago working on site. It's high pressure with all the stresses of Corporate America (e.g., as in many companies, engineering and marketing won't talk to each other and I'm caught in the middle most of the time). But because I was able to recharge my batteries over the past two years and I've been able to retain my sense of humor this time around (because I don't have to work if I choose not to do so), I'm having a blast at the moment. I will likely continue to renew the contract until working there gets old (or the client doesn't want to hire my services anymore).

I consider my first two years of early semi-retirement to be a dry run for a later full retirement. The thing I learned is that the psychological aspects of retirement are as important as the financial aspects. I now have an idea of what I need to do mentally to prepare for that day when I won't be able (or willing) to work anymore.
 
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