Sensing resentment from working people, how to respond?

[mystang52]

You could just say "personal reasons", with a bit of mystery and furtiveness in the voice, perhaps a raise of the eyebrows and a sideways glance.

Option 2: "the time was right for me."

 

[JustCurious]

One year I confessed my nervousness to my husband. He told me that if anyone asked me what I did, I should say, "I do whatever I want to do."

I'm not retired, but when I do I plan to answer "portfolio manager." Of course the only portfolios I am managing are mine and my partner's.

 

[RunningBum]

Sorry for the long story.

It's a good story and well worth the time to read. An overdue thanks for your service.

 

[RunningBum]

Option 2: "the time was right for me."

Excellent.

 

[MuirWannabe]

Since that time, I've heard the "Thanks for your service" line innumerable times, and I always respond with "Thanks for your support."



Please don't ever fault people when they say something like this. I think it just means that they recognize the sacrifice that military people make for the common benefit. In other words, it's not just lip service. Of course, it should be applied to a lot of others as well (police, firefighters, medical personnel, etc.) and I wish there were a simple, graceful way to deal with it. While some people don't realize that most of us actually enjoyed what we did, we can easily forget that when they thank us, they usually mean it.



Sorry for the long story.

Great story.

I never served in the military. But I’m honestly grateful and admire those that have. It is awkward to say ‘Thanks for your service’. But mostly cause of reading comments from vets where they think it’s cheesy or disingenuous. But what else can be said in most situations?

For me, it’s to the point like many things these days. Better to just say nothing for fear of offending. Although I do still say it to vets on occasions cause I just can’t help myself.

 

[Bamaman]

I’m a physician and retiring in February, 2020 at age 49. Most people that I tell just can’t wrap their head around me wanting to retire early. When they ask why, I tell them that I simply lost interest, in being a physician, which is true. “Physician” was always something that I did, like “mechanic”, “accountant”, or “sanitation worker”. I never felt like it defined who I am as a person.

My hat's off to you for being a physician and doing whatever it takes to be able to retire so young.

So many physicians keep on living in big houses, drive 2-3 luxury cars and have too many kids that have to go to private schools and universities. AND they have to most often fund their own pensions and retirement accounts. All the while, they have a reputation for not making the best investment decisions. And I almost forget about docs with $300K student loans that must be paid--getting in the way of saving for retirement.

Congratulations to you for your accomplishments. And I hope you have it in your heart to give back like my oncologist friend that has been on 58 mission trips out of the U.S. His last trip was to northern Brazil where he had to be approved by a tribe's medicine man who had never met a white man. They saw 600 patients in one week. You guys are still needed in this world.

 

[RetiredGypsy]

When you meet someone and get around to the "What do you do?" question. Its most often a weekday and DW has gone out for some daytime activity. The questioner is always older than DW by a decade or more, and usually another woman.

Maybe instead of something along the line of I was a nurse but now I'm retired, start off with something more recent or a hobby?

What do you do?

Oh gosh, well just last week we went to Someplace Awesome and spent a weekend doing Awesome Things. What was the last place you got to take a vacation?

Oh gosh, I spend so much time in my garden you might as well call me a farmer, haha. Do you happen to garden?

Something along those lines, and the question turning it back on them aims the conversation at something more fun than work. And who knows, if she meets someone into the same hobbies she might just make a new friend, without the unfortunate annoyance that usually comes with that question.

 

[Gumby]

Just to offer another perspective, I was one of those Vietnam vets who got "the treatment" when I came back. Yes, it hurt, but I'm pretty resilient and never had to deal with the PTSD issues that so many others did.

Anyway, I had never heard this "Thanks for your service" line during the next few decades. My first encounter with it was in 2010 when I was in Vermont. I walked out of the motel I was in and as I opened my car door I notice a guy walking straight toward me. He said "I saw your license plate and I just wanted to say "Welcome home."

It took me a few seconds to process that and understand what he was saying, and then I suddenly found tears running down my cheeks. It was quite a moment, and I'll never forget it.

Since that time, I've heard the "Thanks for your service" line innumerable times, and I always respond with "Thanks for your support."

Please don't ever fault people when they say something like this. I think it just means that they recognize the sacrifice that military people make for the common benefit. In other words, it's not just lip service. Of course, it should be applied to a lot of others as well (police, firefighters, medical personnel, etc.) and I wish there were a simple, graceful way to deal with it. While some people don't realize that most of us actually enjoyed what we did, we can easily forget that when they thank us, they usually mean it.

Sorry for the long story.

Oh, I don't fault people or give them a hard time for saying it. In fact, I usually say "It was my pleasure." And it was. But the irony is not lost on me.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

We've had some pretty bizarre reactions to our retiring early. We were at a party once with people our age, all working, when someone mentioned we had both been retired for a few years and it was like the death eaters came and sucked all the joy out of the room. Oddly, even our adult kids have stories as well about their friends' parents' reactions to hearing about our retirement. After several episodes like that I used to just say I worked at home, but DH was really happy being out of the rat race and enjoyed saying he was retired.

In hindsight I think DH had the right idea. Anyone petty enough to be jealous of someone else's retirement, well who cares what they think? We had a couple of sets of friends retire before us and if anything we were happy for them. We retired last but we're all still friends.

 

[tfudtuckerpucker]

I'm not retired, but when I do I plan to answer "portfolio manager." Of course the only portfolios I am managing are mine and my partner's.

Or I'll say "independent portfolio manager". Sometimes I'll add "I work from home". That seems to tamp down the occasional jealousy. If they pry further, I'll add that I am also selling life insurance, and "have you checked your coverage lately?" That works also. Like the old Woody Allen piece (starts at 4:45)

 

[SnowballCamper]

Great story.

I never served in the military. But I’m honestly grateful and admire those that have. It is awkward to say ‘Thanks for your service’. But mostly cause of reading comments from vets where they think it’s cheesy or disingenuous. But what else can be said in most situations?

For me, it’s to the point like many things these days. Better to just say nothing for fear of offending. Although I do still say it to vets on occasions cause I just can’t help myself.

If the vet is wearing any garb ( hat, patches, insignia) they’ll surely appreciate a thanks. I try to be incognito about being a veteran. For me, my service was largely just a job, albeit all consuming for a couple decades.

 

[joeea]

For myself, I get annoyed by the "thank you for your service" mantra that is heaped on the veterans nowadays. When I'm on my toes, I reply that they should thank a Vietnam Vet, because they got the shaft when they returned to the U.S.

I can understand if you wish Vietnam vets got more thanks.
I can't understand why you would get annoyed by the current custom of "thanks for your service". I wish people in all sorts of professions were more appreciated for working hard and doing a good job. There's nothing wrong with working and with working hard.

Maybe there is a similar reply for my DWs situation that isn't as snarky as, "Well don't you wish you could retire too?"

Maybe folks could just learn to turn the other cheek, rather than have to come up with a snappy reply.

 

[joeea]

Well, I have learned over the years to try and ascribe a good or positive thought/feeling behind what people say rather than a bad or negative thought/feeling. It makes for a much more pleasant life. They are probably just not expressing themselves well. Just shrug your shoulders and go on with your life. I doubt any true malice is intended by these poorly worded questions.

Excellent answer! Wouldn't it be nice if we all just assumed positive intent?

 

[SnowballCamper]

yes... this is what she's talking about

Maybe I wasn't descriptive enough in the OP, but this is the sentiment that is most annoying... (as DW just emphatically exclaimed)

Congratulations to you for your accomplishments. And I hope you have it in your heart to give back like my oncologist friend that has been on 58 mission trips out of the U.S. His last trip was to northern Brazil where he had to be approved by a tribe's medicine man who had never met a white man. They saw 600 patients in one week. You guys are still needed in this world.

When is it ok for the doctor / nurse / etc. to be done? Do they have to work until they can't anymore (because the need will never go away.)?

 

[MissMolly]

I don't think anybody who has made it to retirement is obligated to "give back" anything. They most likely have already been "giving" for years on their job. You've earned your retirement, enjoy it! If you want to do charitable work as part that - great! If you don't want to do that - also great! You are now in the position to determine how each and every moment of your day should be spent, so do what makes you happiest.

 

[unclemick]

1993. I was canned - er layed off at age 50. Took me a while to figure out mentally that the portfolio was 'enough'. Gained the verbal courage to go from unemployed to ER.

After this amount of time nobody asks anymore for ER 'embellishment'.

Rats!

heh heh heh - love a lot of responses to this thread.

 

[Walt34]

I don't think anybody who has made it to retirement is obligated to "give back" anything. They most likely have already been "giving" for years on their job. You've earned your retirement, enjoy it!

Agree 1,000 times!

Nursing is a physically, mentally, and emotionally draining, if not exhausting, job. I've read several places that many retire from physical issues, often back problems, from dealing with moving obese patients. Add to that the especially onerous bureaucratic and downright stupid demands made by idiots in management who would probably faint at the sight of blood. Full disclosure: One SIL, one ex-SIL, and two of DW's cousins are nurses, so I've heard some stories over the years.

From what I saw at work (law enforcement) there must be an especially pleasant place in heaven for nurses. They've certainly earned it.

 

[Dreamer]

I was 53 years old when I retired from my career job. I am 66 years old now, so not quite so young.

I could see me asking this question, if I was talking to someone whose occupation was a nurse and she was retired. I would definitely ask if I had a child, niece or nephew, or grandchild, who was thinking about becoming a nurse. Was it a rewarding career that entitled one to retire early or was it so hard that she suffered burnout and had to quit.

I never minded when people mentioned that I was so young to be retired. I usually stated that after almost 33 years working for my career job, that was enough.

 

[SnowballCamper]

. I can't understand why you would get annoyed by the current custom of "thanks for your service". I wish people in all sorts of professions were more appreciated for working hard and doing a good job. There's nothing wrong with working and with working hard.

I too "wish people in all sorts of professions were more appreciated for working hard and doing a good job. There's nothing wrong with working and with working hard."

But to answer the annoyance question, I must first say that I do have a minority perspective, but it isn't only mine. Probably for most who served, they see it as service, especially if they started after late 2001. And of course we are all grateful to those who were permanently disabled, or worse, from their service

But for me, it was mostly just a job, and I kept at it because they offered incentives along the way. I think the incentives were excessively generous. I never was a good cultural fit in the organization. Yet I could do the work, mostly enjoyed it, and considered myself well paid. And some stuff was just too cool because you couldn't do it anyplace else (blow stuff up with explosives, etc.)

So I should probably just be thankful for being born when I was... but imagine a random cashier thanked you for being retired early, about once a week, and that's about how it feels for me.

Sorry to share a bit too much feely stuff... I'll do my best to be gracious.

 

[Amethyst]

It was indeed unfair and lamentable, the way returning Vietnam vets were treated.

But nowadays it is not uncommon for people to thank them, however belatedly, for their service. My brother is one, has the hat, and gets the thank-you's.

May I ask, if you want people to thank the Vietnam vets, why it isn't also appropriate to thank the veterans of later wars? They also risked life and limb.

For myself, I get annoyed by the "thank you for your service" mantra that is heaped on the veterans nowadays. When I'm on my toes, I reply that they should thank a Vietnam Vet, because they got the shaft when they returned to the U.S.

s

 

[Calico]

Maybe I wasn't descriptive enough in the OP, but this is the sentiment that is most annoying... (as DW just emphatically exclaimed)

When is it ok for the doctor / nurse / etc. to be done? Do they have to work until they can't anymore (because the need will never go away.)?

Your wife doesn't owe a darn thing to anyone, and she shouldn't be expected to "give back" or give more than she has already given in her nursing career.

My niece is a nurse; I worked as a ward clerk in a hospital a lifetime ago and got to know many nurses; and last year I saw up close and personal the selfless devotion and compassion of the oncology nurses who were taking care of me and countless other patients month after month. As another poster said, it is an exhausting career in countless ways. I hope your wife enjoys her retirement, and she owes no one an explanation for how she chooses to spend her time from this point forward!

 

[Amethyst]

Very well put! I am so glad some people decide to become nurses, because I couldn't have done it.

Your wife doesn't owe a darn thing to anyone, and she shouldn't be expected to "give back" or give more than she has already given in her nursing career.

My niece is a nurse; I worked as a ward clerk in a hospital a lifetime ago and got to know many nurses; and last year I saw up close and personal the selfless devotion and compassion of the oncology nurses who were taking care of me and countless other patients month after month. As another poster said, it is an exhausting career in countless ways. I hope your wife enjoys her retirement, and she owes no one an explanation for how she chooses to spend her time from this point forward!

 

[cooch96]

I usually felt very awkward when thanked for serving. If I was quick on my feet, I’d reply, “don’t thank me, just doing my job” in my good-natured but full of bravado voice. Now I just reply, “well, thank you for your tax dollars that paid for my education and training and salary.”

It’s weird and awkward when the thankee doesn’t know the thanked. The soldier could’ve been a complete waste of oxygen and chow. I certainly never did anything special or harrowing. I did my best, but I’m sure lots of janitors (for example) do their best too. Do we go up to janitors and thank them for their service? It just seems a weird cultural thing (imho) to thank every example in one class of paid professionals without knowing the quality of the individual.

 

[jollystomper]

For any others out there that get comments like this, especially if you worked in a medical field, or teaching, or similar professional service type field... how do you react?
Thanks

I have begun feeling more and more sympathy towards those who ask me questions along that line. I just try to take the high road, smile, and provide some type of basic reply. I try to leave any level of snarkiness out of it. I am noticing that more than a few friends and former co-workers who, when I first retired, asked me those "why/what will you do/why aren't you working somewhere else" type of questions are now, more than a year later, telling about their hopes to retire.

 

[Luck_Club]

9/11 life changing event

Just to offer another perspective, I was one of those Vietnam vets who got "the treatment" when I came back. Yes, it hurt, but I'm pretty resilient and never had to deal with the PTSD issues that so many others did.

Anyway, I had never heard this "Thanks for your service" line during the next few decades. My first encounter with it was in 2010 when I was in Vermont. I walked out of the motel I was in and as I opened my car door I notice a guy walking straight toward me. He said "I saw your license plate and I just wanted to say "Welcome home."

It took me a few seconds to process that and understand what he was saying, and then I suddenly found tears running down my cheeks. It was quite a moment, and I'll never forget it.

Since that time, I've heard the "Thanks for your service" line innumerable times, and I always respond with "Thanks for your support."

Please don't ever fault people when they say something like this. I think it just means that they recognize the sacrifice that military people make for the common benefit. In other words, it's not just lip service. Of course, it should be applied to a lot of others as well (police, firefighters, medical personnel, etc.) and I wish there were a simple, graceful way to deal with it. While some people don't realize that most of us actually enjoyed what we did, we can easily forget that when they thank us, they usually mean it.

Sorry for the long story.

I was a mere twinkle in my fathers eye as Vietnam broke out. However, 9/11 I was eyes wide open. Since the attack on our country, I've experienced several life moments which will forever be burned in my memory.

The first was returning from lunch with a few IBM clients, and noticing all the television monitors in the hallways, which I had never noticed before.

The second was the missed appointment by an engineer called out to do last minute testing on aircraft armament.

The third was the 1/2 A$$ security guards at the nuclear power plant the next day.

The fourth was while returning home after the event sitting in a bar getting dinner after a few days on the road. I watched as the television scrolled the names of the people on one of the plane. As I saw the 3 names and ages which represented a young family the tears welled up, as I thought about my own family who I hadn't yet seen since the attack.

The final one a few weeks after the attack was taking the family, with great hesitation, to the mall. I was extremely alert during that short visit.

Though I never served, I truly appreciate all those who sacrificed. Especially during times of war.